shadowland

by Radclyffe

  “Yeah.” Kyle smiled gratefully, then leaned down and kissed Nancy’s cheek. “Thanks. I need to crash.”

  “It’s late. You know where the guest room is.”

  “Yeah. Thanks.”

  “Mmm. See you in the morning.” Nancy watched Kyle walk away and slowly finished her cigarette, thinking about what she had seen that night and what she wanted now. She hesitated a minute outside the guest room, listening at the half-open door. She heard nothing from the darkened room and finally walked on.

  When she stretched out alone beneath cool crisp sheets, when she revisited the sights and sounds of the evening, she tried to think of Kyle, a woman she trusted and loved. But when she came, she saw Brad’s face. When she turned on her side, still gasping with the wrenching pulsations, she remembered Brad’s hands—and ached to feel them again.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Dane awoke to a cold nose in her ear.

  “Go away,” she muttered, ineffectually pushing at the huge head with one arm. She tried to regain her dream, an erotic collage of soft, tanned skin, warm tender lips, and fiery caresses. Just as she began to drift into Kyle’s enticing embrace once again, the covers were roughly tugged off, leaving her bare and shivering.

  She bolted upright, blinking in the harsh sunlight. “Damn you, Baron.”

  The big black dog sat happily at the foot of her bed, the blankets in a tangle around him. He almost seemed to smile at her as he panted excitedly.

  As Dane swung her legs over the side of the bed and reached to retrieve the covers, the phone rang. Snarling, she snatched up the receiver and snapped, “What!”

  “Well, a nice hello to you, too,” Caroline replied. “Are you awake?”

  “No!” Dane shouted. “The only one up around here is Baron.”

  Caroline laughed. “It’s seven o’clock. We’ll be set to go in an hour. Are you alone?”

  “Yes.” Like I’ve been every night for the last two weeks. She hadn’t been out to the clubs since the night she’d been with Kyle at Encounters. She kept telling herself, night after restless night, that she just wasn’t in the mood for a scene, or even for a quick vanilla sex fix. But she couldn’t avoid the truth, especially when she dreamed. The only person she wanted to see, to touch, was Kyle. And that scared her. Wanting someone made you careless, made you vulnerable—and being vulnerable was what had led to her downfall.

  Just thinking about Kyle made her stomach clutch.

  “I’m alone.” Dane dropped back against the pillows and closed her eyes against the start of a headache. Reaching out blindly, she fumbled on the bedside table for her cigarettes.

  “Then you shouldn’t have any trouble being ready on time. See you, sunshine.”

  *

  “Is she up?” Anne asked as she walked into the bedroom from the bathroom, toweling her hair.

  “Sort of.” Caroline had heard nothing but a click as Dane had unceremoniously severed their connection. “Sounds like she’s in a bitchy mood, though.”

  Anne sighed. “So what else is new?”

  “Does she seem that way to you, too?” Caroline shed her robe and stepped into underwear, then pulled on khaki chinos.

  “Excuse me? These last few weeks she’s been unbearable.” Anne pulled on a blue T-shirt with Daneland embroidered in yellow above the image of a dog’s head and scowled over at her lover. “I don’t think I’ve done one thing right around the kennel in days. I can’t even answer the phone properly.”

  “You know it’s not you, don’t you?” Caroline tucked in a blue polo shirt—one that matched Anne’s T—as she crossed the room to her. When she wrapped her arms around Anne’s waist, she was surprised to feel her lover pull away. For an instant, Caroline’s heart faltered, ambushed by her barely contained fear that her young lover would someday leave. “Anne?”

  How can I know it’s not me when no one tells me anything? Even you? Anne struggled with the frustration of the all-too-familiar sense of being left out of what was happening around the kennel. The personal closeness between Caroline and Dane didn’t help. Still, hearing her lover’s uncertainty was enough for her hurt to give way to tenderness. She kissed Caroline very lightly on the lips before settling into the embrace and resting her head on Caroline’s shoulder. “I know, but it still bothers me. Do you know what’s wrong with her?”

