All That Is Left of Us

by Catherine Miller

  ‘Is there anything Archie can’t eat? Any allergies?’

  ‘No, nothing. He’s just not very keen on different foods touching. It’s an Archie thing.’ It was too complicated to explain all the different things Archie did and didn’t like and the different phases he’d been through. The rules from one month didn’t always apply to the next.

  ‘Come on, Archie. We’ll go and get ourselves some food while your mum goes and finds your Auntie Rebekah.’

  ‘Thank you.’ Dawn cupped Joel’s elbow with her hand, trying to bring more emphasis to those words.

  ‘No worries.’ Joel said it so breezily it made every anxious parenting bone in her body relax. She was so used to being the only one able to deal with her son’s foibles. It was a pleasant change to be around someone who wasn’t fazed by them. Not that they were as bad as they’d once been. She was parenting shadows when she should be concentrating on the son she presently had, not the one she’d struggled with in the past.

  As the pair of them headed off, Dawn called Rebekah’s mobile. As the talk had taken much longer than the ten minutes she’d thought it would, it was unlikely Rebekah was still sat on the bench waiting for them to turn up.

  The phone rang and rang with no reply. Not able to get hold of her, Dawn indicated to Joel she was heading out and he signalled an okay sign in her direction.

  Dawn tried the number again, but with no answer. There were areas of the zoo where the signal was really patchy and it was likely her hands were full, so answering the phone wasn’t a priority.

  Hoping Rebekah had stuck to their usual haunts, Dawn headed first to the meerkat enclosure and, not locating her there, decided she was most likely taking Harry for a walk trying to get him off to sleep.

  As the main route they took was a circular path, Dawn headed off in the opposite direction to the one people usually took with the aim of bumping into her on the way round.

  It was strange to be going this way, as even though there weren’t signs directing the flow of traffic, generally everyone walked the same route. Going against the current of people made her realise how busy the zoo was on a bright sunny day in the school holidays. She was so used to their regular little hideouts, which only frequent users of the tourist attraction would know about.

  Not having much luck trying to pick Rebekah out of all the people she passed, she started to listen to the sounds of the zoo. Among the hubbub of chatter and animal noises she was hoping she might be able to pick out Harry’s familiar shriek.

  But there were no crying babies to be heard and she was already more than halfway round the route. Of course, Harry might be asleep, so the trick of listening out for him would be futile. She tried ringing again. If Rebekah had been occupied before, she might be able to answer now.

  Another call with no answer.

  The problem was the zoo was such a large place. If she wasn’t on the walkway or back at the meerkats, there were too many nooks and crannies to search to have a hope of finding her.

  When Dawn came full circle and reached the meerkat enclosure she was covered in a sheen of sweat. The hopeful glance towards her bench found an empty seat. She plonked herself down to try and regulate her heart rate, but it was hard to say if it was the rushing around causing the rise in her adrenaline.

  In succession, Dawn tried Rebekah’s mobile and then the landline to their house. No answer from either. She tried both again, aware of a rising panic.

  Perhaps Rebekah hadn’t come to the zoo. Maybe she was out for a walk elsewhere. Or maybe she’d ventured to the park or a baby group for the first time. But surely she would have messaged and let Dawn know the change of plan? Or maybe she had been here but given up waiting, so was now driving back and not able to answer the phone. There were lots of perfectly logical explanations as to where Rebekah might be. So why was she so worried?

  A cold fear in a clenched fist had entered her stomach because, despite all the plausible thoughts running through her mind, the one that was shouting the loudest was that Rebekah had gone missing again and this time she had Harry with her.

  With her breathing having settled, she headed back to the education centre and crossed her fingers that perhaps Rebekah was there and tucking into the buffet alongside Joel and Archie.

  She burst through the doors at the centre in a far more spectacular way than she intended to. In her rush, they popped open and she entered like a cork, immediately drawing the attention of everyone left in the room. Fortunately, that number had dwindled to at least half the people who’d been present for the talk.

