Secret Passion

by Carole Mortimer

  He felt wonderful, steel and velvet, her lips touching him as her tongue tasted him, feeling him shudder beneath her caresses, his breath a ragged rasp in his throat, a throat that moved spasmodically as she kissed him there.

  She wanted him, and now she knew that she needed him too.

  There was nothing gentle about him tonight, and Aura revelled in his savagery, returning his kisses with equal demand, her throat arching as his lips travelled its length to the warm swell of her breasts visible above her gown.

  His mouth was warm and moist, loving every inch of her, becoming impatient when he couldn’t locate the zip at her spine, his eyes very dark when he looked up at her with mute appeal.

  Her fingers shook slightly as she eased the zip down at her side, their gazes locked as James removed the dress completely and dropped it to the floor.

  It had never been so important that her body be beautiful, but as she looked into James’s eyes she knew she was perfect to him, the cream satin teddy so sheer it was like a translucent skin over her pink-tipped breasts and the gentle mound of her womanhood.

  A flush darkened his cheeks as, sitting back, he touched her, watching in fascination as her breasts became taut with need at his gentle caress, her breathing shallow as his hand sloped down to her hips and thighs, feeling the dampness there.

  She closed her eyes as the memory of his long muscular legs beneath white shorts as he faced her across the tennis court came to mind, but this time they were entangled with hers, bronze against ivory.

  Her eyes were the warmth of sherry when she opened them again, James’s chest bare, only the fitted trousers stopping her fantasy from being reality.

  She gasped as wet satin clung to her breast, giving a tortured groan as a hard tongue flicked over the sensitive nipple, a whimper of ecstasy escaping her parted lips as the razor-edge of his teeth bit down gently.

  She had to touch him, had to know him as he was knowing her, her hair a blonde curtain about her face as she forced him down on the sofa cushions, following the path of that satiny hair as it left his chest in a V pattern down to the fastening of his trousers.

  His manhood bulged against the straining material, and he gave a ragged groan as Aura touched him wonderingly, offering no resistance as she freed him to her waiting caresses.

  He was magnificent naked, firmly muscled, his skin that rough velvet all over except where he was pure velvet, and it was there that she allowed him no respite.

  The straps of her teddy slipped down her arms, the scrap of material disappearing as if by magic, their bodies burning as they touched from lips to ankles.

  James lay above her, pressing her back into the cushions, not crushing her as she had thought he would, his thighs throbbing hotly against her as he sought entry.

  ‘I—it’s been a long time,’ Aura found the courage to murmur.

  He looked at her with loving eyes. ‘I won’t hurt you, darling.’

  She longed to know that hardness of him inside her, but as she moved against him impatiently he held back, suddenly moving away from her completely to sit on the edge of the sofa, his back towards her.

  Aura felt bereft, chilled without the warmth of his body beside her. ‘James …?’

  ‘Don’t touch me!’ he groaned as she would have reached out to him.

  What had happened? What had she done wrong?

  James gave a low moan of regret as he turned to see the self-condemnation in her eyes. ‘It wasn’t you, Aura,’ he hastened to reassure her, smoothing her tangled hair back from her face. ‘I was about to do something we would both have regretted.’

  ‘No—’

  ‘Aura, I have never yet made love to a woman to stop her from leaving me,’ he rasped. ‘And I’m not going to start now, with you!’

  Understanding flooded her, knowing that minutes ago he to had been filled with the same desperation that she had known all evening before he kissed her.

  She hated the vulnerability in his eyes, despised herself for reducing him to what amounted to begging. He had already been hurt so much in the past; she didn’t have the right to deny him the happiness they could have together, even if it were only briefly!

  He gave a ragged sigh. ‘I was seducing you into accepting a relationship you obviously aren’t ready for—’

  ‘James,’ she came up on her knees beside him. ‘If you’ll accept me as I am, if you realise that this—may not be for ever, but just enjoy what we have now, I—’ She broke off, remembering the threat in Adrian’s eyes. ‘There are things, in my past, that I’m not proud of,’ she began again. ‘As long as you can accept that they don’t affect us, here and now, I’d like to see you again.’ She held her breath, knowing she was asking for a lot.

