Splintered Lives

by Carol Holden

  “How was your date last night?” She asks.

  “Fine.” I say non -committedly.

  “Oh I think David is very attractive and how great he is with Simon.” My mother continues

  “You’re just fishing,” I say “but I am confused about my feelings for David. I do love and respect him but I do not feel ready to have a relationship yet until Simon is older.”

  “I think Simon needs a father figure and David seems to be his idol. He was telling me last night how he loved the visit to the house by the reservoir. All about the birds and the baby grebes and the duck that waddles its tail.” My mother says laughingly.

  “I know I have to consider Simon but I have to be sure of my own feelings for David. He doesn’t deserve to be second best and my memories of Taj still disturbing my dreams.” I reply

  “You can’t live in the past, you are lucky to have someone who is living and caring, especially how perfect he is with Simon.”

  “I know mum and I mean to ring him tonight to make another date, so I’ll let you know how I get on.”

  Chapter 20

  Dad and Simon are on the horizon, coming from the shore to our place in the sun. Simon is chatting away to his granddad, pointing out something of interest

  Simon has seen.

  When we return home, dad carries Simon into the house as he has fallen asleep in the car. We have had a hearty meal on our way home and Simon is ready for bed. I undress him gently and after putting him in his pyjamas take him to his bed. Thinking “He can have his bath in the morning for once.”

  I go downstairs and open a bottle of red wine for the three of us. We settle on my settee and comfortably enjoy the warm feeling our day in the sun has given us.

  “Simon is a dream of a boy.” Says my father. “I wish I could have met his father.”

  “Me too,” says mother. “Why do you not talk about him Sarah?”

  “It has been too painful,” “But I think I should perhaps tell Simon about him, what do you think?”

  “I think you should tell us about him, and then we can answer any questions that Simon may ask us, after you bring the subject up.”

  “Dad and mum, I love you both so much but I have been so sad at the loss of Taj, and I have been feeling so guilty about my friendship with David, that I don’t know what to think or do.”

  “Come on love, you know that we will support you and Simon, whatever you want to do.” Replies dad.

  “I am confused how to tell Simon that his father came from a far place, a place where I was wonderfully happy and fulfilled. That he has grandparents and aunts he knows nothing about.”

  “I honestly don’t know how to tell him because I also feel guilty about him not knowing the culture his father was born into.”

  I think I should get Mark to help me tell him because he knew Taj and he liked him a lot.”

  “Why don’t you explain to us the feeling you had for Taj and then you may find a way to explain it to Simon?” My mother says with a gentle smile on her lovely face.

  “You know how you found me when you came to fetch me home.” I reply. “I have been afraid to think about my lost love, because I have to be strong for Simon.”

  “Well, I think that you should work through those feelings before you can move on, either to tell Simon about his father, or to think about having a relationship with David.” My father says.

  “But how?” I whisper, as my throat is so full of emotion that I can hardly speak.

  “Let it out love”. My father moves towards me on the settee and I feel his arms around me. My mother moves to my other side, as I collapse into heartbreaking sobs. I feel their love and caring as I cry and cry and when at last I recover myself the relief of the unburdening, leaves me exhausted but calmer.

  I begin to tell them how I met Taj and how we both felt the same almost from our first meeting. I tell them how his parents accepted me and how his sister, Sahida, was a real friend to me, at school, how I loved the children and how I respected the villagers with their hard lives. I tell them about the time Mark came to visit and how the people welcomed him and his friends. How Mark met my friends in Nepal and the good time we had, when Mark and his friends were with us there. The terrible day and the devastation of the plane crash, the funeral pyre, fainting at the river and Taj’s mother carrying me to the car. “I don’t know what I would have done if you two hadn’t come to bring me home.”

  I am recovering from the terrible pain of even talking about that time, but I know that I have to let it go, if Simon and I are to have a chance of a different life. I have a great respect and love for David but I want it to be more than that. David would make a great father for Simon, but he deserves to be the only one for me.

  “Your mother thinks David is a lovely man and that Simon adores him.” My father says after a pause.

  ’Dad you’ll have to meet him soon.” I promise.

  We’ll have a barbecue in the garden on Sunday if the weather is fine and we’ll invite David and his father, if you agree?”

  “Great, that will be lovely and thanks you two for sorting me out. I’m sure that Simon will love that and will Mark be home, and will my sister’s family be able to come?”

