The Darkest Hour: A San Diegan Novel

by S. M. Soto

  I’m spiraling.

  My body convulses with one last flail of my limbs, the frightening realization they’re becoming heavier and heavier; too much to bear.

  Dark and purple hues swirl before my closed eyes. My stomach jolts left, then right, completely disorienting me. I can feel my heartbeat slow down, increasingly so, and my panic slowly dwindles into numbness.

  It’ll be easier this way. That little voice inside my head says convincingly.

  No more pain or unhappiness. You’ll be with everyone again. No more suffering, Aliza.

  My muscles relax and an odd wave of calm overtakes me. I try to breathe in a final time, but all I get is water. My mind drifts. My heart starts to give up the fight, and my body stops altogether, then everything slowly fades into black.

  Surprisingly, the panic never sets in. The idea of dying scares most people, but not me. I’ve never wanted to die…until now. There’s this calm here; luring me to stay. It wraps around me like a pair of warm comfortable arms, urging me to stop fighting. To just let go of everything balled up so tightly inside of me. I absently feel my body floating, like it’s being lifted, before I’m unable to feel anything at all.

  I’m blissfully numb.

  I can’t fight anymore. I’m tired of fighting.

  With the water murmuring around me, I convince myself that I no longer have any energy to live– emotionally or physically. I finally reach the end of that dark tunnel with open arms.

  I’m ready.

  Chapter Eight

  I faintly hear the sweet cherubic laugh again that I’ve been longing to hear and it makes me smile despite my predicament. When I crack my eyes open, I’m blinded by the brightness I see. My gaze slowly comes into focus on the five looming figures before me. My heart skips a beat, and then another when I can clearly see my family’s loving faces. I can’t contain the joyous smile that stretches wide on my face. With every fiber of my being I feel lighter seeing them here with me.

  Is this a dream? My dreams never start this way.

  All of them look at me lovingly, almost like they’re standing around waiting for me to do or say something. I open my mouth to speak, but my voice is mute. My heartbeat picks up. Confusion swirls around me.

  What the hell?

  I cry out for them. Reaching my hand out toward them, I can’t get seem to get close enough. With each attempt, they drift farther and farther away. I try yelling, screaming, begging them to stay, to wait for me, but nothing leaves my mouth.

  It’s too late.

  My panic returns full force as I continue to reach frantically and silently yell until they fade into nothing. A helpless sob tears through my chest, wracking my body. I feel like someone has played a cruel joke on me. My heart literally aches within the confines of my ribs. I grasp my chest and fall to my knees with a thud, yelling out with every ounce of strength.

  A cracking pain reverberates through my chest and I bend forward trying to inhale a deep breath. The pain doesn’t lessen or go away as I take ragged breaths in and out. The sharp pain returns viciously. I drop onto all fours and curl into a ball as the pain sends a shock through my body. The bright layout before me begins to fall away like the very sky before me is a collapsing puzzle. I gasp for air, rolling onto my back and crying because they’re gone. My family, my dream, my world, my happiness is taken away from me...again.

  A sharp pain shoots through my chest and I feel a sudden burst of air enter my body. I grasp onto the precious air and suck in a lungful. With that much-needed breath my body shoots straight up like a jackknife, and my stomach churns forcefully, emptying out all the water in my stomach. I choke on the force of the water expelling out of my mouth. My chest heaves and my back hunches painfully with my forceful heaving. I cough water up from my stomach or my lungs. Not even sure where it’s coming from at this point. It travels through my mouth and nose without my control leaving a burning trail in its wake.

  I suck in deep breaths as I try to settle myself. My mouth tastes of bile and salt water as I spit the remaining fluid out of my mouth trying to catch my breath yet again. I lay my body down resting my tired muscles. My nostrils burn and my body feels like each limb weighs a hundred pounds.