  His eyes darkened. ‘Tomorrow?’

  She swallowed hard. ‘You do understand about—about the past?’ she persisted. ‘That no matter what you might—hear about me, that none of it affects how I feel about you now?’

  He gave a teasing smile. ‘Are you a mass-murderer?’

  ‘James, you have to tell me that you can accept that,’ she told him earnestly. ‘Or I won’t be able to see you again.’

  His arms closed about her fiercely. ‘Don’t you know I would promise you anything to keep you with me!’

  She gave a choked cry. ‘Then can we take here and now—’

  ‘And tomorrow,’ he put in lightly.

  ‘And tomorrow,’ she confirmed shakily. ‘And forget about the past and the future?’

  He looked down at her searchingly. ‘You know that if you ever want to talk to me that I’ll gladly listen?’

  She nodded. ‘Unfortunately I’m not the only one involved,’ she revealed heavily. ‘And some things are better left as they are.’

  ‘Hm.’ He sounded doubtful but resigned. ‘Now that the mood has been well and truly broken,’ he drawled self-derisively, ‘we had better try and untangle our clothes and get dressed!’

  Aura blushingly became aware of their nakedness, knowing by James’s rueful expression that he had forgotten about it too during the gravity of their conversation.

  ‘Has the mood been broken?’ she said wistfully.

  He smiled. ‘I’m afraid so.’

  ‘Pity,’ she murmured as they dressed, knowing by the heat of James’s gaze as he followed her movements when she pulled on her clothes that the desire had far from faded. But he was right, the mood had gone, and with it the desperation. They had time now; how much, with Adrian so threateningly in the background, she wasn’t sure. But maybe as far as Adrian was concerned it was time to stop running.

  After the abrupt end to their lovemaking there should have been awkwardness between them, but as they sat drinking coffee together Aura knew they were closer together than ever. James could be the other half of herself, maybe soon she would be able to tell him of the scandal two years ago, trust him with the truth, and hope he would understand. If Adrian didn’t tell him about the two of them first! She was sure he wouldn’t do that before he had spoken to her first, otherwise he would lose his advantage a second time.

  ‘Maybe I’m old-fashioned,’ James murmured as he took her in his arms at the door. ‘But there’s something not quite right about seeing a woman off at my door and then letting her drive herself home!’

  Aura laughed softly. ‘You are old-fashioned—and I love it!’

  ‘You don’t mind that chivalry isn’t dead, then?’ he asked.

  She shook her head. ‘I’d much rather a man opened a door for me than slam it in my face!’

  His mouth twisted. ‘I believe most women would!’

  ‘Come to lunch tomorrow,’ she invited him impulsively. ‘Mummy will love it.’

  ‘Only your mother?’ he drawled.

  ‘You can help me cook,’ Aura mocked.

  Her euphoria lasted until after James had walked down to her car with her and watched as she drove off. Then the heaviness of guilt settled upon her. She could be leaving James open to more hurt than refusing to see
him again after tonight would have done. They said a short sharp break was the best way; wasn’t she just prolonging the agony? But how was she supposed to tell the man she loved she could never see him again! She just wasn’t that strong, had lost too much from her life already that mattered to her. Besides, Adrian didn’t have the complete advantage, not when he was a married man with a son. And the past was still her secret, neither man knew about that.

  * * *

  ‘This is nice, dear,’ her mother murmured softly as they set the table together in readiness for James’s arrival.

  Aura’s smile was strained, the night-time hours having taken their toll on her decision to continue seeing James in spite of Adrian’s veiled threats.

  ‘It’s been so long since there were three of us sitting down together for Sunday lunch,’ her mother continued brightly, insensitive to Aura’s worried silence. ‘It will almost be like being a normal family again,’ she added wistfully.

  ‘We were never a normal family, Mummy,’ Aura snapped before she could stop herself, at once contrite as she saw the hurt confusion on her mother’s face. ‘I’m sorry,’ she sighed. ‘That was completely uncalled for.’

