Eyes Turned Skyward

by Rebecca Yarros

“You be sure you do.” She grumbled all the way into her house.

  Sign up to defend your country? You’re an immature kid. But take care of your dahlias? Man, that made you an upstanding citizen. Reminder—Google dahlias.

  The drive to the library felt longer than it took, even with the stop for another Gatorade, and I nearly fist pumped when I saw her car in the lot. What the hell was wrong with me?

  The library door closed softly behind me, and I breathed in the scent of books in the air-conditioning. Even in October it was on. Alabama didn’t really have a fall. It was more like, “at least it’s not as hot as September.”

  I hung my sunglasses from the first button on my shirt, pushed the sleeves up past my elbows, and reminded myself not to run in the library. I rounded the corner—

  “May I help you?”

  Shit. It was the wenchy one. At least the older lady, Alice, liked me, but this one was impossible. I think her bun was wound entirely too tight. “Is Paisley here?”

  She huffed, glancing at the closed bottle of Gatorade in my hand, and pulled an imaginary strand of brunette hair behind her ear. “She’s in the back room. You’ll have to wait.”

  I flashed a grin and was rewarded by a miniscule softening of her features. “No problem, ma’am, I can find it.”

  I didn’t wait for her reply, instead headed past the students studying, like I should have been. My palms started sweating…over seeing my friend? What the fuck? I could handle half the sorority girls at school, but this girl had me on my damn knees…in the friend zone. Pathetic as it felt, I was just happy to be on the field.

  I slid open the door. A quick scan of the room told me she wasn’t in here. “Paisley?” I called out in case.

  A pale hand rose from behind a small stack of boxes. “Here.”

  She sounded like shit. I sidestepped through the maze of boxes. “Hey, I wanted to see if you had that list of supplies to star— Holy shit! Paisley?” I dropped to my knees next to where she sat on the floor, her eyes closed, leaning against the stack of boxes while she took quick breaths. I did a quick check. Her forehead was clammy, but she had the energy to swat my hand away.

  “Jagger?” Her eyes opened, the green still as brilliant as I remembered. “I’m okay.” She gave me a weak smile.

  “This does not look okay.”

  She squeezed my hand, breathing rapidly. “I’m not feeling well. Give me a second to catch my breath. I think it’ll just be another minute.”

  “You think? You’re camped out on the floor where no one could find you if something happened, and you think?” I unscrewed the lid on my Gatorade and passed it to her. “Drink. Then we’re taking you to a doctor.”

  She didn’t argue and downed almost half of the bottle. “Thank you, but I don’t need a doctor. It’s over now, and he knows all about it.” She closed her eyes and leaned her head back. “I’m really okay.”

  “Asthma?” I guessed. “I’ve seen it in a few of my friends, and this is how they all looked after attacks.”

  “Well, it’s…” She sighed and looked at me. “I don’t like to talk about it.”

  So I was right. “It’s nothing to be embarrassed of. Can I take you home?” She shouldn’t stay after having an attack like that. “Do you need your inhaler?”

  She shook her head, rolling it along the box behind her. “I already took my meds. Just…sit with me for a minute while I catch my breath?”

  Everything in me clamored to drag her ass to the doctor, but I couldn’t exactly force her to go. “Yeah, sure thing.” I dropped down next to her so we sat side by side, and the restlessness that had plagued me the last three weeks faded away.

  “Questions?” She half smiled over the bottle.

  “Already? I’ve been in the same room with you for less than five minutes, you have me sitting on the floor, you’ve stolen my drink, and now you want my deepest secrets?”

  “Yes.” Her eyes threatened to crack me open to the center of my soul.

  She didn’t make excuses or play coy. It was her most addictive quality, the brutal honesty she leveled on me. “Fine. How long have you been sitting here?” She glanced at her purple watch.

  “Twenty-seven minutes. I was actually about to go in search of a drink, so you had pretty perfect timing.” She took another long pull of the Gatorade. Lucky fucking bottle. “How long have you been home?”

  I glanced down at my Breitling, the one piece of him I kept. “Three hours forty-two minutes.”

