Secret Passion

by Carole Mortimer

  Aura and James looked at the elderly couple and then at each other, their joined laughter breaking the sudden tension.

  ‘For my part,’ James drawled drily, ‘I’m just grateful to be included under the term “youngster”!’

  ‘I think I am too,’ Aura laughed softly as they walked side by side back to the car. ‘Anyone over twenty-one is considered old nowadays.’

  ‘In that case I’m ancient—and being with you makes me feel far from that.’ He unlocked the car door for her. ‘I’ve enjoyed today,’ he told her softly as he got in the car beside her, making no effort to turn on the ignition.

  She swallowed hard. ‘I have too.’

  ‘Can we do it again?’

  ‘Me slaughter you at tennis?’ She attempted to tease, her palms damp with tension. How could she not see him again when she enjoyed being with him so much! He made her laugh, was genuinely interested in what she had to say, made her feel very much alive and aware of what was happening about her. She hadn’t felt so alive since—she couldn’t care for this man, she realised desperately. ‘I don’t think so,’ she told him harshly. ‘It wouldn’t be a good idea to mix business and—and pleasure.’

  ‘You have enjoyed being with me, then?’ His eyes were narrowed, those ominous grooves in his cheeks appearing and disappearing, as if he couldn’t decide if he were angry or not.

  ‘Who doesn’t enjoy winning?’ She deliberately misunderstood him.

  His mouth tightened, the grooves very much in evidence now. ‘There isn’t going to be a loser between us, Aura. We can both win, if you’ll only let us.’

  ‘I really do have to get back now,’ she told him lightly. ‘I don’t like to leave my mother alone for too long.’

  ‘The subject of my taking you out again is closed?’ he rasped.

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Very well.’ He nodded abruptly, switching on the ignition. ‘But I’m not going to lose you now I’ve found you.’

  Why did that sound so much like a promise, and not a threat?

  CHAPTER THREE

  THE next day he came to the shop to buy everything he needed for a ‘naturally healthy diet’; the day after that he came in to tell her how much healthier he felt already and to deliver some magazines he had thought her mother might enjoy reading; the day after that he arrived with an article he had found on additives that he thought might interest her.

  He was pushy in the nicest possible way, possibly because he knew she wouldn’t accept anything else; she was sure he wasn’t usually quite this obliging, always making sure he never stayed long enough that she had to ask him to leave. It was as if he were making a place in her life for himself without making her feel any pressure, and she knew she was coming to look forward to his daily visits in spite of her dire warnings to herself that she shouldn’t.

  ‘Is James coming over this evening, dear?’ her mother asked eagerly over their early dinner.

  Aura had been waiting all day for him to turn up at the shop, intending to tell him that the visits had to stop. When he hadn’t arrived she had been disappointed instead of relieved, and that made her angry. ‘I have no idea,’ she dismissed tautly. ‘But if he does I won’t be here!’

  Her mother blinked at her vehemence. ‘Has he done something to offend you?’

  Only become a necessary part of her life. And she wouldn’t, she couldn’t accept him into it. James might not be a married man, but there was too much danger attached to going out with him, and it didn’t just come from her innocent involvement with Adrian.

  ‘No,’ she assured her mother lightly, rewarded by her mother’s serene expression. ‘I just told Helen that I would go over to see her tonight, Simon’s away on business and she could do with a little company.’

  ‘That will be nice,’ her mother approved. ‘I often think you don’t get out enough. Especially now that Adrian—’

  ‘Whatever you do don’t ever mention Adrian to James,’ she said frantically as she realised her mother was one way James could find out she had once dated his married partner, albeit unknowingly.

  ‘As if I would, Aura,’ her mother reproved gently. ‘James seems to be a very possessive man to me; I doubt he would like to hear about the men you saw before the two of you met.’

  She frowned. ‘Mummy, I hope you aren’t reading more into James’s visits to us than is actually there?’

  Her mother gave one of her more serene smiles. ‘Of course I’m not, dear.’

  Now why didn’t she feel reassured by that assurance? Possibly because her mother had shown a decided preference for James from the first, and because his kindness to her mother was something he genuinely felt and not just something he affected for her benefit. Between the two of them she could find herself involved in a situation that could only spell disaster!

