Splintered Lives

by Carol Holden

  They trudge along in companionable silence until they see the building they have been looking for.

  They have their own friends. David sometimes invites his friend from work to visit him, and Charlie has made a host of friends, who are local neighbours, and who have taken an interest in what Charlie has done to the house by the shore.

  In the following Spring David gets an invitation from Ann in Cork to her forthcoming wedding.

  He has kept in touch with Ann and John from college, but Sarah has not kept up with any of them except Ann, who has heard from her from time to time. Since Sarah did her V.S.O. service she has been very out of reach. Ann has not had too much communication with her, but she has said that Sarah is now back home and has a teaching position near her family. It is not unusual for college friends to lose contact because of the pressure of their busy lives.

  He is looking forward to Ann’s wedding and he arranges a Friday afternoon flight to Cork. He finds a hotel on the Internet and books in for the Friday and Saturday nights, so that he will be home in time for work on Monday.

  Chapter 15

  David finishes work early on the Friday of his visit to Southern Ireland. He has packed a bag the night before and has it ready in his car. He will drive to Manchester airport and leave his car there. Charlie has now found a lot of cronies who give him a shout on their way out on their walks, and if he is not too busy with his garden, he will go on long hikes with them. His father is far from lonely so David is happy to live his own life.

  He arrives in Cork after a short easy flight. The weather is sunny and he finds that Cork a captivating city, there are entertainers on the city centre streets, musicians, street dancers and acrobats, all giving sterling performances. The people stop to watch and give generously, of their time and money.

  David loves the atmosphere of the Cork streets and smiling to himself he finds his hotel. John, his reconciled wife and his children have been invited to the wedding and David is looking forward to meeting his old college friend again. He has not met John’s wife, Brenda, but he knows that John is so pleased that he has found happiness with his family again.

  The wedding takes place at the Cork Catholic Church. The bride and the two bridesmaids are lovely. Ann with her thick shiny blond hair covered with a crown of white rosebuds and her white flowing dress held beautifully by her two small nieces make an enchanting picture, as they arrive at the church with Ann’s handsome father. The bridegroom, standing at the front of the church, has the spring sun shining on his dark brown hair and his calm strong face.

  “What a gorgeous couple they make,” thinks Sarah to herself. She sits at the back of the church, so that she can watch the ceremony from afar, and her heart opens with love for the friend of which she feels a great respect. “If Taj had lived would we have been able to marry and live a life as Ann and her husband will?” she wonders.

  She spots John and his family a few rows in front of her. She feels joy that he has found his life again. Then she sees David sitting next to John’s young son. He is saying something quietly to him, and she remembers how caring David was at college and she is pleased to see them all again.

  None of her friends know about Simon. She is not by any means ashamed of him, but her love for him and the life they share together is her own domain, and she hoards their time together jealously. She has had no time in her life for distractions, and although she was persuaded by her mother to come today to Ann’s wedding, she is already missing her little boy. Her father drove her to the airport on the Saturday morning and she arrived just in time to catch the wedding. She has booked a late flight for this evening so that she may stay for the reception and be home Saturday night. Her father will pick her up at midnight.

  The long wedding service is over and the wedding party is gliding down the isle.

  Ann and her husband look radiant. The crowd outside the church, for photographs, is large and just as the limousine arrives for the bride and groom, Ann spots Sarah and throws her bouquet and Sarah catches it. The milling crowd parts as the cars are lined up to take the guests to the reception and John touches Sarah on the shoulder with a hoot of pleasure.

  “Where have you been all this time?” he asks as he hugs her to him with such force.

  “I’ve been teaching in Bolton since I came home from Nepal.” She replies struggling to disentangle herself from John’s arms.

  “Why have you not been in touch as you promised?” He queried.

  Sarah turned to find David standing near and ready to give her a hug too.

  She feels so safe here with these lovely friends and she knows she should have explained her situation to them.

  “Come on, introduce me to your family John, I’m so glad that you have won them back again.” Sarah says.

  “This is my wife, Brenda.” John brings forth this beautifully turned out brunette with lovely long legs and glorious smile.

  “I’m so pleased to meet you, after hearing so much about you, no wonder he fought to get you all back again.” Sarah says giving them her cheerful smile.

  Sarah turns to David and asks, “How is your father, are you still living near to him in Ruthin.”

