Muscle Memory

by Stylo Fantome

  Jon watched Kitty very carefully, noted the blush staining her cheeks and racing across the bridge of her nose. He couldn't be too upset for her, though. He could remember his first thoughts when he'd met Kitty. They'd been very similar. Jon Doherty may have been hard to resist, but in certain ways, Kitty Beaumont was much harder. He had no doubt she would build the car thief up. Clean him up and fix him up and then the guy would be ready for life.

  And then Kitty would be all alone again.

  This poor, poor girl.

  He didn't let it bring him down, though. This rag tag group of people, who under normal circumstances would never have known each other, were his family. For better or for worse. He smiled as he watched Sloany laughing at something Mr. Car Thief said. Felt a warmth in his chest when he saw Delaney's dark head leaning close to Kitty's fair one as they shared some secret.

  How could anyone ever forget this feeling?

  As dinner wound down, they all made plans to meet for Christmas. Kitty would of course be spending the evening with her family. Jon and Delaney were going to Connecticut to spend the whole week with her parents. Sloany was going to Puerto Vallarta. But she would be back Christmas Day, so everyone agreed to go to her place.

  After dinner was over, Del didn't say anything. Just put on her jacket and immediately walked over to Kitty's date. She started asking him everything about himself, just chattering away, leading him towards the door ahead of everyone else, and away from Kitty. Jon smiled after them.

  She knows what I'm thinking before I do. She really is the other half of me.

  “Kitty,” he said, walking outside next to her while Mrs. Sloan took a phone call.

  “Great dinner, Jon. It's always good seeing you guys. I'm sad we don't get to do this more often,” she sighed, hooking her arm through his.

  He could tell she meant it. Learning that Jon had never gone to L.A., and that he and Delaney were, in fact, going to be together had been rough on her. She'd taken the news well for her, with only a couple crying fits. Then she'd thrown herself into work and school, and almost a month went by before they spoke again.

  It had upset him. They may have had a shitty ending, but Kitty was his friend. He wasn't going to force his friendship on her, though. He took a page out of Delaney's book and decided if he really loved Kitty in any kind of way, he would let her have her own space.

  It worked. After that first month, Kitty had called and invited them both to lunch. Del had tried to get out it and Jon had to practically carry her to the restaurant. But it had been good. Being in school and having actual expectations put on herself had done wonders for Kitty. She'd seemed like a better, more confident version of her self. He'd had high hopes that maybe she could find her forever, too.

  However, he doubted her forever would start with a car thief.

  “So what's with the guy?” he asked point blank. Her blush came back, but she stared straight ahead.

  “It's not what you think,” she insisted. “I ignored him for the first two days, and I've barely helped him do anything. I'm actually attracted to him.”

  “Are you saying you were never attracted to me?” Jon feigned hurt, slapping his hand to his chest. Her blush got even worse and she smacked him on the stomach.

  “I think we both know exactly how attracted to you I was,” she said through clenched teeth. Then she glanced around and pulled him to a stop. “I think ... I mean, I know I like him. Okay? I think about it a lot.”

  “Kitty,” Jon sighed, turning to face her full on. “What are his plans for Christmas?”

  Forget blush, her face was on fire.

  “Why does that matter?” she asked in a snappish tone. He smiled sadly.

  “I'm not trying to be a dick, but ... do you always bring guys home for Christmas?”

  There was a long pause.

  “Oh my god,” she breathed. “I never even realized I did that. I just ... I mean, we have great holidays at home. I always thought who wouldn't want to be a part of them?”

  “You're so sweet, Kitty. Too sweet. Stop adopting people,” he told her. She frowned at him.

  “Hey, if I hadn't adopted you, you never would have met my friends, and they never would've taken you to Delaney's restaurant,” she snapped. That gave Jon a moment of pause.

  “Well, I mean ... I'm a special case, duh,” he finally said, and she burst out laughing. “I mean, jesus, Kitty, I have amnesia. I don't count.”

