Hard Choices

by Hillary Rodham Clinton

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  After wrapping up our day in Burma, President Obama and I boarded Air Force One for the flight to Cambodia, where we would attend the East Asia Summit and ASEAN Leaders Meeting. It would be another crucial test for our pivot strategy. At the same time, the conflict in Gaza between Israel and Hamas was boiling over, and we had to decide whether I would break off from the trip to fly there to try to broker a cease-fire. With so much to talk about, the President asked me to join him in his office at the front of Air Force One.

  I sat in front of his large wooden desk as we discussed the delicate diplomacy ahead. Despite all that was going on, we started reminiscing. These four years had changed us in ways neither of us could have predicted. We had seen and done things together that helped us better understand ourselves, each other, and the world as we never could have before.

  But even with all of our time together I didn’t see coming what happened next. “Would you consider staying on as Secretary of State?” the President asked.

  Ever since I had accepted the job, I had told myself, “One term, that’s it,” and had often said so publicly as well. As much as I loved being Secretary of State, I was looking forward to leaving public life and spending more time with my family, reconnecting with friends, and doing the everyday things I missed. It would be nice to stay in one time zone, without having to add or subtract five, ten, fourteen hours wherever I happened to wake up.

  But just like four years before, I felt the tug of my “service gene,” that voice telling me there is no higher calling or more noble purpose than serving your country. When the President of the United States asks you to step up to the plate, how can you say no? And there was so much unfinished business. The summit in Cambodia and the conflict in Gaza were just two examples. What would happen to democracy in Burma? Or our secret negotiations with Iran? How would we counter the growing challenge from Putin in Russia?

  But diplomacy is a relay race, and I was nearing the end of my leg. “I’m sorry, Mr. President,” I said. “But I can’t.”

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  A few months later we said our good-byes. I had lunch with President Obama in his private dining room off the Oval Office. Over fish tacos we discussed a twenty-page memo I had prepared with recommendations for his second term, both building on what we had started and new initiatives. On the way out we paused in the Oval Office. Tearing up, I hugged the President and told him again how much our work and friendship meant to me. And that I’d be on call if he ever needed me.

  On February 1, 2013, my final day in Foggy Bottom, I sat down at the desk in the small cherry-paneled inner office for the last time and wrote John Kerry a letter. I left it in the same place I had found Condi’s note to me four years before that. Then I signed my letter of resignation to the President. For the first time in twenty years, after serving as First Lady, Senator, and Secretary of State, I no longer had any role in government.

  My final act was to go down to the lobby—where I had been greeted on my first day back in 2009—to say good-bye to the men and women of the State Department and USAID. Thanking them seemed inadequate for all their dedicated service, but I did my best. Once again I saw the marble walls with the etched names of the colleagues we had lost, those who had fallen serving our country. I said a quiet prayer for them and their families. Filling the large lobby were so many people I had come to love and respect. I was glad they would continue serving the United States with intelligence, persistence, and courage.

  In the coming years, Americans will have to decide whether we are prepared to learn from and call on the lessons of our history and rise once more to defend our values and interests. This is not a summons to confrontation or to a new Cold War—we’ve learned painfully that force should be our last resort, never our first. Instead, it’s an appeal to stand firmly and united in pursuit of a more just, free, and peaceful world. Only Americans can decide this.

  In the end, our strength abroad depends on our resolve and resilience at home. Citizens and leaders alike have choices to make about the country we want to live in and leave to the next generation. Middle-class incomes have been declining for more than a decade, and poverty has increased as almost all the benefits of growth have gone to those at the very top. We need more good jobs that reward hard work with rising wages, dignity, and a ladder to a better life. Investments to build a truly 21st-century economy with more opportunity and less inequality. An end to the political dysfunction in Washington that holds back our progress and demeans our democracy. That means more of our neighbors and fellow citizens must be empowered to participate fully in both our economy and our democracy. That is the only way to restore the American Dream and ensure our long-term prosperity and continued global leadership.

  It won’t be easy to do that in our current political atmosphere. But to quote from one of my favorite movies, A League of Their Own: “It’s supposed to be hard. . . . The hard is what makes it great.” Doing what’s hard will continue to make our country great.

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  I wrote this book over the course of 2013 and early 2014, mostly from a cozy, sun-drenched third-floor study in our home in Chappaqua, New York. There’s a thick carpet and a comfortable chair, and I can look out through the windows into the treetops. I finally had time to read, catch up on sleep, go on long walks with my husband and our dogs, see more of my family, and think about the future.

