Brackenbeck

by Margaret Dickinson

  Had he been a lesser man, she might have had doubts as to his faithfulness, but it never crossed her mind that Jim Kendrick, a man of his strength of character would even contemplate such a thing. And she was right. If things were not all they could be between man and wife, he was not a man to find cheap consolation. Besides, there was his son, in whom his pride was unlimited. Jim Kendrick would do nothing to bring disgrace upon his small son.

  Jonathan grew and was a happy child. Katharine would marvel that such a sunny-natured child could have been borne by such a miserable creature as she had been at that time. His smiling round face was the delight of both his parents and in moments of mutual admiration for their son, it seemed that everything was right between them.

  It was on one of these occasions that Katharine hesitantly approached the subject of her complete recovery.

  ‘Jim, I really think I shall be able to walk again. I feel so much stronger and I’ve been exercising regularly. Will you help me to try and walk a little. I need your support. But I’m sure I …’

  The dark frown appeared immediately on his forehead and anger flashed in his eyes.

  ‘You will attempt nothing of the sort, Katharine, I’ve told you before. I forbid you to do so.’

  ‘But Jim …’

  He paced the floor whilst his small son’s puzzled eyes followed his father’s movements. His little face was unusually sober.

  ‘No buts, I mean it,’ he said, his deep voice ringing through the room.

  A whimper escaped Jonathan.

  ‘Jim, you’re frightening the child.’

  ‘I’m sorry, but you started this. You know how it worries me. You’ll do yourself untold harm and end up worse than ever.’

  ‘I could not be much worse,’ Katharine replied, her anger aroused too now. A pitiful wail arose from Jonathan. Katharine leant forward from her chair and picked him from his cradle.

  ‘Jim, please let’s discuss it calmly, there’s no need to frighten Jonathan.’

  ‘No, no, I’m sorry,’ he said swiftly and took the child from her. He carried the boy around the room talking softly to him and soon the sunny smiles appeared once more on the child’s face.

  ‘You’re being so unreasonable, Jim. I know what is wise to do and it will take a long time, but I’m sure I can learn to walk again.’

  He sat down opposite her and held the child to him. She was amazed at the bleak, hopeless look in his eyes.

  ‘Then I suppose,’ he said slowly and sadly, ‘if you have made up your mind to it, I cannot stop you.’

  ‘You can’t really want to prevent me, if there is a chance that I can walk again, Jim?’ she asked incredulously.

  But her husband did not answer and avoided her eyes.

  The weeks and months passed and the chasm between them grew deeper. Whilst Katharine fought alone to walk again, Jim drew further away from her. He seemed to devote himself entirely to his son. The boy became his life and Katharine began to feel excluded from their close relationship. Once more she felt an outsider from her husband and now even from her own child, the being to whom she had given life.

  But a child as young as Jonathan does not divide its love into unequal parts for its parents. Jonathan continued to respond to his mother as he had always done and at these times she would see the pain in Jim’s eyes.

  Could he be jealous of his own son’s love for his mother?

  Whatever was wrong with Jim? He was a changed personality. Or something so great was disturbing him as to cloud his reason, she thought. But she could not bring herself to question him. Perhaps the time would come, but it was not now.

  The day came when she took a first step. She felt the thrill run through her as she realised her hope was now a reality. She pushed her right foot forward and found it responded. And although she was shaky and her step like that of a drunken man, she was walking.

  She sank back to her bathchair and willed herself to calmness. But the excitement and pleasure were almost unbearable.

  And there was no one there to share this moment with her. How she wished Jim was at her side. She could hardly wait to tell him. But no, she thought, I will not tell him until I can walk properly.

  And so she kept her secret for a few days more. The difficult part was now over. Each day she gained in strength and her complete recovery was swift now that she had overcome the barrier of the first step alone.

  When she could walk right round the drawing-room quite naturally, she decided it was time to tell her husband.

  Katharine was half afraid and half delighted with her news. Afraid for Jim’s reaction and delighted that at last she could look forward again to a full life. A life with her son, and if he wished it, at her husband’s side.

  No more sitting at home in a bathchair whilst Jim jaunted out. No more watching her son from a distance whilst he played. No more a watcher, from now on she was a participant in everything.

  When Jonathan was abed and the servants in their own quarters after dinner, Katharine decided, was the time to tell him.

  ‘Anthony’s coming to dinner tonight,’ Jim announced when he arrived home.

  ‘Oh no,’ Katharine said, before she could stop herself. She had wanted this evening to themselves.

  This evening was to be so special.