  She laughed, the sound stronger, and my smile was an automatic response. “Miss me?”

  I shook my head.

  She shrugged. “A girl has to try.”

  “Did you miss me?”

  Her smile fell, any trace of levity gone from her pink lips. “Yes,” she whispered like she was admitting she’d committed a crime.

  I rested my forearms on my raised knees, mostly to keep my hands off her. “Yeah. Me, too. It’s a little ridiculous, actually.” Silence stretched between us, and I fumbled for a question, trying to haul us out of the deep end. “So if you’re not a swimmer, why were you at the beach that day?”

  “Working on my tan.”

  “No lies. This is no fun if there’s lies.”

  “It was on the list.” She took another drink. Good, her color was returning.

  “List?”

  She ducked her head, a gorgeous blush lighting her cheeks. “I have a list of things to do before…you know.”

  My eyebrows drew together. “Before…you graduate college?”

  She bit at her lip. “Something like that. So when do we start lessons again?”

  “When do you want?” Now.

  “I have class this afternoon.” Her face fell. “Actually I have to leave right around now. Walk me out?”

  I stood and then pulled her gently to her feet. She swayed, but her color was returning. “Are you sure you should be going?”

  “You have no idea how hard I had to beg to get classes on main campus.”

  I bent down and grabbed her open purse from the floor. A panicked look crossed her face, so I handed it over without so much as zipping it shut. Girls were weird about what was in their purses. It’s not like I was going to freak at the sight of a tampon. She took it eagerly, slipping it over her shoulder. “You go to Troy?” It was the only local college.

  She nodded. “I take one class at main campus and the rest down here. Today is main campus, which is why I’m not skipping it. Not when it’s a battle just to get that one.”

  “Grades?”

  She shook her head. “Overbearing parents.”

  “Ah, right. I remember now. They’re not big fans of college?”

  “They’re not big fans of me being out of their sight. It’s a work in progress.”

  “So why don’t you tell them that you’re an adult now and live your life?”

  She rolled her eyes. “That’s not exactly how it works in my family. I respect my parents, and I pick my battles.” Her drawl was almost as intoxicating as her smile.

  “Would they approve of our swim lessons?”

  Her smile quirked up higher on one side, seeming mischievous. “I haven’t exactly given them a chance to weigh in.”

  She seemed steady, but I still walked slowly. I held open the door, and she glided through.

  “So you’re from here?” I asked.

  We crossed the patio to the small path that led to the parking lot. “Yep. Mama was born and raised here. Peyton and I were both born here, too. We moved around a lot growing up, but we always came back to Enterprise. Even when Daddy had to work somewhere else, we came every summer. Mama made sure that we both graduated from high school here, like she did. She said she wouldn’t stand for southern girls to graduate north of the Mason-Dixon Line. Couldn’t have our accents corrupted.” She laughed. “I hated it at first, being away from Daddy so often, but I have Morgan because of it.”

  “Ah, Morgan. I wondered how she fit into your story.”

  “She
’s my best friend. She didn’t bat an eye when I had to stay here for college, just gave up going to Alabama so she could be with me. I don’t know what I would do without her.” She sighed. “So, what’s the story with you and the guys you work with?”

  “Walker’s been my best friend for a couple years now.” My only real friend. “We’ve been roommates since we were in college in Colorado. Masters moved in with us right before I met you.”

  “Ah, and what brought you all the way from Colorado?”

  I swallowed. I could admit it to her right here, but what if I didn’t make it? What if I fucked this up like I usually did and then had to admit my failure? “A school opportunity we couldn’t pass up.”

  “You’re still in school?”

  I cocked my head to the side. “I am a student, yes.”

  “And you moonlight as a handyman.” She laughed. “Ah, you’re the mayor of Vague-ville. I understand.” I loved how her accent made two syllables out of ville. It was sexy as hell.

  I laughed and held out my hand. “Phone?” She hesitated but handed it over. I was tempted to scan through to find a picture of this boyfriend she held so high. Instead, I opened her contacts and put in my phone number and first name before handing it back. “There. Text me later when you want to schedule another Stop-Paisley-from-Drowning lesson.”