  In early 2014, Bill and I got some wonderful news that we’d been eagerly waiting to hear: we were going to be grandparents. We were both beyond happy for Chelsea and Marc and unabashedly giddy at the prospect. When Chelsea was born, I was full of nerves—despite all the books I had read and my work at Yale’s Child Study Center, I was unprepared for the sheer miracle and responsibility of parenthood. I prayed that I would be a good enough mother and I quickly came to feel that having a child is like letting “your heart go walking around outside your body,” as the writer Elizabeth Stone put it. It was wonderful and terrifying all at the same time. All these years later, as I look forward to a grandchild, there is nothing but excitement and anticipation. And I recall what Margaret Mead said, that children keep our imaginations fresh and our hearts young, and drive us to work for a better future.

  Now, more than ever, the future is very much on my mind. Over the past year, as I’ve traveled around our country once again, the one question I’m asked more than any other is: Will I run for President in 2016?

  The answer is, I haven’t decided yet.

  But whenever someone brings it up, I’m honored by the energy and enthusiasm of those encouraging me to run, and even more by their belief that I can provide the leadership our country needs.

  Right now I believe we should be focused on the work to be done in our country that can’t wait until 2016. Many of our fellow Americans who were hit hard by the Great Recession haven’t recovered. Too many young people are burdened with bigger student debt and smaller job prospects. There’s also an important election in 2014 that will decide control of Congress and have real consequences for our economy and our future. It’s not one we can afford to look past or sit out.

  Recently, Bill and I took another of our long walks, this time with our three dogs, near our home. It had been an unseasonably long winter, but spring was finally peeking through the thaw. We walked and talked, continuing a conversation that began more than forty years ago at Yale Law School and hasn’t stopped yet.

  We both know I have a big decision in front of me.

  Having run for President before, I understand exactly how challenging it is on every front—not only on candidates but on their families as well. And having lost in 2008, I know that nothing is guaranteed, nothing can be taken for granted. I also know that the most important questions anyone considering running must answer are not “Do you want to be President?” or “Can you win?” They are “What’s your vision for America?” and “Can you lead us there?” The challenge is to lead
in a way that unites us again and renews the American Dream. That’s the bar, and it’s a high one.

  Ultimately, what happens in 2016 should be about what kind of future Americans want for themselves and their children—and grandchildren. I hope we choose inclusive politics and a common purpose to unleash the creativity, potential, and opportunity that makes America exceptional. That’s what all Americans deserve.

  Whatever I decide, I will always be thankful for the chance to represent America around the world. I have learned anew the goodness of our people and the greatness of our nation. I feel blessed and grateful. Our future is so full of possibility. And for me and my family that includes looking forward to a new addition—another American who deserves the best possible future we can offer.

  But for this day, at least, I just wanted to stretch my legs and enjoy the spring. Everywhere around me there was new life. There have been too few quiet moments like this over the years. And I want to savor them. The time for another hard choice will come soon enough.

  PHOTOGRAPHS

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  1. Surrounded by friends and supporters in the National Building Museum in Washington, D.C., I end my Presidential campaign on June 7, 2008, and endorse Barack Obama after putting “18 million cracks” in the “highest, hardest glass ceiling.”

  2. After a long night of writing and rewriting, Bill and I make final changes to my farewell speech before leaving our home in Washington on June 7, 2008.

  3. Despite the hard-fought campaign, Barack and I talk easily on the bus on the way to our first joint event in June 2008 in Unity, New Hampshire, a town chosen not only for its name but also because we received exactly the same number of votes there in the primary.

  4. The rally in Unity was designed to send an unmistakable message that the primary was behind us, and we were now one team.

  5. On December 1, 2008, in Chicago, President-elect Obama announces me as his choice to serve as the sixty-seventh Secretary of State, along with the rest of his national security team. Behind us are: National Security Advisor–designate retired Marine General James Jones, Vice President-elect Joe Biden, Defense Secretary Robert Gates, Homeland Security Secretary–designate Janet Napolitano, and Attorney General–designate Eric Holder.

  6. Vice President Biden administers my ceremonial oath of office at the State Department on February 2, 2009, while Bill, Chelsea, and my mom, Dorothy, help hold the Bible. I was officially sworn in a few weeks earlier in my Senate office immediately after the confirmation vote so I could get right to work.

  7. Walking through the lobby of the State Department for the first time as Secretary on January 22, 2009, I was overwhelmed and humbled by the enthusiastic welcome.

  8. Vice President Biden’s warmth and humor would be very welcome during our long hours in the White House Situation Room. We also tried to meet for breakfast every week at the Naval Observatory, his official residence.

