This Is Me, Baby (War & Peace #5)

by K. Webster

  “He thinks she’s beautiful. So fucking beautiful,” I murmur as I take both her hands.

  Her black eyelashes flutter and her cheeks turn rosy. “She thinks he’s pretty good looking as well.”

  I release one hand and gently grip her jaw. I tilt her head up so I can look into her deep chocolate eyes, that hide a past that hurts. I’m dying to learn every part of her and take away some of that hurt. “He wants to kiss her.”

  Her lips part and her eyes close. “She wants him to kiss her.”

  I smile and then drop my lips to hers. Her soft mouth is like a shot of vodka on a cold day. It sends surges of warmth shooting through me. With a groan, I deepen our innocent kiss. The taste of her tongue is sweet and so damn delicious. Her fingers grip my T-shirt as she pulls me closer. What started out as gentle, quickly becomes ravenous. She clutches on to me as if she never wants to let go. I don’t want that to ever happen. This girl…she’s mine. No way around it.

  When I finally release her lips, she’s breathless. Her arms wrap around my middle and I hug her against my chest. I like her right here. I’m never going to get enough of her.

  One day she’ll find out your secret.

  The thought hits me like a Mack truck. All hope for a normal relationship with this girl flies out the window. Truth is, if she ever finds out who I am…exactly what role I play in her world, she’ll hate me. God, I don’t want her to hate me.

  She’ll never know, as long as I have anything to do with it.

  I’m brooding over the stupid predicament my selfish sister put me in when Brie looks up at me. All inner fury at my sister melts away as this girl beams at me. Her smile is enough to chase away any and all dark thoughts. Her smile is perfect.

  “She wants him to kiss her again,” she tells me with a shy grin.

  I smirk at her. “He’s going to do whatever it takes to make her happy.”

  I’m jolted from the past when Brie once again murmurs a name. This time it’s mine and she doesn’t sound pained. Fierce male pride fills my chest as I hold her tight against me and kiss her hair. I know I will spend my life doing whatever it takes to dissolve her stress and worries.

  He’s going to do whatever it takes to make her happy.

  I WAKE UP IN the wee hours of the morning to Ren’s finger lazily tracing lines on my bare stomach. The intimate way in which he does it has my heart flopping wildly in my chest. For the first time since I lost Duvan, I feel a sense of peace. Like maybe, just maybe, I can one day be happy. And with Ren, it certainly feels possible.

  His dark hair is messy from sleep and his eyes are still closed, but the small smile on his face tells me he’s awake. I try not to let on that I’m awake so I can watch him. My world has been nothing but chaos for months. Even with Duvan, I always had a sense of worry surrounding me.

  Right now, though…

  In this exact moment…

  I am relaxed.

  My world is quiet and I want to savor it.

  I find myself staring at Ren’s full lips. Dark hair is growing on his face—hair that never existed when we dated what seems like eons ago. His new look makes him seem edgier. Slightly rugged. All man. I like that he seems a little unkempt and no longer guided by rules and order. He left his home because of me. Because his twisted sister staying there was an insult to me. It may seem like something small but it means a lot to me. More than he’ll ever know.

  His palm splays out over my belly and my breath hitches. I like that he’s curious about my stomach and how he sometimes talks to the babies. If Duvan were here, I know it would be what he’d do. In a selfish way, I’m glad these little ones have someone who cares, besides me. And Ren does care. He does more than care.

  He loves me.

  The thought makes my heart clench. Ren has loved me for a long time. That never went away. Even when I was off loving someone else, Ren was here, his entire heart beating for me. The thought of him longing for me while I was gone causes my eyes to burn with tears. Nothing about how our relationship ended before was fair.

  “Why are you crying?”

  I blink away the blur and find steely blue eyes boring into me. Those eyes. So loving and fierce and undeterred. I get lost in them a lot lately. Those eyes make me feel safe.

  “No reason,” I lie as I run my fingers through his unruly hair.

  His eyebrows furl together and he leans forward to brush a kiss against my cheek. “You’re lying. Tell me what has you upset this morning. I want to fix it.”