  Her mother looked troubled. ‘Did your father and I make you feel so shut out?’

  Aura held her breath. It was the first time her mother had spoken of her father in the past tense, almost as if she finally realised … ‘You couldn’t help loving each other as deeply as you did,’ she said absently, almost afraid to hope, but wishing—oh God, wishing her mother would remember and accept that the man she loved was dead. She had seemed so much better lately, actually remembering to do things, maybe—Her hopes were dashed as her mother turned away, that vague look back in her eyes.

  ‘Marmaduke will be waiting for his lunch,’ she murmured as she wandered off without finishing the table.

  Aura’s breath left her in a shaky sigh. For a moment, for a very brief moment, she had begun to believe this nightmare were over.

  She was beginning to doubt it ever would be.

  James seemed to be watching her closely as they ate lunch together, and maybe she was talking too brightly, her laugh a little too forced; why not, she felt as if she were balancing on a tightrope, not knowing which way she was going to fall, but knowing the fall would be inevitable!

  ‘As you’re going to Helen’s later, could you take over the jumpers I finished knitting for the children?’ her mother requested as Aura and James returned from the kitchen after finishing the washing-up.

  Aura gave a start. ‘I hadn’t intended—’

  ‘Helen is the friend with Jonathan, isn’t she?’ James cut in mildly, totally at ease in their company.

  ‘Yes, but—’

  Her mother looked vague. ‘Did I forget to mention that Helen telephoned last night and invited you over today, dear?’

  She drew in an angry breath. ‘You know you did,’ she snapped with uncharacteristic impatience for her gentle mother.

  ‘I’d like to go—if your friend wouldn’t mind my tagging along?’ James put in softly.

  Helen meet James? She trusted her friend enough not to say anything out of turn, but even so …!

  ‘Oh, Helen won’t mind in the least,’ her mother answered serenly. ‘She’s been matchmaking for Aura since they were children.’

  He smiled. ‘Am I to take it you think she will approve of me for Aura?’

  ‘Of course she will.’ Her mother returned his smile. ‘How could she not?’

  His smile faded, his brows raised as he met Aura’s impatient gaze. ‘Aura?’ he prompted.

  ‘Why not?’ she snapped irritably. ‘Helen will be expecting me.’

  Her mother looked hurt by her sharpness. ‘I really am sorry I forgot to mention Helen’s call,’ she said beseechingly. ‘It was so late when you got home last night, and when you told me James was coming to lunch today I completely forgot about everything else but that.’

  Aura’s cheeks were red from the mention of last night, and she felt guilty for snapping at her mother in that way. ‘It doesn’t matter,’ she smiled reassuringly. ‘We can go over in a few minutes.’

  ‘Meg?’ James encouraged.

  ‘Oh, I won’t go,’ she dismissed vaguely, standing up. ‘I’ll just sew two buttons on the neck-openings of the jumpers.’ She went upstairs to get them.

  Aura uncomfortably avoided James’s searching gaze, knowing he was puzzled by her mood.

  ‘If you would rather I didn’t go with you …?’ he finally said.

  ‘Of course not,’ she sighed, shaking off her mood of irritability. ‘As long as you don’t mind the teasing we’ll no doubt get from Simon—Helen’s husband,’ she added drily.

  ‘I’d like to meet your friends, Aura,’ he told her quietly.

  ‘And I’m sure they would love to meet you,’ she returned brittly.

  ‘Aura—’

  ‘Here we are.’ Her mother came back into the room. ‘I wasn’t long, was I?’ she said brightly.

  Her mother’s reappearance was perfect timing as far as Aura was concerned. ‘I’ll give Helen your love.’ She took the jumpers, knowing the children were going to love the pattern of one of their favourite television characters knitted into the front.

  ‘Maybe she could bring the children over to see me some time soon,’ her mother said.

  ‘I’m sure she will.’ Aura gave her mother an impulsive hug, knowing she had been awful to her today.

  * * *

  ‘She never goes out, does she?’

  Aura turned sharply to James as he spoke quietly beside her in the car. ‘Sorry?’ she delayed.

