by Ed Nelson
Dad made another call, he knew a guy, who knew a guy. Anyway, he got through to a sod company.
My Dad has become a wheeler-dealer, at least a better one, he had always made trades for interesting items, but this was on a larger scale.
The sod company would move the putting green for free in exchange for all the grass on the driving range. We could keep the driving range markers and other equipment. We could set up a driving range outback, it wouldn’t have the nice grass for a few years, but I could still practice my irons.
My driver would clear the back fence, I don’t think anyone walking along the trail near our back gate would appreciate that. That aggravated me to no end.
Then it dawned on me there was an area where I could hit the ball as far as I could with no danger. The US Forest Service airbase. I still had a Cessna in the hangar there.
John and I went over to the Forestry Service the next morning to see the chief ranger. He was in and when I explained that I wanted to put a driving range in he told me there was one condition. He and his people could use it.
I had no problem with that. He asked if I was going to put a putting green next to it. It did make sense to have them together, so I revised the backyard plan.
Then John and I went back to Ontario for my putting practice. Sam was there bright and early. I played it straight with him as this setup was near and dear to him. There is a time to be a jokester, this wasn’t one of them.
“Sam, I have come up with a way to save the putting greens and use the driving range equipment on a new range.”
He looked at me skeptically.
“We are moving the practice greens to a US Forest Service airbase near my house. We will set up a driving range using all this equipment. The grass out there is rough for a range but I’m sure you can get it in shape.”
From there I gave him the whole story.
“Where do I fit into this?”
“I thought that we would build you a small house next to the equipment shed we need, and you live there rent-free plus a salary. You will maintain it for the forest service people and my use.”
I had to go over it several times until he understood. Then I got a hug. Sometimes it is good to be rich.
The sod people were anxious to start. They had been told that they would be working with Sam. The move would start tomorrow which worked out well as I was flying to Augusta to play golf with Ike.
Then I got down to business. I went through the same practice routine I had the day before. Both John and Sam were watching my swing like hawks.
John suggested we might want to buy a camera so we could capture my swing. I told him to investigate that.
There were no dramatic improvements but no backsliding. Another ten thousand or so putts and I might get it.
At home, I brought Dad up to date on my plans for the practice setup. He told me he was glad it could be done that way. In our enthusiasm, we had forgotten that Mum used that area for her charity outdoor events. We had dodged a bullet.
The next morning John’s wife dropped him off at the house and we took a limo into LAX. John had collected my clubs and other gear from Riviera.
I had thought about duplicate sets and had ordered a couple to be kept with me in case of a disaster but was reluctant to change even if they were identical.
Our flight to pick up Ike was uneventful. I even picked up a couple of hours for my logbook. He was waiting with his secret service guard at the airport. He only had a small overnight bag. He kept clubs at Augusta, so we were good to go.
The flight down to Atlanta and then onto Augusta was smooth. John and I had our clothes with us. Harold had a small fit when he realized he wouldn’t be traveling with us or that I wouldn’t have my full wardrobe available.
I’m sure he will get over it.
Since I was traveling with Ike, I was invited to dinner with him. It was with other members of the Augusta National Golf Course. They were a stuffy group to me, though they were very polite.
John had to stay at our hotel and go out for a cheeseburger. Lucky John.
It appears I was made of the right stuff. After dinner, it was mentioned that if I had a sponsor and some thousands of dollars, I was welcome to join the club as an associate member. Since Ike was smiling as this was mentioned I thought I had at least one sponsor.
As far as the money that was no big deal. It would be handy to be a member and could practice when I wanted. Based on that I asked what I had to do.
It turned out truly little. It was all a setup. I had to sign some prepared paperwork and write a check. I had to be voted on by the membership committee but was given the impression that was a mere formality.
I found out later how much of a formality it was when the membership committee hanging out at the bar voted me in. The check had better clear.
The next morning, we met at the clubhouse for our round. Ike was in good spirits as this was his favorite course. After spending some time on the driving range to loosen up, then the practice greens to get a feel for their greens I was ready to play.
I thought I would tear the course up, instead, the course tore me up. Ike was incredibly happy with his eight-one. I was unhappy with a seventy-six. I could see that John and I had a lot of work to do.
I played another round in the afternoon. Since it was all walking Ike begged off. He certainly was getting on in years.
I did better the second time through, a seventy-two. I didn’t think I would ever duplicate Gene Sarazen’s shot heard around the world. After playing the par-five fifteenth hole I thought getting a birdie would be a fine showing. His double eagle of two shots on the par-five was incredible.
John was learning the course at the same time I was. He suggested on the second day that we hire a course caddy who knew his way around.
That was genius as the caddy gave us the ins and outs of every hole. John took notes on every hole and almost every shot.
We stayed the third day. Ike had gone home the next day after our round. He flew back to Atlanta and my crew took him home. He called me later and told me that was a better plane and setup than the President of the United States had.