  Those words only make the tears fall more freely. I let out a ragged breath of emotion as I try desperately not to cry. Being pregnant has my normally tough exterior reduced to flimsy shreds. He kisses my wet cheek as if to encourage me.

  “I can’t ever love you like I loved him,” I blurt out, my voice hard despite the tears. There. I said it.

  His body tenses and his fingertips that had been tracing lines on my belly stop. As soon as the words pierce the quiet air, I want to reel them back in and tuck them back in the dark parts of my head where they belong. Those words cut. And the last thing I want to do is cut Ren. But not being honest will only build what we have on lies and untruths.

  I expect him to get upset. To yell or accuse me of leading him on. Something. Instead, he simply resumes tracing his finger on my stomach again. I bite on my bottom lip as I wait for him to say something. His brows are still pinched together and his gaze is somewhere else in the room as if he’s lost in thought. After what feels like forever, he sits up on one elbow and reaches for my tattooed wrist.

  Our eyes meet and he gives me such a sweet smile, it makes my chest ache. His thumb swipes over my wrist before he pulls it to his lips. Hot breath tickles my flesh and then he kisses the heart tattoo with another man’s name on it.

  “Your heart…”

  “Is torn and useless and not much of it is left.”

  His lips press to my flesh again as his blue eyes dart to mine, locking on me. “It’s still your heart. It still deserves love.”

  A tear streaks down my cheek and my bottom lip wobbles. “What if I don’t have any love left to give? What if it’s always just partial and clouded and obstructed? How can you love someone who will never be able to reciprocate fully?” I slide my palm to his cheek and he leans into my touch as if I’m the magnet he can’t help but be attracted to.

  “That’s simple, baby,” he says with an easy grin. “I’ll love enough for the both of us. My heart is big enough to hold yours.” His hand rubs my stomach again. “My heart is big enough to love all of you.”

  At this, I begin to full on sob. He pulls me to his chest and I mold myself against his strong body. I’m warmed when he kisses my forehead.

  “Brie,” he tells me, his voice low and gravelly. “You’re it for me. You always have been. I lost you once and I won’t lose you again. If all you can give me are broken parts, I’ll fucking take them because they’re still you. Broken or not, the girl I remember from that window all those years ago still exists. I’ll weather whatever storms that hit for you. I want to keep you safe and see you smile again. Let me love you. I’m not asking for anything in return.”

  I hug his middle but don’t speak right away. I don’t trust myself not to break down into a million pieces.

  “If it were possible to love again,” I finally say, my voice ragged and but a whisper. “It would be with you. I’ll always try for you. I just hope that it will be enough.”

  He chuckles and his long fingers stroke the outside of my arm, making me shiver. “Having you right here, right now, is enough. You’ll always be more than I ever expected.”

  I slide my hand lower down his ridiculously toned stomach until my fingertip traces his dark trail of hair that disappears under the sheet. His cock jolts under the covers and it makes me smile. “Make love to me,” I murmur and slip my hand under the fabric to grip his nice cock. “I want to feel the love you insist on giving me.”

  A growl rumbles from him as he rolls over on top of m
e. His lips begin peppering kisses all over my face. He does it in such a playful way, I find myself giggling and running off the last of my tears. Our eyes meet and his blaze intensely with his dedication to me. My laughter dies the moment he pushes his cock into me.

  He rests on one elbow as he slowly rocks into me. The other hand whispers touches all over my breast, throat, face, and hair. His worshipping touch repairs parts of my broken soul. The way he stares at me as if I’m the only thing in this world has me praying to God that I can one day be the woman he deserves. I’ll try. For Ren, I’ll try. Because if anyone deserves all-encompassing selfless love, it’s Ren McPherson.

  “You’re beautiful,” he murmurs.

  I smile at him. “So are you.”

  He smirks and thrusts a little harder into me. “Guys prefer the term ‘sexy as fuck’ but beautiful will do. Just remember for next time.” He winks at me before diving in to nip at my throat.

  “Definitely sexy as fuck,” I agree but trail off with a moan. The way he grinds against me delivers pleasure to my clit. It’s exhilarating and I want all that he has to give me.

  Our love making quickly becomes ravenous. What started off as gentle soon becomes grunts and groans and growls. Fingernails and teeth scraping flesh. Begging and pleading for release.

