by Amy DeMeritt
“I love you and I can’t tell you how happy I am right now. Thank you for getting to know my babies and helping them to see their greatest qualities. I love watching you do your priestess magic like that. It’s amazing. You’ve always been so insightful and just seem to know things that no one else does. It’s like you’re tapped into the energy that flows between all of us and you read the truths and lies that flow within the invisible currents. I love that.”
“I love you too and you are able to do the same thing. Its why you are so good at resolving conflicts and helping people work through their problems. You see things unspoken and bring it to light.”
“Teach me something.” She laughs and kisses my lips. “What do you want me to teach you?”
“Something about life.”
“That’s going to be kind of hard with you laying on me.” I smile and kiss her lips. “Whys that?” She caresses my cheek and looks at my lips and then back in my eyes. “Because, you’re making it very hard to think right now.”
“Kayla, your brother and the other kids are slowly making their way over here. They look like they’re going to try to tackle you again.” I look behind myself and see Joey and about six other kids creeping over with big grins on their faces. I smile and bend down to kiss Awenasa. “The wolf pups are stealing me from you. Will you look after my girls?” She laughs and kisses my lips. “Ok, puppy. Go run wild.”
Chapter Three
After running wild with the kids for almost an hour, I’m worn out and gasping for air as I stumble back over to the shade of the tree where all of my beautiful girls are sitting around talking. I noticed my dad go over to get the big basket of corn a while ago, so he could start grilling it. So, they’ve just been sitting talking and watching me play with the kids. Knowing they were watching fueled my energy and made me wilder. I love when they watch me with love and approval like that. It makes me feel so alive.
I land in a heap in the center of them, panting for air and each of them look down at me with affectionate smiles. My head is closest to Awenasa and she bends down to kiss my lips and gently caresses my forehead and cheek.
“You’re all sweaty, puppy. Did you have fun with the kids?” I laugh in between panting breaths. “Yes, but they wore me out. I feel like I just finished one of my intense workouts. I need a shower now.”
“You can get one later. We should go see if there’s anything else we can help with for tonight.”
“Ok, babe. I need some water anyway.” Awenasa’s smile widens when I call her babe and she bends down to kiss my lips for a few moments. “Come on, puppy.”
It feels good laying on the cool ground under the shade of the tree, but I get up and follow them inside. I take Awenasa’s hand and Shannon is closest to me on my other side, so I take hers as well. She glances over at me with a surprised smile that makes me laugh a little. I lean over and give her a kiss on the lips and she blushes. They are so adorable with how shy they are around Awenasa.
When we walk through the back door, my senses are overwhelmed with amazing smells of food cooking, very loud talking and laughing from the many people in the house, and the air-conditioned air sends a chill through my hot sweaty body. I shiver and Awenasa smiles and wraps an arm around my waist, pulling me closer to her. I’m instantly on fire again as our skin touches.
My mom spots us first and smiles really big. Awenasa’s aunts follow her gaze, and squeal as they come pushing through the masses in the kitchen to get to us. Awenasa has two aunts, Alani is of average build and height, and Dalia is a thicker woman with very large breasts. As they rip me out of the circle of my girls to pull me into a hug, my face is shoved into those very large breasts. They rock me back and forth while they say something fast and excited in Cherokee, but I really don’t understand what they’re saying. Awenasa does and I can hear her laughing a little behind me. After a minute of not being able to breathe, they release me enough to look at my face and they kiss me all over my face, making everyone laugh again.
“You two are embarrassing.”
They laugh hard and kiss me hard on the cheeks again before releasing me. Dalia wraps an arm around my shoulders and turns to look at my girls.
“Introduce us to your family.” I smile at all of my girls and they just smile back, looking a little shy and awkward. I start to introduce Sam, but Dalia pats my cheek and makes a “tisk-tisk” sound. “We met Sam last year. I’m not that old that I forgot her already.”
