Before The Cure (Book 1): Before The Cure

by Gould, Deirdre

  “We did.”

  “You’ll never make it. They’ll tear you apart before you get there.”

  “Maybe. But if we go together, someone’ll make it to the door. ‘S alarmed. Soon as we push it open, the others should come running, ‘ssuming they aren’t already chasing. They’re sslow. Clumsy. They’ll fall or get disstracted by each other.”

  “So are we. Sslow and clumsy,” said the man across the room.

  “Yeah, but we sstill have our minds. We still want more than jus’ to slaughter and eat. Leas’ for now. We do it before we lose that part of us, we can ssave the others. Maybe our families out there. We’re dead either way. Might as well make it mean something.”

  “If they don’ wait to catch this themselves,” said Nancy.

  “They won’t. Not all of them. Wait and ssee. ‘Nother person gets ssick or Harlain calls or something out there happens, they’ll be ready. Meantime, maybe put something else on. Relax if you can. Wish I’d put some mussic on the intercom ‘stead of shutting it off. Announcements kept sscaring me though.”

  “We’re dying. How are we supposed to relax?”

  “Dunno,” admitted Neil. “Jus’ know a doctor told me best thing to sslow it down is stay calm. So maybe turn off the news. SStop thinking about this if you can. Lose yourself in something. Puzzle or one of those little games on a phone or book. Anything.” He left them to figure it out, desperate to eat the colorless, bland meal he would have scowled at a week ago.

  Shay came to see him sometime later. He still hadn’t become accustomed to the lack of a window. It made it difficult to keep track of time. He knew his mind was drifting and events, conversations became muddled. The order of things wouldn’t stay put. He could see it in the others, the way conversation would slide to a stop and then suddenly start up again when a person realized they’d forgotten to speak. Or when Nancy would stare at the now blank television screen for several long seconds before seeming to shake herself free and return to the novel she’d found in a cupboard. He wasn’t sure how long she’d been reading, but she hadn’t turned the page more than twice. They all flinched when the door opened though. The lag wasn’t in their reflexes, it was purely in how they thought. He found that more depressing than anything else that had happened, and struggled to fight against it.

  “You find your friendss?” he asked Shay when she entered. Bessie was the one carrying the ax this time, along with a box of food.

  “Some of them,” she said.

  “Good.”

  “I could have persuaded them. You should have let me talk.”

  “No. Would’ve been harder for e’eryone. The people in the cafe wouldn’t have wanted to leave. And the people here wouldn’t have wanted to rissk helping.”

  “They don’t want to leave. They’re all convinced that someone is coming. I keep telling them, but they don’t believe me. They don’t believe me about Harlain and they don’t believe the news they’re seeing— they keep telling me it’s just fearmongering. Only a few have begun to think about going. I don’t know how long we can wait for the others to come around.”

  He smiled. “I know you’re in a hurry, but I’m okay with not rushing it. ‘S gonna happen ssooner or later.” His smile collapsed as his chest clenched in a breathless kind of grief. “Wish I could hug her one more time. Ssmell her shampoo. ‘S that awful kid sstrawberry kind. And her hand, those damp, sticky little fingers that are always too looshe when we cross a street. Not in ssuch a hurry, Shay.”

  “I’m so sorry,” she said and wiped her own eyes. “I didn’t mean it that way.”

  “I know. I should be in a hurry, though. For her ssake. Two dayss, if things don’t collapse by then, we’ll go. Should last that long, Cody did. Jus’ you and me if we have to.”

  “Not sure I’ll make it through the maintenance tunnel if it’s just me.”

  “Not sure I’ll make it to the pool door if it’s jus’ me either, but I’ll be ready to try.”

  “Yeah, me too. Two days then. I’ll check on you tomorrow. You want anything from the cafe?”

  He shook his head. “Nothing I miss iss in this building.”

  “You have the number to the place they’re keeping her. Call her. Tell her you love her—”

  “Can’t.” His voice broke. “She’ll hear me thish way. Tol’ her I wassn’t ssick. Promissed her I’d come and get her. Can’t let her hear.”

  “She’d want to. When she’s older, she’ll want to have heard your voice one more time.”

  “Maybe. Maybe she’ll jus’ think thass what she wanted. She’ll be sscared, Shay. Jus’ little. Nobody’ss there with her. Let her be calm until Joan finds her. Or you.”