  I slowly blink my eyes open trying to grasp what just happened. In flashes, everything comes back to me. The boardwalk, jumping in, the waves...shit the waves were so strong. I think my body is still in shock, my mind reeling, because I’m incapable of fully comprehending what just happened. I was there, in the water, struggling to breathe, and now I’m here.

  How did I get here anyway?

  A chill travels through my body transporting me back to the now. It’s then I notice the warmth radiating behind my back, looking down, I’m cradled in a pair of large muscular arms with something soaked clinging to my body.

  What the…I look up into a pair of stark blue eyes. I let out an audible gasp. I’m shocked at the intensity of the gaze that’s burning holes through my skull. Those eyes are bluer than any body of water I’ve seen; a Caribbean blue.

  I stop breathing completely as my eyes roam over the rest of the man’s face. He has light sandy blonde hair that’s a thick mess. It’s longer on the top with shaggy layers all around. His hair is damp and I watch in fascination as water droplets fall from the tips rolling everywhere. He has a sharply defined jaw with the perfect amount of light scruff and a set of full lips that are tinged blue. He’s ruggedly handsome.

  No doubt about that.

  I blink numerous times making sure he isn’t a mirage I’m seeing after nearly drowning. I’ve never felt as attracted to another human being as I am to this man. He’s…gorgeous, for lack of a better word.

  “Are you okay?” His voice is thick, raspy even, and he’s breathing heavily. The sound of his voice sends vibrations down my body and I can’t contain the full body shiver it evokes. It takes a few seconds for me connect the dots in my head coming to one conclusion. He saved me.

  But how?

  Jumping into the ocean for a complete-stranger makes no sense.

  How did he even swim back to the surface with me?

  How did we end up back on the boardwalk? So many questions fill my head, but I’m unable to voice any of them—the ability to speak fails me. My throat is so raw it feels like I left my voice box on the floor of the ocean.

  My heart pounds an erratic beat in my chest, trying to force its way out. With the weight of his arms still wrapped tightly around me, and despite the circumstances, I find myself enraptured by this strange man’s rugged good looks. Without blinking I continue to stare at him taking in every feature I can before he’s taken from me, too. The man furrows his brow and scrunches his face up in concern, which is chivalrous because he just basically went through the same thing I did, times ten. All I had was my weight to carry, while he had his own, and my dead weight.

  Not able to stare any longer, I force myself to tear my gaze away, taking in my surroundings. I’m back on the boardwalk in the center of a huge puddle of water that’s now surrounding us. He’s sitting down with his legs splayed out before him and his arms wrapped around me as he hovers over me. There’s no one else in sight, the beach is just as stranded as it was when I jumped in. The sun has fully set, bathing the area in mild darkness. Orange glows from the light posts on the boardwalk; the only source of light. I flick my gaze back to him and nearly screech. He’s still staring at me with his brows furrowed, and eyes so intense. It’s completely unsettling. I feel his stare all the way down to my bones—penetrating deeply.

  How did he even find me?

  Why would he risk his life to jump in after me?

  More questions fire off in my head, and I try to open my mouth to speak but my chest and throat constrict, burning with every attempt. Scrunching my face up in a grimace, I stare back and forth into his blue eyes, trying to convey my loss of speech some other way. He seems to notice I’m struggling with speaking so he slightly nods his head in understanding.

  “It’ll pro
bably hurt if you try to talk so just rest your throat,” he suggests. “You probably swallowed a lot of water; your throat will feel a little raw and scratchy for a few days.”

  I nod my head slowly. The small movement throws me off kilter.

  “I was finishing my run when I saw you. At first, when you jumped, I thought you were fine. People get a kick out of doing shit like that, figured you knew what you were doing, but you only came up for air one time. I know how crazy these waves can get from personal experience, so I got to you as fast as I could,” he rasps out the words, and I can clearly hear just how tired he is. He continues to look down at me, still not loosening his hold on me, and I surprisingly don’t want him to.