  Joel abandoned the picnic he was having with Archie and headed straight for Dawn and her rabbit-in-headlights appearance.

  ‘Everything okay?’

  ‘I can’t find them and I haven’t been able to get hold of them.’

  ‘Why do you look so worried?’

  Joel didn’t know about Rebekah’s temporary absences. ‘I think she’s gone. She’s run off before. I think she’s taken Harry.’

  Chapter 24

  Back with the meerkats, there was still no sign of Rebekah. On their way here, Dawn had given Joel a rundown of what had happened over the past few weeks and what was causing her thoughts to go into wild panic overload.

  ‘Have you rung your brother? Surely he’d have some idea of whether Rebekah was planning to come here today?’

  ‘You’re right.’ The idea was an obvious one, but she’d been avoiding having to call her brother. If any of her thoughts really were true she knew the sickening worry it would cause him. ‘I’ll try her one more time.’

  ‘I’ll put out a missing person report over the radio. That way, if she’s sitting in a café or somewhere else in the zoo, all the staff will be on the lookout for her.’

  Over by the bench, something out of place caught Dawn’s eye. She knew the space well, having occupied it so often it contoured her shape. Moving closer she recognised Rebekah’s mobile phone instantly. It was on the ground, knocked from the arm, and it was the confirmation she needed to know there was a problem. Rebekah had been here. Rebekah wasn’t here now. Something was wrong.

  Joel went into the keeper quarters while Archie got his notepad out of Dawn’s handbag ready to start taking notes. They weren’t always here on a Tuesday, but Archie liked to take notes all the same.

  Dawn didn’t know what to do with this new piece of information.

  ‘Mum.’

  Dawn was on the cusp of ringing her brother. Of telling him she suspected his wife and child were missing. It was a phone call nobody would ever have wanted to make and she wasn’t sure how to explain.

  ‘Mum.’

  Dawn turned her attention from her phone to her son.

  ‘Mum,’ Archie said with more urgency in his voice.

  ‘What?’ Dawn said a little too sharply, knowing meerkat matters weren’t the most pressing issue of the hour.

  ‘Mum, I think you need to see this.’

  Of all the moments for Archie to find some incredibly important meerkat news that couldn’t wait. Perhaps the battle over who the new alpha male was going to be was finally decided, not that it could be resolved that quickly. ‘What is it, Arch?’

  Archie flagged her over with a wave.

  Slipping her mobile back into her bag, Dawn went to see what Archie was on about. The call to her brother would wait a few more minutes.

  As she got closer, Archie put his finger to his lips and she duly made sure she was quiet on her approach.

  ‘What the…?’ Dawn blurted as soon as she saw what Archie was showing her.

  In the farthest corner of the enclosure, under the shade of one of the bushes, Rebekah was cross-legged with Harry in her arms. Both of them, it would appear, were asleep, with the meerkats doing a good job of acting as lookouts for them.

  ‘Are they safe there?’ It was the first of many thoughts to flash through her head. Surely going into any kind of wildlife enclosure was a bit nuts and held some risks?

  ‘The meerkats won’
t do anything to hurt them. They’ll be cautious of them, not attack them.’

  ‘Are you sure?’

  ‘Yes, Mum. They’re my meerkats and I can see they’re looking after them, not anything else.’

  Archie was right. They were his meerkats and he was the only person to have done an extensive study of their behaviours and mannerisms in quite so much detail.

  Joel came out of the keeper’s area and joined them. ‘I’ve put out the missing person report. If anyone sees them they’ll let us know. Any luck with David?’

  Archie pointed in the direction of Rebekah and Harry. In the corner they were in a blind spot from the keeper’s quarters.

  Joel’s jaw dropped. An actual dentist check-up-type jaw drop. ‘How the…’ – Joel paused as he bleeped out his own bad language – ‘…did they get in there?’

  ‘I’ve no idea.’ Dawn was more curious as to how she’d managed to pass here three times without noticing them in there.

