At that point I did reach out and gently take her face in my hands, scooting closer and looking her in the eye.
“The last thing I ever want to do is make you feel anything but happy.” My words earned me the tiniest smile, but I couldn’t stop. I had to keep going. “I would have told you about Evie eventually, but Disney didn’t seem like the time or place. And since then, well, every time we’ve been together something has happened. But, believe me, I would have told you. I wasn’t trying to keep you in the dark.” I paused, sweeping both my thumbs over her cheeks. “Evie isn’t a dark secret. She’s not something to tuck away. She’s important to me and to my kids. But, Grace, you don’t have to worry about my relationship with her.”
“Will you tell me about her?” she asked shyly, her voice nothing but a whisper.
“Yes, of course. I’ll tell you anything.” I took a breath, trying to mentally put all the pieces of Evie and me together in the correct order. There were so many edges of us that never fit just right together, nothing like Grace and me. We relaxed back onto our own sides of the bed, and she looked at me expectantly, begging me with her eyes not to hurt her. “I met Evie one day in college. Some guy bumped into her and soaked her shirt, so I gave her mine. We were young and, sure, there was an attraction there, but we both went our separate ways. A week later I met Olivia. A few weeks after, Olivia and I were already together and I realized her best friend was Evie. Evie and I both knew we’d been attracted to each other. It was a strange situation, to say the least, but the pull to Olivia, for me, was bigger than my attraction to Evie. There was never any question that I would be faithful to her.” I took another deep breath. I knew the hardest part of the story was coming, and I wanted to make her realize that even though my past with Evie was complicated and messy, our relationship now was simple, easy, and completely platonic.
“But after Olivia passed away, Evie and I fell into a new sort of relationship. She was there for me, there to help with the kids, and she made everything easier. I’ll admit I used her to put off dealing with Olivia’s death. Evie was there and she’d stepped right into Olivia’s role. She didn’t do it on purpose, she wasn’t trying to take her place, she was just trying to help.” I ran my hand down my face, bracing myself for the worst part of the story.
“You can tell me,” Grace whispered. I looked at her and saw wide eyes staring back. She looked open, and I felt as though I could tell her anything. And then, more than ever, I needed to tell her. I needed her to know everything so that whatever we had, whatever could grow between us, had a fighting chance.
“One night, I came home from work, and I don’t know what I was thinking, but I saw her there and my instincts took over. I went to her, wrapped my arm around her, then I think I might have kissed her on the cheek. The point was, I’m sure part of me thought it was Liv, like there’d been some miracle and my wife was standing in the kitchen making dinner just like she had for so many years. But there was definitely a part of me that knew it was Evie and wanted her, if only for just a moment.”
“Okay,” Grace said, accepting every single thing I was saying as if I were explaining how to change the oil on her car.
“No, it wasn’t okay. None of it was. We’d spent, shit, I don’t know, ten years dancing around this strange attraction we’d had to one another, and when I lost my wife I lost the ability to make rational decisions and I fucked it up with Evie. I didn’t fuck a relationship up with her, because looking back on it, it never would have worked between us, but I fucked up our friendship. She was so vulnerable. We both were. And we did things we shouldn’t have. We kissed. Once. And it was important, but only because it wasn’t. Evie and I will never be together. If we had spent a little time actually figuring that out, we wouldn’t have spent ten years wondering. Does that make sense?”
“Not even a little bit.”
I dropped my head on the pillow, frustration seeping out of me.
“I’ve told you everything that happened. All the important stuff, anyway. But there’s one more thing. I never cheated on Olivia. Not once. But I did spend a lot of time wondering what my life would have been like if I’d chosen Evie instead. And that’s the God’s honest truth. It wasn’t fair to Olivia and it wasn’t fair to Evie, either. I see that now. I learned that. So, I need you to understand that I will never, never, spend time with another woman unless I’m completely sure she’s the only one for me.”
“Okay,” she said again.
“It’s you, Grace,” I said, wrapping my arm around her waist, pulling her to my side of the bed, pressing her body against mine. “It’s you. No one else,” I whispered, my eyes taking in all of her face, trying to figure out what she was thinking by the clues in her eyes. But then my gaze landed on her lips and only one thought pounded through my head. “I’m going to kiss you. If you don’t want me to, you’re going to have to tell me.”
“Okay,” she whispered.
When it was obvious she wasn’t going to stop me, I inched forward, my lips coming softly into contact with hers. This was no banana pancake kiss; that had been spur of the moment, a kiss so quick it was over before I really knew it happened. This kiss, it was purposeful and a long time coming.
I moved my hand slowly up her cheek, then slipped behind her neck, pulling her closer, wanting her as close as possible. Her hands gripped my shirt, her fingers twisting in the material as a soft moan slipped through her lips.
My tongue gently touched her lips, asking, and when she opened for me, it was as if every tether I’d felt in the last few years had been snapped. There was nothing holding me back any longer. I angled my mouth over hers and rolled us so she was beneath me. She was with me, her fingertips finding the hem of my shirt and gliding up my torso, her knees spreading to accommodate me, then lifting to bring me into her tighter.
