Wishing and Hoping

by Susan Meier

  “Please?”

  The breath he had been holding burst out in a sigh. She couldn’t know how desperately he wanted to make love to her, otherwise she wouldn’t ask.

  “I read somewhere that babies can hear in the womb,” she said, and Drew nearly groaned. Talking about the baby was like bringing out the big guns. “And that parental affection is good for the baby’s psychological development.”

  “Read that in a book, huh?”

  She smiled. “Actually, my mother did.”

  Great. She’d heard it from one of the people he admired most in the world.

  She shifted closer. Of its own volition, his left arm slid beneath her, even as his right arm slid around her. She snuggled against him. He squeezed his eyes shut.

  “Another kiss wouldn’t be totally inappropriate right now.”

  “Yes, it would.”

  “No, it wouldn’t,” she said with a laugh, then tipped her face up to him.

  Drew’s entire body froze. The biggest problem he had with Tia was that he didn’t want to resist her. Common sense told him he should. Her dad was his mentor. They didn’t intend to make this marriage permanent. He was too old for her. She was too young for him. And he had already lost once at love. He couldn’t trust. It wasn’t in his genetic makeup. One of them or both of them would be hurt if they added making love to the mix.

  He knew all this.

  So why couldn’t his body understand?

  She smoothed her hand down his back. He slid his hand down her back, along the soft cotton of her tank top, mimicking her movement. The response of his body was very much like the response of her sports car when he inserted the key. It roared to life like a powerful engine and Drew knew that if he didn’t get out of this bed immediately, he wasn’t getting out.

  He wasn’t sure where he found the strength to shift away from her, but he did. Before he let himself think too long, he rolled out of bed.

  “I’m getting a shower,” he said, walking into the bathroom, not listening to any arguments she might make, not listening to the screaming protests of his hormones, but focused only on the cold water that would soon sluice over him.

  Chapter Nine

  At noon the following Friday, Drew began pacing his office in the barn, worrying about Tia’s impending arrival that night. The charade had gotten so confused that he wasn’t sure he could get it back to where it was supposed to be. Not only had he and Tia slept together but they’d also cuddled, like people who really cared about each other. Worse, they were confiding things. He had no clue why he’d told her about the conversation of Mark Fegan’s he’d overheard, except that after realizing how much of the burden of the charade she carried without complaint, it had seemed like the right thing to do.

  He was beginning to understand her, to like her and to care about her, and if he wasn’t careful he would find himself head-first in another relationship. Another marriage. Except this time, if this divorce got ugly, as his other breakup had, he stood to lose a lot more than a business or even the love of his life. He would lose his mentor. Which meant losing his place in the community. Which meant starting over again.

  No.

  No.

  Marriages failed. He had to remember that.

  “Who are you talking to?”

  Mortified that he might have said any of that out loud, Drew spun around to face Mrs. Hernandez and he relaxed. If she’d heard any of what he’d been thinking—or speaking—she’d have a much more smug expression. Instead, she only appeared confused.

  “I was working out a problem with a horse.”

  “Well, your wife’s on the phone,” she said, handing him the portable.

  He stared at her. “Why didn’t you just buzz me?”

  She shrugged. “I don’t know.”

  Sighing, he grabbed the phone from her hand. He knew why she’d brought out the phone. She wanted to listen in. Scowling, he said, “Scram!” But when she turned to go, Drew realized he’d just found the way to handle Tia. Be rude. Tia never argued with his rudeness. She always gave him his space. Being rude was his best tool to keep them from getting close.

  Lifting the receiver to his mouth, he growled, “Yeah. What do you want?”

  But instead of Drew hearing a sharp intake of breath, Tia’s musical laugh came through the receiver.

  “Wow. You’re chipper this afternoon.”

  “No, I’m not,” he said, continuing to be as obnoxious as he could be, if only because that really was the right thing to do. It didn’t matter how cute Tia was, how sweet she was or how nice it was to have her around, no marriage lasted. And when real marriages broke up, people got hurt. This time around the price was too high.

