by Amy DeMeritt
“I’ve been trying. I’ve been waiting for so long to have you with me and looking forward to having my whole family together so much that it’s hard to accept that in less than two months, I’m going to be without the others for a whole month. I’m looking forward to that time alone with you since I’ve never had that with you as my wife, but I am going to miss them.”
“I know that, and they know that. Are you worried that they’ll doubt your love for them if you enjoy this trip without them?” I shrug my shoulder and look down. “I guess, a little bit. I don’t want them to feel left out. Shannon can’t get off of work to be able to just hop on a plane and go somewhere when things come up. I’m worried that when I have to leave town for stuff like this that the opportunities to travel with me won’t be equal. Shannon works really hard at work and at home. She’s been so amazing in taking care of all of us so we can focus on school and getting the dance business stuff started. I don’t know how often opportunities like this will come up, but I hate that she may never be able to come with me because of work.”
A rustling nearby causes me to quickly look over to see my babies standing several yards back smiling. Shannon walks over, kneels down next to me, and kisses my lips.
“Remember what my totem is, sweetie?” I smile and her smile widens. “It makes me very happy to see you happy. I like taking care of you and I like helping you achieve your dreams. And when I can, I’ll enjoy sharing in your dreams. If we can make a family of five very different women work, we can make this work. You never know, there may be a time I can get scheduled off of work to come with you. Or, if all of our business plans work out and are successful, maybe I won’t have to work at the hospital anymore.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too. I promise, we’re all ok with this and we want you to do this. We’ll miss you, but we won’t be doubting your love and intensions while you’re gone.”
I smile and look over at Sam and Madison. They walk over and kneel down, taking turns to give me a soft kiss on the lips.
“I only have one thing to say.” We look at Sam and she looks at Awenasa. “If you’re going with her, it’s your job to keep Symone in her place.” Awenasa smiles and gently caresses Sam’s cheek, making Sam blush and smile. “No worries, little bear. I’ll make sure she only has her hands on Kayla when it’s required in the dance.”
Sam smiles really big and laughs a little in a shy happy way. I cheese really big and lean forward to kiss her lips.
“Hey, little bear.”
Sam giggles and looks down. I suddenly feel a huge burst of energy and excitement in my chest and I wrap my arms around all of my girls and pull them in close, squeezing them and making them laugh and groan as I hold them tightly.
“I love my babies. All of you are the most extraordinary women in the world.”
Chapter Four
The house is oddly quiet compared to earlier today when so many family members and friends were in the house making preparations for the big feast tonight. I’m the last after my girls to get a shower and as I walk into my bedroom, I’m happy to see they’re still here. I half expected them to be outside with the family when I got done in the shower. Sam, Madison, and Shannon are sitting on my bed with their backs against the wall, legs straight out in front of themselves, and Sam and Madison are leaning their heads on Shannon’s shoulders. They look beautiful. They’re dressed simply in shorts and tee shirts, but are also wearing beaded chokers and feather berets my mom made and gave them for Christmas.
“Hey, babies, you look great.” They smile at me and Sam and Madison lift their heads. “What are you wearing?”
“I guess my usual.”
“You don’t have any sexy tribal outfits like Awenasa?” I laugh hard and shake my head. “No. Could you actually see me in something like that?” They smile really big and look me up and down. “Ok, stop imagining it. The picture in my head is ridiculous.” They laugh and Sam licks her lips. “Baby, you may be a tomboy, but you are beautiful and sexy. You would look amazing in something like that.”
“Whatever.”
I blush and shake my head as I turn to my closet to find something to wear.
“I’m going to ask Awenasa if you can borrow that outfit she had on today.” I look over my shoulder at Sam and she’s starting to get off the bed. I take my towel off and throw it at her, making them laugh. “You better not.”
Sam hops off of the bed and starts to head for the door. I quickly grab her around the waist and pull her back. She laughs and wraps her arms around me. She runs her hands down my bareback and grips my ass before smacking one cheek firmly. She kisses my lips and smiles.