  “No, you don't exist, there's a difference,” she replied, but she was teasing, so he allowed it.

  They all huddled together as they waited for valet and rides. Sloany had a sleek new Acura, and after they brought it around, she got behind the wheel and gunned the engine, waving goodbye to them all through a sun roof. Kitty and her date dropped into a taxi, with Kitty and Delaney actually making a date to hang out together. Del was going to do her makeup, spice her up a little.

  Huh, maybe car thief bro is good for her.

  Jon could've bought him and Del a car a long time ago, and then they could've just driven home. Even still, they could've taken a cab. But they held hands and made their way down to a subway stop. Tucked themselves into a corner of the train and traded grossly inappropriate kisses.

  “I have a question,” he breathed, pulling her face closer so the edges of his hood hid them both from view.

  “What?” she panted, unzipping his hoodie and working her hands under the fabric.

  “Did we ever have sex on a subway car before?”

  She laughed. That beautiful song his soul remembered so well.

  “Hmmm, I just can't seem to remember ...”

  “You don't remember something like getting fucked on a train?”

  “I think you need to earn the answer to that question,” she teased. It was a game she played often, but she always lost. He always got the answer out of her, one way or another.

  “We were dirty, dirty people,” he sighed before nibbling at her bottom lip.

  “Yes, we were, and it was amazing.”

  “Now seems pretty good to me.”

  “Now is amazing, too.”

  They transferred to another train, then continued in much the same manner, making the two nuns sitting across from them very uncomfortable. Delaney winked at them, then straddled his lap.

  It was a long trip from Harlem to Brooklyn, almost an hour in total. It would have been longer to get to Brooklyn Heights, but on a whim, Del decided to pull him off the train at Bedford Avenue. She suggested they walk the rest of the way to their apartment.

  “Babe, it's over three miles, like another hour to walk it ... it'll be one in the morning by the time we get home,” he pointed out, stumbling out of the car door after her.

  “Who cares? It'll be fun, maybe we'll go on an adventure!” she laughed. “Night time in Brooklyn is magical. Maybe something crazy will happen, you never know.”

  “Last time I took a walk through Brooklyn at night, I wound up almost dying from tainted speed and a fractured skull.”

  “You're such a downer.”

  Delaney had told him all about their past together. The good, the bad, and the extremely ugly. She never sugarcoated anything, and answered every single question he had, no matter how awful or embarrassing. He had to admit, some of the stories made it sound like they'd had a lot of fun. But a lot of them also made him feel ashamed. Like he'd dragged her down into a seedy world, then kept her there. Locked them both in it, too high on drugs and too drunk in love to save each other.

  I wasn't worthy of her then. But maybe I am now.

  They made promises to each other to never go down that road again. Jon didn't mind having a drink on occasion, but only ever in moderation. Delaney wouldn't take anything, he had to beg her to take Tylenol when she'd broken a toe a couple months prior. She had such a strong sense of self, it was astounding. This tiny girl, built like steel. She could be pushed and bent and shoved, but she would never break. She held him and his entire world on her shoulders, and it didn't sc
are him at all. He knew she would never drop him.

  When they finally got above ground, Jon had to admit, it was all pretty magical looking. Powdery white flakes were drifting down. Not in heavy, stormy sheets. More like delicate fairy crystals, turning the city into a winter wonderland. Making everything sparkly and clean and pretty.

  “This won't be fun to walk in,” Jon warned her.

  He got a snowball to the face in response.

  When he'd first gotten out of the hospital, he hadn't been able to remember whether or not he liked snow. He had a feeling he hadn't, and Delaney later told him she'd heard Jayson complain about it often, worrying about the impending winter when they'd been squatting.

  But Jon loved it. Loved the crisp feeling in the air, making him feel alive. Loved the snowflakes when they got caught in Delaney's hair and long eyelashes. He laughed when she tilted her head back and stuck out her tongue, trying to catch flakes on it. Then he ran after he shook a tree branch and dumped about a ton of snow on her face. He almost slipped and broke his ass, barely catching himself when she tackled him from behind. They rolled around for a while, then stood up and shook off before continuing their walk, laughing all the time.

