The Man I Need (The Man I Need #1)

by Loretta Steel

  ‘Suck it,’ he ordered, a little more forcefully than before.

  His strong, decisive words made me feel wanted. Needed. Desired. He needed me to release him. Despite the taste of latex and the smell of sweat, I enjoyed it almost as much as he. The sheer size of him meant I grazed the tip of his cock with my teeth. He made a sharp intake of breath and wound his fingers tighter in my hair to hold me still as he thrust two fingers inside me as he came, moaning, shuddering. I rocked against him as I approached the peak of orgasm, my body on fire, my brain frazzled. I exploded with pleasure.

  I lay back on the damp covers to get my breath back. He lay beside me, one arm holding me close. I rested my head against his chest, breathing in the stale air, my head dizzy.

  ‘You’re amazing,’ he said, turning to me, his eyes bright.

  ‘You’re not too bad yourself,’ I said.

  ‘You’ve no idea what you do to me.’

  I glanced down at the bin where he’d tossed the condom a few moments ago.

  ‘I think I do.’

  ‘I think you should stay,’ he said, his features set, his smile belying the tone he used.

  ‘I think I might.’

  He pulled me towards him and kissed me. His wet lips dancing on mine.

  The thought of living with him, promising myself to him and only him should have been cause for me to up and leave, but when Blake said it I felt myself being drawn further into his web. No matter how much I’d hurt him or worried him he’d promised to stand by me no matter what. He made me feel valued.

  ‘These past two weeks have been hard on us both and I know I haven’t always made my feelings clear, but I need you to know that-‘

  ‘I really like you too,’ I cut in, not giving him the chance to tell me what he really meant I wasn’t ready to hear it.

  BLAKE

  If that had been the end of our conversation the evening might not have turned out as it did.

  ‘I know I’ve been a bitch-‘

  ‘Language.’

  ‘Blake, listen to me.’

  ‘I am, but that’s no way for a woman to speak, certainly not my woman.’

  ‘I thought we’d been over this. I don’t belong to you, Blake. I never will.’

  ‘When you decided to live with me you made that choice.’

  ‘What choice?’

  ‘That I’d belong to you and you to me.’

  ‘Blake, cut the crap. I’m trying to tell you that I like you, and I’m happy.’

  ‘No, you’re trying to tell me that you’re sorry, but you can’t. Or won’t.’

  It enraged her how well I knew her despite us barely knowing each other two weeks.

  ‘Okay, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for being a bitch.’

  ‘You’re forgiven, but if you continue to use language like that-‘

  ‘Oh, Blake, shut up.’

  ‘Don’t interrupt and don’t answer me back.’

  ‘Or what?’ she said, giggling.

  ‘If we’re going to live together there are conditions.’

  ‘Conditions?’ she couldn’t help it, she began to laugh hysterically.

  ‘I’m being serious,’ I said, my tone sharp.

  She stopped laughing.

  ‘Tone down your language.’

  ‘But you swore at me in bed.’

  ‘That’s different.’

  ‘How is that different?’

  ‘There’s a time and a place.’

  ‘Well, I’m sorry if my potty mouth offends you.’

  ‘You’re not too old you know.’

  ‘For what?’ she said, but I could tell by her eyes that she already knew.

  The look on my face should have been enough to warn her not to push me, but she couldn’t help herself.

  ‘You’re deluded.’

  ‘And you’re too stubborn to admit how you feel.’

  She could no longer hold my gaze. She shifted away from the bed. I could see her cheeks burning.

  ‘It’s more common than you think.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Relationships don’t change, only the media’s portrayal of them.’

  ‘I’ve got no idea what you’re talking about.’

  ‘Really? I’m surprised. Because I thought that was why you got all cranky.’

  She turned towards the door, but I was there in a flash behind her.

  I spoke softly in her ear, ‘let me show you.’

  She stood still, not daring to exhale, but I could already hear the shudder in her breath. She wanted me to show her, but the words died on her tongue. I could feel my cock throbbing, pressed against her spine. I noticed a twinge of heat creep up her neck. The urge to surrender to me was too powerful for her to resist.

  ‘You don’t have to speak, just nod your head.’

