The Man I Need (The Man I Need #1)

by Loretta Steel

  ‘I love that you’re a strong, independent, if a little stubborn woman. But sometimes I think you take it too far.’

  I shook my head.

  ‘You don’t agree?’

  I did, but I couldn’t admit it to him. I did the only thing I knew would halt the conversation instantly. I pressed my body against his and raised my lips to kiss him.

  ‘I’m not the man you think I am,’ he said.

  ‘I don’t care.’

  He kissed me back.

  ‘I have no intention of pushing you into something you’re not comfortable with,’ he said, shoving me backward into the wall, his hand pressed against it.

  I let him kiss me, hard, before he took my chin between his forefinger and thumb and said, ‘I prefer being in the driving seat.’

  I knew what he was getting at. He liked to be the one to initiate sex. He wanted control over my body.

  ‘You can’t own me,’ I said as his hand found mine and held it there, stopping me from reaching out to grab his face and pull him towards me.

  He kept his lips an inch away from mine, his hot breath on my skin.

  ‘I already do,’ he said.

  ‘What?’

  I swallowed hard.

  I imagined him tugging on one strap of my dress so that it fell down my shoulder exposing the soft pale skin of my breast. I felt his soft mouth on my nipple. But when I looked at him I saw that he hadn’t moved.

  ‘You want to tie me up?’

  He shook his head.

  ‘Have a think about it,’ he said, stepping away from me, his hand leaving mine.

  I had no idea what he was insinuating.

  ‘What do you want?’

  ‘You to understand the consequences of your actions.’

  It began to sink in then.

  He was proposing a strict traditional relationship where I’d be expected to submit to him. I knew it was beyond my ability. It was too much to ask. I’d only just slept with the man. I was also scared. I was afraid of giving him permission to possess me. But I was more afraid of how I felt at the thought of such a proposition. The idea of allowing him to dominate me in the bedroom had both repulsed me and excited me, but this?

  BLAKE

  I gave her twenty-four hours to decide. She had an answer, but even after everything we’d spoken about she didn’t tell me. Words were beyond her. She was visibly nervous. Her hands shook as she reached out and placed her arms around my waist from behind. I turned around and saw the look of resignation on her face. She wasn’t frightened, just cautious. She nodded twice. I took it to mean that she was ready to accept my commitment to her. To care for her. To provide for her. To protect her.

  I reached out a hand to stroke the hair back from her blushing cheeks.

  ‘I promise to be the man you need.’

  She held me tighter, causing my cock to throb.

  EZRA

  The following day we spent on the beach. I remembered my sun lotion this time. Blake applied it lavishly to my neck, back, and shoulders and we sat drinking chilled beer from the bar on the seafront watching the waves crashing against the rocks. It reminded me of childhood holidays with my parent’s when my father was still alive. Before my mother died and her husband, Derrick took over. Before Tyler, and everything that followed.

  Blake took my hand and we ran towards the ocean. We dipped our feet in the soft waves. The gentle rhythmic pull as the tide ebbed away soothed away my worries. The shingle and sand felt hot and gritty as we walked back to the steps which lead down to the harbour where boats bobbed up and down on the tide.

  ‘You’re happy here,’ he said.

  ‘I love the sea. Ever since I was a little girl I’ve always wanted to live in a cottage by the sea.’

  I was opening up to him, but even then I couldn’t allow him to see the fear in my eyes at having done so. To trust was dangerous. To give away my deepest thoughts and darkest pain was too much for me. The familiar itch to run was overwhelming. He reached out and held my hand as if he knew. As if he could sense my fear.

  ‘Is that why you brought me here?’

  ‘Not everything a man does is premeditated, you know.’

  ‘I didn’t mean that.’

  ‘Hey,’ he said, ignoring my concern. ‘Do you fancy an ice-cream?’