  Involuntarily, Caroline stiffened slightly. She never liked to discuss Dane’s personal life. “I—”

  “Oh, sorry.” Angrily, Anne stepped back and turned away. Her eyes brimmed with tears despite her resolve not to give in to the hurt. “I didn’t mean to infringe on your special relationship with Dane.”

  “Babe,” Caroline whispered softly, sadly. Carefully, she rested her hands on the younger woman’s tense shoulders. She hated it when Anne was unhappy, but she owed it to Dane to guard her confidences as well. Faced with failing one of the two women she loved, she bled.

  Anne kept her back turned, not even certain why she cried.

  “Hey, babe,” Caroline repeated as she slowly drew Anne around to face her again. The confusion in her lover’s eyes broke her heart. And made her decision. “Dane hates to have anyone know what’s going on with her. It takes a long time for me to get anything out of her.”

  “I know that.” Anne wiped her eyes. “It’s just that sometimes I feel like such an...outsider.”

  “Anne, oh, baby.” Caroline hugged her tightly. “You are the most important thing in the world to me—don’t you know that yet?”

  Anne wrapped her arms tightly around Caroline’s waist and smiled faintly. “Is this where you tell me I’m being stupid?”

  “No, because you have a point.” Caroline sighed and rested her forehead on Anne’s. “My relationship with Dane is special because we’re old friends and we have a lot of shared history. Even so, I would never want that to take anything away from you and me.” She kissed Anne’s forehead. “Sometimes I don’t think about that as much as I should. I’m sorry.”

  “I’m a little jealous, I think,” Anne confessed quietly.

  “Jealous?” Caroline’s tone was incredulous. “God, don’t you know you’re everything to me?”

  Anne tilted her head, studied Caroline’s face. “Yeah?”

  “Oh yeah.” Caroline kissed her again, this time on the mouth. And this time with the passion and desire that she had failed to convey with words. When she finally relinquished Anne’s mouth, her breathing was shallow and Anne’s eyes were misty. She trailed her fingers over her lover’s cheek. “I’m sorry that I haven’t done a very good job of letting you know that you’re my whole life.”

  “No, you do,” Anne protested, brushing her fingers through the wisps of gray at Caroline’s temples. “Sometimes, I forget.”

  Caroline smiled tenderly. “Then I’ll just remind you more often.”

  Anne pressed close for one last instant of physical connection, then reluctantly stepped away. “We should finish getting ready. We still have to pick up the van, load the dogs, and get the reluctant king.”

  “Mmm.” Caroline gathered her wallet and keys. As she followed Anne downstairs, she mused, “You know, if I knew what was bothering Dane, I’d tell you. But I don’t. She’s stopped talking to me, too—ever since that night a few weeks ago when she left here to go out to the club.” The night after she let someone beat her until she nearly bled. God, what is hurting her so much?

  “Is she seeing someone?” Anne locked their door and the two headed toward their Jeep.

  “Not that I know of, but I certainly wish she would. She needs someone.”

  Anne laughed shortly. “Dane?”

  The genuine disbelief in Anne’s voice reminded Caroline how young she really was. “Probably more than most of us.”

  *

  Dane climbed into the back of the van, leaned up against one of the dog’s crates, and asked abruptly, “When are we showing?”

  Caroline glanced at her friend in the rear-view mirror. “Good morning. We’re fine
, thanks.” Expecting no answer and getting none, she glanced irritably back at the road. “We show at one o’clock. The Schutzhund exhibition is at three.”

  It was the biggest specialty show of the season, and they all knew it was important that their kennel be well represented. Breeders and buyers followed the results of such shows religiously, and if Daneland Kennel’s dogs finished well, it would mean more business. Caroline was scheduled to show three of their own and another of Baron’s sons from another kennel over the course of the afternoon. But she was especially edgy because Anne was showing one of their new bitches in a point show for the first time. Anne displayed talent for showing, and now that their kennel was expanding, Caroline needed help. Still, she was nervous, and she counted on her more-experienced friend to get them all through the day. “Dane? You are going to show, aren’t you?”

  “I have to.” Dane stared moodily out the window. She’d entered Troy in the advanced obedience exhibition later that day. “Troy is counting on it.”

  “We’re all counting on it,” Anne murmured, her own anxiety showing.