“I’m just teasing you, baby. Let’s get you dressed. I’m starving and that food out there smells amazing.” I smile and kiss her lips. “Ok, baby. Help me figure out what to wear.”
“Well, Awenasa will probably just pull your top off if we put you in one, so you might as well forget it. Just throw on some underwear and shorts and a sports bra.”
I laugh and release her so I can get dressed. Awenasa has always been like that when we dance. She always wears tops like she had on today, or some kind of crop top that shows off her stomach, so when we dance, she always takes my shirt off so I match her.
When we get outside, the whole family is standing or sitting around a large dance ring that’s been marked around the firepit with lit torches in the ground. I feel my chest swell and my heart starts to race. I smile and lead my girls out to the edge of the ring and look around for Awenasa. The musicians are all setup next to the dance ring and are looking at me with expectant smiles. I understand – I need to call my wife out to me. I look at my girls and give them a hug.
“I’ll see you soon.”
As I step into the ring, energy surges through my veins and I feel like I could just lift off the ground and soar in the clouds. I look up and smile. The sun is just starting to set below the tops of the trees and the sky is turning a light gray. I suddenly have an idea and look around for my dad. He’s standing along the edge with his video camera in one hand and my mom’s arm looped through his other arm. I run over to him and he smiles down at me.
“I need a favor. Can I borrow your wings?”
“Of course, let me go get them.”
“Thanks, but can you meet me behind the shed with them?” He looks at me with a mixture of confusion and concern. “Trust me, it’s going to be awesome.”
“Ok, but please be careful.”
“Not in my nature.” He laughs and playfully smacks my shoulder. “Ok.”
He hands my mom the camera and I run back out to the dance ring, releasing a loud war cry, calling the drums to life. I smile and start stepping around the dance ring in beat to their heavy thumps. It fills me with a reverence for the hearts that used to beat behind those animal hides and I breathe in their sound, letting the energy of those great animals fill me and fuel my spirit.
I release a hawk shriek and the flutes and wind pipes start transforming the warm summer air into beautiful music that makes me feel like I’m lifting off the ground. I surprise myself and call the “rain” instruments to life in perfect pronunciation in the Cherokee tongue.
As soon as the full native band is playing, I spot my beautiful wife coming out of her tipi smiling at me. I freeze and release a deep low sound of reverence and grab my heart.
She’s wearing a short mid-thigh skirt made of white fur that has light gray streaks in it with a matching bikini style top. Her hair is down with a white wolf face piece on the top of her head. She has white paint steaks on her cheeks and arms. Around her neck, she’s wearing a beautiful silver necklace, and silver cuff bracelets on her wrists and ankles.
Our eyes are locked and we’re both wearing big smiles. When she’s within a foot of me, she takes my hand and we immediately start stepping in perfect rhythm together. We dance around the ring of torches holding hands and twisting and twirling together. I spot my dad making his way to the shed with his
large hawk wings he uses at the pow wows, so I turn to face Awenasa. I take both of her hands and kiss her lips.
“You look absolutely stunning, my love. I’m going to transform for you now. Will you sing your Silver Hawk song for me?”
She smiles and nods. I release her hands and take a step back as I kneel and bow to her. She runs her fingers through my hair and starts singing in Cherokee. Our musicians slow down to match the tone of the song and I lift my head, spin a leg out to spin in a circle low to the ground. I blend my own dance styles with the traditional tribal dances as I move around the ring, in the direction of the shed. Awenasa stays within a few feet of me, following me with her beautiful voice. I try to portray my joy and transformation in my movements. I twist, leap, and do rolling flips on the ground before shooting up into a stomp series or other acrobatic trick. Awenasa follows me out of the dance ring, and our musicians also follow.
I spin around with my arms out wide, and everyone understand to clear the space. They step to the side and I quickly leap behind the shed where my dad is waiting. He helps me into the wings and I nod up at the roof of the shed. He shakes his head, but I smile big and nod vigorously.
He takes a deep breath and whispers, “Be careful, Kayla. I don’t want to have to take you to the hospital.”