  This is perfect. Walking with her. We did this before, I know it. I can feel it. Walked together. Walked everywhere. With barely anything to our names but each other, and it was enough. Just like this moment, right now.

  He stopped walking and blinked in surprise. Sure, they had a lot to their names now. Their very nice apartment building was just down the street, he could see the Christmas lights on in their window. But right that moment, on that street corner, the only things he had were the clothes on his back, and Delaney's hand in his own.

  This is perfect. You will never be able to recreate a moment like this one.

  “Babe,” he breathed. The word escaped on a puff of air, floating up into the night sky.

  “Hmmm? What's up?” she asked, looking back at him. They were still holding hands, so he gently reeled her back in, making her slide to him in the frost. Everything around them glowed, the street lights bouncing off the fresh snow. It made everything soft and sort of hazy. Like a dream.

  Like a memory.

  “Can I ask you a question?”

  It was a phrase he said a lot, and she never once got annoyed with it. She smiled at him.

  “Of course.”

  “Scale of one to ten – how happy would you say you are with life right now?” he asked. She seemed surprised to hear it wasn't a question about his past, but she kept smiling.

  “Eleven,” she answered quickly, her smile growing into a grin. He didn't smile. She'd given an identical answer once before, when he'd asked the same question about their life prior to the accident.

  “But what about ...” he took a deep breath. “Are you happier now than you were before?”

  “That's an impossible question to answer,” she shook her head. “They're two different kinds of happy. How about ... I'm just as happy as I was before.”

  “Really? I mean, really?” he checked.

  “You're here,” she stressed, pressing her hand to his chest. “You're with me. You plus me equals happy, okay? I don't care when or where or how, or even what name you have. You plus me.”

  Jon stared down at the hand on his chest. It was her left hand. She'd stopped wearing the mood ring a long time ago – not because she'd wanted to, but because the mood stone had gotten ripped off the band one day. They still had both pieces, and they kept insisting they'd get it fixed, but it just hadn't happened yet.

  “I don't like this,” he whispered, taking her hand off his chest and holding it in his own. His free hand dug around in his jacket pocket.

  “What, my hand?” Delaney laughed, spreading her fingers out on his palm.

  “No, this,” he replied, stroking his thumb down her ring finger.

  “We'll get it fixed,” she promised in a soft voice. He shook his head as he pulled the object away from his coat.

  “I don't want to get it fixed.”

  He'd bought it earlier in the week and had never taken it out of his pocket. Stupid, he knew. He could've gotten mugged or lost it or ... fallen on some train tracks.

  But he hadn't. It was still there, still in the boring white box it had come in, waiting for this perfect moment.

  “What are you doing?” Delaney demanded.

  “I think ... I mean, I can't really remember it all clearly, but I think ... I told you once that I couldn't do any better than a mood ring, which I'd stolen. This isn't much better, but I didn't steal it, and it's real. It's for you, and only you.”

  It was a small ring for a small finger. A deep, deep blue sapphire was in the center, with two small diamonds on either side, all set into a white gold band. He slid it onto her finger, then watched her as she stared at it. Her eyes were huge, like saucers.

  “Blue means love ...” her voice trailed off. He smiled.

  She always remembers.

  “I wanted to do this at Coney Island, but figured I'd have to wait until the snow melted. I wanted to ... I wanted to be him again, just for a moment. Just for you.”

  There was silence. She was still staring at the ring. Not moving, not speaking, not crying. Not saying yes. He took a deep breath and reminded himself that Jayson Fairbanks had been fearless, then kept speaking.

  “But this moment ... the snow, and you, and all this magic around us. It's perfect for Jon, and I can only hope it's good enough for you.”