  ‘Stand down on the Code Three,’ Joel said into his radio. ‘We have to get them out of there, before anyone notices. The board are on a walk round the zoo to discuss the finer points of the zookeeper experience. If they find a woman with her baby in there, there’s going to be more than a few questions raised. They’ll probably put a stop to the whole thing. Is it okay if Archie comes with me? They tend to be better behaved around familiar people.’

  ‘Fine. Just get them out of their safely. And hurry.’

  It wasn’t the thought of the governing board of the zoo seeing them that made Dawn ask them to get a move on. It was the pale colour of Rebekah’s skin and the lack of any movement, despite the noises around them.

  ‘Rebekah,’ Dawn said aloud, realising she was still being quiet on Archie’s instruction. He’d thought they were asleep, but she wasn’t so sure.

  The meerkats darted their attention towards her, with some of them scurrying for cover. ‘Rebekah.’ She said it even louder this time, darting her own gaze around the enclosure for signs of anything untoward. But there were no pools of blood or discarded bottles and she was more than a little relieved when Joel and Archie reached the door into the pen.

  Archie’s expression was uncertain now he was in there and it made Dawn worry she’d been wrong to send him in to help. It should have been her. Even if the meerkats weren’t as familiar with her, she was Archie’s mum. Surely they were highly sensitive to smell and would have recognised her as friend not foe. Now she was left on the outside not able to offer help if it was needed. She should have followed them in. Instead she was on the wrong side of the enclosure.

  Fortunately, Joel was as aware of the frightened look on Archie’s face as she was.

  ‘Talk to the meerkats, Archie. Keep them happy while I check on your auntie.’

  Archie still had his notepad in hand so, true to form, continued with the checks he’d already started. He wasn’t talking to the meerkats as such, more mumbling his way through all the previous annotations and comparing them to the current situation.

  Behind him, Joel made his way over to Rebekah and Harry. There was caution in his step as if trying to sum up in his mind whether the situation was safe.

  ‘Rebekah,’ he said, gently placing a hand on her arm.

  Rebekah jolted to life with a fright, the movement causing every single meerkat to take cover.

  Dawn took a huge breath, realising the whole time she’d been holding hers while concentrating on whether her sister-in-law was still doing exactly that: breathing.

  Joel gently took Harry from her arms and helped her to her feet, then guided them all out of the enclosure via the keeper’s area. Just as they made their way out, Dawn spotted the only group of people in the zoo wearing business suits and knew it was the committee.

  As soon as they got out, Dawn gave her son the reassuring hug he needed.

  ‘Joel, would you be able to show everyone round?’

  It was the gentleman from earlier who’d been doing all the presenting.

  Dawn realised Joel had a baby in his arms, which was going to look odd, but her instinct had been to go to Archie. Rising from her crouched position, she went to help out, but Rebekah already had hold of Harry.

  ‘I think it’s time for us to go home,’ Dawn said, a wave of exhaustion hitting her and the need to not talk about what had happened with important people about forcing the decision. She would have liked to talk to Joel. To at least thank him for protecting the family she was struggling to keep tabs on.

  When they were far enough away, Dawn managed to enquire after Rebekah’s well-being. ‘Are you okay? What were you doing in there? How did you get in there?’ The bombardment of questions was necessary given the craziness of the last hour or so.

  ‘It’s going to sound so stupid.’

  ‘I pretty much don’t expect anything less given what’s just happened.’

  ‘We’ve been using the Meerkat Manor DVD you left at our house to get Harry off to sleep. I don’t know what it is about it, maybe the movement in it, but it sends him off to sleep every nap time. So when you weren’t here and he was struggling to go off to sleep despite my trying everything, I suddenly noticed the key in the door. As no one was about I thought we’d get a closer look and maybe it would do the trick.’

  ‘I knew Harry would love meerkats,’ Archie said, as if this news was a triumph in his court.

  ‘But how did you end up in there?’