  “I love you, Brie,” he murmurs against the shell of my ear. The words, even though I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to say them back, send me over the edge. My eyes close as an intense soul healing orgasm sears through me. His heat pours into me, chasing my release. A few more thrusts and he nuzzles against me, reminding me of an animal caring for his mate.

  The tigress may have lost her tiger.

  But this tigress is not alone.

  After a moment, he sits up so he can look down at me. A panty-melting grin spreads across his most definitely sexy-as-fuck face.

  “I’m going to wash your pretty ass in the shower and then…” he trails off as he looks down between us. “I’m going to feed you and the babies. Waffles covered in whipped butter and warm syrup. Maybe a side of strawberries. What do you think?” He waggles his brows at me.

  I laugh and lock away the perfect moment with him in my memory for whenever I have a sad day. This memory will most definitely make me happy.

  “I think you’re going to make me orgasm again,” I tease.

  His cock twitches inside me. “Oh,” he says with a wolfish smile. “I can make that happen before we even leave this bed.”

  A growl on his part is my only warning before he makes good on his promise.

  “The question is,” I say as calmly as I can. “Will you be able to find her?”

  Ren’s father, War, looks up from his laptop and frowns. “I’m sure as hell going to try.” War has a gentleness about him that had me relaxing almost as soon as I met him. Maybe it’s that he looks so much like Ren, and Ren equals safety in my mind. Either way, I just like him.

  An entire week has passed since Oscar came to see me and it’s eating me alive. Vee’s missing. She’s not at a spa like I’d hoped. She’s gone. Oscar still won’t take my calls, but I did receive some texts from him over the week to which he never replied when I answered back.

  Ozzy: Her car is at her parents’ house, but I broke in. She’s not there.

  Ozzy: The apartment was empty too.

  Ozzy: Nothing seems out of sorts except that she’s just gone. My father claims innocence but I’m not sure.

  Ozzy: My father wants me to meet with Diego. I’m supposed to take our territory back. How the fuck am I supposed to do that?

  Ozzy: If Diego has her, I’ll gut him.

  Ozzy: My father got a call from Esteban but won’t tell me what he said. I think it may involve you.

  None of his texts made much sense, but they have my anxiety on high. Ren seems to notice my rigid shoulders because he walks up behind the chair at my kitchen table and rubs on my neck.

  “Did Oscar mention anymore about Esteban?” Daddy questions from across the table. Toto has fallen asleep in his arms and he absently strokes at her blonde curls. She clutches onto her favored Veggie Tales stuffed animal, Larry the Cucumber. My sister is so sweet and innocent. If she didn’t represent the psycho who killed my mother, I’d be warmed by the sight of her looking so serene in our daddy’s arms. But the chill always remains.

  “No,” I say with a sigh. “His texts are sporadic at best. That’s why we need to find Vee. Ozzy is too distracted by what his father is making him do. I’m afraid she might be hurt somewhere.”

  War taps away at his computer but speaks. “I’ve looked up all of her credit cards. All activity ceases the day after…” His blue eyes dart to mine, and I see pity in them. “Anyway, all activity stops. Same with her mother. Neither of them has purchased a thing since then. I’ve hacked into their bank accounts. All the money they had is still there. Everything is just sitting.”

  “What about Esteban?” Daddy demands. “Can you find where the hell he’s been holed up? He and I need to have some words.” Rage ripples from him. The crazed look on his face reminds me of a demon. And the fact that he’s holding a blonde little cherub in his arms only makes the whole thing seem a little more comical.

  “Maybe I could ask Diego and—”

  “Fuck no!” Both Daddy and Ren growl at the same time.

  War gives me a supportive smile and a wink—one that says he’ll research Diego and follow any leads. I give him a slight nod before grabbing Ren’s hand. When I look up at him, he’s gazing at me with such love and fierce protection, I almost waver under it.

  “Can you get me something to drink?” I ask. “I’m not feeling so well.”