  I smiled and followed him to the vendor at the edge of the beach. The smell of salt air and the taste of freshly scooped strawberry ice cream on my tongue reminded me that no matter how old you get you can never tire of spending a hot day by the sea.

  Blake took a call as I meandered back from the ladies room after reapplying my coral pink lipstick. He turned away from me and headed towards the wall overlooking the rippling waves, overcast with gulls, spreading their wings wide and fluttering off towards the cliffs where the tide had crawled out in the distance.

  He looked uncertain when he turned and caught my gaze. His arms stiff by his sides.

  ‘The police,’ he said. ‘They’ve found Tyler.’

  My heart skipped a beat. Surely the police should know where he is anyway.

  ‘Where?’

  He looked back towards the sea as if trying to find the words to impart.

  ‘He’s living in Leeds under a protected identity.’

  Well, that explained it.

  ‘Leeds, but …’

  It’s not impossible to travel to London leave a note on my pillow then return home, but it would take time.

  ‘What did they say, exactly?’

  Blake took my hand and showed me to a seat, far enough away from the last of the giggling tourist’s that nobody could hear us.

  ‘He’s been staying with his mum.’

  ‘But how could he travel that far if …’

  And then my stomach began to churn.

  ‘Are they saying they don’t believe-‘

  ‘It was him, wasn’t it?’ He finished my sentence for me.

  ‘Who else could it have been?’

  My head was spinning at a hundred miles an hour as though I was sat on a roller-coaster. Even the bench seemed to tip as my body shook so violently I felt as though I was going to throw up.

  ‘Nobody would do that.’

  ‘Is there someone else who would do this? It’s possible that it was him, but we have to know for sure.’

  I couldn’t answer that because I didn’t know.

  ‘Who?’

  ‘I’d suggest that it’s someone close to you. Someone who can gain access to your building easily or even someone inside the building.’

  I thought of the dodgy caretaker, his lingering gaze as I passed his office, turning towards the lift. I thought of the cleaners. But none of them had keys to our apartment’s.

  ‘It’s got to be someone who knows what you’ve been through with Tyler. Someone who knows what would make you uncomfortable.’

  ‘But the only person …’

  And then it hit me.

  ‘You.’

  ‘Me?’

  He looked stunned, but I’d seen that look before. Surprise, shock. Guilt?

  ‘You don’t honestly think-?’

  ‘I’ve known you a week.’

  ‘But you said yourself the phone calls started before we met. How could you even think that I’d do something like that? That I’d hurt you in that way?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ I said, holding my head in my hands in resignation. ‘I don’t know what to think anymore.’

  ‘I didn’t do this, Ezra.’

  ‘Then who?’

  ‘It has to be someone who either knew you back then or knows a lot about it.’

  ‘But it could be anyone. It was in the newspapers.’

  ‘Can you think of anyone who’d do this.’

  ‘No.’

  ‘How long have you known Madison?’

  ‘It’s not her. She wouldn’t do that.’

  ‘How do you know?’

  ‘I know. She’s my best friend. She was there for me, she’s always been there for me. S
he wouldn’t do this. She couldn’t.’

  ‘Then who else?’

  Madison wouldn’t hurt me like that.

  Would she?

  BLAKE

  Ezra’s eyes had sparkled as we allowed the tide to lap at our feet. And afterwards, she looked free. I saw her anxiety ebb away with the tide. But then I had to screw it up with by parroting that phone call, and accusing Madison, her best friend of stalking her, threatening her, upsetting her, and I felt like a complete wanker. The problem was when she looked away, I could see her mind ticking. She was actually considering it.

  ‘I shouldn’t have said anything. Forgive me.’

  ‘No, don’t.’

  She said that she was glad I’d been looking at other options, but she still felt that Tyler was responsible for the letters, the phone calls, and the forced open window. It made sense to her I supposed. But I couldn’t help wondering if there was some truth to what I’d said, and vowed I’d look into it. If only to reassure her.

  She laughed.