  ‘Leave that,’ her mother suggested as Aura stood up to clear away. ‘I can do it.’

  She was about to refuse the offer, sure the dishes would still be sitting there when she came down from changing, but then she remembered the doctor’s instructions about letting her mother take on responsibility if she asked to do so. Maybe they would still be there when she came back downstairs, but she would never know if she didn’t let her mother try.

  ‘Thanks, Mummy.’ She kissed her warmly on her smooth cheek. ‘I’d like to try to get to Helen’s before Jonathan and Annie go to bed.’

  ‘Give the little darlings a hug from me,’ her mother said.

  To Aura’s surprise the table had been cleared when she returned a few minutes later, and from the noises she could hear coming from the kitchen the dishes were being washed too. She couldn’t remember the last time her mother had carried out even so simple a task.

  With sudden clarity she knew that it was James’s influence that had achieved this. Her mother hadn’t shown this much liking for any man since Aura’s father died, and although Aura was sure there was nothing in the least romantic in her mother’s feelings towards James, she also recognised that her mother was flowering under his marked attention. That complication could make it impossible for her to ask James to stay out of their lives. God knew she wanted her mother back as she used to be!

  Her mother was in the process of putting things away when she joined her in the kitchen, the tears that had blinded Aura’s vision minutes earlier in the lounge as she envisaged a life of normality with her mother firmly held in check.

  ‘That’s a nice outfit.’ Her mother stopped to compliment her. ‘Are you sure you’re only visiting Helen?’ she teased.

  A blush darkened her cheeks as she knew she was a little overdressed in the burgundy blouse and matching trousers to visit her friend and her two boisterous children, but if there was a chance of James coming here tonight she wasn’t about to let him see her looking a mess. ‘I’m sure,’ she chided lightly. ‘I shouldn’t be too late,’ she added in parting.

  She wasn’t sure but she thought she heard her mother say, ‘I’m sure we’ll manage to amuse ourselves,’ as she closed the door!

  Did her mother know James was coming here tonight, she paused in the lounge to wonder. Probably not for certain, but after his non-appearance today it was probably a good guess.

  ‘Going on somewhere?’ Helen greeted her after opening the door to her knock.

  ‘Very funny,’ she scowled, following her friend through to the lounge, at once feeling soothed by the absolute chaos that ensued when a three-and-a-half-year-old and a one-year-old got together, toys all over the carpeted floor, the two dark-haired children in their midst arguing about the possession of a bear that didn’t look as if it was going to survive the clash.

  Their cries of ‘Aunt Aura!’, ‘Ant Awa’ settled the argument, the bear completely forgotten as the two sturdy children stampeded across the room to launch themselves into her arms, the two tiny bodies smelling of talcum powder and soap where they had been bathed and dressed in their matching Snoopy pyjamas ready for going to bed.

  ‘Have you been good for your Mumm
y while Daddy’s away?’ she asked sternly.

  ‘Yes,’ Jonathan answered her earnestly, used to the game.

  ‘Oh yes.’ Annie caught on very fast, an ebony-haired, blue-eyed smaller version of her brother and mother, their father Simon having blond good looks.

  ‘For tomorrow.’ She held out the two chewy bars she knew they could both eat without having a reaction to it. ‘When Mummy says so,’ she added gently.

  ‘Right, you two,’ Helen cut in indulgently. ‘Now that you’ve seen Aunty Aura it’s time for bed—’

  ‘Oh but—’

  ‘I’ll come and help Mummy tuck you both in,’ Aura promised, Jonathan happily accepting the compromise as he put his hand in hers, whereas once he would have thrown himself on the floor in a temper tantrum for not getting his own way.

  Bedtime for these two adorable children was always a special time to Aura, and she sat in Jonathan’s room with his mother as she read him a good-night story, Annie already in her cot, fast asleep by the lack of noise coming from the room next door.

  ‘So.’ Helen eyed Aura speculatively, the two children asleep, the lounge returned to normal, both of them sitting down for a welcome rest. ‘What’s been happening to you lately?’