  He gives me a nod and then presses a kiss to my head. Once he leaves, I find Daddy and War watching me. I’m still not used to me and Ren’s relationship being public, but it is. Nobody, except for Oscar, has criticized us for it either. As much as Ozzy’s words had broken my heart, I refuse to feel guilty for letting Ren into my heart. Truth is, he never left. Ren is my best friend and my protector. My lover and a million other things all rolled up into one person. When I vowed a week ago that I belonged to him, I meant it. He may only get a broken sliver of who I used to be, but that’s all I have to give.

  Daddy and War get into a heated discussion about the “Colombian cunts” as my dad calls them. My phone buzzes in my lap and I quickly lift it up to see if it’s Ozzy with any news.

  Unknown Number: We need to talk, cariño. Privately. I have something you want, remember? And I need something from you.

  Ice slides through my veins, freezing me in my seat. With shaky hands, I quickly type out a response.

  Me: Talk with you ends up with you trying to either fuck me or fuck me over.

  He buzzes back immediately.

  Unknown Number: Camilo is on my ass. Tell me where you live and I’ll come see you.

  Me: Absolutely fucking not. We meet in public or we don’t meet at all.

  Unknown Number: I’m here in San Diego. There’s a restaurant at one of the piers. Come alone and I’ll give you your precious jewelry back. I’m not going to hurt you. Daddy Diego swears on his big dick.

  I suppress a shiver at the thought of him here in my city.

  “Does Oscar have any news?” Daddy questions, jerking me away from my inner shuddering over the thought of Diego’s dick. His eyes dart to my phone. I hold it to my chest.

  “Uh,” I murmur. “Nope.”

  His eyes narrow and he gives War a pointed look that I’m not meant to interpret. It annoys me. When they go back to discussing how Daddy plans on murdering the whole lot of them, I look back down at my phone and tap away my response.

  Me: Fine. Get me the address. I’ll shoot you if you try anything funny.

  Unknown Number: I have no doubts, cariño. We both know you’ve got bigger balls than most men. Meet me in an hour. Wear something sexy. I want to see your nipples through your clothes.

  I quickly delete the horndog’s texts and then bite on my bottom lip
. I’m about to have to lie to these guys.

  “Everything okay?” Ren questions from behind me causing me to jump. I nod quickly—too quickly—and take the glass of Sprite from him. In several gulps, I down half the glass.

  “I’m fine but I was going to go over to your house for a bit and see Luciana,” I lie. “May I borrow your truck?”

  He frowns. “Let me get the keys and I’ll drive you.”

  I’m already shaking my head and attempting to give him a bright smile. “Stay here with them and sort out our next plan of action.”

  Ren stares at me for a long moment before he nods. “Fine.” I thank God that Ren’s not the smothering type. “I’ll walk you out and make sure you get there okay.”

  My outfit is far from sexy. Too damn bad, Diego. I’m wearing something similar to the last time he saw me. Black yoga pants and this time a hoodie because it’s chilly outside. Ren walks me out to his truck and gives me a chaste kiss. I drive slowly over to his house down the street and make a great show of climbing out and waving. He remains from his watch until I disappear onto the porch. I wait a few minutes before peeking around the house. He’s gone back inside. With shaky legs, I hurry back to the truck and haul ass out of the neighborhood. It isn’t until I’m several miles away with nobody following me that I relax.

  I spend the entire half-hour drive to the restaurant worrying. I didn’t bring a weapon. I don’t have my wallet. I didn’t tell anyone where I was going. All I have is my phone shoved into the pocket of my hoodie. When I pull up to the restaurant, I’m happy to see it’s bustling with people. Busy is good. Busy means he can’t do anything stupid like accost me.

  I wait several minutes before climbing out of the truck. My feet carry me inside to the hostess stand. I’m queasy, and the scent of seafood mixed with my nerves makes my stomach roil. I am just about to ask the server for a table when an arm slips around my waist. Before I can let out a scream, warm breath tickles my ear.

  “Looking sexy as ever, cariño,” Diego murmurs and bites my lobe. “Table for two.” The hostess’s eyes linger on us for a moment before she waves for us to follow her. I attempt to jerk out of his grip, but he holds me like we’re lovers. The moment we reach the booth, he guides me into the seat and slides in beside me. I glare at him and he simply chuckles.