He gently hinted that he would like the use of the plane occasionally, especially if he had to go to Europe. Try to tell the ex-President you wouldn’t loan out your aircraft.
After playing two rounds on the third day, I had enough of Augusta for a while. I would be back before the Master’s but enough was enough.
I had my trip to China coming up and I wanted to be certain I was prepared. The British had sent their Ambassador ahead to Hong Kong. I needed to get there to get my internal clock adjusted. It would take a week.
Out flight back to LAX went well. The aircrew, the hostesses, and I had got our routine down pat. I was able to even perform the takeoff. I had landed a 707 but never taken off.
Chapter 8
On Thursday, the 25th we flew to Hong Kong, arriving on the 27th. The coronation was the following Thursday so I would have plenty of time to get my body clock turned around.
I slept well on the flight when I allowed myself to sleep. I stayed up as late as I could not that it ended up helping.
A Boeing 707 cruising speed is advertised as 607 miles per hour. I know we did over 600 miles per hour but with headwinds, our flying time was longer.
Then there was a two-hour layover in Honolulu to refuel. I went for a run around the airfield to stretch my legs. One thing and another what would have been a twelve- and half-hour flight turned into sixteen.
We had left LAX at seven a.m. We lost a day crossing the international dateline, so it was early on Friday when we arrived. I had a long day ahead of me.
I was staying at The Peninsula Hotel once again. I like their style. I checked in and was taken by one of their limos to the British Embassy. The man who had been named the British Ambassador to the Forbidden City met me.
I thought that I would have days to rest up. I was informed that I was to immediately start lessons
on Chinese Imperial etiquette.
I realized that you had to bow the right depth for different ranking officials. That and a polite, how do you do, should do it. Boy was I wrong.
Some of what I learned made sense, some things I will never understand. Four is an unlucky number so never give four of anything. Eight is lucky so that works. Shouldn’t it be double unlucky? What about twelve of something, unlucky and lucky would that mean twelve is neutral?
Always greet the oldest person first, what if you don’t know who is the oldest. If you greet a woman first who looks oldest, is she complimented because she is senior or upset you think she is old?
I was told handshakes were the most ordinary form of greeting with foreigners, but that touching is only acceptable between family and close friends.
Then there is the eye contact thing, don’t do it. Look down when being introduced, shoes preferred. No eye contact is considered reverential. What if I only like them, but not revere them?
You can look at people with your head turned so it is only one-eyed. Is that where the one-eyed Jack came from?
Don’t give scissors or knives as gifts as they can be interpreted as severing a relationship. What do you give your son who just graduated from barber school?
A hairbrush?
No flowers because they go with funerals, no white, blue, or black paper. Don’t open the gift at once. Always present gifts with two hands. That one was easy because I knew about business cards.
You can refuse a gift three times before accepting it. What if I want the gift?
Entertainment is to be in public places, not the home, particularly with foreigners. We probably would forget to wipe our feet.
If I was invited into a home, it is considered a great honor and it should be accepted if possible. If not give a complete explanation. Muddy shoes will not work because you must take them off outside.
Bring a small gift to the hostess.
Learn to use chopsticks. Luckily, I could do that because you must eat well to show you are enjoying the food. This was the only place that I felt that I had an advantage, teenager here.
Don’t place chopsticks upwards in the rice bowl. It is bad luck. I suppose if you fell forward you could put an eye out.
I was to wear dark-colored conservative business suits. I didn’t know they made any other type. Not true but it sounded good.
Always use title and last name.
My business card was to be English on one side, Chinese on the other. It also had to say that Jackson Enterprises was the largest and oldest provider of cargo containers in the world.
After examining the business cards, you receive place them on the table until the meeting is over. Never write on the card unless told to.
As far as the subject of the meeting there could be a problem. They were supposed to be made in writing in advance. There would be an agenda that should be adhered to.
Listen carefully as people speak, they will take an inordinate amount of time but there will be hints of the concerns which must be addressed.
They would indicate where I was to be seated. Presumably across from a senior person as I would be the senior person representing Jackson Enterprises. In government matters, the Ambassador would take precedence.
Only senior members would speak, as the only one from my team there it made it easy.
Losing your temper is the loss of face and to be avoided.
The Chinese are very hierarchical, and decisions will not be made if the senior person is not present. These meetings are jumping-off points for other opportunities.
They most of all want to learn if they can work with you. They are shrewd negotiators and will skin you alive if allowed.
I was to remember that I was at a severe disadvantage because of the hierarchical nature of the Chinese. The teachings of Confucianism said that there is never equality. Older and senior people command the most respect.
I was taught about these things for three days straight. I was put into practice situations where I had to abide by these rules. It wasn’t fun. How I would do when thrust into reality was an open question.
The business portion of my training assumed I would have business meetings. As far as I knew I was only attending a coronation.