  EZRA

  I allowed my imagination to run away with itself.

  I knew what he wanted. The thrill was too much to bear. But I froze the moment I turned my head and caught his eyes on mine. I needed him to take charge.

  He lead me towards the sofa, easing my legs against the soft leather and gently pushed me so that I fell over the armrest. Holding me still with one hand pressed firmly on my back he leaned over me and whispered in my ear, ‘I’m going to spank you until you come.’

  My stomach lurched, but I held still, wanting to discover if what I’d imagined he’d do could meet my expectations.

  I felt the air move behind me before he struck me hard across my arse.

  I flinched but didn’t move.

  His heavy palm caught me once more. This time I jolted back, but he held me firmly in place.

  He began to rub the flesh of my rump between the thin cotton dress before slapping me again, harder. And again, before kneading away the sting with the palm of his hand.

  ‘Blake …’

  I didn’t have time to continue before I felt his palm land sharply on my arse. Again and again. Each sting making me wetter.

  ‘Blake, please?’

  ‘Shhh.’

  I felt the cool leather sofa against my warm thighs and stomach as he continued to spank me.

  The pressure against my pussy aroused something in me and I reached back a hand to tug the pocket of his jeans.

  ‘Blake?’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Fuck me.’

  ‘Not yet.’

  He struck me twice more, hard.

  ‘I need you.’

  ‘You’ll come when I tell you to.’

  His authoritative tone was met with silence. Pleasing him would result in an orgasm. Who was I to argue with that?

  After several more strikes, he stopped, lifted my dress and pulled aside my white lace knickers. Plunging two fingers inside me, he stung my arse with a few more slaps.

  I writhed in pleasure, arching my body up towards him.

  His hand moved further down to my hip, the pressure wasn’t enough to stop me from crying out in annoyance.

  ‘Fuck me!’

  ‘Stop swearing,’ he said, landing his hand down hard on my arse.

  I ground myself into him, wanting to feel his fingers glide deeper, but he tightened his grip on my waist and removed his fingers from my throbbing pussy.

  ‘Oh, Blake.’

  He slid the knickers down my thighs where they rested against my knees and parted my legs.

  ‘I am going to fuck you, but not in your pussy.’

  ‘Oh.’

  I gripped the sofa cushion, preparing for the sting of his cock as he entered my arse, but felt his finger edging its way inside me.

  The feeling distracted my mind from the fact that he was still spanking me. I couldn’t care less.

  Once I felt his cock against my thigh, I knew to expect the inevitable sting as he entered me in my most private place. The feeling of fullness enveloped me as his cock slid deeper and deeper until I felt as though I would burst. My body ached for him to continue his thrusts the way he had with his finger, but he paced himself. His movements s
low and his hand no longer striking me, but stroking the pink skin on my arse.

  His movements grew heavier and his thrusts deeper until I could no longer hold on. I wanted to scream his name.

  I felt his hand stroke my arse before he slapped me, once, twice, three times and I came with a shuddering climax. My body spent beneath the firm press of his hands on my shoulders. He relieved his cock from my arse and I fell against him, allowing him to cradle me as I tried to keep a hold of my emotions.

  Fear had me in its grip. I shook my head, realization dawning on me, that he was being serious. That the things I’d imagined weren’t what he was asking for. Because I knew. I’d always known, that was why I pushed him. I needed to know where I stood. I was expecting a reaction, but I was repulsed and incensed by my thudding heart, the pounding in my ears, the flush of my womanhood, almost as crimson as my cheeks because I knew what I was getting myself into the moment I chose to move in with Blake. His masculine energy, his charismatic nature, his strong morals, and determination to see things through. His natural leaderships skills and lack of sway. His confident assertive attitude, his dominant presence.

  I felt hot and sick.

  Memories of the past week undulated through my skull. The lack of a smile when he threatened to pull me over his knee.

  Women are emotional, he’d said. Men are practical.

  On some level, I must have known the score.

  I’d been brought up to play with dolls while boys chased cars along the floor. I’d been given pretty pink dresses to wear and taught to skip. Boys dressed to play, and later for work. While Blake was play fighting I was learning to grow a thick skin to spite man. Blake matured with ease whilst I was still trying to find my place in the world, thinking I could have it all when the stress of responsibility overwhelmed me and made me stressed.