  She shrugged. ‘We’ve been very busy at the shop. And the—’

  ‘I meant personally,’ Helen drawled, a few years older than Aura, the two of them having been friends from childhood, their homes quite close to each other then. ‘Your mother said you were out with James when I had a chat on the telephone with her Sunday.’

  ‘Oh,’ she sighed, relaxing back in her seat. ‘Well, I’m not seeing him any more.’

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘Oh, Helen, you know why not,’ she chided impatiently. ‘I don’t get involved with men, especially men like James. If I didn’t know it before, my disastrous relationship with Adrian more than confirmed my belief that men like that just aren’t for me. James is a prominent businessman too, obviously comes from a wealthy background—’

  ‘That’s no guarantee that he knows the Sutcliffes,’ Helen put in softly. ‘Adrian didn’t seem to.’

  She drew in a ragged breath. ‘That’s no guarantee that James doesn’t. The fact that he’s wealthy has to increase the chances that he might. I can just see it now, the two of us out for a nice cosy dinner for two and one of his friends comes along and recognises me. As well as being devastatingly handsome he’s a good man, a completely honest one.’ Very honest, she remembered ruefully. ‘He wouldn’t understand.’

  ‘Then tell him the truth,’ her friend said simply.

  Her eyes widened, as startled as a fawn’s when confronted with danger. ‘You mean—’ She swallowed hard. ‘You mean—’

  ‘I mean that you should tell him the truth before he hears that nonsense version of what happened,’ Helen said calmly.

  ‘I couldn’t.’ She shook her head, her hair loose about her shoulders. ‘I—he isn’t that important to me.’

  ‘Isn’t he?’ Her friend looked at her closely. ‘Then why do you look as if you aren’t sleeping, and just the mention of his name puts you on edge?’

  ‘I—look, I hoped you would help cheer me up,’ she said briskly. ‘Not lecture me about a man I just met!’

  ‘I’m not lecturing,’ Helen sighed. ‘I just don’t like to see you wasting your life.’

  ‘It isn’t wasted,’ she protested. ‘I enjoy my life just as it is.’

  ‘Do you?’

  ‘Yes!’

  Her friend sighed. ‘Uncluttered by men,’ she drawled. ‘Simon can be a pest at times, but I wouldn’t be without him.’

  She felt a wistful ache in her chest for the love she knew existed between Helen and Simon, and for a brief moment indulged in the fantasy that such closeness could one day be hers, perhaps with a man like James. But it was only a fantasy, the reality was that he was more out of reach to her, because of his wealth and position, than most men were.

  ‘Are you taking my name in vain?’ teased a mocking voice.

  Helen’s face glowed with happiness as she jumped up to rush across the room into her husband’s waiting arms. ‘You said you couldn’t get back until tomorrow,’ she chided between kisses.

  ‘I thought I’d surprise you,’ Simon grinned down at her, his arm about her shoulders as he turned to look at Aura. ‘Is that sexy outfit just for Jonathan’s benefit?’ he teased.

  ‘No, I hoped you would be home tonight,’ she returned seductively, this light-hearted flirting having become a habit between them from the moment they had first met, all of them aware that there could never be another woman for Simon but Helen.

  ‘Just let me get rid of my wife—’

  ‘Simon Collister!’ he was warned threateningly.

  He laughed softly, a tall leanly built man with laughing blue eyes and an unruly thatch of blond hair. ‘This is the life, two beautiful women waiting for me to get home.’

  ‘One,’ Aura corrected, standing up to kiss him on the cheek. ‘I’m going to leave you two to go upstairs and look at the children and then say hello properly.’

  Simon sobered, frowning slightly. ‘That isn’t necessary—’

  ‘It is necessary,’ she insisted firmly. ‘I know that if I—’

  ‘Yes?’ Helen prompted softly as she broke off abruptly, a dark blush to her cheeks.

  ‘If I had a husband as handsome as Simon I’d want to be alone with him after being separated for three days—and nights,’ she teasingly added, knowing by the sceptical rise of her friend’s brows that Helen wasn’t fooled for a minute. Aura trembled as she realised what she had been about to say.

