Just Here for the Pain_gay rocker BDSM romance

by K. A. Merikan

  Every time Sid was overpowered, tied up, or held down, he fought it at first, yet there was a sense of peace to realizing there was nothing to be done. With his boots tied together, Sid was stuck under Asher, so he stopped struggling altogether, taking it in silence and enjoying the ride.

  When Asher pulled one of Sids arms back, Sid’s dick reminded him once more that it kept rubbing against dirt, but he still let Asher do whatever he pleased, too excited to stop. Asher took hold of his other arm too, Sid’s chest lifted off the floor, and he gasped for air, both confused and elated as the other shoelace went through the metal hoops in Sid’s leather bracelets, effectively turning them into cuffs. Second after second, the tie became more of a strain to Sid’s body, curving back his spine and sinking an ache deep into his thigh and arm muscles. By the end of it, he was unable to move, with the hogtie allowing very little give.

  “Look at you. Little skinny pig prepared for gutting.” Asher said, and the moment he let go, lost balance, and rolled to its side.

  Even without a gag, Sid couldn’t find his voice, too overwhelmed by the position and impromptu restriction. He pulled on the laces time and time again, just to check that he was trapped. On their own fucking tour bus, between their beds. He would never look at this place the same again.

  Slowly, he raised his gaze to Asher, who was no longer a nuisance, but a man who held Sid’s life in his palm and could crush him, blackmail him into things Sid didn’t want.

  Asher could have easily taken photos of him during the past few days. Bound, humiliated, blindfolded. Sid wouldn’t even know if Asher betrayed his trust, but he chose to have faith in him. It was madness when taking into account their history and the fact that Asher had been obsessively following him for years. He shouldn’t put any trust in Asher at all, yet there he was, once again allowing Asher to walk all over him and reveling in it.

  Was it because Asher was worthy of that trust, or was Sid just so desperate to get off this way that he couldn’t help himself?

  “Nothing to say? Maybe I should drag you out of here? Show everyone what a pig you really are,” Asher said, slowly rising from the cot, like a giant looming over Sid in the coziness of the familiar space.

  “No,” escaped Sid’s lips, even though the taunting was for his fucked-up pleasure anyway. And yet any time Asher turned into this authoritarian Dominant, he didn’t seem to do it just to please Sid. He was there. He was engaged in every second of it and his brown eyes burned with a fire Sid hadn’t seen there until two weeks ago, as if all Asher had ever needed to bloom was the explicit permission to put his rough hands on Sid.

  “No? You sure? What would you offer me in exchange? Because I really want to see their stupid faces,” Asher said, approaching a line used for drying laundry at the back of the bus. He removed the two T-shirts drying on it and started untying the cord from the bunks.

  Sid only needed one look at the clothes pegs to know where this was going and anticipated their bite so intensely a shiver went through his whole body. “What you want. I’ll give you what you want. I’ll suck you.” Saying it out loud made the tremble in Sid’s muscles more violent, and he pulled with his wrists for good measure, but all that did was tug his feet closer. He gave up with a deep exhale, admitting defeat. Having to do so in words was yet another wall crumbling inside of him.

  “Really? I don’t think that’s enough. You’re not very good at it,” Asher said, but when he faced Sid with the pegs and the line, the outline of the hard dick pushing at the front of his pants was hard to miss.

  He turned around just enough to expose himself more, wondering if this pushed Asher’s buttons as much as it did his, if he liked seeing his lover so helpless and disheveled. “I can be good. I can make you come,” he whispered, humiliating himself further with his own words. He could hardly take offence at being called ‘slut’, because he sure as hell was one. Begging to suck a man’s cock. How low had he fallen? Even if nothing like that was really in the picture, Sid still could hardly cope with the tremors rising in his body.

  Asher took his time approaching, his boots rolling over the grime right in front of Sid’s eyes. The next step had the grooves of one sole sink deep into Sid’s cheek, pressing his face to the floor.