  “Father is fine and we are living quite near to you if you work in Bolton.” David says

  “We have moved in together by the lake at Rivington. He has his own half of the house and I have mine. We often eat together because he still thinks he has to feed me.”

  “I am lecturing at Manchester University and it is lovely to come home to our house on the waterside.”

  “Oh how lovely, my family has hiked those reservoirs for ever; we often take picnics and stay out for hours in the summer months.”

  “We also pick blackberries because my father makes wine from them.”

  The cars are waiting to take us to the hotel and we all pile into one so we can stay together. The children sit on the men’s knees so we arrive in some order, our dresses uncrushed and our tights unladdered.

  The reception is soon under way. There are about one hundred guests and the buffet is set out splendidly so that there are no long queues and everyone has a place at the round tables. After the meal Ann comes over to us and she hugs me and says how glad she is to see me. I promise not to be an absent friend and then I wish her a happy life.

  We move to the ballroom after the meal. It has been hilarious for me because of the wit spilled out by John and David, with Brenda and me having our input. It is a long time since I had such good fun. I remember how we all were when we had our nights in the student’s bar, and although Ann was a missing link, Brenda made up for her absence.

  David asks me to dance and we take to the floor to the strains of a waltz. It feels strange being so close to a man again. I feel my emotions coming to the surface, as I miss the nearness of Taj. I swallow my sadness and begin to flow with the steps of the romantic music.

  The time is near when I have to leave to catch my plane. I say “goodbye” to all my friends, who come to see me off.

  I promise to keep in touch with them all. Brenda invites me to visit them and stay for a few days. I know I won’t do that, but I smile a fond Goodbye and step into my waiting taxi.

  Chapter 16

  David

  I resume my life with Simon and although I had a lovely time with my college friends I would not change my life for anything. Simon is now at nursery school in the mornings and my mother picks him up after his lunch. Simon was shy when he first left his mother at the nursery gates. He had always been a happy boy, surrounded by his family but now for the first time, he was on his own. He took a tentative step towards another boy who was in the same situation.

  “My name is Simon, what is your name?”

  “Ben,” said the boy as they looked shyly at each other.

  “Have you been on holiday?” Ben asked, because you have a lovely suntan.”

  “No.” Simon replied, for the first time looked at the skin on his hands and wondered why they were browner than his
new friend’s hands. The children were called to class and Simon forgot about their conversation. As he became older he sometimes wondered about his looks.

  “The summer weather is here and,” Sarah thought, ”I shall soon have time to spend with Simon. We can go for rides in my little car and we can picnic in our special places. Simon loves to paddle in the streams around Pendle Hill. I take him to Downham where there is a shallow river with ducks on it. I have to take extra clothes because he often falls down and gets wet. I think he does it on purpose because he likes the feel of cool water on a hot day.

  My friends and I have always loved this place, where access to Pendle hill is easy, as you walk forever upwards. We have picnicked on the hillside and gloried at the breathtaking views. I look at Simon and see Taj and I remember the other uplands where I lived for almost two years. I wonder where my life would have been lived if Taj had not died. Here in Britain or there in Pokhara. I know that I would have stayed there with him, if that had been his wish.”

  Mark has finished university and has qualified as a civil engineer. He is home to stay and he often calls to see us. He remembers his time with Taj and me and he adores Simon. I love to see him because he is the only one who knew Taj, and we sometimes reminisce about the time we had the party for him and his friends.

  He can also see the likeness of Taj in Simon. He is the only one beside myself who knows the feelings I have for the culture of Taj and the guilt I feel at not being able to give Simon the sense of it. I have not told Taj’s parents about their grandchild because I don’t want my little boy to be split between two cultures. I want as normal a life as it is possible for him to have without a father.

  It is a lovely summer evening. We, Simon and I, have just had our tea and we are sitting in my small compact garden at the back of my cottage. There is a knock on the front door. At first I ignore it thinking it is one of the family and they will come round to the back. But it is repeated, louder this time, so I go to the door and to my surprise David is there.

  “What are you doing here?” I ask him in surprise.

  “I found your address in the telephone book, we have all the local ones at the university library. I am now on my summer vacation as you are and I thought I would look you up.”

  “Oh David, it’s so lovely to see you. Come in. I have someone I would like you to meet.”

  I take him through the house to the garden where Simon is sunning himself in the swing seat I had bought for us the previous summer.

