One Degree of Separation

by Karin Kallmaker

  She was just turning to thank Dean for handling the matter when the man suddenly lunged at a reshelving cart near the lobby. “Hey!” Her cry was lost in the sound of the books cascading to the floor as he pulled the cart onto its face. Reaching for the next one, he swore loudly and yanked it over as well.

  Marian froze, horrified. Dean was already dialing 911. She was not stupid enough to try to stop him. Staff and patron safety were her only responsibilities.

  “Leave him alone—please get back,” Marian called to one man who looked as if he were going to interfere. “The police have been called.”

  Another cart crashed over as a stream of violent invectives flew, and Marian backed away. Okay, she was afraid. Eric was on the other side of the floor and two other staff members hovered worriedly at a distance. There was a rush of footsteps on the stairs from the upper floor, but thankfully no one came down. She could hear Dean describing the man as she took prudent cover behind the microfiche drawers.

  All the carts tipped, the man swung around to the door, looking, Marian hoped, for escape. The door opened and to her horror a woman with a stroller and two kids came in, followed by Liddy, who had held the door.

  If not for the stroller, he’d have made his way past everyone, but the stroller blocked most of the door, leaving Liddy the easiest thing to push aside. Marian was already running to help, thinking only of Liddy’s tender skin and gentle fingers, of ribs that had seemed so delicate under her hands.

  He swung at Liddy to get her out of his way, and Marian watched in shock as Liddy grabbed the swinging arm and propelled the heav-ier man into the doorjamb. The woman with the stroller yelped and grabbed at the closest of the two kids, then Marian had the other one, carrying the child away from the struggle.

  She wanted to shout at Liddy that there was no telling if this guy was armed or what. She surrendered the squealing kid to the terrified mother and swung back to Liddy just in time to see her duck out of his way as he went for the door again. To Marian’s immense relief, Liddy let him go.

  Liddy staggered, gasping for breath. “What was that about? What happened?”

  “You idiot, you didn’t have to do some bullshit he-man routine!” Marian knew she was shouting, but her adrenaline was pumping too hard not to.

  Liddy looked at her in astonishment. “I was just pushing him away from the kids!”

  “You could have been hurt!”

  “He swung at me! What was I supposed to do?”

  “Is everyone okay?” Dean still had the phone in one hand, at the limit of the cord anchoring it to the wall. “Everyone is fine, no ambulance needed,” he said into the handset. He listened intently, then hung up. “They’ve got somebody down the block they think is the guy. I’ll be right back.”

  Marian stood gaping at Liddy, then Eric’s reassuring voice carried across the floor. “It’s okay, everybody, calm down. Just a little pushing and shoving. Everything is okay.”

  Do your job, Marian thought. She likewise began reassuring patrons, but she was aware that Liddy was stock-still, watching her.

  Only when it seemed that patrons were settling back down did Marian make her way to where Liddy stood.

  “I’m sorry I shouted,” she said in a low voice. “I was frightened.”

  “Me, too,” Liddy whispered.

  “You’re okay?”

  “Yeah. It was all instinct. I just pushed him away from everybody, including me. What an asshole!”

  “He didn’t like being told he couldn’t jerk off at the library.” Male and female uniformed officers strode through the doors.

  Marian identified herself. Liddy admitted she was the person who had gotten into the shoving match.

  The woman went to question the mother with the stroller, while the man talked to Liddy. “Did you want to press charges, ma’am?” Liddy looked dumbfounded. “He just pushed me—”

  “He’s out there with a bloody nose swearing he’s going to sue you.”

  Marian said quickly, “You should protect yourself. I’m sorry this happened, so sorry.”

  “I’m from California,” Liddy said, as if it made all the difference.

  “Yes, ma’am, but I agree with Ms. Pardoo. We can’t do much about assault on books, but assault on people we can.” Liddy gave Marian a helpless look. Marian gazed back, wanting to hug her tight. Such a stupid thing. Stupid man. Stupid porn-addicted idiot of a slime bag. “I think you should.”

  “Okay,” Liddy said to the officer. “I’ll make a complaint. I mean, if that creep will do something like that with all these kids around he needs a reality check.” She shrugged.