  His breath hitched when somehow he could feel the weight of the boot all the way on his cock. Restricted movement instantly made him more pliant and obedient. He couldn’t force himself to be so submissive without bondage, but as soon as his choice was taken away, Asher was free to prod a part of Sid that stayed hidden otherwise. A part that didn’t want to serve another man, even if he had to be forced into it.

  He looked up Asher’s leg in silence and met the cruel smile that made his heart race and his dick harden. It was as if Asher turned into a completely different person the moment he was allowed to take the reins, and no matter how creepy that was or how much it really scared Sid, he couldn’t deny himself the pleasure of it.

  Asher sank to one knee, with his dirty boot still pressed against Sid’s face. Their gazes locked, and the ghost of a touch on Sid’s nipple came so unexpectedly, he actually stirred, thrashing over the floor even though it wasn’t painful at all. The contrast set an alarm in Sid’s brain, as if the gentleness could only be a prelude to death.

  He actually wished he was gagged so that there was an excuse for him to just lie there and take it. Asher pulled something out of his pocket, and Sid gasped when Asher snapped open a Swiss army knife.

  “No cutting,” rolled off Sid’s tongue all too quickly, as if panic exited his mouth in the form of words.

  Asher laughed and raised the blade so that it reflected the sparse light coming in. “If I wanted to eat you, I’d have roasted you whole, basting you in honey, so that you weren’t so bitter,” he said before laying the knife flat between Sid’s collarbones. One push would have sent it into flesh, bleeding Sid out within moments, but Asher languidly ran it down the front of Sid’s tank top, leaving behind a line of heat.

  So wrong. So risky. And yet Sid loved how it made him shiver with fear all the way to his bones. “Please,” was all he managed, ashamed of how his teeth clattered. He would have sucked Asher’s cock so hard right now, given half the chance.

  When Asher changed the angle of the blade, a sudden numbness overcame Sid’s body, but when it was followed by the sound of tearing fabric, relief became a burning hot ball in Sid’s guts. They hadn’t discussed this, but God, was this hot.

  With Sid’s chest now exposed, Asher wasted no time and twisted Sid’s non-pierced nipple, tugging on it so hard that remaining still required Sid to bite his lips. It was only once the flesh stiffened into a nub that Asher unceremoniously closed a wooden peg on it.

  Sid clenched his eyes shut, whimpering through swollen lips. The sensitive skin not only hurt, but also throbbed with heat that wouldn’t fizzle out. This wasn’t a pinch, but an ongoing sensation that would not stop assaulting Sid with fresh torment every breath he took.

  Asher laughed into Sid’s face and tapped the peg over and over, only intensifying the insistent burn. In the end, he slid his boot off Sid’s face and pinched the skin over his ribs next. One by one, the pegs created a line down his body, all connected by the plastic cord.

  Sid’s dick couldn’t have been any harder.

  “Good that you’re so skinny-fat. There’s enough to pull on,” Asher said with a sadistic grin, but this was just the beginning.

  “Gag me? Please?” Sid whimpered, worried that he wouldn’t be able to keep his mouth shut once all those pegs went. Dusk would poke his stupid face in, or worse—Mage would come asking whether everything was okay, and they’d find them like this, and Sid would just die.

  Asher smirked, dragging Sid to his knees so that he faced the bed. “You want a gag? Did I hear that right, dog? Are you tired of your own whining?”

  No matter how much a part of Sid wanted to talk back, he was in another headspace altogether. He had to agree to his own degradation if he wanted to stop it fro
m getting even worse. “Yes, please.”

  He couldn’t focus, and he wobbled on his knees, which made his distress even more pronounced. Every move hurt because of the pegs, and on top of that he had to manipulate his wrists while they were tied to his ankles.

  You could stop it anytime, a little voice in his head reminded, but he dismissed it, listening to his dick instead.

  Pushed forward, he landed with his face in his own bedding, and only the effort in his muscles prevented him from falling back to the floor. With all his limbs tied together at the back, he was helpless like a beetle, and Asher was there to prod him with a stick. The sound of a zipper rolling cascaded down Sid’s chest like a wave of heat, and he rolled his head over the mattress, whining at the sight of the erect cock bobbing between his master’s legs.