  “Because I have a lot on my mind. In fact, you’re keeping me from work right now.”

  “Well, I’m glad you’re busy because I can’t come home tonight.”

  “Good.”

  She laughed again. “Gee, Drew, thanks.”

  He rubbed his hand across the back of his neck. Why couldn’t she get upset and hang up like a normal woman? “Look, Tia, I’m busy.” That had been how he’d saved his sanity when his marriage hadn’t worked out. He’d kept himself so occupied with this farm that he didn’t have time to think about his pain and pretty soon it left, and the disappointment dimmed. The same formula would work right now to maintain some semblance of distance in this pretend marriage. He would work. He wouldn’t be available. He would be crusty and grouchy and so damn mean she wouldn’t want to be around him anymore.

  “Your not coming home will actually help me out.”

  “Just what a girl wants to hear.”

  Her wistful voice didn’t even pierce the armor of his determination. Particularly since he knew she would thank him later.

  “Whatever. Look, I’ve got to go.”

  The sound of her disappointed sigh drifted through the phone line to him, but when she spoke, her voice was unexpectedly cheerful. “Okay.”

  He squeezed his eyes shut, internally begging God not to let her be nice to him when he needed for her to be angry with him. “I’ll see you next weekend.”

  “Okay. Sure,” she said, then disconnected the call.

  Drew clicked off, too, and walked to his desk. Now that he didn’t have to worry about her imminent arrival, his mind cleared quickly and he did the work that he was supposed to have done days ago. He finished faster than he’d anticipated and then noticed the portable phone was still on his desk. Grabbing it, he rose from his seat and marched from the barn to the house.

  “So, she’s staying in Pittsburgh this weekend,” Mrs. Hernandez said as he walked through the door.

  “Yep.” Even she couldn’t dampen his mood. Tia not coming home was a good thing and if nothing else, he was able to work again.

  “And you’re staying here.”

  “We both have work to do.”

  “What work do you have to do?”

  Drew sighed. “Lots of stuff.”

  “Like what?”

  Drew suddenly realized she was fishing. All along, she’d had her suspicions about this relationship. She also had card club with Elizabeth, who had been suspicious, too.

  “I think Tia would enjoy a visit from you,” Mrs. Hernandez said with a casual shrug, but Drew knew that any time she was too casual, she was going in for the kill. “In all the time you two have been together, you’ve never gone to see her. She only comes here.”

  Jackpot. She’d found the weak spot in their story. Happily spending weeks apart did not make them look like a love-struck couple. If he didn’t go to Pittsburgh, Mrs. Hernandez would have all the ammo she needed to take to Elizabeth.

  He considered the situation for only a second because he quickly realized that visiting Tia wouldn’t be a problem. By being grouchy on the phone that afternoon he’d set the stage well enough that she wouldn’t jump to the conclusion that he’d come because he wanted to be there. And once he explained why he’d driven up, she’d easily see his trip wasn’
t personal, but a necessity to stave off Mrs. Hernandez’s questions.

  “You know what, Mrs. Hernandez? You’re right. There isn’t any work here that’s more important than Tia.” He smiled at his housekeeper. “Maybe I’ll just go upstairs, pack a bag and be on my way.”

  Deciding to really mess with her head, he added, “You can have the weekend off…with pay.”

  With that, he turned and left the room. He hadn’t seen the look on her face, but he would bet it was priceless.

  When Drew showed up at Tia’s office that evening, no one was more surprised than Tia. Her coworkers Lou, Lily, Gina and Marian were very close seconds. Their mouths gaped when he stepped into the room.

  “How do you do,” he said as they stood, staring at him. Frankly, Tia didn’t blame them. That week, she’d told each of them privately that she’d gotten married and she’d also admitted to being pregnant. So they weren’t so much surprised by his existence as by his appearance. In his tight jeans and the T-shirt that outlined his muscles and accented his height, he looked like the perfect, all-American male. His Stetson and fancy boots added to his allure, making him drip with sex appeal.

