This Is Me, Baby (War & Peace #5)

by K. Webster

  “Ahhh, cariño. Ready for the big D?” his deep voice purrs as he answers.

  I swallow and choke out my words. “It..It’s Esteban. He escaped.”

  His breath rushes out in a hiss. “Ever since he got to you a few days ago, I’ve had men parked on your street watching. He won’t get to you,” he assures me.

  “I’m not worried about me.” And I’m not. At least not one hundred percent. This is bigger. “We have to find him. When we find him, we find her.”

  Diego chuckles on the other end. “Are you asking me for a favor, cariño?”

  “Por favor.”

  HE LEFT ME.

  Promised to bring me something that would make me happy. What a ridiculous concept. Happy. I don’t even understand what that means anymore. How can one be happy in a metal box with no light, no entertainment, no one to talk to? Nothing.

  My stomach growls and the pains are too much to bear. I’ve slowly been starving to death. At first, I picked through the rations and attempted to share them with my mother. But she was too far gone on the heroin to care. She screamed and clawed, and at one point, tried to attack me as if I held her precious drug prisoner.

  Newsflash, we were the prisoners.

  But then the strangest thing happened. She stopped screaming and hissing and fighting. She stopped breathing altogether. And the moment it all became quiet, I let out a sigh of relief. My mother died from withdrawals. From a drug she’d never touched until Esteban forced it into her vein. And I was glad.

  Not that I didn’t love her.

  I did.

  Truly.

  But she became some savage beast the moment he put us in this cage. He took joy in making her dependent on him for a simple high. But I depended on him for something altogether different.

  A sob escapes me but no tears roll out. Sometimes I wish he had forced the heroin on me. Mom was blissed out of her mind for most of the months we’ve been here. I’ve been clear headed. I have been awake and coherent every time he’s come for me.

  I imagine his large body curled around mine. At one time it made me shudder. At one time I hated him. Hated that he stole so much from me. But now, I miss him. I miss his warmth. I miss his words in my lonely world. I miss the food he would feed me.

  Why did he leave me?

  I know I won’t survive much longer without him. Mom’s body has begun to decompose over in the corner. She didn’t last a full day without the constant stream of drugs in her system. Since she didn’t have medicine to help her withdrawal, she simply shut down. Her moans and screams are no more, but now I’m completely alone.

  My mind begs to think about my past. Dad and Brie. Oscar. Even Ren and Calder. The funny thing is, though, I can’t remember any of them. Oscar’s face, because it’s so similar to Esteban’s, is the only one I can clutch onto through the haze.

  Each and every time I attempt to remember my friends and family, only one frighteningly handsome face comes to mind. And I miss it. I would give myself willingly to him if he would just come back and save me from this slow, painful death.

  Diabla Roja.

  I smile in the darkness and touch the thin mattress where he used to sleep with me sometimes. If I close my eyes, I can almost smell him. Spicy and manly. In the early days, he would take my orgasms. I’d fought him tooth and nail, but in the end, I always gave in. Gave him what he wanted—what we both wanted.

  “Diabla Roja.”

  I start crying because now I’m delirious. I can almost hear him. Am I dying?

  “Shhhhh.”

  It’s as though his palms are whispering touches along my outer arm. As if his fingers are running through my ratty red hair.

  “You’re alive.” His phantom voice sounds real. Pained and desperate and relieved. “Can you stand, Roja?”

  I blink slowly and roll toward the sounds that tease me. It’s dark but I see his shadow looming above me. “Esteban?” I croak.

  His palm strokes my cheek. “I went to fetch her for you. So you wouldn’t cry so much,” he tells me, his voice sad. “But then that motherfucker put me in the hospital. All I could think about was how you were starving here.”

  A tear slides down my temple. This is real. He came back for me. “I don’t want her,” I rasp out. “I need you.”

