One Degree of Separation

by Karin Kallmaker

  “Terry was always clear about being nonmonogamous—”

  “I know that, but I don’t think for a minute Jersey really believed Terry would step out on her. Until Terry went and fucked my girlfriend behind my back.”

  “Your ex-girlfriend, you mean.”

  “I don’t care! They had some fantastic weekend and Terry got all hot for change and last night she takes Sandy out. Sandy gets back and they’re moving in together. They’re thinking about buying Amy and Hemma’s house!”

  “Oh, that is twisted.” Marian sat down suddenly. “The dance card will never keep up with this kind of thing.”

  “Now what do I do? I really loved Sandy—”

  “You did not and you know it. You’re scared because she’s leaving your life more visibly, that’s all.”

  Ellie blinked with hurt. “Thanks. That’s so supportive.”

  “Life is too short, Ellie. Too short to walk around thinking you’ll never get what you want because somebody else has it or took it.” Ellie snapped, “Like you mooning over Hemma all these years?” There was only the sound of Hill’s claws on the kitchen floor to break the silence. Finally, feeling so heavy she could hardly make her mouth work, Marian asked, “Does everybody know?” Ellie started to cry again. “I don’t think so. Just me. You let it show sometimes, that’s all.”

  This morning’s tears welled up again, but Marian shoved them back down viciously. Enough, she thought. Enough. “I’m so sorry, El. About Sandy.”

  “I’m sorry about Hemma. I’m sorry I didn’t say something. I was waiting for you to tell me. I know sometimes you felt so bad. But mostly you seemed happy.”

  “I was, mostly. But in a holding pattern.” Ellie nodded soberly. “True. But the pattern has been broken.” Marian could only agree. “I didn’t want anything to change.”

  “I’ll bet Jersey feels the same way right now.”

  “Jersey is going to be a mess.” Marian pictured the confusion and hurt Jersey had to be feeling. She might be dense at times, but Jersey wouldn’t hurt the proverbial fly. Poor thing.

  Ellie blew her nose. “Hell, at least she’s single. I’ve always been curious.”

  Laughter bubbled through Marian’s self-pitying urge to cry. “You are incorrigible.”

  “I’m single and pushing forty.”

  “In six years.”

  “I should have just taken that threeway with Patty and Wen.” Marian gaped. “The what?”

  “Oh, fuck, I never told you about that, but what the hell does it matter. You won’t tell anybody.”

  “No, I won’t.” Inner Historian was dancing with glee to have yet more items for the dance card. “It sounds juicy.” Ellie shrugged and collapsed onto the sofa. She wiped her nose with her crumpled tissue. “After Wen started feeling the arthritis she got really worried she was going to lose her ability to enjoy sex.”

  “I wondered—she sometimes sounds wistful about it and Patty is always reassuring.”

  “Yeah, so, Wen did some experimenting without Patty.”

  “Oh. With you?”

  “Yeah. We had a couple of good nights. That’s when she was with Carrie, too.”

  “Oh. I knew they’d been together, but I didn’t know when.” Inner Historian made a note.

  “Anyway, it really does seem foolish now that it mattered to me that Wen wanted just me. But she’s in love with Patty, and didn’t want to give up Patty for me. That hurt.”

  “So what about the threeway?” Inner Prude was busily trying to scrub out the images Inner Slut was parading through Marian’s mind.

  When Ellie wiped her nose again, Marian tossed a box of tissues across to the sofa.

  “Thanks. Well, thing is, Wen told Patty because she felt guilty. But Patty wasn’t ... upset. She was actually really turned on by it, which I guess surprised the hell out of both of them. So they came to see me, to see if I would ... and I said no. I was just starting to see Sandy by then.”

  “Wow.”

  “It was really awkward for a while, but then everything settled down again.”

  Marian opened her mouth, then closed it again. “Do you think they found somebody?”

  “To play with?”

  Marian nodded.

  “Yeah, I do.”

  “Oh ...” This was juicy. “Mary Jane.”

  “Yeah, that’s what I’ve always thought.”

