shadowland

by Radclyffe

  To her greater amazement, Kyle became quite accomplished with a variety of crops and whips. Her initial unease at causing physical pain abated as long as she was sure her partner took pleasure in it, and so long as Kyle could trust the woman to know her own limits. To be safe, Kyle never played a scene with anyone young or inexperienced—or high. She even stopped drinking completely when planning on a scene, just to ensure that she would never lose control.

  And although she rarely achieved physical release with her partners, she was able to lose herself for a few hours in the intensity of a scene. For a while, that was enough. She often remained completely dressed, and she never allowed anyone to top her. Without realizing it, she became the archetypal top—cool, controlled, physically distant. She could create a scene, give pleasure in the way her partner wished, and walk away untouched herself.

  But as time passed, an overwhelming sense of loneliness would suffuse her on the long drives home. Once home, she couldn’t sleep. She recalled images of the woman she had just pleasured, and felt nothing. There was no one who moved her, no one able to penetrate her self-constructed barriers. She sat with a brandy watching the intricate patterns of flame dance in the fireplace, wondering what was happening to her.

  As her sense of detachment grew, her encounters became less frequent. The brief intimacy reminded her all too painfully of how much she longed truly to touch someone, and to be touched in return.

  Chapter Twenty

  The evening was cool, and Kyle was on her way in with an armful of wood when the phone rang. She dumped the logs and grabbed the phone.

  “Hello.”

  “Kyle, this is Roger.” His anxiety rippled across the invisible connection. Before Kyle could respond, he went on hurriedly. “Is Nancy there?”

  “Uh, Roger...” Kyle cursed under her breath. She hated to lie. “She—”

  “Never mind. I know she isn’t.” He sighed, a sound like surrender. “I guess I’ve known for a long time that she wasn’t with you or any of the other friends she said she was visiting.”

  “Hell, I’m sorry, Roger.” Kyle empathized with him, but she really didn’t know what to say that wouldn’t sound false. “Maybe she just got held up somewhere.”

  “You don’t understand. She didn’t come home last night at all, and there’s no sign that she’s been back to the house today. I wouldn’t have called you if I knew what else to do.”

  “Roger, why don’t you come over here.” Kyle squeezed the bridge of her nose, silently berating Nancy for her thoughtlessness. “You sound like you could use some company. She’ll show up sooner or later.”

  “Kyle, do you think you could find her?” Roger hesitated. “Maybe...just ask her to call me or something. I need to know she’s all right. The rest—well, that’s something else.”

  “But I don’t know where she is.” Kyle’s frustration quickly gave way to guilt when she realized that she had very nearly excluded Nancy from her life completely. Suddenly she felt very selfish. She’d been so absorbed by her own pain that she hadn’t even tried to reach Nancy. “I’m sorry.”

  “I know she’s your friend, Kyle, but I love her, too,” Roger continued. “You must have some idea where she goes at night.”

  “Why should I?” Kyle asked warily, hating not knowing just how much of Nancy’s secret life Roger understood.

  “She’s seeing a woman, isn’t she?” Roger asked quietly. “It’s different this time—it’s not like her little flings with men used to be. She’s been so preoccupied that she doesn’t even pretend to hide what she’s doing. I always felt before that she just wanted a little diversion, but this time something’s changed.” He stopped, obviously distraught. “I should have confronted her before this, but I was afraid if I questioned her, she would just leave for good.”

  Fuck. Kyle didn’t see that she had any choice. “Look, Rog—Nancy has been going out to some clubs—women’s bars. I thought she was just curious, looking for something new. I don’t know if she’s actually involved with anyone. We haven’t really been talking much lately.”

  “But you know the places, right?”

  “Yeah.” She sighed. “I’ll try to find her. I can’t promise she’ll listen to me. But I’ll look for her, and if I find her, I’ll call you if she won’t. Okay?”

  “Thank you,” Roger said in relief. “I’ll be at home.”

  Right. Thank me. It’s my fault she ever met Brad. Jesus, I hope that’s not who she’s with. Kyle walked into the bedroom, stripped off her work clothes, and resolutely reached into the closet for her leathers. She pulled on pants, a black T-shirt, the leather vest. It was time, she thought, to do something for someone else. She couldn’t help Dane. It had been much too late. Maybe it wasn’t too late for Nancy.