  “I’ll tell her what you did. When she’s ready.”

  He shook his head. “Not importan’. All I wan’ iss for Randi to be ssafe. Thass all. You don’ have to raisse her or promisse me anything, jus’ find her. Make sure.”

  Shay squeezed his good hand. “I’ll check on you soon,” she told him, “You have time to change your mind.”

  They kept a two-person watch while they slept. Neil was awake with Nancy when the power failed. She’d yelped and reached out, her torn fingernails scratching against the cast before he caught her hand. “’Sokay,” he said, “Jus’ the power. Maybe iss a storm. Hospital has a—” he broke off as the lights flickered on again. The others were sitting up around them. “The generator’ll be okay awhile, right?”

  “Couple hours, I think,” said Nancy, “Without anyone to give it gas.”

  “More now,” said a man, yawning. “No patient machines to keep on. Should be a while. Couple dayss maybe. Good thing, iss gonna get awfully cold otherwise.”

  “Cold enough to kill ush?” asked Neil.

  The man shrugged. “Dunno. Probably not for a while. Maybe not ever, if you’re waiting for the crazies to keel over, don’ think thass gonna happen. Not for a long time.”

  Neil shook his head. “Not the infected I’m thinking of. Cafe needs a push. Maybe now they’ll want to go.”

  Nancy shrunk back. “Not sure I’m going with you. To the pool. Not sure I can do this.” Two others nodded in agreement.

  “I unnerstand,” said Neil. “And if you choose that— well, I’m jus’ some guy. Notchure dad. Or your boss. But— you’re gonna end up at the pool either way. Now or a few days from now when you wander down looking for food or water ‘cause you can’t figure out how to turn on the tap and you run out of toilet water to drink. Only thing we’re gonna get to choose is if we stay in here sscared or help someone on the way out. There’s a guy down near there. Halfway. Hiding in an office. Couldn’t get the courage to come out even when we cleared a path for him. Shay talked and talked trying to get him out of the doorway. He wass so sscared. Couldn’ do it. Don’ know if he’s still sitting there or if someone got him, but I know, either way, he’s gonna die. Sstarve or get caught, one or the other. He’s not moving. And his death won’t help anyone. Jus’ gonna rot until the cleanup crew finally comes along. An’ then there was the guy I was with, Cody. Wass sick without even knowing for a long time. Finally tol’ him. We were trying to find a way out and he helped us, even after he knew he couldn’ go. Kept helping us, up to the bitter end. He knew he was ssnapping. When we ran into a group of ssick people on our way to the security office, he let himself go. Fought e’ery one of ‘em. I know he’ss gone. But he was going anyway. Made it mean something. Me too, I’m going. Not getting out of here. But I’m not gonna cower in the doorway and watch the res’ starve or get attacked either.”

  “What if there’s a cure? What if it comes a few days after you get killed?”

  “Won’ know, will I? An’ if there is, dunno that I wan’ it. You see what they do. You wanna wake up after that? You wanna kish you kids with a mouth that ate someone? You wanna know what you can do when you’re enraged? I don’ wanna know. Don’ think I could live with myself. D’you?”

  He left it to that, knowing he probably hadn’t really convinc
ed anyone. If it was only he and Shay that followed the plan, that’s how it would have to be. He tried to sleep, hoping he’d dream about Randi. But it was the memory of Brinybrickle’s leering grin that he swam out of and into screaming chaos hours later. Nancy had snapped. The man keeping watch had fallen into a doze while his partner had gone to take a shower, and Nancy’s teeth were buried in another woman’s stomach by the time Neil fully woke. There was a loose flap of skin on the woman’s face where Nancy had bitten first, and it was she who was screaming.

  “Shhhhhh,” someone urged the woman while others tried to yank Nancy off, terrified that she’d call more infected to them. It only made the woman scream louder as Nancy took more skin with her.

  “Get the nurse,” shouted a man nearby. Neil didn’t wait to be asked twice. He bolted out the door toward the cafe. He was clumsy, sliding over the floor and crashed against a wall halfway there. He groaned at the rattling blow against the cast and heard feet pelting toward him. A red ax flashed up over his head before Neil even realized that the person was coming for him rather than the disturbance behind him. “Not me,” he shrieked, even as it descended. Luckily, Bessie had terrible aim. The ax sunk into the wall next to his shoulder. “Not me,” he shouted again. “We need help, need the nurse, pleasse help!”