  “We’ll arrange that if we can. I don’t know where Mark is at the moment but if he is home, he’ll be there.” My father says.

  “We can introduce David and his father to all our family in one go.” Smiles my mother.

  Chapter 21

  I awake late the following morning and thankfully so does Simon. I shower and then bath my lovely son before taking our breakfast out into the garden. The sun is warm and the breeze is light and all feels well with my day.

  The telephone rings, it’s my mother.

  “I’ve rung around and Mark is home and they will all come to the barbecue on Sunday. If the weather is bad we will have a meal in the house. I will be able to show off my best china in that case.” My mother informs me.

  “I will ring David and invite him and Charlie, oh and thanks again mum for yesterday, I feel so much better this morning.”

  Simon and I finish our breakfast and then I ring David with the invitation for Charlie and himself to come to my parents’ barbecue. He accepts gracefully and says his father and himself are looking forward to meeting my parents.

  The day of the barbecue is sunny, and as Simon and myself get ready in our summer clothes, there’s a knock on the door and Mark comes through to the garden. Simon laughs as Mark lifts him onto his shoulders and hugs me at the same time. We are breathless with laughter and hugging and Mark swings Simon down onto the lawn and we untangle and fall about with glee.

  “Where have you been working?” I ask Mark.

  “South America.” he replies.

  Simon brings his world sphere and asks Mark to show him.

  Mark points out the Amazon and the tiny city of Santarem that stands on its shores.

  “We have been building a bridge over a tributary and I have enjoyed every moment of my time there, because the people are so quiet and hardworking and they have made my life so much easier, by their attitude to work.”

  “What is a tributary?” Asks my inquisitive son.

  “its a little side river running into the Amazon.” Mark explains.

  Simon studies the map and hums to himself. He has learnt another bit of information, he can store in his inquiring little head.

  I tell Mark about David and because he knew Taj, he understands my reluctance to start another relationship, and the added problem of my not explaining things to Simon about his father. Mark is the only one I feel close enough to talk to about my life in Pokhara and the unknown family Simon has there.

  “Am I being selfish by keeping the Menons ignorant of the fact that they have a grandson, they know nothing about?” I ask Mark when we have a moment alone.

  “I don’t know.” He says quietly.

  “I think that when the time is right, you will tell Simon about his father and that w
ill be the time to tell him about his other family.”

  I give Mark another hug and he promises to be there when the time is right to tell Simon, and that he will support us both.

  “Come on you two, let’s be off to Gran’s and get started at the barbecue.” Says Mark. “I’m feeling really hungry.”

  As we arrive David is just getting out of his car. Another car arrives at the same time and Charlie gets out. I introduce them to Mark and we all go into the garden together. Mum and dad are introduced, as well as, all the people there and dad dispenses the drinks whilst mum brings out little bites. We sit around on garden chairs, until dad begins the cooking.

  Mark and David take to each other immediately, as David was also a civil engineer, before his change of employment. David had worked in many places where Mark had and soon they were comparing notes on the places they had been, and the jobs they had done there.

  My dad and Charlie were chatting away as if they had known each other ages and mother was fussing over David and Mark like a mother hen. I sat with my sister, Kate, and we have a glass of wine whilst she tells me how she thinks David is very dishy.

  “ I know he is dishy”. I reply. “But I am not ready for another relationship yet, I feel that Simon is too young to have to deal with someone else living with us”.

  “You’re crazy Sarah”. Replies my sister. “You should jump at the opportunity, seeing Simon and David together is really something”.

  David comes over with Simon on his shoulders. The little boy is shouting with glee as Mark begins to chase them both around the garden.

  “Mark, you can’t catch us. We are too fast for you!”

  “Watch me”. Replies Mark as he speeds after them and gently pulls Simon from David’s shoulders.

  The three of them fall on to the soft grass and finish up in a heap, Simon shrieking with laughter.

  Mother calls us to eat and we all sit around the garden table and tuck into the lovely salads and barbequed meats and fish.

  The conversation is light and funny. The wine helps to loosen tongues, and my mother’s party is a great success.

  Simon is rubbing his eyes and I say we will have to be off.

  David asks if he can come with us and Simon puts his arms around David’s neck ready to be carried. I have no choice than to agree.

  Chapter 22

  David and I have tucked Simon up in bed and he is now fast asleep. I go into the kitchen to make us some coffee. We have had a bit too much to drink at the party so we think that a coffee will be better for us.