  Inner Prude was repelled. Inner Slut thought it sounded like a helluva good time—muscled Patty, confident Mary Jane, gentle Wen. “I hope they’re having fun.”

  Ellie sighed. “Even you are now. Everybody is but me.” Marian sighed. “Jersey’s not having any fun right now.”

  “I’ll call her later.” Ellie gave a self-deprecating laugh. “Maybe we’ll just do what everyone else is doing, have a great fuck and get over it.”

  Marian blushed beet red.

  Ellie immediately noticed. “Oh, my, speaking of great fucks, how was she?”

  Marian decided to take a page from Mary Jane’s book. “That would be ungallant.”

  “You are red as a fire truck!”

  “You can’t make me say, Ellie.”

  “That good?”

  “Damn good,” Marian said before she could stop herself. “I could fall in love with her.”

  “Aren’t you already?”

  “Maybe.” Marian sighed heavily. The chair was coated in cat hair.

  “She’s not sticking around, remember?”

  “You’ve got some time to change her mind.” Marian allowed herself a tiny smile. “I guess so. Ellie, I’ve never felt this way with anyone. Like I had the power to make her fantasies come true.”

  “It’s not like you can count your lovers on more than one hand, M’Sue.”

  “I know, but ... it was different. I felt ... like I was discovering who I could be with her. More than I thought.”

  “You know what I always say—who cares if it’s forever as long as today is good.”

  “It’s good.”

  “And I cut off your date. I’m sorry.”

  “It’s okay.” Marian rose. “I’m ravenous, too. Let’s go get some breakfast. More breakfast for me, but I didn’t have dinner last night.”

  “I didn’t have dinner either. Hamburg Inn?”

  “Everyone will think we spent the night together.”

  “Hell, let’s give them something to talk about.” Ellie laughed, sounding happier than Marian had thought she would be for a while. “I’m glad you’re my best friend, M’Sue. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

  “Hey,” Marian began. “You’ll never guess something that Liddy and I have in common. Someone we have in common.”

  “She slept with Carrie already? I thought you couldn’t be with someone who’d been with an ex.”

  Marian led the way out the door. “Oh, you have no idea. I think I’ll have to get over that because the universe is twisted.” Liddy pushed the stack of books away and rested her head on her arms. She’d had a nap, but she still felt too restless to work.

  What was Marian doing? What was wrong with Ellie? Would she call before evening?

  She dabbed lavender oil on her mosquito bites and, to her amaze-ment, it worked equally as well as any anti-itch cream she’d tried. It didn’t smell bad at all.

  She paced. She turned the Cranberries up loud, but the music failed to distract her. Finally, she went for a drive because the Hummer had better speakers than the boom box.

  Not sure she wouldn’t get lost, she followed what she hoped was the route to the overlook where Marian had driven her on Saturday.

  The occasional landmark looked familiar, and in a short time she was parked.

  She was a long way from home. Even so, Robyn Vaughn had followed her. Not Robyn, she thought suddenly. The pain Robyn caused followed you here, and here is where you’ll let it go. You can get hurt again, but not by Robyn. A wave of peace washed over her, and for the first time in weeks there was no anger simmering in her heart.


  It was very quiet and she stood looking down at the countryside with only a light breeze against the leaves for noise.

  Female. Lush. Wet. Alive. Iowa was all those things.

  So was Marian. And so was she when she was with Marian.

  It’s not paradise, she thought. Not quite. But it could feel like home with Marian.

  “I don’t know what her dreams are,” Liddy said to the breeze. “I don’t know all of her pain, I think. I want to know, though. I want to see behind those amazing eyes.”

  She hugged herself for a moment, remembering the way it had felt to be in Marian’s arms. Nobody had ever touched her like that.

  “Hell, I don’t even know how old she is. More than thirty. But close enough. I’ll catch up.” She realized what she was considering and laughed aloud. “You don’t have to decide today, Liddy Emma Peel.”

  And, she added, I want to hear her call me Emma again and feel her against me. Emma ... Emma is for her.