  Dane turned to where Anne sat in the front passenger seat as if seeing her for the first time. Fleetingly, her eyes lost their chill, and tenderness softened the hard edges of her expression. “All set for the big day, Chicken?”

  Caroline drew a sharp breath but kept her gaze forward. Dane had not called Anne that in what seemed like an age. Twisting in her seat, Anne searched Dane’s face, trying to find the strong, compassionate woman who had led her so gently into awareness just a few years before. But by the time she looked, all she found were the trails of Dane’s pain etched across her face and the scars of many wounds hardened in her eyes.

  “Yes, I’m ready.” Anne’s smile was sad, her heart aching for the woman who had held her so long ago, and whom she had loved so fiercely in return.

  Silently, Caroline watched the exchange from the corner of her eye, seeing for the first time not the much-younger woman she had fallen in love with, but the mature woman her lover had become. She reached over and grasped Anne’s hand.

  “Do you know that I love you?” Caroline asked softly.

  Anne squeezed her hand. “Yes.”

  *

  The showgrounds were chaos. Anxious owners and keyed-up handlers milled around the judging rings with their dogs, half of whom barked at every other passing animal. Latecomers rushed about in search of the appropriate rings, and harried judges struggled to keep the events on schedule. Dane watched from a ringside chair as Caroline brought out the first of their young bitches in the open class. Maia, a Baron daughter, was just two years old and in perfect condition. Dane was especially proud of her, for she represented one of the first products of her own breeding program.

  “Nice-looking bitch,” a cool voice said from behind her chair.

  Dane stiffened imperceptibly and turned to look up at Brad, who stood with one hand in the pocket of her jeans and the other loosely clasped around black leather driving gloves. Purposefully Dane met the slightly mocking gaze for an instant, despite the churning in her stomach, and then deliberately looked back at the ring. “Thanks.”

  “So, how have you been, Dane?” Brad placed her hand lightly on Dane’s thigh as she knelt down beside the chair to watch the event. She smiled to herself as Dane pulled her leg hastily away.

  “Fine.” Dane kept her eyes on Caroline and Maia, determined not to let Brad see her discomfort. She broke out in a sweat and her heart thudded almost painfully in her chest.

  “Seen much of Kyle lately?”

  “No.” Dane stared straight ahead, her jaws clenched so tightly they ached.

  “Too bad. She’s quite a woman.”

  The brittle walls of Dane’s defenses snapped. “How would you know?”

  “Well, I admit I’ve only had a taste.” Brad laughed. “I haven’t had the pleasure of quite all of her yet. But I will.”

  Dane turned her head, her blue eyes hot with fury. She and Brad were close enough to kiss. “Are you so sure of that?”

  “I might not be, if it were anyone else but you she wanted.” Brad lifted a shoulder. Her dark eyes were smoky, her voice husky. “You’re too much of a fool to know what to do with her. But I’m not. She’ll come around.”

  Dane rose quickly, catching Brad unaware. She looked down at her, nearly choking with rage, hands clenched tightly at her sides. And wanting nothing more at that moment than to drive Brad’s insolent face into the ground.

  “You’re wrong about her, Brad. She’s too good for either of us.” She stepped quickly around Brad’s surprised figure and stalked away from the ring.

  Brad laughed at Dane’s retreating back as she straightened up.

  “Why don’t you leave her alone?” Caroline asked angrily. She’d seen the end of their encounter as she had led Maia from the ring.

  “Why, Caroline,” Brad soothed, hands raised in supplication. “What have I done?”

  “You know damn well what you’ve done. You bait her and push her whenever you can. Why don’t you just let her be?”

  “Because she’s too much fun to let go of.” Brad’s voice and expression had hardened. Her tone was glacial. “Besides, she needs to learn some discipline.”

  “You bastard.” Caroline quivered with rage. “You tried that once and nearly killed her.”

  Brad shrugged, the corner of her mouth curling in cool amusement. The memory both pleased and aroused her. “Don’t forget, she asked for it.”

  “Not like that, she didn’t. What you did to her—”

  “You don’t know what she asked for, do you?” Brad leaned close, her tone sharp as a lash. “But you know what she likes, don’t you, Caroline.”