  Bessie sank back, leaving the ax in the wall. She was shaking. “I’m so sorry, oh, man, I’m so—”

  “Forget it, get help. Now!” he shoved at her and she ran back the way she came. It took him a few seconds to realize he, too, was shaking and pull himself upright. He stared at the ax until he realized he was drifting again, and then wheeled around and ran back toward the lounge.

  Nancy was out in the hallway. Her shoulders heaved and her shirt was so saturated with blood that he could see the shine of the wetness in the fabric. He skidded to a halt and she gurgled out a liquid growl at him. “But you weren’ that bad,” he said, still in shock. “Didn’ even bite your fingers that much. Cody wass—”

  She growled again, a clotted, nasty ripple of sound. She leaped for him and they toppled, her teeth scraping the plaster cast. It didn’t seem to slow her down, she only clawed her way past, raking ragged nails over his cheek in sizzling lines. He knocked her back, using the cast as a makeshift club until she lost balance and slid off of him and to the side. He rolled immediately, feeling slow and clumsy, but managed to get her pinned against the wall, his cast just beneath her neck. She kept lunging for him and her fingers grabbed and pinched and scraped anything they could reach. Her teeth snapped and she howled, warm spit spraying from her mouth over his cheeks. “You weren’ that bad,” he cried again, leaning into his broken arm, although it ached like he’d stuck it into flame. Her howl turned into a foaming rasp, but she still tried to thrust her face forward against his cast. He didn’t really notice until her eyes started to roll up. The white, wet sclera turned his stomach, but he couldn’t risk looking away.

  “Help,” he croaked, “Ssomeone help.”

  Her fingers fluttered away, drifted from his torn shirt. The rigid lines of her face began to slacken and droop. Some distant part of him knew she was suffocating against the pressure of his arm, but he couldn’t pull back. Couldn’t release her. Footsteps echoed behind him and he finally moved to let her go, grateful he didn’t have to do it, didn’t have to kill her. But someone shoved his cast back into place, up and under her chin, pressing hard against his arm and he moaned.

  “Got to finish it. She’s gone. You let her go, she’ll rip out the throats of three more people before we stop her, you included,” the voice in his ear said rapidly. Neil’s mind took too long to recognize it as Toby’s.

  “I don’ wanna do thiss,” he protested. Nancy thrashed slightly, her legs kicking into Neil’s shins, and then she went limp. His arm was held in place for several more seconds.

  “I know. But it’s got to be done,” Toby said. “And it’s already finished.” Neil was released. Nancy’s body slid down the wall and slumped onto the floor. He stared at her until Toby said, “Was it you who needed the nurse? Or someone else?”

  “Insside,” said Neil, pointing to the door. A few people moved toward it, but not the whole group that had come with him.

  “Why we doing this?” asked someone. “Wasting resources like this, risking our lives. They’re already dead. Just a matter of time. We should get them those pills and have it done.”

  Neil just sobbed.

  “You still you, son?” asked Toby.

  “She wasn’ that bad,” he muttered. “Shoulda been days. I killed— I killed her. I wasn’ crazy yet. I killed her anyway. I should— time for me to go too. If she— I’m losing everything.”

  “It’s okay,” said Toby patting his shoulder. “I understand.”

  “The fuck you do.” Neil flinched away from the contact. “You have no idea what thish is like.”

  “She wasn’t Nancy anymore. Just a sick animal. If you let her go, she would have done more harm.”

  “You don’t know that. None of ush know that. Something wass in there. Some part of her. Some part of me will be in there when it happens—”

  “Not enough to stop you, Neil.”

  “Back off. Leave him alone. Go see what the damage inside is if you want to make shitty speeches,” Shay snapped. Neil turned toward her voice. “Are you hurt?” she asked him.

  “Not really,” he said. “Not any way thass gonna matter in a few hours.”

  “It’s still going to matter,” she said sadly.

  “It won’t. Not really. We don’t know each other. Thass okay. Better for you that way, jus’ some stranger you left in a hospital.”