For over three years I’d wondered what it would feel like to be with a woman again, to feel a warm body below me, to be consumed by the scent of someone other than my wife. Grace felt nothing like Olivia. She was different and new and fantastic. The guilt I thought I would feel was absent, the longing for something I’d never have again not even a thought in my mind. What I was thinking about was how soft Grace’s lips were, how wonderful it felt when she used her ankle to anchor me to her, to hold me to her as though letting me go was the worst thing that could happen.
What I wasn’t prepared for were the teenage-like hormones running through me. I hadn’t needed anyone in a very long time, but I needed Grace. God, I needed her. With one forearm braced on the bed, my free hand found her waist, squeezing as I went, wanting to feel all of her. From her waist my hand traveled south, over her hip and around to her ass. I palmed her there, my fingers digging in to the jeans that covered her flesh, groaning as she wrapped her arms around me.
“Devon,” she said, her voice gravelly and rough, turning her mouth away from mine, but giving me unfettered access to her throat.
“Hmmm.” I hummed against the skin of her neck, unwilling to disconnect. My lips and tongue worshiped her there, my teeth nipping slightly, eliciting a rough and sharp inhalation from her.
“It’s been a while…,” she started, but then ended on a moan as I found a spot behind her ear she seemed to be particularly fond of. “Since I’ve… oh, God….”
I couldn’t help but smirk against her, loving the fact that I was scrambling her thoughts with my mouth.
“It’s just, I’m not sure I’m ready….” Her words trailed away again, but I got the impression it was less about me and more about her. She wasn’t ready. So even though it would pain me later, I pulled away, immediately finding her eyes with my own.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered immediately. “You being here was the last thing I expected, and I hadn’t planned on you, and even though my body is really enjoying what you’re doing to it, my brain is really insistent that we slow down.”
“You don’t have to apologize, Grace. But can I ask you a question?”
“Sure,�
�� she breathed.
“What is your heart insisting on?”
She blinked up at me, nothing but patience and vulnerability. “It’s begging me not to let you break it.”
I looked at her for a moment, not sure I’d ever had anyone speak words to me that were so completely full of truth and fear and hope. Then I leaned down and kissed her again, only that time it was slow and soft.
An hour later, after Grace had showered and changed and we’d stopped for coffee, I was driving her back to the bar to get her car.
“Have you thought about whether you’re going to press charges?” I asked softly. The last thing I wanted to do was upset her.
“I haven’t decided yet.” She ran her hand through her chocolate-colored hair that was down and drying against her shoulders. “I’ve seen guys like him a lot, being behind a bar. He seemed harmless, and I took him down easily enough when it came down to it. Part of me thinks he was just overconfident, you know? The booze made him bold. He’s just a kid, and I hate the idea of potentially ruining his life over one mistake. But, then I think about what if he tries it with someone else? What if she can’t fight him off as easily? I’m not sure I could live with myself if he hurt someone else because I let him off the hook.”
The more she spoke, the more I wanted just five minutes alone with the dickhead. I also wanted to lock Ruby up in a tower. Or enroll her in Krav Maga classes. Or both. I reached over and took her hand, pulling it into my lap and running my thumb over the back.
“I’ll stand behind whatever decision you make, but you have to remember that you’re not responsible for his actions. Not last night and not tomorrow. Or next month. If you decide not to press charges, you can’t worry about every female in Florida.”
“Thanks,” she said, trying to smile, but it was obvious her thoughts were still plaguing her.
I pulled into the parking spot next to her car, put my car in Park, then turned my body to face her.
“Hey,” I said, using one hand to bring her face around, looking into her blue eyes. “You going to be all right?”
“Yeah,” she answered softly, but then continued, her voice a little stronger. “Thanks to you.”
“I didn’t do anything.” I ran my thumb over the roundness of her cheek.
“Yeah, you did.” Her voice just a whisper again. “You came back for me, you protected me, you took care of me, you were honest with me, and you respected me.”
“Well.” I smiled. “When you put it that way.” Her mouth tipped up into a smile and it felt like the sun had just come out and peeked over a dark horizon. She was so beautiful. “Come over for dinner tonight. The kids will be home, I’ll cook, it’ll be really low-key.”
“Okay,” she agreed without a second of hesitation. “I’ll have to leave early to go to work, though.”
“No problem, we’ll eat early. How’s five?”
“Sounds great.” Her smile grew wider and I couldn’t stop myself from leaning over the console and kissing her, letting my fingers tangle in the wet strands of her hair.
When I finally pulled away, it was only because I knew she had things to do; I would have gladly stayed there and kissed her all day. But instead, she smiled at me again and then I watched as she opened her car door, got inside, and backed out of her parking spot.
It gave me a little relief to know she was safely on her way home, but then I shook off the image of her in the back of the building the night before, fighting off that douche bag. My fingers tightened on the steering wheel, knuckles turning white. I hated the idea of her in a bar four nights a week with drunken assholes, but I also knew it wasn’t my place to tell her to quit or ask her to look for something different. Something safer.