I smile and laugh a little, before I introduce Madison and Shannon. Dalia looks at Awenasa and starts to say something in Cherokee, but I wave my hands between them.
“Whoa, hold up. That’s not fair. You know I’m not fluent and I have no idea what you’re saying.” Awenasa laughs a little and Dalia giggles and pats my stomach. “I was telling her you are a very hungry wolf with a big appetite for beauty.”
My jaw falls open and I blush bright red, making Dalia laugh hard. Awenasa steps forward and tugs on my hand, pulling me free from her aunt and wraps her arms around me, kissing me softly on my lips.
“I’d say, you have a strong appetite for love.” I smile really big and kiss her lips again. “I love you.”
“I love you too, puppy.”
She slowly lowers her arms from around my neck and takes my hand to face everyone.
“What can we help with?” My mom smiles at Awenasa and starts to walk out from behind the counter. “You girls can make the corn bread. I need to bring the meats out to Kent to put on the fire pit.”
We walk behind the counter to take my mom’s place where she already has bowls, measuring spoons and cups, and ingredients to make the cornbread. Awenasa and Shannon step up to the counter to get to work, and Awenasa smiles at her as she grabs the cornmeal and Shannon grabs the baking powder.
“How many cups are you going to measure?”
“Six cups total. We’ll do four of cornmeal and two of white flour.”
Shannon nods and starts measuring out the number of teaspoons of baking powder needed. Awenasa looks over her shoulder at me and laughs a little.
“Are you just going to stand there and watch?”
“Till you put me to work.”
She smiles affectionately and turns with milk and honey in her hands to give to Sam.
“This is what Kayla calls you, right?” Sam looks at them confused for a moment and then laughs and blushes. “Yes, how much do you need?”
Awenasa smiles and tells her how much she needs of each. As Sam turns to measure them, her eyes catch mine. She looks so happy that I want to wrap my arms around her, but Awenasa is holding out a carton of eggs and a box of butter for me to take.
“Get cracking these, puppy. I need two sticks of butter melted as well.”
I smile and kiss her lips as I turn to do the job she gave me. Madison takes the butter from me to melt in the microwave while I work on cracking eggs. After each of us finishes the jobs we were given, we place everything by Awenasa and watch her mix everything.
Someone comes over to get something out of a cabinet behind me, so I move closer to Awenasa to get out of the way, and end up pretty much pressed against her back. I smile and wrap my arms around her waist while I lean my head on her shoulder so I can watch her stir the cornbread batter. She dips a finger in the batter and looks over her shoulder at me, offering me her finger.
“Does it need anything?” I smile and suck her finger clean. “More honey.”
I look over my shoulder and Sam hands me the jar of honey. I open the jar and start to pour the honey into the batter with my arms around Awenasa. She laughs and grabs my hand to stop pouring.
“Ok, puppy, let’s try that. We can always add if we need to, but we can’t take away once it’s in there.”
She wipes the rim of the jar with her thumb so it won’t drip down the side and I take her hand to suck the honey off. She looks over her shoulder at me smiling before turning back to stir the batter. It has thickened up more as its sat, so she has to work it a bit
more than before. I grab onto the long wooden spoon and the side of the bowl and help her stir the batter. After the honey is mixed in, she dips a fresh finger in the batter and offers me to taste again.
“That’s perfect.”
“Ok. Get me a skillet to put this in.”
I grab three heavy cast iron skillets out of a cabinet, and after we butter them, I help Awenasa pour the thick batter into one of them.
We work together to make two more batches. Well, they work while I just hold onto my wife, but none of them seem to be bothered by it. After we have the skillets filled, Awenasa starts filling the large bowl with all of the dirty bowls and measuring utensils, which I take from her to wash them.
After I have the dishes washed, my mom comes back over and hands me a heavy basket of small apples. My jaw drops, and she releases a small laugh.
“Are we seriously making this many spiced apples? This is going to take forever.”