  *

  Kyle scanned the street outside Leathers for Nancy’s Ferrari. It wasn’t there, but Brad’s Mercedes was. Kyle still hoped that Nancy wasn’t with her, but in her heart she knew that she was deluding herself. As soon as she entered the club, she saw them—sitting at a table in the rear, in the shadow of one of the large square columns that dotted the room. Even from a distance it was apparent that Nancy was drunk or high on something. She listed heavily against Brad’s side, one arm slung around Brad’s waist.

  Kyle walked directly to them and pulled up an empty chair from a nearby table. She turned it around and straddled it, her arms folded across the back.

  Brad looked at her in surprise, a slow smile playing across her lips. “Why, Kyle. Do sit down. What are you drinking?”

  “Beer,” Kyle said, noting the glazed look in Nancy’s eyes. She had never seen her so disheveled. Kyle’s anger, simmering for so long, flared anew.

  “Nance,” she said, touching Nancy’s arm gently, “are you all right?”

  Nancy stared at Kyle, blinking in confusion. “Kyle?”

  “Of course she’s okay.” Brad pushed an untouched bottle of beer in Kyle’s direction and nuzzled Nancy’s neck. She twined an arm around Nancy’s waist and cupped her breast, obviously fondling her nipple through the sheer material of the rumpled silk blouse. “She’s just a little tired out. We’ve been busy, right, honey?”

  When Nancy closed her eyes and moaned, her head lolling on Brad’s shoulder, Brad laughed. Never stopping the teasing movements of her long fingers, she eyed Kyle with interest. “She’s not yours, is she, Kyle? Because I’ve been training her to come just for me.”

  “Isn’t this a little beneath you, Brad?” Kyle’s voice was arctic but her stomach burned with acid. She wanted to leap across the table and squeeze her hands around Brad’s throat. “She can’t be much of a challenge for you, can she? A novice, and straight at that.”

  Kyle tipped her bottle to her lips and watched Brad carefully. She could detect no reaction behind Brad’s impenetrable facade. Kyle pushed. “I suppose after a while you lose your edge. You can’t really get it up to top someone who’s really a challenge.”

  “There’s never been anyone who could compete with me,” Brad said smugly, although a flash of anger sparked in her dark eyes. “Ask Dane. She’ll tell you just how good I am.”

  “There’s someone now, Brad.” Kyle’s hands clenched around her bottle at the mention of Dane’s name, but she was determined to maintain her self-control. Everything depended upon it. She offered the challenge that she knew Brad couldn’t refuse. “I’m the one woman left who can top you.”

  “What makes you think I’d let you try?” Brad was clearly intrigued. No one had ever even dared to suggest it.

  “Because you know I can,” Kyle said flatly. “And if I can’t,” she continued, making the final gamble, “you can have me—any way you want.”

  At last Brad’s icy demeanor cracked. She leaned across the table, eager hunger on her face. “And how is it decided. If you succeed or fail?”

  “I want you on your knees to me, Brad.” Kyle edged forward until her face was very close to Brad’s. “I want to hear you beg.” Just like you had Dane.r />
  “You’re a fool.” Brad laughed. “But even a fool can be interesting. When?”

  “Right now.” Kyle shook her head when she saw Brad look around the room. “Not here. Encounters.”

  Brad stared at Kyle in amazement. What an advantage she’s giving me. Everyone at Encounters will see her fail. And then I’ll have her, right there in front of everyone. It’s too good to turn down.

  “Let’s go.” Brad stood, then coldly regarded Nancy, who had slumped back in her chair like a broken, abandoned doll. “I’m sure the lady will find someone to look after her.”

  “Go tell the bartender to call her a cab.” Kyle’s voice was harsh and firm.

  Stunned, Brad stood still, searching Kyle’s stony countenance. Then she grinned. “All right.”

  The two women were silent as they threaded their way through the crowd to the door, but their departure did not go unnoticed. More than a few people stood to follow them out.

  The excitement of a heavy scene was in the air.

  “I’ll drive,” Kyle said when they reached the street.