  “I wish we did. Know each other. I wish we’d been friends, Neil. I was friends with Nancy. She’s a— was a patient registrar. Calmest, kindest person. Shouldn’t have even been caught in the quarantine. I’m not sure how she did get swept up in it. She would have been horrified to be like this. She would have wanted you to know her before. She wouldn’t want anyone to remember her like this.”

  “That doesn’ ‘scuse what I did.”

  “I don’t think there’s anything that could. That’s how it should be. Shouldn’t be easy to do what you just did. Not even now. She wouldn’t have been excused for killing you if she’d gotten the upper hand. Not even when she was out of her mind. Think of it that way. You saved her from that. If there is someone left once we’re— like that, then you saved that part of her from having to know what that felt like, that weight. It’s unfair. The whole week’s been worse than any nightmare I’ve ever had. And it doesn’t look like the end is going to be much better. But it still matters to me that you’re hurt. And it’s still going to matter in another week. Another month. It’s going to matter to your daughter, too, when I tell her about you. Wish I knew you better for her sake, too, not just mine.”

  “We need to go. Soon. Nancy wasn’— she only jus’ started chewing her fingers. The others are losing their nerve. I don’ know how many will go with me in a few hours. Don’ know how many will be left to go with me. An’ the generator won’ lass forever. Maintenance tunnelss will be really dark after.”

  “I know,” said Shay. “I think the power going out shook Toby. All the television stations are down. Across the board. Harlain called last night, finally. Things are dissolving. She’s not at her post anymore. Lots of people aren’t at their posts anymore. I’m not even sure how many guards are left out there. Maybe it’s clear. Maybe you shouldn’t risk—”

  “You heard them. We’re dead anyway. ‘S not a risk for ush anymore. But it still is for you. Lemme do something to help. Let it matter.”

  Shay nodded. “You got a clock in that room?”

  “Yeah. Haven’t looked at it. Doesn’t mean much now.”

  She pulled him down the hall toward a glass front office and pointed through the window at the clock. “It’s ten. Give me two hours. It’ll give me time to convince anyone willing and for us to get to the start of the maintenance tunnel.”


  “Took ush way longer than that,” he pointed out.

  “Yeah, but I know there’ll be more of us now. And we cleared a path. Mostly. I don’t need to get to the end, just need to get close. I’ll try and make them move faster than that. In two hours, if you can wait that long, start for the pool. At twelve-thirty, I’ll try and get us out.”

  “Okay. Twelve-thirty. Don’ be late, ‘cause that alarm’s going off then. I’m not gonna get another chance.” He hesitated. “About what you ssaid before. If I wanned you to tell Randi anything. Hug her for me, Shay. She knows I love her, but say it again, will you? I didn’ say it enough.”

  “I will. And if there’s some kind of treatment—”

  “I don’t think I want it, Shay.”

  “You do. Or you wouldn’t have left your friend alive. I’m going to come back for you. For anyone left here. I promise,” she said and gave him an awkward hug around his cast. Toby emerged with the nurse and the small knot of others from the cafe. It was obvious from their expressions that the woman Nancy had attacked was dead.

  “Good luck,” Neil told Shay.

  She nodded, unsure what to say.

  37

  In the end, it was him and three others. One of the infected had decided to stay in the lounge, clinging to the hope that someone would come and save her before she lost her mind completely. Neil could already feel his slipping. The nervous dread was likely accelerating the process. He’d bitten his thumbnail to the quick and inhaled a sharp gasp at the sudden sharp pain when he bit too far before realizing he’d even started. Definitely feel pain still, he’d mused. Poor Cody. He pushed the thought away and returned to watching the clock. One of the others had wandered around the lounge trying to find something to use as a weapon for a while before settling on a broom handle. We’re the weapon, Neil wanted to tell her. Teeth and hands and brute strength do enough damage. That’s why we’re hiding here. Don’t need the broom. But it seemed to make the woman feel better to grip it, so he held his tongue. One man cried silently for a while. The other two took Nancy’s body and the body of her victim to another room and returned just before it was time to leave. The woman who was staying doggedly ignored them, pretending they were already gone. Neil kept trying to think of happier memories. Ones with Dante, ones with Joan and Randi, ones with his mom when he was a kid, but his mind kept blanking partway through and he’d find himself just watching the seconds tick by until it was time to go. He hoped they weren’t expecting some big rally. He didn’t feel like rallying. He just stood up, instead, and went to the door. The others followed him out.