I let out a breath, shaking out my hands, then aimed my SUV toward my parents’ house to pick up my kids.
Hours later, Jaxy was playing Minecraft in the living room and Ruby was lying on the couch next to him reading a book. They’d both been surprisingly quiet and well-behaved all day, which I wasn’t going to complain about.
“Hey, kiddos, scootch.” Ruby swung her legs around, making room for me on the couch next to her. “Jaxy, eyes for a minute.” I waited for the groan or eye rolling, but he didn’t even grumble, just put the controller down and turned to look at me. “So, I wanted to talk to you guys about something.”
Ruby folded down the top corner of the page of her book, closed it, then looked at me with eyes that were exact replicas of her mother’s.
I swallowed hard, trying to find the words I’d been practicing in my head all day since I picked them up. “I want to talk to you guys about Grace.” This piqued Ruby’s interest, her eyebrows shooting up, but Jax just looked attentive, waiting for my next words. “I’ve invited her over for dinner tonight, and I wanted to talk to you about it.”
“I like Grace,” Jaxy said matter-of-factly. “I don’t care if she comes to dinner.”
“Jax, Daddy’s talking to us because he wants to date Grace, not just have her over for dinner.”
“What does that mean?” he asked his sister, all his eight-year-old innocence showing through.
“It means Daddy wants Grace to be his girlfriend and he wants us to be okay with it.”
I watched as his eyebrows drew close together, crinkling in the middle, thoughts obviously running through his mind.
“So, he’s going to hold her hand and kiss her and stuff?”
“Yeah,” Ruby answered. “And she’ll probably be over here a lot, and Daddy will be taking us to Grandma and Grandpa’s more, since they’ll want to go out on dates.”
“Grandma gives us cookies every time we go to her house!” Jaxy exclaimed, all too excited by the promise of sugar. His eyes turned to me, a huge sneaky grin across his face. “You can go on as many dates with Grace as you want, Daddy. We don’t mind.”
My eyes darted between my two children. Had Ruby just given Jax the deep and meaningful “Daddy’s Going to Date Again” speech I’d been dreading all day? I knew Ruby was a little more clued in to what was happening between Grace and me, but I expected a little more of a reaction from Jax. Who was I to argue with the logic of cookies at Grandma’s house? My mom’s cookies were phenomenal.
“It’s not just cookies, Jax,” I replied softly, wanting to make sure he understood as much as an eight-year-old could. “I’m spending time with Grace because I care about her, and I want everyone to be comfortable. Does that make sense?”
Jaxy shrugged. “I know you care about her. She’s really nice.” At this point it became obvious Jaxy thought I was being ridiculous, his tone indicating that he already knew everything I was trying to tell him.
“So, you’re okay if we see more of her and she spends time with us?”
“Sure,” he answered, shrugging again. I reached out and ruffled his hair. He ducked away from me, laughing, then turned his attention back to his video game. It seemed as though I’d been worrying myself over nothing. And that was good; I was glad the kids seemed all right with Grace and me spending time together, but it didn’t mean that further down the line things might still get tricky. This was only the first hurdle, but I was glad it was over.
“What are you making for dinner?” Ruby asked.
“Huh?” Her question pulled me from the thoughts bouncing around inside my mind.
“Dinner? With Grace? What are you making?”
“I was just planning on grilling.”
Ruby rolled her eyes and let out an exasperated sigh.
“What?” I asked, laughing at her complete and utter annoyance.
“You always grill when someone comes to dinner.”
I shrugged. “I’m good at it.” That was the truth—I was good at it. But more importantly, it was something I knew I couldn’t mess up. It was easy and simple, but tasted damn good.
“But it would be more impressive if you made an effort.”
Well, damn.
“When did you get so smart?”
Another roll of Ru
by’s eyes made me laugh.
“Come on, Jax. Daddy’s got to go to the store. We’re going to make something delicious for dinner.”
Chapter Thirteen
Grace
I knocked on Devon’s door and tried to ignore the flurry of nervous butterflies swarming in my belly. When the door flew open, it was Jax’s smile that greeted me, and that went a long way to ease my anxiousness.
“Hi, Grace. Come on in. Daddy’s in the kitchen with Ruby.”
“Thank you,” I said as I stepped into the house, unable to keep the smile from my face.
“Dad,” Jax yelled, even though the kitchen wasn’t very far away. “Grace is here!”
I was still laughing as I walked around the corner and into the open dining room between the kitchen and living room.
“Hi,” Devon said, looking up at me hurriedly. “You’re early.”
“Am I?” Quickly pulling my phone from my purse and glancing at the time, I gave him a puzzled look. “It’s five till. You said five o’clock, right?”
“Yeah,” he said, his eyes not on me anymore, but on whatever he was working on in the kitchen instead. “I thought I had five more minutes.” He said the words, then glanced at me, giving me a flirty wink.
“Dad,” Ruby said, her tone admonishing, then popped up beside her father. “That’s no way to make Grace feel welcome.”
The Presence of Grace (Love and Loss #2) Page 11
