by Ed Nelson
I managed to corner one young man and ask him why all the teens kept away from me.
“We have been warned off by our parents. You are too important for us to bother.”
“What a load! First, I’m not that important, and second, I’m dying to have good company. Those old guys aren’t it. Where do you go after this is over?”
“We will sneak out to a coffee shop that is just around the corner. That way we can see when our parents are leaving and can catch a ride home.”
“Lead the way.”
We went out a side door down to the coffee shop. The place was half full of kids who had escaped the reception. There were a couple of night shift workers there, but they kept to themselves.
We had an enjoyable hour, talking about everything and nothing. I wasn’t made the center of attention nor was I ignored. It was delightful.
As the last of them were leaving I rejoined the reception which was winding down. The Ambassador came up to me.
“Did you enjoy the coffee shop?”
“I did, how did you know I was there?”
“Teenagers have been cutting out of these receptions for over fifty years and going there. It is safe and keeps them out of our hair, why should you be any different.”
“How do you know it’s safe?”
“Those night workers are all Hong Kong police.”
That was the most fun I had in a while.
The next morning the Ambassador, his staff, and I took one of the hotels Rolls-Royces to the airport. It was a three and half-hour flight to Peking. I had invited them to fly with me to save on logistics.
While on the way Harold was fussing over my formal dress. I was wearing a morning coat with long tails, a top hat, white gloves, and miniatures of all my medals. It was some sight. He had a Polaroid camera as Mum had demanded pictures.
Upon landing, we were bundled into a stretched-out Cadillac. We were taken to the Forbidden City. There we took a confusing route to one of the many buildings to wait to be summoned. There were coffee and other refreshments available. I avoided all liquids, as I knew I would spill them on my white shirt or must pee at the worst possible moment.
After a wait of several hours in which we had a desultory conversation, we were summoned to a great hall. It probably has a formal name, but I had no idea what it would be. To me, it was just a bloody great hall with several thousand people in it. Television cameras representing the entire world were there. China was letting the world know that change was happening.
A great procession came down the aisle, so we all rose. I could tell by the dress who was Lady Ping. That is, she was dressed in the historical costumes I had studied in preparation for this trip. She had on so much makeup it was impossible to tell if she was Lady Ping.
She arrived at the front of the room and several men who I thought were priests talked in Chinese. This went on for a while then a man came down the aisle. It was Deng Xiaoping. He carried a cushion and on it was a crown.
He approached Lady Ping and was ready to pick up the crown and place it on her head. He was the General Secretary of the Communist Party and President of China.
Before he could take the crown in his hands, Lady Ping picked it up and placed it on her head. She had pulled a Napoleon!
Deng was going to crown her showing her power was through the state and that the communist party was the state. She had chosen to declare her independence. I wondered how this would play out.
From the gasps and outcries of the crowd, it was a toss-up. The Ambassador standing next to me had a cogent comment, “Well I never!”
Trumpets blared and Empress Ping led the way out.
We were taken back to our waiting room but didn’t have a long stay. The new Empress Ping summoned us to her presence. Going to a much smaller hall we removed our shoes and made our way to her.
We had debated what honorifics to use. For me, we had settled on an officer talking to a higher-ranking person.
“This official wishes to congratulation you on your accession to the throne.”
The newly crowned Empress laughed and said, “Nicely done Ricky they have taught you well. Now come up here so we can talk.”
She was sitting on a sofa and patted the seat beside her. I, being a good dog robber, sat.
“I have been rather naughty you know; the Communist will want my head, but they don’t dare, or they will lose tremendous face.”
“I wondered.”
“I’m going to open China to the world and bring my people out of poverty. The communist leadership can maintain their decadent lifestyle, but things are going to change for the people.”
As she said that she stared directly at a sour-faced Deng.
I got back on my script and told her I had a gift for her on this auspicious day. I held out the open box with the Fenghuang phoenix necklace displayed. She picked it up and held it for all to see. There were oohs and ahs all around. Even Deng looked impressed.
Chapter 10
If he was impressed by that what I shared next was going to knock his socks off. This was the present I hadn’t told the Ambassador about and the one that made my parents think I was mad.
“I also have a present for the Chinese people which I’m asking you as Empress to administer.”
I handed her a formal envelope which had the fanciest calligraphy money could buy. There were wax seals and ribbons. It was well over the top.
That is until she read it, she shook herself and read it again. She gave me a look of wonder.
“May I share this,” she asked.
“Yes.”
She read the letter to the crowd. It was several simple statements. The one hundred-million-dollar loan was forgiven. It was to be administered by Empress Ping. If she couldn’t do so by ill health or her death the monies would revert to me.
I watched Deng as she read it out, He looked at me with a half-smile and shook his head. I like a good loser.