  “Why don’t you do the interview in the staff room,” Marian suggested. She led the way, then made tea for Liddy, who looked pale.

  The officer accepted a glass of water, more to put Liddy at ease than anything else, Marian thought.

  Dean and Eric were in a huddle with the rest of the staff over the mess of books, and Marian joined them with sorting and stacking.

  “Thanks, Dean, for getting the guy out of here. It’s not your fault he lost it.”

  Dean didn’t answer, but he gave her a grateful look.

  Eric handed Marian a group of children’s books for the stack she was setting aside. “You were great. I didn’t know you could yell that loud. And you picked up that kid like he was a feather.”

  “I have been known to haul forty-pound bags of dirt, you know.” She sighed to herself. The things she had done for love. Focus, she chided herself.

  “Your friend is so butch,” Eric commented.

  Marian found a weak smile at the thought of Liddy’s pink toenails and the impressive array of moisturizers, skin peels, hair treatments and perfumes she’d glimpsed in Liddy’s bathroom—was it only two days ago? “I’ll pass that on.”

  They were just finishing with the books when Mary Jane arrived.

  Dean must have called her, Marian thought. Her slacks and shirt were impeccable, but Marian caught a faint whiff of suntan lotion.

  This was obviously not what Mary Jane had planned to do with her day.

  “Is everyone okay? What happened?” Everyone talked at once until Mary Jane shushed them. “Let’s start on the incident report, Dean. Does anyone need a doctor? Did anyone break so much as a fingernail?”

  “I don’t think so,” Dean answered. “Considering how ballistic that guy went, we were lucky.”

  “Except maybe Marian’s friend,” Eric volunteered. “He pushed her pretty hard. Course he didn’t expect to get pushed back.”

  “Who?” Mary Jane gave Marian a piercing look.

  “Liddy. She was just walking in the door as he tried to run.”

  “Oh, Gaia help us, is she okay?”

  “I’m fine,” Liddy answered for herself. Marian thought she still looked pale. “Just in the wrong place, that’s all.”

  “Thank goodness.” To Marian’s surprise, Mary Jane gave Liddy a quick hug. “Did you have some tea or something?”

  “Marian made me some.”

  Mary Jane nodded, while giving Marian a sidelong look. “Good. You’re sure you’re okay?”

  “Really. I do have a brown belt,” Liddy said with a tight smile.

  “Do you?”

  Liddy shrugged. “It’s mostly to stay in shape.” She glanced at Marian. “I don’t go around looking for places to pull off some he-man routine.”

  Ouch, Marian thought. “I am sorry about that. I may have been a bit frightened at the time.”

  “I came in to get that book. I didn’t think ...” Mary Jane steadied Liddy with one hand. “Dizzy? It’s just a reaction.”

  “I should have put sugar in the tea.” Marian worried that Liddy was going to faint, but it didn’t seem like a good idea to throw her arms around Liddy in front of everyone.

  “This is ridiculous,” Liddy muttered. “I’ve sparred.”

  “It’s different when it’s real.”

  “Marian, why don’t you go ahead and take your dinner break?”
She merely nodded at Mary Jane, and then gestured toward the door and said to Liddy, “Let’s get some fresh air and something to eat, okay? I could use that, seriously.”

  Liddy preceded her through the door and let out a surprised gasp as they stepped into the full heat of the afternoon. “Oh, I don’t think I could get used to this.”

  “This is hot,” Marian agreed. “About as bad as it gets, except for August.”

  “Food sounds good, all of a sudden. I had the pastries and went to work out. All I’ve had since is a double-shot iced mocha. And now I’m all woozy.”

  “We’ll walk slowly.”

  She led Liddy down the Ped Mall toward Atlas, where the air conditioning was strong, the service good and the food cosmopoli-tan. A Jamaican jerk chicken burrito sounded divine.

  “Does that happen a lot?”

  “Never. Almost never,” Marian assured her. “The most trouble we get usually is students under the influence in the evenings.”

  “I really wasn’t trying to muscle the guy. I take karate for self-defense, sure, but the most reliable skills are the ones that let you run away.”