  Asher sat on the bed next to him, hands effortlessly maneuvering Sid between his legs. Everything happened so fast. One moment, Sid was breathing in the musky scent of Asher’s arousal, the next—he had a cock stabbing all the way into his throat.

  He gagged on it at first, tearing up as his throat constricted, but he focused on opening up to the violation. It was somehow a relief to start sucking on the thick, throbbing cock regardless of his own pain and desperate arousal. At least tucked between Asher’s legs, taking his dick, he wasn’t worried he’d fall over.

  There was something about this position, about the loss of balance, the constant discomfort, and being forced to rely on his tormentor that made his dick twitch and leak pre-cum even as tears spilled down his cheeks.

  Asher’s hands rubbed across his scalp, ruining the mohawk Sid had worked so hard on, but the humiliation of being used like this, as a fuck sleeve for Asher’s cock, had Sid shuddering with excitement so immense he wished it would never stop.

  He had no idea what would happen once this was over, but he also had no capacity to think about the future now. All that mattered was serving Asher as well as he could, trying to read his panting to judge what he liked most and endearing himself to the person who now had such complete control over him.

  Asher had no mercy for Sid’s throat, but who cared? Sid wasn’t a singer. Every thrust bordered on painful but still couldn’t compare to the constant torture of the row of pegs going all the way from his nipple and down his side. He’d have to make sure he didn’t change in front of his bandmates after this, because the last thing he wanted was stupid questions.

  But any worries Sid might have had evaporated as Asher insistently drilled his dick into his throat, raising the pressure inside Sid’s throbbing skull with each push. Low, choked groans filled the tiny bedroom when Sid could no longer control himself, drooling all over the stiff dick. His body was tense and straight as it balanced on bruised knees, maneuvered by the pair of strong, capable hands.

  The last few thrusts were brutal as the cockhead pressed deep into his throat, blocking his airways and squeezing yet more tears out of Sid, but it was Asher’s words that made Sid’s cock twitch. “That’s it. Swallow it all, cumhole.”

  Sid whimpered, but obediently gulped down the spunk in his mouth. Violent shivers only made the places on his body pinched by pegs ache more, but fulfilling the order to a T became the sole purpose he had in life, even if just for a few moments.

  His gullet was raw, every single piece of him aching, but it wasn’t enough for Asher, who slapped Sid’s face as soon as his cock was out. “You greedy fuck pig,” he growled, leaning forward and grabbing Sid with one arm. His hand closed on Sid’s mouth, forcing his jaws shut and blocking his nose. Before Sid could panic about the vacuum inside his lungs, the dam of his pleasure broke.

  Pegs ripped off his skin one after another as Asher tugged on the line, dragging an intense orgasm to the surface. It was like being prodded with a hot poker, and Sid’s entire body exploded with uncontrollable shudders, sending him flying into the orbit.

  Unable to keep still, he cried out, but the strong, steady hand absorbed most of the noise, locking it inside Sid’s breathless body. Desperate for care, Sid pressed between Asher’s thighs, shocked that he’d come without Asher as much as poking his dick. With chaotic thoughts thrashing through Sid’s overheated brain, he leaned into his partner’s warm embrace, still drunk on the taste of cum in his mouth.

  It didn’t matter that his arms ached, or that he’d lost a tank top in the process when his body still shook with aftershocks of orgasm despite his balls being painfully empty at this point.

  The hot, steady arms were still around him, keeping him from alarming people outside, holding him safe as he sobbed violently, completely shaken by the experience.

  He couldn’t calm down, and when Asher pulled traced Sid’s damp lips with his fingers, he couldn’t make himself tell him off either.

  “It’s all right,” Asher whispered, pressing a kiss to Sid’s temple, his arms safe rather than restraining.

  The door slamming open somewhere on the other side of the bus was like being thrown into an icy river. Sid couldn’t handle this right now. He was physically unable to inhale when he heard Dusk’s voice.

  “Jesus, Sid! How much longer are you two gonna be fucking?”

  There was no way out. Hogtied, obscenely naked, and with cum likely staining everything around him, Sid was unable to hide, unable to protect himself from discovery. But as fear sank its claws into him, Asher quickly covered Sid with a blanket while pressing Sid’s face to his chest.