  Brad, curious and uncharacteristically off balance, watched Kyle walk to her motorcycle and remove a black saddlebag. When Kyle returned to the Mercedes, she held out her hand, her eyes never wavering from Brad’s.

  Brad hesitated, dangling the keys in her fingers as she considered the angles. What is she trying to do? Psych me out? Not possible. Laughing, Brad tossed the keys in Kyle’s direction and sauntered around to the passenger side. But the more rope I give her, the more I’ll have to hang her with.

  *

  As Caroline pulled the Jeep to the curb, she noticed Dane staring down the street with a grim expression. She followed her friend’s gaze and saw a car just rounding the corner out of sight.

  “Who was that?”

  “No one.” Dane shut her eyes briefly, but it made no difference. Kyle’s figure was unmistakable. As was Brad’s.

  I shouldn’t have come back. She’d avoided the club for weeks. She’d watched Kyle change even as rumors had spread about the “new top,” recognizing the coldness that slowly smothered all feeling, all tenderness, until only emptiness remained. It had happened to her. She’d wanted to warn Kyle, to tell her to keep searching, not to give up. Someone would come to love her—as Kyle had come to her. But too paralyzed by her sense of failure, she couldn’t. And so she had stopped going out to avoid witnessing the inevitable ending to the age-old drama—the destruction of hope, the death of the innocence of the heart.

  “Come on.” Caroline stood by the side of the car, holding Dane’s door open. “I finally got you here. Let’s go get a drink.”

  Dane looked up, surprised to realize she had been drifting again. She seemed to lose track of things so easily these days. “Right,” she said, easing her long legs out of the cramped space under the dash. “I’m with you.”

  They hadn’t made it the length of the bar before Mick approached them.

  “Look, you two, I’m sorry to bother you, but I’ve got a problem.”

  Both Caroline and Dane regarded the bartender in surprised confusion.

  “What’s the matter?” Dane asked.

  “It’s that woman over there—Brad’s, uh, friend. Brad left her here and told me to get her a cab. But I can’t get anyone to drive her home. She lives way up the coast.” The burly bartender shrugged sheepishly. “Do you know somewhere she can stay? I hate to lay this on you, but I’m here until three, and she’s already wasted.”

  Dane recognized Nancy. “I’ll go talk to her. See what I can do.”

  “Wait a minute,” Caroline said, grabbing the beers Mick offered. “I’m coming with you.”

  Nancy, bleary-eyed, regarded Caroline and Dane blankly when they joined her. “Hi there.” Her voice was slurred. “Come to rescue the damsel in distress?”

  Caroline smiled at her compassionately. “Are you all right, hon?”

  “Oh, sure. Just fine.” Nancy searched in her purse for a cigarette. “I’ve been deserted—and insulted too, I think.”

  Swearing, she extracted a crumpled cigarette and then pushed the clutter on the table around. “Matches. I know I saw matches.”

  “Here,” Dane said. “I’ve got a light.”

  When Dane reached over to light her cigarette, Nancy grasped her wrist and stared at the small black and gold lighter.

  “Where did you get that?”

  Dane stiffened, but she lit the cigarette and gently withdrew her arm. She cradled the object in her palm and smiled sadly. “From a friend.”

  “Some friend,” Nancy snorted. “That friend just left here with my girlfriend...or whatever the hell she is.” She swallowed the rest of her drink and raised an eyebrow at Dane. “Buy a lady a drink?”

  “I’ll go find some coffee,” Caroline murmured.

  “Tell me what happened,” Dane said quietly, watching Nancy intently while nodding her thanks to Caroline.

  “Damned if I know.” Nancy sagged back and pushed one trembling hand through her disheveled hair. “God, I’m a mess.”

  “Try to remember what happened.” Dane dragged her chair around and rested her hand on Nancy’s knee. “It’s important, Nancy.” She swallowed. “Kyle could be in trouble.”

  “I doubt that.” Nancy grimaced and tried to focus on Dane’s face. “They were making some sort of bargain or something. ‘I’ll do this if you do that’—it didn’t make any sense. Kyle—” her voice broke suddenly. “Kyle was acting like some damn avenging angel. Out to save my honor.” She looked at Dane astutely, her eyes clearing for a moment. “Or someone’s honor.”