“No, but I do need you to peel and slice all of them. Let me give you a bowl and some lemons so they won’t brown while you work.”
She adds a giant plastic bowl that you could easily wash a toddler in, a bag of lemons, and several vegetable peelers and apple coring slicers to my already heavy basket. She pats my head and smiles.
“Ok, have fun. You can go back outside to work since its tight in here.”
“Come on, babies, we’re being kicked out to slave under the heat of the sun.” My mom laughs and pushes on my shoulder, pushing me out of her kitchen. “You love the sun. You’ll be fine.”
“Yes, I love the sun, but Sam’s fair skin shouldn’t be in the sun that long. She’ll burn.” Sam smiles and loops an arm in mine. “Come on, baby, stop harassing your mother. We’ll sit under the tree.”
“Oh, here, you’ll need these too.”
My mom grabs a wooden cutting board and a plastic bag and hands them to Sam. I follow my girls back outside and we reclaim our spot under the tree in the shade. After Awenasa fills the bowl with water from the outside faucet, I pull the lemons out to cut, but my mom didn’t give us a knife.
Awenasa smiles and takes the bag from me. She takes the cutting board and puts the board on its side. With the lemon in her palm, she presses the lemon into the edge of the cutting board and rolls her hand forward, cutting into the lemon halfway before she pulls it back and rips it in half. She squeezes both halves into the bowl of water and drops the halves in the water.
“That was hot.” Awenasa looks at me and laughs hard with blushing cheeks. “Cutting lemons turns you on, puppy?”
I smile really big and her cheeks blush deeper. She playfully pushes my face to make me stop looking at her and she grabs another lemon, shaking her head in amusement.
While we work on peeling and cutting the apples, we talk about our plans to find a lawyer to figure out what we need to do so I can teach dance classes and one-on-one sessions. Sam tells the embarrassing story from yesterday with Trudy at the electronics store and Awenasa smiles through the entire story. I hadn’t told her about it yet because we didn’t have much time to talk last night.
Awenasa has been in full support of the idea’s we’ve been coming up with to make dancing a bigger part of our lives and she loves the idea of me teaching dance.
Sara suddenly plops down between Sam and I, shoving me and making me have to move over closer to Awenasa. She looks between us and grins really big.
“How’s it going?” She takes the apple from my hand that I just finished peeling and bites into it, making my girls laugh. “You couldn’t just take an apple from the basket?”
“I don’t like the peels. I have good news.”
“What, you’re going to take over peeling this giant basket of apples?” She smiles and shakes her head. “Nope. We secured another gig in California. It’s a week before the work for the music video starts, well about ten days actually. It’s another music video. She’s with a smaller label, but she’s very popular, so it’s good exposure, and the pay is very good.”
“So, we’ll be in California for about a month?” She smiles and nods, looking around at all of my girls. I nervously rub the back of my neck and pull my knees up, wrapping my arms around them. “That’s a long time.”
I look at each of my girls and all of them have small smiles on their faces, but I can see the sadness in their eyes. I haven’t had to be away from them for more than a couple days here and there, except for Sam before she transferred to our school and moved in with us. It will be amazing to have an entire month with just Awenasa, but I’ll miss my other girls like crazy.
“It is, but you’ll be so busy that the time will just fly by. Remember those credentials you thought you needed to be a dancer? These are the ones that matter. If you want to hop from school to school teaching choreography classes, you need industry-cred, and this gig will help you get that. The pay is really good and we’ll be able to start working out choreography before we get there. The artist will have the final say on the dance and may completely change what we come up with, but it could be a pretty simple gig if she likes what we come up with.”
“Who is it?”
“Giz Anderson.” I smile really big. “Seriously? I really like her. I love her style.”
“Does that mean you’re in?”
“What’s the pay like?” Sara laughs and shoves my shoulder. “You get major industry-cred and get to meet an artist you really like and you’re worried about how much money you’ll get out of it?”