  ‘I didn’t have you down as the kind of man to back down, but your face, you look determined.’ And then she took my hand and said, ‘I like it.’

  I’m not one to start a fight, but I sure as hell would end one. I also knew when to shut up so we continued down the path towards the car, the only sound nearby was the waves crashing against the rocks.

  EZRA

  A silence had fallen between us as we sunk into our own thoughts. Inside the cottage was cool and I slipped into a pair of grey joggers and a cream vest top. I wasn’t bothered that you could see my bra through it. It was only me and Blake in the house, and he didn’t seem to mind ogling me across the table as we sat and ate. As the sky turned black the familiar feeling of being watched returned, as it always did the moment the shadows began to appear on the walls, elongating the shapes of the furniture surrounding us. I wanted to be held but was too proud to ask Blake for a cuddle, and despite our earlier conversation, I still wasn’t sure I completely trusted him. There was still so much I didn’t know about the mysterious Blake Strong.

  ‘What’s the matter?’ he said.

  ‘Nothing.’

  ‘You can’t lie to me.’

  ‘I was just thinking.’

  ‘About what?’ he said, but I had no intention of giving him access to what was going on inside my head.

  ‘It doesn’t matter.’

  ‘It does if it makes you sad.’

  ‘I’m not,’ I shook my head. ‘Just tired.’

  ‘Then why don’t you go and lie down.’

  I wasn’t going to be bossed about by a man so I stayed up later than I’d planned just to spite him, falling asleep on the sofa some time in the early hours of the morning. Blake had long since fallen asleep on the sofa opposite and I watched him sleeping, wondering what had made Blake the man he’d become. What secrets did he hide from me? Had the loss of his sister in such a horrific way created this man of steel?

  I tried to sleep but my head was filled with images of the man I saw in front of me. He was holding something back. His powerful presence, his self-assured sense of dress, his stern nature were all hidden behind the facade of a strong, determined man. Could it be that I’d placed a set of ideals on him that were unrealistic?

  I was soon to find out.

  BLAKE

  I shifted on the sofa, feeling eyes on the back of my head. I turned and saw Ezra watching me.

  ‘Can’t you sleep?’

  She shook her head, guilt visible on her face even in the darkness.

  ‘You were watching me sleep.’

  ‘Sorry.’

  ‘Don’t be. Are you cold?’

  She said yes, but I sensed she just wanted to be held.

  ‘Come here.’

  She took her time to walk towards me. I shifted back into the cushions to give her room. She climbed onto the sofa and cuddled up to me with her back against my chest. She looked vulnerable and sexy. I felt her slight frame twitch from the sudden touch of our bodies as I snaked one arm around her, feeling her soft hair between my fingers, reassuring her that I was not going to let anything happen to her. I felt that was what she wanted. To be comforted.

  All women secretly crave a man who is capable of keeping her from harm, who will go to any lengths to protect her. And I was unafraid to take the lead. But I also knew that Ezra had been through a lot. The trauma of being locked in a basement for so long had made her believe that firm meant unyielding. In her eyes, I was not determined but bossy.

  ‘How do you feel now?’

  ‘Warm.’

  But she meant more than that. I’d heard that word used many times before, its meaning varied between feeling safe and feeling content.

  ‘I won’t let anything happen to you,’ I said.

  She relaxed in my arms. Her body bent towards mine, her arse pressed against my thigh. I gently tugged on her hair and her head fell back, her face inched towards mine. She kissed me tenderly. But I wanted more. I wanted to see her. I reached out to switch on the lamp and the dim light glimmered in her eyes. Her body went stiff as I climbed up from the sofa and stood in front of her.

  She was willing to set herself free, she just needed to be shown how.

  ‘Get on your knees.’

  She looked up at me, a faint flicker of excitement mixed with uncertainty fell across her face, but she dropped to the floor, awaiting further instruction.

  I unleashed my rock hard cock from my jeans.