  “I swear to God, Dusk, if you don’t leave now, you’re gonna need a new set of teeth,” Asher barked, even though his heart beat frantically next to Sid’s ear, as if he too was afraid of being discovered in such a compromising position.

  Sid would have crawled under Asher’s skin if he could, but being covered from head to toe with a blanket was the next best thing. Dusk would never let him off the hook if he saw him like this.

  Dusk groaned from the front of the bus. “Okay, okay. You’ve got half an hour…or something.”

  The sound of the door slamming shut flooded Sid with relief so great he sagged in the embrace. He rested his cheek against Asher’s stomach, unable to find the strength to pull away.

  The hands that had just been so brutal were now gently petting him, and their touch was so sweet no amount of aching could have soured it for him. After the argument, the scene, and being saved from the eyes of someone who shouldn’t see any of this, he was completely relaxed, limp in Asher’s arms despite the shoelaces still holding him in an awkward position.

  Asher sighed and dove in, grabbing Sid’s thigh and his side, to suddenly drag him up and roll them both onto the cot. He groaned when Sid’s weight rested on his chest but proceeded to unfastening the laces.

  “Are you okay?” he asked.

  Bit by bit, Asher freed him from bondage. The newfound liberty in movement was both relief and torment, but Sid couldn’t find the strength to get up, stretching his arms instead and trying to organize his thoughts.

  “Yes,” came out a bit too raspy for his liking, and he rubbed his eyes as soon as he remembered the tears he’d shed.

  Asher sighed, spreading his legs to lie alongside Sid on the bunk. He rubbed his hand over Sid’s knees, which felt raw and bruised, before picking up one of Sid’s wrists and examining it with care. He was still breathing fast, his body emitting the fresh yet sexy scent that he carried on him, but he seemed put together, unlike the mess that was Sid.

  “How much did the magazine hurt? I improvised.”

  This part was the worst. Having to actually talk about shit. “Not that bad. You don’t have to do this. I’m fine, I just need a breather.” Apart from his mohawk which was surely a wreck. It seemed to be a pattern, as if Asher enjoyed making it flop. Was it killer whales that had their fins flop in captivity?

  Asher rolled his eyes and rubbed Sid’s chest. “Oh, come on! I do have to do this, so you might as well enjoy it.”

  “I said I don’t want any dumb aftercare!” Sid pressed at Asher’s torso, but his arms were still tingling goo, w
hich made the shove useless. In response, Asher pushed him right back and kissed the hand he was holding—sweet, soft lips on Sid’s grimy skin.

  “You have a safeword, don’t you?” he asked, challenging Sid with the brown gaze.

  Sid’s eyes widened, his lips sealed as if Asher had sewn them shut. He did have a safeword. So why wasn’t he using it? Maybe because it did feel good to have someone touch him gently after putting him through hell? He glanced down between their bodies, to his own soft dick and the red marks left behind by the pegs. Would it really be so bad to allow Asher this offering of caresses and kindness?

  As if Asher could hear Sid’s thoughts, he pulled him close with one arm and buried his face in Sid’s sore hand, gently nudging it with his nose. “When we met, you took care of me too. You didn’t just leave me.”

  “It was your first time,” Sid whispered and gave into the caresses. He couldn’t recall lying this way with a lover in years. His hook-ups were usually about getting off and saying goodbye, but it was difficult to keep this side of his life separate when Asher was always around, trying to make friends with Sid’s bandmates on top of that.

  Asher smiled, kissing Sid’s hand and eventually rolling him to his back. Stretched over Sid, he cupped his head and gave him the softest of kisses, all affection and no aggression at all. “But you were very kind. You talked to me, and you made me feel like I mattered to someone. I want to be like that with you too.”

  “I don’t need it. I’m not made of glass. And definitely not a virgin.” Still, Sid wrapped his arms around Asher’s neck, amazed at how the boy he’d met so many years ago had grown into a man capable of both gentleness and brutality. He opened his lips to invite a kiss.