  ‘Meg,’ he bit out abruptly. ‘She never leaves the flat, does she?’

  ‘Of course she—no,’ she admitted heavily as he gave her a reproving look.

  ‘Never?’

  She drew in a ragged breath. ‘No. She doesn’t have a phobia about going outside or anything like that,’ she explained softly. ‘The doctors believe it’s just another way of shutting out the world without my father; if she doesn’t go out in it she doesn’t have to acknowledge that he isn’t out there, somewhere. It’s been that way since we moved to the shop, but the memories at the house were even worse for her when she couldn’t understand why my father didn’t come home!’ She trembled as James’s hand covered hers. ‘The doctors believed it would be best if she were taken away from there, and she did seem to get better physically. But she never leaves the flat,’ she acknowledged flatly.

  ‘I wish there were something I could do to help you,’ he spoke gruffly.

  ‘Me?’ She expressed surprise. ‘But—I manage,’ she sighed as he gave her another reproving look. ‘Just being with you helps.’ She stared down at their hands as she linked her fingers with his. ‘I’m sorry I’ve been such a shrew today.’

  His thumb caressed her palm. ‘Feeling better now?’

  She smiled gratefully at his lack of recrimination. ‘Much,’ she nodded.

  ‘Tell me about Helen and Simon,’ he prompted lightly. ‘And of course Jonathan and the new baby.’

  She knew it was a way of diverting her, of helping her forget whatever was worrying her. And it worked. She couldn’t stay distant when she talked of her two godchildren, or told him how Simon had dispelled all Helen’s doubts about marrying him after only knowing him a week by showering a vanful of her favourite chocolate bars on her. Helen had decided that anyone who cared enough to find out her secret passion had to be in love with her!

  ‘You told him,’ Helen complained to Aura after James had had difficulty containing his humour during their introduction.

  ‘I—’

  ‘I am sorry,’ James chuckled. ‘You’ll have to tell me if Aura has any secret addictions like that; I need all the help I can get.’

  Helen gave him an appreciative look. ‘If you get any more help no female will be safe!’

  ‘Hey,’ Simon complained. ‘You’re a married woman.’

  ‘And thanks to Aura, James knows my secr
et,’ she taunted. ‘Besides, haven’t I had to suffer the two of you flirting right under my nose for years?’

  James was an instant hit with Helen and Simon, as Aura had known he would be, and he didn’t try to entice the children to sit on his knees; they just gravitated to him. Cats and children; what chance did she have to resist him?

  She stood up to help when Helen suggested making them all a cup of tea.

  ‘Uh oh,’ Simon groaned. ‘We may as well take the kids out into the garden, James; when these two women get into a huddle they don’t surface for hours!’

  James stood up with Annie still in his arms, Jonathan already searching for his football. ‘What do you suppose they find to talk about?’ he asked drily.

  ‘Oh, recipes, things like that,’ Simon said tongue-in-cheek, sliding back the glass door that led out into the garden.

  ‘I’m sure.’ James joined in the teasing.

  ‘Men!’ Helen muttered as she moved about the kitchen. ‘They won’t even let you have a good gossip in peace!’

  Aura chuckled softly. ‘What is it you have to say about James?’

  ‘And you’re no better,’ Helen reproved. ‘Last weekend you told me James was a good man, an honest one—you didn’t tell me how handsome or exciting he was!’

  ‘He’s handsome and exciting,’ she reported obediently.

  ‘I can see that,’ Helen groaned. ‘You aren’t still thinking about not seeing him again?’

  She grimaced. ‘I’m not thinking at all,’ she sighed. ‘I can’t be!’

  ‘But—’

  ‘Helen, he’s Adrian’s partner,’ she cut in dully.

  Her friend’s eyes widened. ‘Oh.’ She frowned. ‘Well that doesn’t have to make a difference,’ she dismissed. ‘Adrian was the one who tried to buy you with diamonds—’

  ‘Adrian is married with a son,’ she interrupted again.

  Helen’s brows were lost beneath her feathered fringe. ‘The lousy—well, that still doesn’t have to affect you and James; you had no idea Adrian was married.’