  “Thank you.” I silently mouth.

  Our gazes haven’t strayed from each other and I’m afraid he can hear or possibly even feel my heart beating it’s so loud.

  “If you’re feeling okay I can stand you up.” He encourages with concern marring his features. I nod my head, and he carefully helps me to my feet. I sway momentarily, my head spinning, and my equilibrium skewed. My eyes drop down to my soaked dress that’s now clinging to me like a second skin. Heat rises to my cheeks when I realize my white dress is now see through, revealing my garments underneath.

  Can this day possibly get any worse?

  The urge to groan or even punch myself is high on my list of to-dos. I flick my mortified eyes back up to him and my already dry mouth goes parched when I see the rest of him.

  Oh, my God.

  Chapter Nine

  He’s bare-chested with water droplets running down washboard abs. A six pack leads to the deep v of muscles trailing off into his shorts. I swallow thickly.

  Jesus. What kind of city did I land in? He looks like the perfect science experiment, if there ever was one. Standing at his full height he towers over my five foot eight frame. I deduce he’s well over six feet and it makes me feel like a midget. And might I add that I’ve never felt like a midget my whole life, so that’s really saying something. He runs his hand through his hair haphazardly making it look messy but somehow artfully stylish.

  Oh, come on! I want to shout.

  The broad and corded muscles in his arm bunch with the movement, and I swallow again. It feels wrong, staring unabashedly at a man who just risked his own life to save mine but…wow. I can’t summon the strength within me to look away.

  I finally peel my eyes away from his body, just in time to see him run a frustrated hand over his face. His brows are drawn together in anger, and his lips form a thin grim line.

  “What in the actual fuck were you thinking swimming out so far on your own? You got a death wish or something?”

  The anger is evident in his tone and the exasperation is clearly written on his face.

  “There’s a reason you’re not supposed to swim in the ocean when there’s high tides. They even have the damn walkway railed off for that purpose.” He scolds me like I’m a child. “Seriously, you could have drowned had I not been around to jump in after you.” He nearly shouts.

  I flinch a little at his tone, tamping down the urge to reach out and throttle him even though he saved me. My eyes train on the bulging vein in his neck.

  Great, you’ve really pissed him off now, Aliza.

  I know he has every right to be angry, but it also doesn’t mean he can yell at me like I’m some foolish child. He has no idea what I’ve been through, or what I’ve been trying to escape. My original feelings for this ruggedly handsome stranger do a complete 360 after his little spout of anger. He looks beyond irritated and pissed off while he waits for me to respond.

  What the hell is his problem anyway? Technically, it’s not like I asked him to jump in there and save me. He did that all on his own. Jackass.

  I narrow my eyes menacingly.

  “Well, maybe you should’ve let me drown!” I hiss through the pain in my throat, and cross my arms over my chest like a child. “I didn’t ask for your help,” I rasp out, with a cold stare. As soon as I say it, I immediately regret the look on his face. So many emotions flicker across, it’s hard to pin it down to one. Shock, pain, anger, and disbelief all cross.

  I’m such a raging bitch. I sigh and run a nervous hand through my damp hair. He didn’t have to jump in after me, but here I am giving him shit for doing it anyway.

  He’s staring at me wide eyed, like I’m some basket case.

  I force my wobbly legs to back away and I shake my head trying to change my tone, “I-I’m sorry, I didn’t…I-I-” I croak out feeling foolish. My brain’s ability to formulate coherent sentences has fled, leaving me a stumbling, trembling mess. My first instinct is to run like hell away from this guy before I say something else without thinking. He takes a few steps toward me to catch up with me, and if possible, his steely blue eyes become bluer, and somehow more intense. I shiver. He looks like a true predator.

  “I saved you because it was the right thing to do,” he says coldly through narrowed eyes.

  “I know. I’m so sorry. I need t-to g-go,” I whisper with an absent nod of my head.