  Lou was the first to recover and Tia suspected that was because after Marian had been added to their team, Glenn was mysteriously moved to another department and Lou was the lone male in the group. The women, Tia was sure, were still silently lusting.

  “It’s a pleasure to meet you,” Lou said, shaking Drew’s hand. “Tia’s told me a lot about you.”

  “She has?” Marian and Gina said simultaneously.

  “She has?” Drew asked with a laugh. “I didn’t think there was that much to say about me.”

  “And you don’t give me any more information than is necessary,” Tia said, stretching on her tiptoes to kiss him. She didn’t know why he was here, but she was glad that he had come. So glad, her heart sang. “But I’ll get you to spill your life story eventually,” she added before she gave him another kiss, this one long and lingering.

  When she pulled away, Gina, Marian and Lily stared dreamily. Lou shook his head. “Want some privacy?”

  “How about just a minute or two?” Tia suggested.

  Lou walked to the conference room door and when no one followed him, he turned with a beleaguered sigh. “Come on, girls.”

  Gina, Lily and Marian all growled, but eventually left with Lou.

  “Nice group,” Drew said when Marian closed the door behind them. “You’d never know they gave you an ounce of trouble.”

  “That’s because Glenn’s gone.”

  He turned and grinned. “Really?”

  “Yeah. The week after we got Marian, he was transferred.”

  Drew laughed. “Wow.”

  Tia walked over to him and put her arms around his neck. He stiffened, but Tia wasn’t concerned. She knew from the way he’d resisted her in bed the Sunday morning before and from their phone conversation that afternoon that he didn’t want to fall in love with her. But she also knew that he was breaking. There was something between them beyond chemistry. She would call it friendship, but it was something bigger than that. They were attracted to each other, partners saving her dad and about to be parents. They had more things to cement their commitment than any two people she knew. His having traveled six hours to see her proved they were headed in the right direction.

  She stretched on her tiptoes to give him a hug, loving the feeling of him, loving the feeling of being pressed against him, loving the fact that she was allowed to do things like hug him. “I have a surprise for you.”

  Drew pulled out of her embrace and walked over to the coffee cart in the corner of the room. “Yeah, well, before you get too cozy, I want to tell you—”

  “No! Me first!” she insisted, opening the file folder she had on top of her stack of projects, pulling out a sonogram picture and taking it to him. “It’s our baby.”

  He stared at the black square for a few seconds then looked up at her. “Is he invisible?”

  Tia laughed. “She’s not invisible,” she said, pointing at the shadowy figure, then she quickly looked to see the expression on Drew’s face. But rather than the joy she expected, his eyes were filled with tears.

  “It’s a girl?” he whispered.

  “Well, we’re basing that solely on the fact that we haven’t found a…well, you know, the extra-special guy equipment. The next time around, we might see it clearly and know we have a boy. But right now, it looks like a girl.”

  He swallowed.

  She lightly punched his arm. “Hey! I thought this would make you happy.”

  “It does.”

  “So don’t I get a hug?”

  As if in a trance he looked up from the picture and stared at her. She waited for him to say something, but he didn’t.

  “You’re stunned.”

  “I think this is the first time that it’s all real for me.”

  Tia slid her arms around his neck. “Yeah. That was what I felt, too.” With that, she rose to her tiptoes and kissed him soundly. His arms slowly came around her as he deepened the kiss. Again, Tia felt as if she were coming home, but she knew the value of strategic retreat. She’d loved him since she was fourteen, but for Drew all this was happening very fast. She stepped back and walked to her seat at the conference table again to retrieve her house key from her purse.

  “This is for my house.” She handed the key to him, then scribbled directions on a piece of paper. “And here’s how you get there, in case you forgot how we got there after the party.”