Then the impact of what I had done hit him. You should have seen Deng’s face change, what a study in contrasts. I had just given the Empress significant funds independent of the government, so their power was reduced. I had also forgiven the government's debt.
On one hand, he was happy on the other upset.
I had just upset the Chinese applecart. My financial moves didn’t completely give one part or the other power but made them more equal. Empress Ping wouldn’t be a puppet, at least financially. She still couldn’t make laws, but she sure could influence them.
It had occurred to me by forgiving the debt I had taken the possibility of nonpayment off the table and the embarrassments it would have caused.
After that presentation I made my final bow and backed off, never turning my back to the Empress. Once outside the room in the anteroom, I waited for the Ambassador.
He had previously given his unsealed credentials to Deng, now he had presented his sealed copy formally to the Empress. England now had an Ambassador to China.
He was furious with me. How could I pull a stunt like that without her Majesty’s government's permission?
I told him, it’s my money and I can spend it how I want.”
“You have influenced the policy between China and England, private citizens can’t legally do that.”
“Lord Blackhoof, British citizen did nothing. The money came from American citizen Richard Jackson. That is where I keep my funds.”
He sputtered, “But that means the United States, not the United Kingdom will get credit for the funds."
“Neither will, this was a personal gift.”
He sputtered on but had to call for instructions before he could do anything else. He did ask more questions.
“Why did your parents allow you to do this?”
“They think I’m mad, but I’m emancipated and of age in the United States to make financial decisions.”
“How can you afford such a sum?”
“It’s hard being down to your last one hundred and fifty million, but I’ll
manage. My accountants tell me that my company will earn that back within two years.”
“Not only that there will be enormous favorable tax consequences. Add to that I’m making a profit on both the wheat being shipped and the shipping itself and the cost is nearer twenty-five million rather than one hundred million. It is being paid for by my Uncle Sam.”
“What will President Kennedy have to say?”
“He won’t like the financial part; I’ll make it up to him by having the US Ambassador recognized. That means England had better get busy signing trade deals rather than whinging about what I’ve done.
“The only people I see not getting anything out of this are those in the world that think I should have been feeding their hungry. My comment is there is a difference between hunger and starving to death.”
“I have to get instructions from my office, but they won’t be happy.”
“It’s not my job to keep them happy.”
He then asked to be escorted back to the Embassy. I asked if I could use a phone to make several international calls. I could.
The first call I made was to the Palace trying to keep ahead of the Ambassador. It was still early in Peking, 11:00 p.m. so that made it 3:00 p.m. yesterday in London. That is so hard to understand. I know about the dateline, but it still felt like a time machine at work.
I got through to Mr. Norman on my first try which was just short of a miracle. Heaven knows how this call was routed. I had heard operators talking, I swear I heard French and Russian.
I explained what I had done. The weirdest sounds came over the line which was a terrible hollow connection. I realized he was laughing.
“Leave it to you to throw the cat amongst the pigeons. They will be having conniptions over at the FO’s office in Whitehall. Douglas-Home will be screaming for the Queen to have your head.”
“Will she”
“Will she what?”
“Have my head.”
“What honor have you yet to receive?”
“I have no idea.”
“Whatever it is you will probably receive it. I would settle for no less than an Earldom.”
“That is for later, I just wanted Her Majesty to know that the Empress is on her throne and that she should be favorable to the United Kingdom.”
“I will update Her Majesty, Lord Blackhoof. Now I must ring off if I’m to stay ahead of the FO.”
My next call was to the White House. Upon identifying myself I was put through to his Chief of Staff Ken O’Donnell. When I told him that I was in Peking at the crowning of the Empress and that I might have an opportunity to ask for an Ambassador exchange with the United States he interrupted a meeting that the President was having.
I brought them up to speed on what had happened. They both made comments about my sanity, but both wanted to take advantage of the situation. I was told that I had the authority to ask for the exchange. Since nothing was in writing I would be the one holding the can if things went awry.
My third and last call was home. It was 7:00 a.m. in LA, this morning. At least I thought I had the time conversions right. My parents sounded like they were awake, so I had to be close.
Again, I updated them. Mum wanted to know if I was armed. I wasn’t. She recommended that I get back to the British Embassy as soon as possible. Someone had to be mad enough to kill me over this.
That made sense to me.
I didn’t get the chance to leave. I was summoned to a meeting. It was with the Empress and Deng.
When I entered the room, I didn’t know what to think. Since neither was frowning, I thought I might get out alive.
Deng spoke first, “Lord Blackhoof you have a distinct way of causing problems, and also the solutions.”
I must have looked puzzled because I was.
“We have long realized that communism is not a solution for our country. However, those in power have stayed in power by espousing that. They will not give up that power, up to now there has been no justification for changing the system. You have given China that justification.”