He lifts me up and everyone gasps as I flex the large wings out to my sides. I start twisting and turning on the roof, dancing around on the little bit of space I have available to me. I release hawk cries as I flex the wings and act like I’m soaring. I see my girls are close by, watching with both awe and worry. I look at Awenasa and she’s smiling and looks immensely proud and happy. Energy erupts in my chest. I release a loud hawk cry and do a back flip, causing many to gasp again.
I slowly step backwards to the back of the shed and flex the wings backwards. When I’m to the edge, I bend my knees, lift my head high, screech loudly like a hawk, and run and leap off of the roof. I flex the wings to my side and keep my body rigid and straight as I soar. People are gasping, calling out my name in panic, and saying other things, like “are you crazy?” I feel so free in this moment. I smile really big and when I’m close to the ground, I tuck my legs under myself, and take off running as my feet hit the ground. I don’t even stumble once. I actually had expected to fall over once I landed, but I land it perfectly. I run back into the dance ring and start dancing around wild and fast. Awenasa gets back to me quickly and she’s smiling so big it makes me laugh and flip backwards.
After several more minutes of dancing, Awenasa grabs me and makes me stop. She wraps her arms around me and pulls me into a kiss. I wrap my wings around her and we start to slowly spin in place while we kiss. As she releases me, I take a step back, extend my wings to my sides, and kneel and bow my head to her again. She runs her fingers through my hair and lifts my head smiling. I stand up and she helps me out of my wings. My dad comes over and we carefully place them in his arms, while he smiles and shakes his head.
“You never cease to amaze me. That was a great dance. I think you gave the others a heart attack when you leapt off the roof.”
He nods over towards my girls, who are all watching with amused smiles and holding each other’s hands. I smile and wave to them. My dad walks away and Awenasa takes my hand, entwining her fingers with mine.
“Did you know I’d be dressed as your spirit animal?” I smile and shake my head, making her smile widen. “When did you think to transform into a hawk for me?”
“Just as I entered the ring to call you out to me, it just hit me and I saw myself soaring while you sang for me.”
“I felt so connected to you as you flew off that roof. You were beautiful. Your spirit is so alive tonight. Can you feel it?”
“It’s intoxicating. I feel like I’m soaring right now. Even when I’m not embracing you, I feel like our spirits are wrapped around each other. I can feel you in here, stronger than ever before.” I touch my chest and she smiles affectionately. “You tell me that every year, but this year, your spirit is the most alive I’ve ever seen it. You have a beautiful glow around you.”
“I’m the happiest I’ve ever been.”
“Me too. Are you ready to eat?”
I nod and we turn to walk across the lawn to where my girls are standing. I notice each of them look at Awenasa and blush a little bit. Awenasa is a goddess. She’s always incredibly beautiful, but tonight, she’s transfixing.
“Kayla, you scared the hell out of us, but you both were amazing. That was really beautiful.” Awenasa smiles at Madison. “Thank you.”
We go over to the tables laden with delicious looking roasted vegetables, corn on the cob, corn bread, candied spiced apple slices, roasted chicken, beef, and pork, bean soup, and jugs of fresh apple cider. We fill our plates and Awenasa leads us to a large blanket near the dance ring, close to the firepit. Awenasa and I sit next to each other in the center of the blanket and my girls sit down next to us.
There are several young kids playing in the circle, dancing and laughing. The kids get close to the edge of the circle and panic suddenly leaps in my chest. I react before it happens, but I don’t know how. I leap up and fly the twenty or so yards, just in time to throw myself over one of my four-year old cousins before a torch lands on her. I feel the flame hot on my back and it burns really bad, making me scream out in pain. I see the flame over my shoulder, as my bra catches fire. I wrap my arms around Shiloh and roll onto my back to put the fire out. I groan and wince in pain as searing heat seeps inside my shoulder. I release Shiloh and quickly look to see if the torch is out. There’s a small burning oil fire in the grass. I quickly pull the torch away from the spilled lamp oil and press the wick into the ground.
Awenasa reaches me first, but my mom, girls, and Sara rush over to my side. Awenasa kneels down next to me and pushes my hair aside to look at my shoulder.