  Marian realized she was shivering as if her heart were shaking. “I really am sorry about that. I hate violence. I can’t watch boxing.” She didn’t add that one of the worst moments of her life had been walking down the stairs and finding what Robyn had done by way of good-bye. She’d already been in so much pain, but that had been the corker. Oh, lovely—today’s asshole was going to give her Robyn nightmares, she could tell.

  “You’re shaking,” Liddy said suddenly. She stopped walking. “Honey ... it’s all over.”

  Her face in Liddy’s shoulder, Marian had to ask if it was the brush with violence or the soft, gentle way Liddy said “honey” that made her knees wobbly. “I know.”

  She heard something like a giggle through Liddy’s chest. “Lunch for both of us, then.”

  “You have to let go of me first.”

  “If I must.”

  They stared at each other for a moment, then Liddy gently patted Marian on her chest. “Not here. If we start I won’t stop and we’ll get heatstroke. And arrested.”

  Chagrined that so much showed in her face, Marian fought back the blush and led Liddy around the last corner to the restaurant.

  “Oh, that feels so good.” Liddy slid into the offered booth. “Oh, perfect, the vent is blowing right on me.” The server brought two tall glasses of iced water, then hurried away.

  Liddy scanned the menu. “Sushi? I would love some California roll.”

  “How do you eat raw fish?”

  “There’s nothing raw in that. But you eat raw fish by chewing and swallowing, same as with anything else.”

  “Smart ass.” Marian stuck out her tongue.

  “Put that where it counts.”

  “You wish.”

  “Yeah,” Liddy said seriously. “I do.”

  Marian sipped her water, even though her throat was abruptly too tight to swallow. “Okay, well, there were a few hours today when I wasn’t Dewey, but I am now. Thanks for keeping me dehydrated.” Liddy’s turquoise eyes deepened to blue. “All part of the service.”

  “Eric said you were so butch.”

  “Oh, my. Doesn’t he know that just because a woman is strong it doesn’t automatically make her butch?”

  “He’s not up on the finer aspects of it. He doesn’t know you think of yourself as a Wal-Mart femme.” Marian let her eyes savor the way the tank top seemed to cup Liddy’s wonderful curves.

  Liddy shrugged but didn’t comment until after they ordered. She thanked the server then said more seriously, “I’ll call myself femme, but I don’t like it from other people usually. I think what I mean and they mean are two different things.”

  “Like what?”

  “Well, what does femme mean to you?”

  Marian knew the question was a test and she chose her words with care. “To me, femme is not about lipstick and nail polish, though they might be part of the package. It’s a continuum. I think a femme is a woman whose femininity is on the surface, visible. So she might have nail polish.” Marian reached across the table and touched her unpolished nails to Liddy’s. “Or she might not. But her fingers will, to me, be unmistakably a woman’s. And when she moves there would never be a doubt in my mind that she’s a woman.” Liddy’s face was too blank for Marian to read. “You haven’t said words like ‘soft’ and ‘pretty.’”

  “I think a butch woman can be both of those things. I sometimes find the labels stifling, too. I think of myself as gently butch, but that doesn’t mean I can’t cry—well, you know that. It doesn’t mean I can’t ... want.” Damn, there was no air again.

  “I know that, too,” Liddy said softly. Her fingertips lightly trailed across the back of Marian’s hand. “I like that you can admit it.” Trying to hide that she was panting, Marian added, “And it doesn’t mean that a femme can’t change a tire, either.” Liddy’s laugh turned heads. “I hate those jokes. That’s why I don’t like being called femme, if you must know. The helpless femme jokes. They are to me no better than dumb blonde jokes.” Marian was glad Liddy moved her hand away. Her nipples were hard and she was sure it would show through the overshirt. Okay, she thought, my definition of butch means I don’t like just anyone to know my nipples are hard. She glanced at Liddy. Though, she acknowledged, it looked so lovely on a woman with Liddy’s endow-ments. “I don’t care for the portrayal of butches as intimidating, angry or brooding. And sometimes emotionally stunted, or intellectually devoid. Just in the room to fuck the femme, you know?” Liddy nodded, but she was still smiling. “I know.” She shrugged.