  Still nothing. Jayson Fairbanks may have been fearless, but Jon Doherty was starting to feel scared shitless. Then she took a deep breath and lifted her eyes to his.

  “You silly, silly boy,” she breathed, stunning him for a moment.

  “What? Why?” he asked.

  “Why are you proposing right now?” she asked. He stammered, not sure how to respond, but she kept talking. “I already said yes, a long time ago.”

  “Seriously?” he asked, wrapping his arms around her. She nodded.

  “What, just because I don't wear a ring, it means the engagements off? I'd never let you get off the hook so easily,” she teased him, but her eyes were finally filling with tears.

  “I should've known,” he laughed back.

  “You said forever,” she whispered, coiling her arms around his neck. “Forever means forever, Jon. Jayson. Both of you. All of you. Forever and ever and ever and ever ...”

  He closed his eyes and pressed his forehead to hers.

  “I remember this,” he sighed. “I remember this feeling.”

  “Do you remember this part?” she asked, then she pressed her lips to his.

  “I could never forget that part,” he replied, then he kissed her back.

  They kissed all the way up the street to their apartment building. Kissed up the three flights of stairs. Kissed as they struggled to unlock their door, and kissed as they fell onto the futon mattress.

  “I hate futons,” Delaney groaned as she fought to take off her scarf. He knew all about the shitty futon from when they'd been squatting – she'd complained about it a lot when Sloany had given them the one they were now laying on.

  “It's only temporary,” he breathed, pushing her shirt up her body and kissing her stomach. “The bed is being delivered tomorrow.”

  “God, a bed. A real bed, like normal sized and everything.”

  “Fuck normal sized – I got us a king.”

  “I love you so fucking much,” she whispered, pulling her sweater up and over her head.

  They both laughed when she got trapped inside the material, the sleeves twisting together and getting wrapped around each other. While she begged for help, he went about taking off her shoes and pants, then stripping his own clothing off. She started twisting around in her struggle to free herself, rolling onto her stomach. He straddled her hips and then pulled the sweater free from her limbs. Then he stopped and stared down at her tattoo. Braced his hands on either side of it.

  “I love this,” h
e said, staring at it for a moment longer before unhooking her bra. She moaned when he massaged his hands down her back. “You don't have any others, though.”

  “You never said anything else worth getting permanently marked on my skin,” she teased. He slapped her on the ass, then helped her roll over again.

  “I say lots of good stuff,” he informed her. She put her hands under her and started moving around, shifting further up the mattress. Only the Christmas lights were on, so everything was bathed in green and red and blue.

  “You say the best stuff,” she agreed, still moving backwards. “Maybe I'll reread your book and find something and – ow!”

  Her exclamation stopped them both. She shifted around, then pulled something out from under her butt. It was the clunky big camera, the one she'd used earlier to take their picture. She got up on her knees and turned around, leaning into the light to see if she'd damaged it.

  “You okay?” he asked, smoothing his hand over her butt while he looked over her shoulder.

  “I'm fine. I think it's fine, too,” she replied, wiping at the lens with her left hand. The lights caught the surface of the sapphire on her finger, making it shine and twinkle.

  “Come here,” he said, reaching around her for the camera at the same time he wrapped an arm around her waist. He pulled her back into him, then sat down so she was between his legs. She settled into his chest while he moved his arm from her waist to grab her left hand. He laced his fingers through hers, feeling the ring digging into the sides of his digits, then moved their arms together so they were covering her chest.

  “What are we doing, Jon?” she whispered, then went stiff when he started lifting the camera. “No, no nude pictures.”

  “You used to take them all the time for me,” he pointed out. It was true. They still had a folder full of them on her laptop. He looked at them more often than was probably normal.

  “That was a long time ago. Now it's different. You didn't even own your own computer back then. Now, you'll probably put this pic in your wallet and show it to people,” she laughed.

  “Oh no,” he said, holding the camera up above them. “I would never let anyone see us like this, Delaney. This is my memory, and it's only for us.”