  She hesitated. Her cheeks blushed. But that only made me want it more.

  I held her shoulders in my hands and brought her forward. She gently lowered her mouth over the end of my cock, licking me, tasting me. But I wanted to see how far she’d go. How far she was willing for me to take her so I took her head in my hands and wound my fingers through her hair, bringing her close enough to drive my cock down her throat. She almost gagged, but it didn’t deter her.

  She began to move her head back and forth, licking the end of my cock. Her hands reached out and began to tug on the lower shaft as she sucked me hard. She was insatiable. She wasn’t going to release me until I came.

  EZRA

  I pulled away from him the moment he came, shooting his salt down my breasts. I felt dirty and sexy. His pleasure sent ripples down my loins. I felt like a woman. Feminine and powerful. Not weak and vulnerable as I’d expected giving him a blow job in that position would feel like. With him, it felt different. Perhaps that was what submission meant, but I still had a lot to learn when it came to Blake’s tastes. Right then, though, my confidence rose. I was on fire.

  Until the phone rang.

  It was 4:15am. The town was quiet and settled. Except for us.

  ‘Madison is missing,’ he said as he put the phone down.

  ‘Missing?’

  ‘She’s gone AWOL.’

  Then I thought of the security outside her flat, and everything came flooding in again. The fear. The danger we were in. I couldn’t help it. I panicked.

  ‘Missing?’

  ‘We have to go,’ he said. ‘Get dressed.’

  I didn’t need to be told twice.

  We sat in strained silence as Blake drove, his eyes focused on the road ahead. His tension had returned. The city was heaving as we reached the ring-road an hour later. The sign for London passed in a blur as the early morning traffic slowed our journey, sending me back to the days before. The uncertainty caused a sharp pain in my temples. My pulse quickened at the realization that I was going to have to go back to the city I’d left behind, realizing then that I didn’t want to. I felt safe in the cottage by the Brighton sea. Coming back only emphasized how vulnerable I was.

  My default mode when scared had been to run, but there was no chance of that. I had to fight through it. My nerves were sharp, my tongue sharper as we pulled into a petrol station and I attacked Blake for stopping.

  ‘My best friend is missing and you need fucking petrol.’

  I guess I’d already begun the conversatio
n in my head. He obviously had no idea where my words came from, but I was too blind to see how much my words had affected him until he returned to the car and sat sullenly looking out of the window.

  ‘I’ll let that one pass,’ he said, not bothering to look me in the eyes as he said it. If he had he might have seen the scowl that crossed my face.

  My vision clouded as I leaped onto the defense.

  ‘Stop talking to me as if I’m a child.’

  ‘Then stop acting like one.’ He took a breath then said, ‘we’re going to find her.’

  ‘I hope so, because as we’ve been … something happened to her. While we were …’

  ‘It’s not your fault.’

  ‘Damn right it isn’t.’

  ‘Why must you always get mouthy when there’s trouble?’

  ‘I’m scared.’

  ‘Don’t be,’ he said, reaching out a hand to my thigh and squeezing it.

  He started the car and headed to Madison’s flat. It seemed he trusted the police as much as I because he began his own search of the property. I had her spare key, of course. She had mine. Only I’d never used hers and realized the moment I pulled it from my coat pocket and pressed it into the keyhole that it didn’t fit.

  ‘What now?’

  ‘I’ll call Tony, the tall guy,’ he said when he realized I didn’t know the names of the men who’d been watching over mine and Madison’s apartments for the past week.

  My best friend was missing and he was pissing about on the phone.

  ‘I’m going looking for her,’ I said, as he stepped out of the car.

  He didn’t have time to stop me as I slammed the car door, turned the key in the ignition and pulled away. He came running up to the bonnet as I reversed out of the parking space, but it was too late. I couldn’t hear him. I didn’t look back to watch his form grow smaller. I had one thing on my mind and one thing only-to find Madison so I could put a stop to this once and for all.