  He grunts as if he’s in pain but he manages to scoop my weak frame from the mattress on the floor. With labored breaths, he carries me right past my mother’s rancid body and out of the metal box. It’s the first time in months I’ve left this prison. I let out a relieved sob and cling to his shirt.

  “Shhh,” he murmurs as he carries me through the darkness. Gently, he loads me into the car. As he drives, I simply stare at him. Such a simple gift, the gift of sight, I’m able to use on him. Drinking in his every feature. His longish black hair normally remains slicked back but today hangs in his eyes. Those calculating, nearly black eyes that dart over to me every so often. The scruff on his cheeks that my fingers crave to touch. We drive for what seems like forever until he pulls up to a secluded house on the beach.

  “Where are we?” I’m shivering despite his hand constantly rubbing on my thigh in an oddly comforting manner.

  “One of my father’s safe houses. I sometimes stay here when I need to keep a low profile,” he tells me before climbing out of the car. I don’t have the energy to move. When he opens my car door, I drag my gaze to look at him in the moonlight. He reminds me of a hungry wolf. Starved for me.

  Well, I’m starved too.

  “I’m hungry,” I tell him.

  He nods and scoops me up. “I know, Roja. I’m going to fix you right up.”

  My heart thunders at his words. I believe them. I want him to fix me.

  I’m in a daze for the next few hours. He feeds me broth and holds me. Eventually, he gets me under the hot spray of the shower. After not having properly bathed in months, it feels like heaven. I bawl until the water runs cold and I’m hiccupping and he has to carry my shivering body out. When he sets me on the bed, panic races up my spine. I clutch onto the front of his shirt and whine.

  “Don’t leave me.”

  His brows furrow and he strokes my wet hair. “Never again.”

  I wake for the first time in what feels like forever, comfortable and warm. A big hot body is draped over me. I’m not sure if he’s trying to keep me from running or to keep me warm. I burrow further beneath him to seek out his protection. My movement wakes him as well.

  “Let me see you,” he murmurs, his voice gruff with sleep.

  I tilt my head up and stare into his nearly black eyes. At one time, they terrified me. Months ago, when he’d take what he wanted whenever he wanted, I feared him with every fiber of my being. I prayed for someone to come save me.

  Nobody came.

  And then the strangest thing happened. I became reliant on him. He was the only person who wanted me. Everyone else forgot about me. So, soon, despite my outward denial, I came to look forward to his late night visits. I would bask in his expert touches and come from his fingers on my own accord. I’d never admitted I wanted him until now.

  “I was so lonely,” I choke out, my eyes welling with hot tears. “I thought I was going to die.”

  He lets out a fierce growl before his mouth finds mine. In the past, whenever he’d kiss me, I never participated. I’d lain there like a dead doll. Now, I crave his mouth more than the broth I desperately downed last night. My mouth parts and I shove my tongue into his. Every nerve ending in my body fires to life. I squirm with the need for him to touch me everywhere.

  “What’s come over you?” he murmurs against my lips as his palm roams over my round breast. He tweaks the nipple, which makes me cry out. Then, his hand trails down south toward my pussy.

  “I…I…I just need…”

  His finger grazes my clit and I jolt with a moan. A growl of approval resounds from him and it seems to stroke my poor, fragile heart. I want him to be happy with me. I want to be enough.

  “Open you
r legs, Roja. Let me see you,” he murmurs, his lips trailing down to my throat.

  Like a whore, I jerk my knees apart to give him what he wants. His finger dips inside me dragging a mewl from me. “Oh, please…I need more.”

  He nips at my neck just as he inches another finger inside me. Before Esteban, I was a virgin. That first time had been painful, but every other time was surprisingly pleasure filled.

  “Always so wet for me, Roja,” he praises, his fingers working magic on my insides. “I see you’ve finally come to learn who owns this perfect cunt.”

  I nod and bite my lip. His mouth kisses along my chest until he has my pebbled nipple between his teeth. I grab my knee and pull it toward me. His two fingers aren’t enough. I crave him. Deeper. Harder. His cock stretching me wide.