  After her lengthy breakfast with Ellie, Marian wanted to call Liddy. Perhaps drop by. Perhaps spend the day in bed. But Ellie was still forlorn and diversions were the duty of a best friend.

  “I think I need a new outfit or something,” Ellie announced.

  “Are you going to make me watch you try on clothes at Von Maur?” Marian sighed as she unlocked the car.

  “Yes, it’s the least you can do. You’ve got a girlfriend and I don’t.”

  “I’ll just practice, shall I? No, that doesn’t make your ass look like a house. Yes, that color is perfect with your eyes.” She adopted the tone she used when humoring Trombone. “No, you are not getting old.”

  “Shut up.”

  “Can’t we go to the movies instead?”

  “Too transitory. I need a skirt and possibly shoes.”

  “With a house payment to cover on your own, maybe Von Maur isn’t the place to go.”

  Ellie sulked. “You really know how to rain on a girl’s parade, don’t you?”

  “It’s cheaper being a Wal-Mart femme.”

  Ellie laughed at that and Marian turned in that direction.

  After shopping came lunch—a fiesta of grease and salt from a fast-food place—and then Ellie was finally ready to go home.

  “Only if you’ll come with me to see who’s there. I’ll walk over for my car later.”

  “What if Sandy’s there? What will you do?”

  “Talk to her. Make sure she knows if Terry will leave Jersey after five years for her, Terry will eventually leave her, too.”

  “Probably true.”

  Ellie put her head back on the seat. “I taught her that lesson, you know. What am I complaining about? I don’t really believe in forever after. Sandy does, so she gets more hurt than I do.” I believe in it, too, Marian wanted to say. Amy and Hemma had it.

  Her parents had had it. There were people who worked it out, who somehow kept it together.

  She wanted to be one of those people. And she had no idea if Liddy wanted to be one, or if she felt like Ellie did, that it was an impossible dream.

  Well, she thought, you’ll just have to ask her, won’t you?

  “Oh, hell, Terry’s there.” Ellie ducked down in the seat.

  “It had to happen sometime.”

  “You know, why don’t we go see Jersey instead?” Marian made a quick U-turn. “I think that’s a great idea.”

  “Liddy!”

  Liddy turned in the direction of the voice, then grinned as she lifted her freshly made latte. “Hi, Carrie. I’m addicted to this place.

  You all got me hooked. I couldn’t concentrate and here I am for my fix. You here for yours?”

  “Today’s a cocoa-and-cream day,” Carrie answered. “Have you heard the news about Terry and Jersey?”

  “No. Nothing bad I hope.”

  Carrie rolled her eyes. “It depends on your perspective. Let me get my drink and I’ll fill you in.”

  The comfy upholstered chairs were unoccupied, and Liddy quickly dropped into one. She liked this place, though her budget would start to feel the habit soon.

  After a moment she wondered what was taking Carrie so long, then realized someone else had come in. What was that woman’s name? Would she ever remember? Those muscles were amazing, though.

  Whatever Carrie and the woman were discussing was very intense, with lots of nodding and shaking of their heads. Maybe it was about Ellie. She was starting to get frustrated with curiosity when the other woman left, two drinks in hand, and Carrie finally joined her.

  “Patty had more details.”

  Patty. Muscles. Got it, she thought. “So what is it?”

  “Well, Terry and Jersey broke up. This morning. After Terry spent the night—not for the first time is what Patty just told me—with Sandy.”

  Liddy had to think about it for a moment. Then she started asking questions. Carrie, as it turned out, knew a lot about a lot.

  Liddy’s head spun keeping track of who had been with whom, in what order, where they’d lived, and who had custody of all the pets.

  “Does this happen a lot in Iowa City?”

  “What’s the definition of ‘a lot’? Sometimes it does seem a little bit like square dancing. Allemande left, y’all.” Liddy laughed. She liked Carrie, but was glad she wasn’t a candidate for the holistic love couch. She didn’t even care why she wasn’t.

  “I bet it upsets the stability of the group for a while.”

  “Oh, most assuredly, especially with those who waste their time being possessive. I try to take people as they wish to be received. It requires too much energy otherwise.”