The Empress spoke up, “We will keep the government structure and party name, but we will be allowing private ownership and encouraging foreign trade. China may never be a democracy, but we have been and will always be capitalist.”
What have I unleashed on the world?
“In the meantime, you have been called here because we wish to give you honor. I wanted to give you the traditional nine bestowments, but Deng has correctly pointed out that would mean you are ready to usurp the throne. Currently, there are no other Imperial honors.
Instead, I’m declaring you a Chinese citizen.
Talk about flummoxed, I had no idea what to say. I remembered that when I had time to think things through, I should do that rather than making a mistake by being impulsive.
Deng very solemnly said, “We are also going to make you a high official in the Communist Party.”
He couldn’t keep a straight face as they both burst into laughter.
“On a serious note, do you have any requests for us?”
“I do, President Kennedy would like to recognize China and exchange Ambassadors.”
“Yes, we heard him tell you. We are willing.”
And just why wouldn’t I have thought my calls weren't being listened to?
“We will be entering many trade deals; we will ask your advice on who to deal with as you are a known friend who has connections in the west’s business world.”
Was that a license to print money?
Chapter 11
“More of all this later, Lord Blackhoof. We have other people we need to talk to return to your Embassy, where there will be a thousand questions, I have no doubt.
I did, and they did. At least I was dealing with professionals. They didn’t cry over spilled milk, they made sure they understood all that had transpired.
From one point of view, not much had happened, I had written off debt, been made a Chinese citizen, and asked to advise on business deals.
Of course, there was the little matter that my writing off the debt and putting the administration of the funds in the Empress’s hands was of significance. Also, Deng’s statement that they would continue to give lip service to communism but were shifting to a capitalist society had some import.
Sir Charles, the ambassador was most interested in this aspect. He put it as, “A sleeping giant has been awakened.”
I thought a sleeping dragon was more appropriate but wasn’t going to quibble, either term described the situation.
Harold had stayed on the plane but had a suitcase with a change of clothes sent over. I needed a shower and change. Until I was sitting and talking with Sir Charles, I hadn’t realized how much I had sweat. I stunk!
I asked if I could be excused to shower and change. He told me, “Please do.”
It was now later in the afternoon and when I got out of the shower I lay down for a moment. Three hours later a man woke me for dinner.
Dressed in a fresh suit and tie I joined the Ambassador in his private dining room. The man looked tired. I could understand it. This was a stressful day for all.
“Lord Blackhoof we have seen the reaction of the Chinese people to events. There have been huge gatherings with bonfires and fireworks. The people are overjoyed.”
“That’s good to know, it is a good sign going forward.”
“Yes, it is, of particular note is the television broadcast of the Empress being crowned and her receiving of gifts.”
“My gifts were in the private reception room.”
“There was a still camera recording the event. Your gift of the Fenghuang phoenix necklace was considered both auspicious and sensitive for a westerner to give.”
“Then your gift to the Chinese people has made you a hero.”
“I’m not a hero for using money which I have plenty of to prevent people from starving.”
“They don’t see it that way.”
“The journalists who have been und
er the communist thumb are emboldened by events. Not by denouncing the old regime, they aren’t that foolish, but they are reporting news of world interest.”
“One of the stories is about a young girl and her, “Save the Puppies,’ campaign. It is now being said that her big brother is running a ‘Save the People,’ campaign. They are even selling T-shirts now.
I groaned at that, “Mary will sue me for trademark infringement.”
“Surely not her brother.”
“Especially her brother.”
“You have some family, what with your Mum and Dad's records.”
I didn’t even bother to ask what he knew; I was too worn out to care.
We were interrupted by a phone call. It was for me. It was from the US Secretary of State Dean Rusk. He had picked an Ambassador he wished to present to the Chinese. A Caleb Cushing. Mr. Cushing was considered an old Asian hand and understood the culture, as well as any westerner, could.
He was now on an airplane that was expected to arrive in Hong Kong in fourteen hours. He asked my assistance in providing transportation to Peking for the new ambassador and an introduction to both Chairman Deng and the Empress.
I could tell this was profoundly serious to them as it was only 6:00 a.m. in Washington. Secretary Rusk must have been up all night.
I asked the British Ambassador if I could place a call to Chairman Deng. You could tell he would rather not have the US Ambassador on the scene so quickly, but he had the call placed for me. The Chairman was in meetings which was no surprise, but an aide told me they had anticipated this request and I had permission to fly to Hong Kong and escort the American Ambassador to Peking.
This whole situation made me think of the Oklahoma land rush.
I wasn’t thrilled about providing a taxi service but seemed to have no choice.
There was another call for me immediately after I hung up from Rusk. It was the Chinese Minister of Health. Through an interpreter, he wanted to know who I recommended China buy desperately needed medical supplies from. I told him that the British Ambassador would put him in contact with Burroughs-Welcome, please hold for the Ambassador.