  “Go?” His eyebrows shoot up incredulously. “You need to go to the emergency room to make sure there’s no excess water in your lungs, are you crazy?”

  Yeah, I think I might be.

  I swiftly turn around before he can say anything else and force my feet to move. I’m making a run for it.

  Stupid, selfish, Aliza. The man saves you from drowning, yet all you manage to do is piss him off.

  I take hurried steps to get off the boardwalk and put some distance between myself and angry blue over there. I will my limbs to move faster but my body just won’t oblige. Every muscle screams in pain and the rest of my body feels like I’ve been run over a few times by a big rig. He catches up to me within a blink of an eye and blocks my path with his large frame.

  “At least let me give you a ride home or something so I can make sure you’re alright.” His blue eyes are pleading with me to agree with him. I search his eyes and briefly see worry flit across his features, and my heart thumps even harder in my chest at that revelation.

  I fumble around the words in my head thinking of something to say. My nerves are going haywire and I can’t stop trembling. Not because I don’t want to say anything stupid, but because his close proximity does crazy things to my head.

  Dammit, does he have to be so good looking? And smell so good?

  We just got out of ocean water for Christ’s sake. He should smell like fish, or the sea, but instead he smells fresh, piney–woodsy even.

  It’s a dangerous thing to feel this way about a stranger you’ll never see again, Aliza, so just stop. I blow out a sigh before forcing the words out.

  “Thank you for saving me.” My words are heartfelt and sincere because I am thankful, he didn’t have to do what he did, yet for whatever reason he jumped in after me. It was selfless, and brave.

  I shoulder past him before he can report me to the looney bin. That’s all I need. To be looked at like a complete psychopath. I take off in a sprint, well actually, as fast as my wobbly legs will take me. When I can’t run anymore from the burning spreading throughout my chest and my calves, I slow my pace to a walk. I release small bursts of air through my nose as I try to control my erratic breathing. Once I’m at a safe distance, I chance a look back over my shoulder to see he’s still in the same spot and looks about the size of an ant from where I am.

  Somehow, I make it home with only a few cuts on my aching feet and a throbbing pain in my chest. Which I guess is to be expected when you nearly drown, or at least that’s what Google says. That was the first thing I did when I got inside—open my laptop and see how bad my situation would be after nearly drowning. I forced myself to stop after reading about my chances of getting pneumonia, and the likelihood of death.

  I’ll take my chances.

  I walked through my dark condominium numbly, not really feeling normal yet. I quietly thanked myself for keeping the key under the mat outside upon entering
instead of taking them out with me earlier—it seems I lost my purse as well as my wallet and phone.

  Great.

  I stripped out of my wet clothes in a daze and stood under the hot spray of the shower head. The scalding water should have burned my skin at the touch, but it didn’t. I don’t feel a thing. Everything is just…numb. I crawl into my uncomfortable bed a little after 10:30. My body sinks into the mattress and my eyes flutter closed. I inhale a deep breath and pray that tomorrow will be different. Truthfully, I don’t even remember my head hitting the pillow before I was out cold.

  Chapter Ten

  The smell of copper infiltrates my senses. I look around frantically, but don’t see anything. It’s so dark. Why is it so dark? Suddenly, light seeps in through all angles, surrounding me in brightness.

  Dark smears.

  The cracked windshield.

  Liquid red pools.

  The twisted metal.

  Someone gasping for breath.

  My eyes fly open, and I work hard to control my panicked breaths. Everything looks normal, except for the loud knocking on my front door, followed by someone shouting, “Ms. Anderson!”.

  I roll over with a groan, every inch of my body aches in the worst way possible. Swallowing thickly, I wipe the cold sweat off my forehead, lifting my heavy head up. Small streams of light filter in through my bedroom window. My laptop is still open on the bed in the empty spot beside me. I wiggle the cursor, checking the time. My eyes bulge at the numbers on the screen, 11:50 a.m.