  Nearly blind with anger, Caroline took a quick step toward Brad, who had turned to leave, but was brought up short by a tug on her arm.

  “Honey, let her go,” Anne said quietly. “You can’t change her. Dane will just have to find her own way to deal with her.”

  Caroline gazed from Brad’s retreating figure to her lover, allowing her anger to dissipate. “My God, when did you grow up? Have I missed it all these past few years?”

  “I think you’ve been so worried about my age,” Anne laced her fingers through Caroline’s and smiled a little ruefully, “and that I might run off in a frenzy after someone else, that you never noticed it was you I’ve always been crazy about.”

  “All right, lover, you win. I am a jerk on any number of levels.” Caroline closed her eyes for a second, breathing in Anne’s scent and drawing comfort from her solid presence. Then she sighed and met Anne’s worried gaze. “I’m okay. But we have two more dogs to show, and...”

  Anne took a deep breath, “You’d better go see to Dane.”

  Caroline kissed her swiftly. “You’re right again. I’ll catch up to you later. And I won’t forget what I have in mind for you.”

  “Just maybe I have plans for you.” Anne ran her fingers down Caroline’s arm. “I’ll take Maia. Go.”

  Five minutes later, Caroline found Dane at the van, sitting on the tailgate smoking a cigarette. She sat beside her and slipped her arm lightly around Dane’s waist. The whip-slender body felt tauter, more honed than she remembered. A steel wire strung to the breaking point.

  “Maia won, Dane.”

  “Good. She deserved to.”

  “Anne’s showing Tara next. I know she’d like you to be there.”

  Dane nodded, her face set. She stared blankly ahead, every muscle tight. “I will be.”

  “Can’t you just close her out, instead of the rest of the world?” Caroline asked softly.

  “I can’t.” Dane’s voice was bitter, heavy with resignation. “Not when she reminds me of what I am—or what I’m not anymore.”

  “No,” Caroline objected. “She does not make you who you are—she can’t do that.” She risked putting her free hand on Dane’s arm. She wanted to gather her close, to rock her until the pain was gone. “You were nearly destroyed, but you’ve come
back from it. I know what that took. I was there, remember?”

  “It doesn’t matter.” Dane shook her head and glanced down her own body as if it were a stranger’s. “There’s nothing left of me. She wants Kyle, and she’ll have her, because I have nothing to offer.”

  “Oh, Dane—you’re so wrong. Won’t you try, just try with Kyle?”

  “I can’t, Caroline. I can’t fight Brad for her—besides, I don’t care enough anymore to try.”

  “You mean you don’t want to care anymore.”

  Dane merely shrugged, her face revealing none of the despair that threatened to choke her.

  “Come on, let’s go watch Anne show them how it’s done.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  Kyle sat on a shady knoll above the show ring with her back against the trunk of a weeping willow. For the last hour she’d strolled the grounds, watching the events and trying to figure out what was happening. It didn’t take long to discern that the animals were grouped by sex and age, and that males were called “dogs” and females “bitches.” She found the term “puppy bitch” unexpectedly endearing and grinned every time one of the ring announcers said it. But exactly what made one animal a winner eluded her. They each looked perfect, and the fact that they all looked exactly alike—to her eye at any rate—did nothing to dispel the confusion.

  Nonetheless, the obedience trials now being held in the ring below were much more interesting to her than the conformational competition had been. The dogs were given a series of commands, sometimes separately and sometimes in a group. As one, they responded with flawless control. The dogs, so powerfully built and obviously intelligent, appeared perfectly attuned to their handlers’ commands. Kyle found that bond of mutual respect and discipline between animal and master exciting. It seemed so much deeper than love alone.

  As she watched the choreographed routines, she flashed on her last night with Dane, recalling the painful distance that had loomed between them even as they seemed so intimately connected physically. Nancy had been right about a lot of things that had initially bothered her about that scene. She had wanted Dane to top her. But what she had desperately missed, even as her body responded sexually, had been some emotional link to connect them even in the midst of their separate roles. If Dane had touched her after it had ended, or had at least allowed Kyle to touch her, she would not have felt so alone.