  “What do you want?” he questions as his thumb begins working lazy circles on my clit while he fucks me with two fingers.

  “I need you,” I moan. “Please.”

  His fingers slip out of me, and I yelp at the loss. I’m squirming and helpless as he grabs a condom from the end table. It takes all of ten seconds to sheath his cock, but it’s ten seconds too long. Thankfully, he climbs on top of me and suffocates me with his addicting presence. Our eyes lock when the tip of his cock teases my opening in a delightful way.

  “You want this?” he demands, his free hand delicately stroking my throat.

  I grab his wrist and nod.

  With a powerful thrust, he drives into me. Hard. I scream in pleasure as I desperately claw his shoulders. He winces in pain but then quickly finds his stride. Esteban drives into me as if this single act will mold my soul to his.

  I close my eyes and give myself to him.

  The dead heart in my chest belongs to this man. It may not beat, but it’s his.

  “You belong to me, Roja,” he growls, his grip on my throat tightening.

  I let out a hissed “yessss” as my body ripples with desire. His mouth hovers over mine as he fucks me senseless. I become an animal the moment my orgasm explodes through me and I claw his flesh, needing to crawl inside him. His grunts and then the swelling of his cock tells me he finds his release too.

  Esteban relaxes on me and nuzzles his nose against my ear. It’s perfection, and I don’t want to leave this moment. But then the phone on the bedside table is ringing and he’s leaving me to answer it. I lick my lips as I watch him pull the wet condom off his large cock. He smirks as he answers. The voice on the other line is familiar. It jolts me out of my sex-induced fog and sends a shiver of memories down my spine. I can’t make out all the words but I do hear some.

  Thump.

  Thump.

  Why does my chest hurt?

  “This is war, brother. We’re going to slaughter every single one of Diego’s men. Then…” The line goes quiet for a moment. “Then we take back our empire.”

  Thump.

  Oscar.

  Thump.

  My simple world consisting of me and Esteban fucking all day suddenly dissipates as clarity sets in.

  Thump.

  I’m going to see Oscar.

  Thump.

  The dead heart in my chest thuds back to life.

  Thump.

  Because it’s only ever truly beat for one man.

  Coming Soon!

  The saga continues in…

  This Isn’t Fair, Baby

  You can listen on Spotify here.

  “Mess Is Mine” by Vance Joy

  “Strange Magic” by Electric Light Orchestra

  “Are You Alone Now?” By Dead Sea Empire

  “Closer” by Nine Inch Nails

  “Don’t You (Forget About Me)” by Simple Minds

  “Love is Strange” by Mickey & Sylvia

  “Bloodstream” by Stateless

  “Monster” by Meg Myers

  “I Will Possess Your Heart” by Death Cab for Cutie

  “Love the Way You Lie” by Eminem

  “We’re In This Together” by Nine Inch Nails

  “To Be Alone” by Hozier

  “Heart Heart Head” by Meg Myers

  “Even Though Our Love Is Doomed” by Garbage

  “Sorry” by Meg Myers

  “Ain’t No Sunshine When She’s Gone” by Black Label Society

  “#1 Crush” by Garbage

  “Unsteady” by X Ambassadors

  “Not an Addict” by K’s Choice

  “Can’t Help Falling In Love” by Elvis Presley

  “You Caught My Eye” by Big Wreck

  “Someone Like You” by Adele

  “Fade Into You” by Mazzy Star

  “Love Is Not Enough” by Nine Inch Nails

  “Don’t Walk Away” by The Mayfield Four

  “Stay With Me” by Sam Smith

  “The Way” by Saigon Kick

  “Last Goodbye” by Jeff Buckley

  “I Will Wait” by Mumford & Sons

  “Team” by Lorde

  “No One’s Gonna Love You” by Band of Horses

  “Breathe Me” by Sia

  “Black” by Pearl Jam

  “In Your Eyes” by Peter Gabriel

  “My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark” by Fall Out Boys

  Thank you to my husband. Matt, you’re supportive and loving and more than I could ever ask for in a husband. I love you to the moon and back.