  She laughed. “Yeah, I’ll do that.”

  My phone rang. I answered it with a swipe. “What’s up, Walker?”

  “Carter called. Formation got moved up. I grabbed your stuff from home, so get your ass over here.” He sounded as annoyed as I felt.

  “On my way.” I hung up and looked at Paisley. “You sure you’re okay to get to class?”

  “Nothing I can’t handle. I’ll text you?”

  “Sounds good.”

  She drove away, and part of me wished her car was still broken, just so I could get another couple minutes with her. For some reason, I could breathe easier when she was around. Maybe there was something to be said for this friends thing.

  I parked Lucy in the closest spot and damn near ran into the building. Josh threw a bag at my chest. “You’ve got ten minutes.”

  “Thanks.” I threw my uniform on and was almost in the classroom before I realized I’d forgotten my tongue stud. A few twists of my fingers, and I had it out and stored. It was a pain in the ass to keep taking it out, but I wasn’t willing to get rid of it permanently.

  I took the seat next to Josh, pulled out my green notebook, dropped my pen, then fumbled again trying to get it out from under my chair. “Fuck!”

  “What’s got your panties in a twist?” He sent me the look, the one he usually shot me to remind me to cool my temper.

  “Nothing.”

  “Oh, and touchy, too? Does it have anything to do with a little blond librarian?” I cut my eyes toward him with my own version of the look. “I saw your car there.”

  I guess the look wasn’t enough.

  “Leave it alone.”

  Josh’s eyes narrowed. “You hung up?”

  My jaw flexed. “There’s nothing to get hung up on. She has a boyfriend.”

  “He’s been friend zoned.” Masters slid in behind us, and I crushed the impulse to punch him in the throat. Mostly because he was right.

  “I chose the friend zone.”

  Josh’s mouth dropped open.

  “What?” I snapped.

  He shook his head and pulled his stuff out to take notes. “I’ve just never seen you hung up on a girl, that’s all.”

  “For fuck’s sake. What’s it going to take? We’re friends!”

  He scoffed. “Look, you were there for me, and I’m trying to be there for you. You don’t want to admit that there’s a problem? Fine.”

  Well, if that didn’t make me feel like shit. Carter walked in, giving me an excuse not to respond to Josh. He was right. I didn’t waste time on girls who didn’t want me. Hell, I didn’t really waste time on girls, and I couldn’t remember the last relationship I’d had that didn’t end with me handing her clothes and offering to call her a cab.

  It came down to that one little word I was incapable of: trust. And, damn, she made me want— Don’t even think it.

  “Glad to see you all survived SERE,” Carter said, sitting on the edge of a table at the front of the room. “Well, almost all of you.”

  Everyone in the class glanced around, looking for who was missing. I counted twenty-four…Rogers. I’d heard him screaming in the box that last night. Guess psych pulled him.

  “Bateman, I’m shocked you didn’t get the crap beat out of you more often for singing that stupid song over and over.”

  “Hey, man, the secret of the fox is an ancient mystery.” It’d been worth the beating my ribs took to distract Josh. He never did well in confined spaces.

  Our classmates laughed, but Carter didn’t. Arrogant West Point fuck was never amused. I grinned just to piss him off.

  He tapped his ring on the table. “Right. Major Davidson wants accountability before the four-day. Academics start on Tuesday, so please don’t slack off this weekend. Also, there’s a sign-up sheet here.” He lifted a clipboard from the desk. “We’ve been tasked with the dunk booth for Saturday’s Fall Fest, so you each need to pull a time slot.”

  “Fuck,” Josh swore under his breath.

  “I’ll cover you. You’ll be an insufferable asshole if you don’t get to see her.”

  “Thanks, man.” He relaxed into his chair.

  “No problem.”

  “Got something you want to share, Bateman?” Carter snapped.

  “Nawh, I don’t share well. My parents bitched about it constantly,” I fired back. Class leader or not, he’d been commissioned one day before me. That didn’t make him God.

  His jaw flexed. How far could I push before he lost his shit in front of the class? That might be fun to see…

  “Don’t,” Josh whispered, like he could read my mind.