  ‘You’ve never minded before.’ A dark cloud crossed his eyes. ‘I’m sorry if I should have given you more warning but our table is always well-stocked. I see no need for more preparation.’

  ‘It’s not that, it’s …’ she faltered.

  ‘Well?’ he asked sharply.

  ‘It’s nothing, Jim. It will keep.’

  She saw the question in his eyes but did not enlighten him. She wanted the moment of telling him to be unspoilt – perfect.

  And so she spent the evening in a turmoil of anticipation. She heard little of the conversation which passed between Jim and Anthony until Anthony spoke directly to her.

  ‘You seem preoccupied this evening, Kate,’ he smiled. ‘Anything worrying you?’

  ‘No – no. What could there be?’ And she glanced at Jim. He was not looking at her, but gazing out of the long window down across the darkened valley.

  But she knew Anthony had seen her quick glance at her husband and realised that he would understand things were not entirely smooth between Jim and his wife. She sighed to herself. Now that the time had come to tell Jim, she wished she could get it over. But Anthony’s visit had prolonged the agony of waiting. The evening dragged on. She knew she was being a poor hostess, but could not help herself. Over and over in her mind, she rehearsed the words she would use to tell Jim.

  At last Anthony left and when Jim returned to the drawing-room, she saw that he was not in the best of moods to receive her news and she was tempted to put off the moment.

  But the last few hours had shown her that waiting was almost worse.

  ‘Jim, I have something to tell you.’

  ‘Well?’ His tone was discouraging.

  ‘Watch.’

  Slowly and carefully she heaved herself up from her chair. She stood facing him and slowly walked towards him.

  She was unprepared for the misery in his eyes, the lost, hopeless look. She lost her concentration on walking, to which she still needed to give effort and thought.

  ‘Jim!’ She held out her hands as she began to fall. He caught and supported her, but did not hold her to him.

  She looked up into his face and tried to read his expression.

  ‘Jim,’ she said softly, pleadingly. ‘ What is it? Whatever is the matter? Why don’t you want me to walk again?’

  ‘Oh Katharine, my love!’ he murmured, burying his head in her neck, his voice hoarse with emotion. His arms were round her now, with the strength of desperation.

  After a moment he raised his head again.

  Again the closed expression came into his eyes. He was master of his emotions once more.

  ‘I’m sorry.’

  He held her at arms length.


  ‘I should not have embarrassed you.’ He saw that she was able to stand on her own and turned away from her.

  Katharine watched him in silence, her heart heavy with disappointment and fear. She had thought that everything would come miraculously right when she walked again, but it had only served to make matters worse.

  ‘When will you be leaving?’ he asked.

  ‘Leaving? What are you talking about?’

  He swung round.

  ‘Well, you’ve nothing to stay here for now, have you? Now you can walk, you’ll be wanting to get back to that hospital in London.’

  ‘So that’s it!’

  ‘What is?’ he said, immediately on the defensive.

  ‘Why you didn’t want me to walk again. You thought if I walked again, I would walk away from Brackenbeck – back to medicine.’

  ‘Well, won’t you?’ he said bitterly.

  And the unspoken words lay between them – you did once before.

  ‘No, not this time,’ she said softly. ‘I’ve found my true love. I’m here to stay.’

  ‘You mean – you mean …’ he said.

  ‘I mean I love you, Jim. And I’m here for keeps, if you’ll have me?’

  ‘Have you!’ And he covered the distance between them in huge strides. ‘Katharine, I was so afraid.’

  ‘Oh, Jim, Jim. Have you so little faith in my love for you?’

  ‘But,’ he shook his head. ‘You’ve never said it before. Not until now.’

  Her arms tightened round his neck.

  ‘Well, I have now,’ she said mischievously. ‘Fancy you thinking I would leave you and little Jonathan. What a dreadful picture you have of me.’

  ‘Katharine, please – I –’ he said with contrition.

  ‘I’m only teasing, Jim my dearest,’ she laughed.

  Jim smiled then grinned. And then he too laughed aloud.

  And their laughter rang through Kendrick House and echoed through the valley of Brackenbeck.

  Copyright

  First published in 1969 by Robert Hale

  This edition published 2014 by Bello

  an imprint of Pan Macmillan, a division of Macmillan Publishers Limited

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  ISBN 978-1-4472-9022-3 EPUB

  ISBN 978-1-4472-9020-9 HB

  ISBN 978-1-4472-9021-6 PB

  Copyright © Margaret Dickinson, 1969

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  author of this work has been asserted in accordance

  with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

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