  9. I was honored to serve in President Obama’s Cabinet, pictured here with President Obama and Vice President Biden in the Grand Foyer of the White House on July 26, 2012. Seated, from left, are: Transportation Secretary Ray LaHood, Acting Commerce Secretary Rebecca Blank, U.S. Permanent Representative to the United Nations Susan Rice, and Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack. Standing in the second row, from left, are: Education Secretary Arne Duncan, Attorney General Eric H. Holder Jr., Labor Secretary Hilda L. Solis, Treasury Secretary Timothy F. Geithner, Chief of Staff Jack Lew (who previously served as my Deputy Secretary of State), me, Defense Secretary Leon Panetta, Veterans Affairs Secretary Eric K. Shinseki, Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano, and U.S. Trade Representative Ron Kirk. Standing in the third row, from left, are: Housing and Urban Development Secretary Shaun Donovan, Energy Secretary Steven Chu, Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius, Interior Secretary Ken Salazar, Environmental Protection Agency Administrator Lisa P. Jackson, Office of Management and Budget Acting Director Jeffrey D. Zients, Council of Economic Advisers Chair Alan Krueger, and Small Business Administration Administrator Karen G. Mills.

  10. With some of my extraordinary State Department colleagues. My team was made up of Foreign Service officers, career civil servants, and advisors.

  11. First Lady Michelle Obama and I bonded over our shared experiences as First Ladies—some of them humorous.

  12. On my first full day on the job, President Obama and Vice President Biden visit the State Department to announce Richard Holbrooke (left) as Special Representative for Afghanistan and Pakistan and Senator George Mitchell (right) as Special Envoy for Middle East Peace.

  13. Grabbing a quick lunch at the State Department cafeteria. I tried to eat regular meals but it was often a challenge, particularly on the road.

  14. My senior advisors, from left to right, Jake Sullivan, Philippe Reines, and Huma Abedin in our home away from home, a special blue and white U.S. Air Force 757. Over four years we spent a total of eighty-seven full days in the air!

  15. One fine day in April 2009 President Obama suggested we finish a meeting at the picnic table outside the Oval Office on the South Lawn. We tried to meet at least once every week. I surprisingly was at the White House more than seven hundred times during my four years as Secretary.

  16. I step off the plane for the first time as Secretary of State in Tokyo, Japan, on February 16, 2009. I broke with tradition to make my first trip to Asia, signifying our “pivot” to the region.

  17. I loved reconnecting with Japanese Empress Michiko, who was delighted that I had decided to make Japan my first stop as Secretary.

  18. I visit with an adorable group of students from the school President Obama attended as a child in Jakarta, Indonesia, in February 2009. Indonesia is an emerging regional power and home of the Association of Southeast Asian Nations (ASEAN), an important partner in our engagement in Asia.

  19. In August 2009, Bill secured the release of two detained American journalists working for Current TV, Laura Ling (center) and Euna Lee (right), after negotiating with North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il. Their return to the United States was an emotional moment. Standing with Bill are Current TV founders Joel Hyatt and Former Vice President Al Gore.

  20. Secretary of Defense Bob Gates and I peer through binoculars into isolated North Korea at a guard post in the demilitarized zone (DMZ) in July 2010.

  21. A North Korean soldier stares at us through the window as Bob Gates and I tour a building in the DMZ, the most fortified border in the world.

  22. Watching traditional Indian dancers at the Kalakshetra Foundation in Chennai, India, in July 2011 reminded me of the country’s rich history and culture.

  23. Chinese State Councilor Dai Bingguo and I meet for the first time in February 2009 in Beijing. He once showed me a picture of his granddaughter, remarking, “This is what we’re in it for.”

  24. Chinese Foreign Minister Yang Jiechi visits me at the State Department in March 2009. The rise of China is one of the most consequential strategic developments of our time. This isn’t a relationship that fits neatly into categories like friend or rival, and it may never be. That is why I spent so much of my time working to create the right balance.

  25. I join President Obama and Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner with our Chinese counterparts at the U.S. Ambassador’s residence in London, where we were all attending a meeting of the G-20 in April 2009. From left to right: State Councilor Dai Bingguo, Vice Premier Wang Qishan, President Hu Jintao, President Obama, me, and Secretary Geithner.

  26. When I learned America was one of the only countries not participating in the World Expo in Shanghai, China, I put together a team to ensure that the USA Pavilion would be a success. The best part of my May 2010 visit to the Expo was talking with the young Chinese and American students.

  27. The proudest moment for the “MOTB” (Mother of the Bride): Chelsea’s wedding on July 31, 2010, in Rhinebeck, New York. Bill and I join Chelsea and her husband, Marc, along with my mom, Dorothy. It meant so much to Che
lsea to have her grandmother there as she planned the wedding and married Marc.

  28. Chinese dissident Chen Guangcheng is escorted out of the U.S. Embassy in Beijing by, from left to right, Legal Advisor Harold Koh, U.S. Ambassador to China Gary Locke, and Assistant Secretary of State for East Asian and Pacific Affairs Kurt Campbell.