  “Why did you leave so abruptly when we last met?” Asked David. “Did I upset you?” David is standing close to me in the kitchen and I turn and hand him his cup of coffee.

  “I’m a bit confused David. I have not been dating anyone since I have had Simon, and whilst he is little, I feel I should make him my first priority. I know that Simon likes you a lot and you seem to have an affinity with him, but I‘m a bit unsure of myself. I still think about Taj and I have problems telling Simon about his father and that he has grandparents, of a different culture to ours.”

  David sits with me on the settee and putting his cup down turns to me and brings me into his arms. I feel a sinking feeling in my tummy as I turn to him with my mouth ready for his kiss. His lips are gentle and soft on mine and as the kiss deepens, I feel a longing in my whole body, as it dissolves into a warm ache.

  David deepens the kiss again as his tongue finds mine and I feel lost to the feelings I am having and I urgently push my body away from him.” What is the matter Sarah? Don’t you care for me?”

  Sarah replies breathlessly “I have too many feelings for you and I don’t know how to suppress them”.

  “Then why suppress them?” “I love you Sarah. I think I have always loved you from when I first saw you in our college days. I know you have some distractions but we will be able to face them together. And as for Simon, you know I care for him and he seems to like me a bit.”

  “More than a bit.” I say as I turn to him, where I feel so safe there in his arms.

  He kisses me again and this time I feel a melting sensation too strong to ignore.

  He gently starts to undress me but I am too wound-up and I begin to take off his clothes as fast as I can, whilst keeping my lips on his and brushing my hand through his hair. We are both naked. We look at each other in awe. David is beautiful. His body is lithe and his shoulders broad above a chest that has been worked on and hips that are slim outside a flat lovely stomach. His legs are finely muscled tapering to well-shaped feet.

  “You are lovely, Sarah.” Exclaims David “I adore you and I want to be with you and Simon forever.”

  I take his hand and we quietly creep upstairs so as not to disturb Simon.

  Chapter 23

  The sun is shining through a chink in the curtains as I awake to find that David, already dressed and carrying Simon on his shoulders, is bending over the bed with a cup of coffee for me.

  “Hello Mummy.” Says Simon “David and me have had our breakfast and he is going to take us to see his ducks. Can we go please mummy? Be quick and get up so that we can go soon”.

  David gives me a wink and the memories of last night come flooding back and I have the grace to blush.

  “Of course we can, but you two will have to buzz off whilst I get showered and dressed, and then we’ll get out into that lovely sunshine”.

  I feel like a young girl again after my first date, I am excited, as I get ready for our trip to David’s house by the lake.

  Charlie greets us with a smile, and although I ought to feel embarrassed by the indication of what we have been up to, I don’t and Charlie treats us like a long lost family, as he hugs Simon and me together.

  “I really enjoyed the barbeque at your mother’s yesterday.” He says “And I enjoyed your father’s company. We have all have a lot in common and I hope we have lots of times like yesterday.”

  “Come on Simon let me take you around the lake so that we can find your favourite birds, I’ve seen a new nest where the young ones will be leaving soon, and there are quite a lot of squirrels jumping around in the woods on the other side of the lake.”

  Simon takes Charlie’s hand and after filling a flask with a cool drink they head off together on their great adventure.

  As soon as they are out of sight David folds me in his arms and takes my hand and leads me to his bedroom. I’m so ready for his lovemaking that I can’t wait to undress and we hardly reach the bed before he is inside me and I am trembling with lust and love. We recover slowly and then we undress and slowly make love in a gentle way as we slowly caress each other until we cry out in ecstasy. We then kiss, with our hearts beating madly and stay in our position until we recover, and gently we sit up and wind our arms around each other, feeling so close that nothing has happened like this to us before.

  “I do love you Sarah.” David whispers.

  “I love you too. I didn’t think I would ever feel like this again, but I think this being together, is so beautiful and you make me feel so safe and cared for.” Sarah replies.

  “Will you marry me Sarah? “Asks David. “I’m sure Simon will be pleased, you know what I think about your son.”

  “I will, of course I will. We must ask Simon if he wants you for his daddy but I’m sure he will say yes like me.”

  They dress quickly after showering together in a state of euphoria and proceed to make a drink to take into the garden as we wait for Charlie and Simon to return from their walk.

  “Do you think we should tell Charlie and Simon when they return?” Asks Sarah. “I hope they approve, I know Simon will be pleased and I’m sure Charlie will love having Simon as a little mate.”