  I see the look of astonishment on David’s face and then the smile as Simon holds out his arms to be picked up.

  “Well Hello little fellow,” laughs David, ”What a happy little one you are,” as he goes to pick Simon up. Simon puts his arms around David’s neck and a bond is formed there and then. He holds on tight and David swings him around and makes Simon chuckle with glee.

  I go in to the kitchen to make David a coffee and when I return I can see that David is enthralled with my lovely son. And Simon is fascinated with David, whose quiet Welsh accent is making him feel safe and sleepy.

  It is time for Simon’s bath and he insists that David come with us to the bathroom. David rolls up his sleeves and splashes Simon until the floor is wet and Simon is helpless with laughter. I start to object but he promises he will clean it up and now he calms my little boy who is really ready for his bed.

  We take him along to his bedroom Simon clinging on to David and insisting that he take him to bed. We both kiss him goodnight and as he is almost asleep we gently close his door and go downstairs.

  “Now I have an explanation for you. Simon is my son with my lover I met in Pokhara.”

  He was the brother of my teaching colleague, Sahida.

  He died when his plane crashed, coming to me in Pokhara.

  He didn’t know that I was pregnant. His parents know nothing about Simon.

  I did not know myself until I was three months pregnant.

  But he is my life, I loved his father with all my heart and I was devastated when he was burnt in that horrible crash.”

  “Hey hold on Sarah, I’m so sorry for your loss but you have a lovely son and I’m sure he is some consolation for the life you would have had with his father.”

  Sarah feels a bit foolish spitting her story out like that to David. She goes into the next room and returns with a bottle of red wine, two glasses and a bottle opener.

  “Sarah come here and sit down,” David says as he moves over on the settee.

  David puts an arm around her and calms her with his quiet voice and caring ways. Sarah lets go of her pent up emotions and sobs her heart out.

  “That’s better,” soothes David as he remembers the awful sense of loss he had when his mother died

  “Let it go, cry all you can, it’s like spilling poison out of your heart.”

  Sarah eventually holds her breath and with one great sign she gives David a tearful smile.

  “I’ll open the wine and then you can tell me the whole story in your own time if that is what you want to do.” Says David.

  “I will,” she says as she takes a sip of wine. She then tells him of the beauty of Pokhara and the little village where she taught school, about the meeting of herself and Taj and their short life together. The tragic air crash and how her parents came to rescue her, to bring her home and then to support her when she realised that she was pregnant.

  David hugs her close and she feels safe and ready to talk about her experiences in Nepal. She talks with enthusiasm about the neighbours in the village and their

  children, who she taught at school. The friendliness at the Menon's family home, where she met Taj as he was the brother of Sahida, the other teacher at the school. She talks at length and David gets a sense of her life in Nepal and feels the sadness that has not left Sarah.

  David says,” I’ve got a good idea, why don’t you bring Simon to the house on the water where we can have a picnic in dad’s wonderful garden? You told me at the wedding that you often used to walk around there.”

  “I’ll think about it, Simon is my first priority.” Replies Sarah quietly.

  “It will be for Simon as well as you. I will be pleased if you will come and meet my dad. I’m sure he will love the little fellow. He keeps telling me to get a family or it will be too late for him to be a granddad.

  I’ll ask Simon tomorrow and let you know.”

  “I’ll leave you my mobile number so that you can contact me anytime.”

  “Thanks and thank you for listening to my tale of woe. I promise I’ll not burden you again with my tears.”

  “It’s been lovely to see you again Sarah and I hope that you will take me up on my offer.”

  Sarah sees David to the door and waves him off in his car.

  She returns to her sitting room and finishes her glass of wine. She hugs herself and feels so much better for the letting go of her sad feelings.

  Chapter 17

  Mary calls to suggest that Sarah, Simon and she have a trip in to the country. She fancies a look at Settle market and the journey there is through lovely country roads, where the low lying hills, as well as, the dramatic Peneghent and Ingleborough appear in the distance and where the roads are quiet and pleasant to drive.

  In Mary’s car with Simon strapped into his car seat in the back they set off in a companionable atmosphere. The car radio is playing and Simon is singing along.

  He suddenly says, “I want a daddy like John has at nursery. He picks him up like grandma picks me up after nursery. Why have I not got a daddy?”

  Sarah is mortified; she looks at her mother who is smiling as she replies