“Lena, we need to treat this right away.”
My mom nods and they pull me up to stand. Shiloh looks up at me with tears in her eyes, so I stop and kneel back down in front of her smiling.
“Are you ok, little one?” She smiles and nods. “Good. Don’t get so close to the torches. Ok?” She nods and wraps her arms around me. I kiss her head and she looks up at me with a big smile. “Wolf, ok?”
“Yes, I’m ok, little one. Will you save me a dance?” She giggles and nods vigorously. I let her go and ruffle her hair, making her giggle again. “Go on, I’ll find you soon.”
I stand up smiling and watch her run off laughing with the other children. I laugh and turn to follow Awenasa, my mom, and my girls. They’re all watching me with affectionate smiles. Awenasa slips her hand in mine and tugs me forward.
“You truly have wings tonight, my love.” I smile and kiss her hand. “One caught fire. How bad is it? It burns like hell.” She frowns and nods. “It looks painful.”
When we get in the house, my mom immediately starts pulling out drawers from her apothecary cabinet and setting the herbs out on the counter. She gets a kettle boiling on the stove and washes her hands really well. I pull my hair up in a ponytail, making me wince and groan some from my burned skin pinching and stretching. My mom comes over with a pair of scissors.
“I have to get this bra off you quickly, so bits of the charred fabric don’t get in your burn.” I nod and start to sit down at the dining room table, but she shakes her head. “Come lay down in my room. You’ll need to lay for a bit with a poultice on your back.”
We follow my mom to her room and she carefully starts to cut the bra off of me. I wince and gasp as it tugs at my flesh and ignites heat in my shoulder.
“Oh, shit, that hurts!”
“Sorry, my sweet girl. The elastic in the strap melted into the burn. Someone stand in front of her in case she falls from the pain.” Awenasa steps forward and lays my head on her shoulder and grabs my hips. “Kayla, this is going to hurt. I need to get this out of your seared skin.” I take a deep breath and grip Awenasa’s hips. “Go.”
My mom starts to slow
ly tug at little bits on my shoulder, causing me to cry out and slightly shake as the pain radiates searing heat deep into my flesh and bones. I hear my mom gasp, and I look over my shoulder at her.
“What? Is it really bad?” She smiles and looks at Awenasa. “You have to see this.”
Awenasa releases me and moves behind me. Her hand gently strokes my back around my burn.
“You have a second totem now, my love.” Awenasa is smiling really big. “What do you mean?”
“Does anyone have their phone on them?”
Shannon pulls her cellphone out of her back pocket and hands it to her. Awenasa takes a picture of my shoulder and holds the phone out for me to see. I gasp and take the phone. The burn is an almost perfect shape of a hawk in flight. It’s violent red with splotches of white and a few specks of black.
“Wow. Wait, can we make this permanent?” My mom smiles. “Yes, but it will be extremely painful. It also may not heal the way you want. It would be better to allow it to heal and then get an ink tattoo instead of attempting a scarification tattoo.”
I look at the phone again and then look at Awenasa and my girls. I shrug my shoulder and hand the phone back to Shannon.
“Keep that picture for me, baby. I’ll need that later.” Shannon smiles and slips the phone in her pocket. “Ok, sweetie.” My mom turns to Shannon. “Will you clean the burn while I make the poultice?”
“Yes, of course.” My mom smiles and goes to her bathroom. She comes back with her medical kit and sets it down on the bed. “Lay down, Kayla.”
I lay down on my stomach so my burned right shoulder is at the edge of the bed. Shannon goes to the bathroom and washes her hands and then comes to sit down next to me. Awenasa, Sam, and Madison sit down on my other side and I turn my head to face them. Awenasa takes her wolf headpiece off and sets it on my parent’s side table and also removes her necklace and cuff bracelets from her wrists and ankles.
“Sweetie, I’m about to start. This is probably going to hurt, a lot.” I tense my jaw and wrap my arms around my mom’s pillow that I’m lying on. “Ok, I’m ready.”