“Well, yeah. If I have to be away from my girls for an extra ten-days, then it needs to be worth it and I have to be able to bring home some bacon.” Sara laughs and takes the last bite of her apple before tossing the core in the trash bag. “Once everyone receives their cut, it will be a couple grand. The label is also paying for our travel and some of our expenses while we’re there. Between the two music-video’s, you’re going to bring home over five-G’s to your girls, so you need to do this.”
I look up at my girls and ask them with my eyes if they’re ok with this and they nod. Shannon is first to speak.
“We’ll talk everyday and you can video chat with us when you have time. I think you should do this.”
I take a deep breath and look down at the basket of apples in front of me. I guess this is probably going to be a big reality of our relationships – having to talk on video chat and not seeing each other for possibly long periods of time. If Madison pursues singing like she had originally planned, it could be even more gaps in having all of us together. Emotion wells up in my chest and my jaw tenses as I try to swallow it back down so I don’t start crying in front of everyone. I stand up and nod once.
“OK, I’m in.”
I turn and start to walk away.
“Kayla?” They call after me, but I just wave a hand behind me and keep walking towards the woods. “Kayla, what are you doing?”
It’s Sara’s voice, but I don’t answer her and just keep walking. I walk about fifty-yards into the woods and stop.
“It’s always going to be like this, isn’t it? I’m always going to have to sacrifice time with someone.”
I turn around and face Awenasa. I couldn’t hear her following me, but I sensed her presence. She steps closer and takes my hands.
“We always have to sacrifice time with people to meet obligations and follow our dreams. How much time we sacrifice isn’t always in our control and sometimes it is. What path is your heart calling you on?” I shake my head and look down. “I don’t know.” She lifts my chin and smiles. “You do know. Come here.”
She pulls me to sit on the ground facing each other. She takes my hands and places them against the ground, making my skin prickle from the rough dirt and dried leaves.
“Close your eyes.” I obey and she releases my hands and places one of her hands on my heart and the other on the top of my head. “Clear your mind; think of nothing but the energy flowing beneath and around you. Feel the earth.” I try to clear my mind and focus on the feeling of the ground agai
nst my hands and listen to the sounds of the woods around us. “Take a deep breath, as deep as you can, and hold it. Good. Now, imagine all of your doubts and worries floating in that giant ball of air in your lungs. Let every concern drop from your mind, into your lungs. Now, exhale completely.”
I release the full breath and suddenly feel light headed and slightly dizzy.
“Slowly take another deep breath and imagine the answers you need are hanging on the tendrils of air you are sucking into your lungs. As the air fills your lungs and enters your bloodstream, the answers race to your mind. Now, what does your heart want?”
“I want all of us to have a big family with children and I want to dance. I want us to be entrepreneurs, following all of our dreams. I don’t want any of us to feel limited or restricted.”
I open my eyes and smile. Awenasa smiles and gently takes my face in her hands and kisses my lips.
“Kayla, I know very well how hard it is to go long periods of time without seeing the person you want to see every second of every day. It causes you to doubt yourself and your decisions. Life does not give us the luxury of lounging around with the ones we love without a care for anything else. We have responsibilities to ourselves and others that have to be taken care of. Only when we find balance in them can we truly be happy. I would have loved being with you sooner, but I would have had so many regrets if I had abandoned the obligations and responsibilities I had to our people and my family on the reservation. Because I stayed grounded to what I had to do, I can get on that plane with you in a week and go home with you without any regrets and nothing weighing on me.”
“See, I knew I needed a life lesson from you today.” She smiles and laughs a little. “I love how wise you are.” She gently caresses my cheek and kisses my lips. “You may be a silly puppy who loves her games, but you are very wise too. You just hide from your own emotions too much. When it comes to anyone else, you always know what to do or say. You need to give yourself better care in those regards, my love.”