  Liddy tried not to ask, but she had to. “Is this going to bother Marian?”

  Carrie regarded her curiously. “Does it matter to you if it does?” Liddy colored. “Yes.”

  “Marian will roll with it. She’s learning. Give her time.”

  “I’m supposed leave at the end of July.”

  Carrie touched Liddy’s wrist for just a moment. “I became happy when I let go of ‘supposed to.’”

  “You sound like Sensei Kerry.”

  Carrie grinned. “If you mean that wonderful man Kerry at the Golden Dragon, I’m honored.”

  They chatted about a variety of topics, and it was some time before Liddy realized the afternoon was slipping away. “I’m really sorry, but I should get some work done today. But I have enjoyed talking, a lot.”

  “So have I, dear. You’re a welcome change of pace, even if you do leave us again. Say hello to Marian for me.”

  “How do you know I’ll see her?”

  Carrie abruptly looked smug. “She kicked your car. The best part is—after your happiness, of course—I win the pool.”

  “Pool? There was a bet on who would end up with me?”

  “Horrid, isn’t it?”

  “Yes,” Liddy said indignantly. “I think it is. I’m a woman, not a horse.”

  “I couldn’t agree more, but it’s so rare we get fresh meat in the summer that I had to join in.” Carrie blinked innocently.

  “Well, I’m glad you won at least.” Slowly, a smile took over. “But I’m the one who really won. At least I will, if I work at it.” Jersey had been a mess, not that either Marian or Ellie found that the least bit odd. They did what they could, which was to listen and comfort her. Jersey was manically packing her things, not sure where she would go when the house was sold. An electrician could make ends meet, but how would she have time for classes if she was paying rent on her own? They’d tried to reassure her it wouldn’t happen tomorrow, but Jersey was adamant she had to be ready to move at a moment’s notice.

  Marian wasn’t sure that Ellie’s offer of a place to stay was the wisest move on Ellie’s part, but hell, she had enough to worry about with her own love life. They could just trade places, and maybe that would be simplest all the way around. Inner Prude could just shut up about it.

  She had to go home for Liddy’s number. Her stomach growled for dinner. Hill and Trombone were likewise vocal
about their hunger. She took care of their needs, but skipped her own, hoping to have dinner with Liddy.

  Liddy wasn’t answering her home phone or her cell. Karate lesson, Marian abruptly recalled. That was tonight. Oh, hell, she thought, now Liddy will think I didn’t call, and she’ll worry I’m a heartless cad or something. I don’t want her to worry about something like that. I’m not Robyn. Neither is she. And there is no way I am going to let Robyn Vaughn steal anything more from me, and that includes a chance to get to know Liddy.

  The Internet had its uses. Marian had had no idea there were four places to learn martial arts in Iowa City, and another two in Coralville. She printed the list and decided to try the closest one.

  Failing that, she’d just wait at Liddy’s house.

  Luck was with her. The sight of the Hummer in front of the Golden Dragon Martial Arts Academy made her stomach do a little dance.

  Liddy didn’t notice her slipping in the door, but she had good reason. The class of roughly a dozen people was moving very quickly through moves that looked more like dance than anything else, except in dance nobody actually got kicked, swatted or knocked over.

  It was mesmerizing. Liddy moved like a cat.

  Marian remembered those muscles against her last night. How had she ever thought Liddy was fragile? But she was, at least on the inside, Marian reminded herself. Strong, intelligent, fragile, funny, passionate, caring—in other words, a woman. A good woman.

  By the time class ended, Marian had committed every movement of Liddy’s body to memory. Liddy spoke with the sensei for a few minutes, then collected a bag not far from where Marian was sitting, and hurried toward the door.

  Amused, Marian followed her. Liddy was getting out her cell phone.

  She nearly laughed out loud when her own phone rang. She answered, unable to keep the merriment out of her voice.

  “You shit, you said you’d call.”

  “I’m sorry, it’s been a busy day. I got caught up comforting Jersey.”

  “I’ve heard all the news. You sound way too happy without me.” Liddy unlocked her car and tossed her bag in it.