The first two days of the time change were terrible, I felt like I had the flu. On my previous trip, I had made the journey in steps and so adjusted a little each stop along the way. This was one big leap and boy was it hard.
By the fourth day, I was doing okay. I had no time for sightseeing as the Ambassador was determined to cram three thousand years of Chinese history and culture into one short week.
If I didn’t know he was correct in what he was doing I would have kicked up a fuss.
We debated on how I would dress for the occasion. Since the Chinese respected rank, I was going in full Coldstream Guard mess dress with all my medals. I certainly would get no respect for my age. I needed every edge I could get. That is even if I was to be in any meetings or negotiations.
I had a not-so-bright idea. I called my parent's long distance. It took a while for the operator to get my call through. When I told them what I was thinking they decided I was mad.
When I explained my reasoning, I wasn’t considered mad anymore, just one of the largest gamblers in history. A win would be incalculable, a loss would take time to makeup, but it would be made up. It’s not like I didn’t have time on my side.
They asked if I was telling Ambassador Charles Cathcart my plan, I decided not to if he couldn’t take a joke. It was my risk, not England’s. If I told him he would try to take credit for it. That was his job but this one was on me.
An item on my list was to purchase a present for the new Empress. What do you get a woman who has the largest country in the world at her feet? I doubt a day at the spa would cut it.
I already had her large present in mind, now I needed something for presentation at the public ceremony. I explained my problem to the Embassy staff. A young man who worked at the front desk told me he had an uncle that dealt in old Chinese jewelry. At a total loss of what else to do, I accompanied him to a shop that was literally in a back alley.
I kept looking to see if there was an opium den nearby. We entered an old, cluttered shop. His uncle must have been older than the shop. My mission was explained. While I haven’t mentioned it, China was in a total uproar about the Empress taking the throne.
People were being fed; life was good. When the Uncle who had a name, I couldn’t pronounce learned it was a gift for the new empress he took us into a back room and opened an old safe. He brought an old box and opened it.
This was a box containing an old necklace with a Fenghuang phoenix. He explained this was the symbol of Chinese Empresses. It is considered a symbol of luck and harmony. The fact that it had blue sapphire eyes made it even more powerful.
Wow! It was beautiful. With its beauty and symbolism, it was the perfect gift. It cost a ton of money but compared with my other gift it was nothing. I didn’t have the necklace wrapped because I wanted Lady Ping to see it when I presented it in court.
Chapter 9
On Tuesday I felt like a human again. My body clock was adjusted to Hong Kong time. Now I had to look forward to the reverse process going home. Not much fun.
I also had been checked off on my Chinese cultural understandings. It was thought that I knew enough to not be a total embarrassment to England. As the Ambassador told me, “If you have any faux pas, we will blame it on your American heritage.”
I started to laugh then realized he was deadly serious.
I was provided a guide to see the city. One day, we visited the Kowloon Walled City Park, Man Mo Temple, Sharp Island, the Po Lin Monastery, and the Tian Tan Buddha walking up all 268 steps.
That evening we went to the Temple Street Night Market. It was fascinating. Noise, smells, crowds, and you could buy anything you could name. Well, almost anything, I didn’t see any tanks or battleships for sale. There was an aircraft d
ealer set up with a Cessna 320 in the center of his large stand.
He could speak English, so I asked if I could buy a Phantom F4. He never batted an eye. He asked for my name and number and he would get back to me with a price.
I backed down quickly. Later I wondered if that were his intent or could he get me that jet.
The next day we hiked the Dragon’s Back hiking trail through Shek O Peak. It took about four hours and had some breathtaking views. Tai Tam Harbor was full of ships waiting to be loaded or unloaded. The wait times should be reduced when my port operations are active.
On Wednesday I got to play some golf. I always had a set of clubs on board the aircraft. I played at the Royal Hong Kong Golf Club which had just started hosting a new tournament the Hong Kong Open.
I needed to put that on my list of tournaments to enter. I didn’t set a course record but had a respectable 64. I was in a threesome with Bob Ramsey and Gersham Stewart. They were pleasant chaps though a lot older than me.
They told me the story of the Uganda grass that was used on the course. It had been brought from Uganda through Cairo and almost got the man carrying arrested for smuggling. Who would smuggle grass?
There was a reception at the British Embassy that evening. I had to attend in mess dress. I had never given it much thought but with my size, dressed in all honors worn I must have been an imposing figure.
That and a half-crown would get me a good cup of tea. The upshot is that even though there was a younger set at the reception they wouldn’t come near me. Instead, I was a magnet for all the old fogeys.
They wanted to talk about business or the war, World War I. I managed to dodge them for a few minutes and go out on a balcony where the younger set was gathered. There were several cute girls there, I had nothing in mind except talking to kids my age.
I love business and what goes on but sometimes I need some nonsense in my life. Teenage jokes are funny to us and no one else. I wasn’t going to have that tonight. The kids all started to migrate away, and the oldsters moved in.