  “I read those erotic anthologies—who doesn’t? But I don’t see myself there very often. I don’t secretly pine for five butch women to work me over. As if I’m not really a femme until I’ve had that.” Liddy abruptly went red. Marian was delighted she knew somebody who could blush as hard as she did, though Liddy did it much less often. “What?”

  “Well ...” She sipped her water. “It’s not like I haven’t had that fantasy, to be honest.”

  Marian successfully fought back a smile. “Fantasy is safe and often not about reality.”

  “And mine ends with doing the housework.” Liddy rolled her eyes.

  “Huh?”

  “No kidding—there was this one story where the play was very top and bottom, about master and a new slave and that was okay. It worked.” Liddy glanced up from her plate as if to make sure the subject was okay with Marian. She smiled slightly, and continued, “But after the scene, the slave couldn’t wait to show her true devotion by doing the dishes. Swear to freakin’ god, I am not that kind of lesbian, thank you.”

  Marian said, before she could stop herself, “I don’t want you to be that kind of lesbian.”

  Liddy gasped and didn’t answer for a moment. Then, leaning forward, her voice very low, she asked, “What kind do you want me to be?”

  Marian badly wanted to say, “I want you to be the kind who likes me the way I am, and I’ll like you the way you are and we can just be happy forever, is that too much to ask? Oh, yeah, and don’t already be married, okay?” Luckily, she was spared the need to answer by the arrival of their food.

  “Try a piece—there’s nothing not to like.” Liddy proffered her plate of sushi rolls.

  It’s a rite of passage, Marian told herself. “I’m a landlubber, that’s all.”

  “It’s all cooked, nothing raw.”

  Seaweed, she thought, but she picked up a piece, deliberately smiled, and bit into it. Okay, I’m not gagging, was her first reaction, then she tasted the sweet and savory blend of flavors. Well, okay. “It’s good. I like the hot stuff. Wasabi?”

  “Yeah.” Liddy’s smile was pleased. “I grew up on stuff like this. My mom and dad are big health nuts.”

  Oh dear, Marian thought. Liddy hadn’t had any of the sausages at breakfast yesterday. “Are you a vegetarian?”

  “For the most part. I know al
l too well what red meat does to my body. Beef puts me to sleep, too.”

  Marian had been known to like a good steak. Frequently. Okay, so we’re not a match made in heaven. This was good to know. She took a satisfying bite of her spinach and spicy chicken wrap. After swallowing she asked, “How do you feel about cats and dogs?”

  “I don’t think people should eat them either.” Marian snickered. “Sorry, I meant as pets.”

  “Oh.” Liddy grinned. “You had me worried there for a moment. I like them as pets.”

  “Did you leave any at home when you hit the road?”

  “My folks have always had cats, but I’ve yet to adopt any of my own.”

  Okay, Marian thought. That ruled out allergies. While they ate in silence for a few minutes, Marian wondered why she was asking Liddy all these questions when they weren’t ... going to do anything. Inner Slut answered that she was trying to get laid. Inner Prude objected, and Marian realized Liddy was looking at her with some concern.

  “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah.” She grinned. “Sometimes it gets a little noisy in my head.”

  “Well, after that scene in the library, I guess that’s understandable.”

  “It’s got nothing to do with that,” Marian said honestly. “I want you to be the kind of lesbian you want to be. What makes you happy.”

  “I will say one of the drawbacks of Berkeley is that everyone has a really strong opinion about how to be a lesbian.” Liddy finished the last piece of her sushi roll and wiped her fingers. Marian watched in a daze as those fingers then trailed lightly along the inside of Liddy’s tank top. “I’m finding it really hard to ignore what I’m thinking will make me happy.” Marian didn’t even have time to wonder what had happened to the oxygen in the room before Liddy added in her low, intense voice, “And that’s being in your bed tonight.” Marian’s head pounded in rhythm with the unending throb between her legs. Had she really been this eager, this ready, with Robyn?

  “I’m sorry,” Liddy said. “That was a little bald, wasn’t it?”