  Holding the sonogram picture in one hand and the keys and directions in another, he stared at her. She smiled at him. “I won’t be more than another two hours. There are some takeout menus on the refrigerator. Order something about a half hour before I get home.”

  He nodded, then turned and left. Once she was sure he was gone, Tia did the happy dance.

  Just as Tia had promised, a little less than two hours later, she was pulling her sports car into her driveway. Drew watched from behind a drape in her living room. Her house wasn’t as well-decorated as his. He knew that was partly because she hadn’t owned it long enough to do much and partly because she couldn’t afford to do everything she wanted.

  But he also couldn’t discount a third possibility. Maybe she hadn’t even begun decorating this house of hers because she didn’t intend to. Though she’d never done anything overt, and he even considered that she might not realize she was doing anything at all, Drew knew Tia wanted their marriage to work. Forever.

  She stepped into the front foyer calling, “Drew? Are you here?”

  “Yeah,” he said slowly, moving away from the drape.

  She walked into the living room, tossed her briefcase to the sofa and immediately rose on tiptoes to kiss him. Nature took over before common sense could take root, and Drew found himself kissing her back. Enjoying every sensation. Every second, until something amazing occurred to him.

  He wanted this. All of it. A happy home. A beautiful woman who could be his friend as well as his lover. Children. Grandchildren.

  He wanted everything he had lost with Sandy.

  Worse, he liked Tia more than he had ever liked Sandy. He’d adored Sandy, and though that seemed like a stronger emotion, this friendly feeling was worse. He could see Tia fitting into his everyday life. He could see their little girl at his farm, playing in the lush green yard and learning to ride. He could see himself and Tia growing old. Making love. Laughing. Teasing. Just plain enjoying each other.

  His heart squeezed in his chest. He could see it because he wanted it. No, he didn’t just want it; he longed for it. He ached for it. He was a thirty-six-year-old man who had nothing in his life. Sure, he was successful, and, yes, he had friends, but they were nothing like the promise of a family. His family. A spouse. Children.

  But he also knew how much it hurt when the dream died. He knew what it felt like to have your heart ripped out of your chest and stomped on. He knew how much it hurt when you reali
zed the person you loved no longer loved you.

  Forcing himself to remember every detail of the pain of Sandy’s betrayal, then the pain of loneliness that had followed her betrayal and then the pain of not being able to move on for years, Drew swallowed. “I never unpacked.”

  Tia laughed and hugged him. “I didn’t think you had. I know you probably have to go home tomorrow…”

  “I’m going home right now.” He stepped away. “Not only am I going home but I don’t want you to come back to my house anymore.”

  “What?”

  “Tia, I’m not dumb and I don’t think you think I am. You’ve got to know I can see us growing closer.”

  “Some people would think that was a good thing.”

  “Not me. And not just because I’m twelve years older than you are, not just because your dad is my mentor and I don’t want him to hate me after we divorce, but because I like you.”

  Tia shook her head. “Drew, liking me is good.”

  “Yeah, liking you is good because that’s what has kept me from taking what you’re offering. I could have happily slept with you Sunday morning. I could have easily fallen into step with enjoying being your husband. Hell, just now, I realized how desperately I want kids and a family…and I could use you to get those. But I won’t, because I like you.”

  “You’re not making any sense.”

  “Okay, then I’ll spell it out. Relationships end. Spouses cheat. Lovers can’t always handle it when everything doesn’t go exactly as they’d hoped or planned. And life is messy. Over the course of the next few years, something will happen to split us up. I won’t hurt you like that, Tia.”

  “Do you hear what you’re saying? You’re saying you’re sure we’re not going to work out, and I don’t believe that’s true.”

  “Because you’re young. You’re not naive, but you’re hopeful. I’ve seen enough of life to know that we have too many strikes against us. I’m too old for you. You’re too nice for me. But even beyond all of those…Tia, you work six hours away from where I live. How do you plan to keep your job and live with me? You can’t quit. You’ve worked too long and too hard to get where you are. There is absolutely no way this marriage can work.”