  Caroline placed a Styrofoam cup of steaming coffee on the table. “Try to drink some of this. I think it’s safe.”

  Dane shifted tensely. “Tell me what Kyle said to Brad.”

  “Dane,” Caroline said, afraid for her, “let it go.”

  “No.” Dane clenched her fists where they lay on her thighs. “No. Kyle doesn’t know Brad. She doesn’t know what she’s capable of.” She turned back to Nancy, her eyes hard. “Think. What did Kyle say?”

  “She said something about being the only left top—” Giggling softly, Nancy shook her clouded head. “No, that’s not right. The only top left? I know—the only one left who could top Brad.” Her eyes, suddenly clear, bore into Dane’s. “That’s a bitch, isn’t it? Top the perfect top.”

  “What else?” Dane’s stomach was queasy.

  “Something about if Kyle couldn’t, Brad could do whatever she liked.”

  “Oh, Christ,” Dane groaned. She turned to Caroline, her face set. “Can you take Nancy home with you?”

  “I’ll take care of her.” Caroline’s expression grew tight with alarm. “But where are you going?”

  “I’m going after Kyle.”

  “Where?”

  “I know where,” Dane said grimly.

  “Don’t get into it, Dane.” Caroline grabbed Dane’s arm, forgetting Dane’s aversion to being touched. “It’s not your problem!”

  “Oh, but it is, Caroline.” Dane carefully removed her friend’s hand. “It always has been.”

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Kyle maneuvered Brad’s Mercedes quickly through the familiar streets. She didn’t spare Brad even a glance. When first Dane’s, then Nancy’s, face flickered through her mind, she pushed the images away but allowed the fury to remain. Her hands tightened on the wheel.

  Beside her, Brad feigned a relaxed pose while she studied the granite-like planes of Kyle’s face. She didn’t want to break the silence, to give in first, but Kyle’s utter disregard of her presence was disquieting. She wasn’t used to being ignored; she was used to being desired—or feared. Inwardly uncertain, she slid her hand under the passenger seat and detached a small, slim container.

  When Brad removed a small plastic bag from the box, Kyle glanced over and shook her head. “No drugs. I want to be sure you remember every single time I touch you.”

  The command and certainty in her voice c
aught Brad off-guard. There wasn’t anything quite as sexy as a top in total control, even to another top. Brad hesitated for a moment and then replaced the contents of the container and slipped it back under the seat. She ignored the flutter of excitement in the pit of her stomach. It doesn’t mean anything.

  By the time they reached Encounters, it was already crowded. The tables ringing the center stage were full. Women slipped in and out of the shadows near the scene rooms, while others jostled for a place at the bar.

  “Nice crowd,” Kyle remarked nonchalantly. She was relaxed, sure of herself. She even began to enjoy the anticipation of what was to come. She ordered a drink and turned to Brad. “I left my saddlebag on the back seat of your car. Go get it for me.”

  Brad’s head snapped up, and she started to protest. Then she smiled. All right, if that’s the way you want to play it. You can have your chance. It will make my victory all the sweeter. She took her time finishing her drink, although she wanted to down it fast and order another, just to settle her nerves. Then she went to retrieve the bag.

  Kyle sipped her drink, keeping her eye on the center stage. When several women approached it, evidently preparing to start a scene, Kyle strode over to them. Quietly, she said, “I’d like you to wait. I have something planned for Brad up here.”

  The top, a woman half Kyle’s size, struck a pose—legs slightly spread, arms crossed over her chest—and studied Kyle through narrowed eyes. Kyle let her look, standing easy. She had no need to flaunt her dominance or to challenge another top’s status. This wasn’t about her, it was about Brad.

  “I’ll owe you,” Kyle added.

  The top nodded curtly. “All right, but it had better be good.”

  “Oh, it will be.” Kyle knew that word of a heavy scene to come would circulate quickly through the bar. She stepped onto the stage, feeling many eyes upon her, and carefully checked all of the restraints hidden in the shadows. Someone dimmed the lights, leaving only a diffuse spot centered on the scaffold at mid-stage and a single strobe that swept the area at intervals.