  ‘Well, I didn’t realise there was mesh covering the door, so I opened the door to the enclosure. I meant for it to be a couple of minutes with the aim of getting him off to sleep, but the meerkats were so good and I didn’t want to risk one of them getting into the feeding area, so we popped in. Only then I couldn’t open the door, not with one hand, and I didn’t want to put Harry down. There wasn’t anywhere safe enough to put him. But the meerkats were fine and Harry was settling, so we stayed in there. No one was about so I sat down in the shade. I thought you’d be here in about ten minutes and you could help get us out. I can’t believe I fell asleep as well as Harry. We must have been sleeping for over an hour. It’s one of the best daytime naps I’ve had since Harry was born.’

  ‘Weren’t you worried being in there?’ As methods of getting your kid to sleep went, it was on the crazier scale, and if they’d been seen by anyone else it might have raised lots of questions. It didn’t seem like a danger-free option. The meerkats were still wild animals, after all.

  They reached the exit and made their way to the car park, Dawn picking up the pace as if they were escaping a crime scene.

  ‘No, the meerkats were only curious and then they set up a circle, like they were looking after us. It was weird, but strangely comforting. I honestly only ever meant to go in there for a few minutes.’

  ‘And everything’s okay? You’re feeling okay?’ Dawn’s concern had made her consider all kinds of possibilities, none of them particularly positive. But being trapped with the meerkats had definitely not been on the list.

  ‘I’m fine. You were right about me needing to be out more with Harry. I was making it into more of an issue than it actually was. Even when he cries it doesn’t seem so loud when we’re outside.’

  At that, Harry let out a shriek louder than the squawks from the seagulls in the car park searching for picnic scraps.

  ‘Time for us to get home,’ Rebekah said. ‘Thank you for the past few days. Maybe we can come over again soon.’

  ‘Sunday,’ Archie said. ‘We should have a roast again.’

  ‘And just call in if you want to come over in the week. Archie isn’t back to school until next Tuesday.’ It was sad to think the summer was nearly over.

  When Dawn was alone in the car with Archie she didn’t start the engine straight away. The madness of the morning was making her want to stay still for a moment. And there was a nagging concern that wasn’t going to go away.

  ‘Do you really want to meet your father?’

  ‘I don’t know.’

  ‘Well, if you
decide you do, I’ll do whatever I can to make it happen.’ Even if it meant creating the devastation she’d spent so long trying to avoid.

  Chapter 25

  As she entered the crescent, it was apparent little had changed when so much of her life had. The house hadn’t altered. The property’s proportions were all the same; the flower borders of the front gardens were boasting the same blooms they had all those years ago. More than likely nearly everyone in this affluent part of Owerdale was in the same house they were a decade ago, the opportunities to move here few and far between. Not that Dawn wanted to move here or would ever have the kind of money required. It was just sometimes it was wise to keep an eye on the past.

  As it was, she knew the children she’d once played with were now adults like her and had long since moved out. So there was no danger of finding Caitlin here, or at least she hoped not. It would be just her luck if she was popping by. Not able to worry about whether this was the right time to call, as there was no way she was going to come here again, she rang the doorbell and waited for an answer, hoping it would be the right person.

  It was Friday morning and she’d left Archie with his Auntie Rebekah after he’d developed an unprecedented level of excitement at sharing his other meerkat DVDs with Harry. It was a quiet relief to be able to leave him and carry on with this errand.

  While she wanted to remain practical about it, the past was too close for comfort here with every step she took. The wooden doorframe with the kingfisher glass panel was unchanged. She’d often wondered if she’d started coming here more often to be with her college friend, or for him. What started as one thing had eventually turned into another at such a dawdling pace she’d not noticed until it was too late and she was well and truly entranced.

  It was the humour she’d noticed first. The ability to make up a joke in the quickest, wittiest way that never failed to make her laugh. The smile that captured her when he laughed at her jokes. Those shared moments when no one else mattered. At some point, it had started to do things to her insides and the visits had shifted to her being more interested in seeing him than her friend. And it wasn’t her brother, as Caitlin had concluded: it was her father.