  What would it be like to have a man like James come home to her every night? The evocative thought haunted her on the drive home. Would they share the open warmth and love that Helen and Simon had? She didn’t doubt that James would make a wonderful husband, that once he had made a commitment to a woman he would remain faithful to her the rest of his life, would love her exclusively. Only Aura knew she could never be that woman.

  Finding him at her home, engaged in a game of Scrabble with her mother, wasn’t conducive to her peace of mind!

  The two of them were seated on the sofa, the board in front of them on the coffee-table, and from the empty coffee cups and long list of the scores on the pad beside James he had been here for some time.

  He looked up at her as she paused in the doorway, his eyes warmly appraising behind the tinted lenses of his glasses.

  After the thoughts Aura had been having about him his smile was almost her undoing. Then she forced herself to remember how dangerous it was to be attracted to this man. Allowing her guard to drop with Adrian had almost been her undoing, and James would demand much more from her than a physical relationship; he was a man who would want it all.

  She looked at him coolly, remaining aloof even when he frowned. ‘Enjoying your game?’ she greeted him lightly, entering the room.

  ‘Oh my.’ Her mother looked at the clock on the mantel. ‘Is it that late already? Did you see Marmaduke on your way in, dear?’

  ‘He’s probably out with his latest girlfriend,’ Aura dismissed drily. ‘Don’t go, Mummy,’ she said sharply as her mother stood up. ‘Stay and entertain your guest. It’s been a long day, I think I’ll go to bed.’

  ‘Darling, James is your guest,’ her mother chided. ‘He was just kind enough to play a game with me while he waited for you to come home.’

  Gold glittered in sherry-brown eyes as she watched as her mother said goodnight before going up to her bedroom.

  She turned on James as he slowly put his glasses in the breast pocket of his jacket as it lay across the arm of a chair. ‘I thought I told you I didn’t want to see you again,’ she attacked.

  He nodded, the overhead lighting making his hair appear ebony. ‘And I told you I wasn’t giving up,’ he reminded her softly.

  ‘There’s nothing to “give up”—’

  ‘You want me too, you know damn well you do,’ he rasped,
frowning darkly.

  ‘And do you think I take every man that I want to my bed?’ she scorned. ‘Do you have every woman you decide you want?’

  ‘There really haven’t been that many,’ he said, his eyes narrowed.

  ‘I can’t believe that,’ she scoffed. ‘You’re thirty-four, unmarried, very eligible; of course there have been women.’

  ‘There have been women—’

  ‘I know that,’ she scorned.

  ‘Aura, I refuse to be baited into the argument you’re spoiling for,’ he bit out, his mouth tight, those ominous grooves etched into his cheeks.

  Her face was flushed as he guessed what she was trying to do. ‘Because I refuse to be a number to you,’ she told him heatedly.

  ‘Damn you, stop this!’ He shook her roughly. ‘You’re different, Aura—’

  ‘Aren’t we all?’ she mocked recklessly. ‘Variety is the spice of life, and all that—’ James’s mouth came punishingly down on hers, cutting off further speech. ‘No!’ She wrenched away from him, tears glistening in her eyes. ‘I won’t be used!’ She glared at him.

  His hands fell away from her shoulders. ‘I don’t want to use you, I want to love you,’ he groaned, his expression pained.

  ‘Until the next woman you want to love comes along,’ she scorned.

  ‘Someone once hurt you very badly, didn’t they?’ he rasped impatiently. ‘Do you think that gives you the monopoly on pain and disillusionment?’ he challenged. ‘I can assure you it doesn’t! I found out my fiancée was cheating on me only a week before we were to have been married. Yes, there have been women since that time,’ he confirmed harshly. ‘Half a dozen at the most. And none of them wanted more from the relationship than I did!’

  Aura was speechless. James had once cared enough about a woman to want to marry her. Why did that knowledge cause her such pain?

  ‘Do you still love her?’ she frowned, all the fight gone out of her.

  He shrugged. ‘I’m not sure what I felt for her. I was your age at the time, saw her through the innocent eyes of a first love—until I found out that my treating her with respect bored her out of her mind and that she had turned to someone else to give her the excitement our relationship lacked. I’ve never offered another woman that respect.’