  I want to thank the people who read this beta book early and gave me incredible support. Jessica Hollyfield, Elizabeth Clinton, Ella Stewart, Amanda Soderlund, Amy Bosica, Shannon Martin, Brooklyn Miller, Robin Martin, Amy Simms, Sunny Borek, and Jessica Viteri. (I hope I didn’t forget anyone.) You guys always provide AMAZING feedback. You all give me helpful ideas to make my stories better and give me incredible encouragement. I appreciate all of your comments and suggestions. Love you ladies!

  Also, a big thank you to Vanessa Renee Place for proofreading our story after editing. You always save me in a pinch and I can’t thank you enough!! Love ya!

  A huge thank you to Bex Lovesbooks for not only proofing my story but making me the MOST WONDERFUL book trailer ever!! I died over and over again watching that. You’re amazing!

  A big thank you to my author friends who have given me your friendship and your support. You have no idea how much that means to me.

  Thank you to all of my blogger friends both big and small that go above and beyond to always share my stuff. You all rock! #AllBlogsMatter

  I’m especially thankful for my Krazy for K Webster’s Books reader group. You ladies are wonderful with your support and friendship. Each and every single one of you is amazingly supportive and caring. #Cucumbers4Life

  I am totally thankful for my author group, the COPA gals, for being there when I need to take a load off and whine. Y’all rock!

  Vanessa Bridges and Jessica D. from Prema Editing, thanks so much for editing our book! You ladies rock!

  Thank you Stacey Blake for being a super star as always when formatting my books and in general. I love you! I love you! I love you!

  A big thanks to my PR gal, Nicole Blanchard. You are fabulous at what you do and keep me on track!

  Lastly but certainly not least of all, thank you to all of the wonderful readers out there that are willing to hear my story and enjoy my characters like I do. It means the world to me!

  K Webster is the author of dozens of romance books in many different genres including contemporary romance, historical romance, paranormal romance, dark romance, romantic suspense, and erotic romance. When not spending time with her husband of nearly fourteen years and two adorable children, she’s active on social media connecting with her readers.

  Her other passions besides writing include reading and graphic design. K can always be found in front of her computer chasing her next idea and taking action. She looks forward to the day when she will see one of her titles on the big screen.

  Join K Webster’s newsletter to receive a couple of updates a month on new releases and exclusive content. To join, all you need to do is go
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  Books by Author K Webster

  THE BREAKING THE RULES SERIES:

  Broken (Book 1)

  Wrong (Book 2)

  Scarred (Book 3)

  Mistake (Book 4)

  Crushed (Book 5 – a novella)

  THE VEGAS ACES SERIES:

  Rock Country (Book 1)

  Rock Heart (Book 2)

  Rock Bottom (Book 3)

  THE BECOMING HER SERIES:

  Becoming Lady Thomas (Book 1)

  Becoming Countess Dumont (Book 2)

  Becoming Mrs. Benedict (Book 3)

  Alpha & Omega Duet:

  Alpha & Omega

  Omega & Love

  WAR & PEACE SERIES:

  This is War, Baby

  This is Love, Baby

  This Isn’t Over, Baby

  This Isn’t You, Baby

  This is Me, Baby

  STANDALONE NOVELS

  Apartment 2B

  Love and Law

  Moth to a Flame

  Erased

  The Road Back to Us

  Give Me Yesterday

  Running Free

  Dirty Ugly Toy

  Zeke’s Eden

  Sweet Jayne

  Untimely You

  Mad Sea

  Pretty Stolen Dolls

  Pretty Lost Dolls

  Whispers and the Roars

  Schooled by a Senior

  Blue Hill Blood by Elizabeth Gray

  Text 2 Lovers