  He was right, of course. This wasn’t the frat house or the rink. This was my career.

  I swallowed the acidic comment on my tongue and instead concentrated on recording the upcoming dates and times Carter was throwing at us. I was getting better at this being-civil shit.

  Barely.

  Chapter Nine

  Paisley

  4. Stand up for something you believe in.

  “Why, yes, I’d love to be bikini-body ready for Halloween,” Morgan drawled, pointing to the publication date. “We need to get this doctor of yours some new reading material.”

  Laughter shook my shoulders as I swung my feet from the end of the exam table. “Thanks for coming with me.”

  She reached out from her seat and gave my hand a squeeze. “There’s no place else I’d rather be.” Her smile was bright, and her eyes the same¸ but with unshed tears.

  “Don’t be scared, Morgan. I’m not scared.” I wasn’t. Resigned, maybe. Sad, even. But knowing I was limited on time made me more driven, more determined to live than anything else. I’d make it through that list.

  She wiped away a stray tear and sniffed through her smile. “But you don’t have to miss you if something…”

  Now it was my turn to squeeze her hand. “One hundred ninety-two days. Now stop.”

  She narrowed her eyes. “Why on earth would you think that?”

  “Peyton and I were the same weight at birth, had the same hair, an identical smile, and now the same heart. She died 143 days after she turned twenty-one. I know how to do math,” I interjected, and pulled the last sticky sensor off my chest from my EKG. I was never going to be the older sister, and it didn’t matter if anyone else understood. I did.

  “Paisley—”

  “My life, my thoughts.”

  “Well, speaking of your thoughts…” She arched a well-maintained eyebrow. “Just what are you doing with Mr. California?”

  “Jagger?” Saying his name elevated my heartbeat.

  “Mmm-hmm. Last time I checked you were all but married to Will.” S
he kept going, despite my meanest glare. “Not that I object to Jagger. Gawd, Paisley, you sure can pick ’em. He’s utterly delicious.”

  “We’re friends. Just friends!”

  “Right, protest much, Lady MacBeth?” She examined her perfect manicure.

  “Stop using your major against me, Morgan Elyse Bartley.” I sighed, trying to find the words. “He makes me feel…free. That’s something I haven’t had. He doesn’t treat me like I’m about to break.”

  “That’s because he doesn’t know you’re breakable. I saw that coffee he brought you. You haven’t told him about your heart, otherwise he wouldn’t be bringing you caffeine.”

  My cheeks heated, and I started to pick apart the embroidery on the Etsy-made hospital gown Mama bought me. “I don’t want him to know.”

  “And Will?”

  My chest tightened unpleasantly. “He knows I’m taking swim lessons from the guy who saved my life.”

  “Mmm-hmm. That sure was a long three weeks he was gone for.”

  “What are you getting at?” I narrowed my eyes.

  “When you got to class yesterday, you were all gushy, and you said Will doesn’t get home until tonight, so it had to be because Jagger stopped by the library.” My mouth snapped shut. “I’m right, aren’t I? No judgment, darlin’. As your best friend, I wholeheartedly approve of anyone who brings you to life like that.”

  “Seriously, he’s just a friend.”

  “And my mama’s just a makeup lady.” She raised her eyebrow at me, since her mama was the top Mary Kay representative in southeast Alabama. “And what does Will know?”

  “He’s fine with the lessons. He’s actually happy, since he studies so much.”

  “Right, but does he know that you’re falling for Jagger?”

  “I love Will! I most certainly am not—” The knocking at the door stopped my tirade before it got off to a proper start. “Come in.” I glared at Morgan for good measure.

  Dr. Larondy walked in, a nurse wheeling in a laptop cart behind him. “Good mornin’, Paisley.” He pushed his glasses up his nose.

  “Hey, Doc.” I put on my best smile.

  “No parents today?”

  “Nope. They don’t even know I’m here.”

  “You little rebel, you.” He couldn’t have been older than forty, but the smile made him seem so much younger. “Let’s take a peek.” He pulled my chart and sighed, which was never a good sign.