  ‘Working all hours, bringing up children and battling the housework is not my idea of fun.’

  Blake ignored my sarcasm.

  ‘That’s not what I want.’

  ‘Then what are you saying?’

  ‘A man should provide for his partner, love her, protect her.’

  ‘Make the decisions, lead and rule.’

  ‘Stop putting words in my mouth.’

  ‘You’d prefer it if I kept quiet. You want an obedient slave, is that it?’

  He ran his hands through his hair in exasperation. But even then I didn’t take the hint. My fears had taken over me, once again.

  ‘I’m offering to give you what you want.’

  ‘You’ve no idea what I want.’

  Neither did I, but this wasn’t it.

  ‘I don’t want to change you.’

  ‘That’s good because you won’t.’

  ‘Will you at least accept that you need someone to tow the line? Stealing my car-‘

  ‘I thought we were done with that?’

  ‘We haven’t actually discussed it.’

  ‘I am willing to support you and guide you but-‘

  ‘Guide me? No. this is wrong.’

  ‘You’re not willing to give me a chance?’

  ‘I can’t live like that.’

  ‘Well, I can’t live like this.’

  What he meant by this was the arguing, the fighting. But I knew no other way.

  ‘A man has desires, a woman has needs.’

  ‘What the hell is that supposed to mean?’

  I was lost. I had no idea what he was talking about.

  ‘For a woman to be a woman a man has to act like one. I’ve let you get away with things I never would if … if we were …’

  ‘Spit it out!’

  ‘I meant what I said before. If you were my girlfriend I’d never let you speak to me the way you do.’

  ‘It’s wrong.’

  ‘It’s not wrong. That’s just what you’ve been conditioned to think, that our most basic needs are morally unacceptable.’

  ‘They’re right.’

  ‘Then why are you tempting me?’

  ‘I’ve had enough.’

  I was running out of steam. Shattered and bewildered by his indecent proposal I had to end the conversation.

  I glanced around the room, the walls around me felt as though they were closing in on me. The beginning of us that I’d imagined had floated away leaving me stood in the center of the room with my eye on the door.

  ‘I’m leaving.’

  ‘I’m not going to let you walk away from this. It might be hard to hear but you’re going to listen to me.’

  ‘I’m not.’

  I turned to go but he brought his arms out towards me and held me tight, his warm body pressed against my back. I wanted to pull away from him, but something wouldn’t let me.

  ‘You can shut your feelings off just like that?’

  ‘You’re not the man I thought you were.’

  ‘You think I expected you to be so high-maintenance?’

  I wanted to laugh and cry all at once.

  ‘Why are you being like this?’

  I wanted to see his response, not merely hear it. He released his grip on me and I twisted round to face him. He held my face in his hands, the urge to push them away was strong, but not as strong as his gaze which seemed to hold me there.

  ‘I’ve fantasized about you from the moment I saw you. I don’t want to let you go, and I don’t think you want that either.

  ‘Then fight for me.’

  The first honest thing I’d said to him. Raw need mixed with fight or flight. Fear of the unknown was twisted with the thought of losing him.

  ‘Be willing, that’s all I’m asking of you.’

  Brave. I could to be brave. And open-minded, I was. But willing? Was I willing to give myself over to this man, completely?

  ‘I’m not asking you to marry me.’

  If he gave up on me, I’d have nothing to fight against, but if I agreed I’d keep fighting him.

  ‘I can’t.’

  I was apprehensive of what that kind of relationship would entail. Unsure of what I’d be letting myself in for. Scared of finding out.

  Be willing. His words echoed in my head.

  If I agreed to give it a try, I could always leave. I could back out at any time. But if I didn’t sacrifice my fears, he could never learn to love me. And if he couldn’t, would anyone else?

  ‘Blake …’

  ‘Shhh. It’s okay. I know. You’re scared. That’s natural. But I’m yours if you’ll let me be.’

  ‘I don’t know if I can …’

  ‘I don’t want to lose you.’

  I looked into his eyes and saw my own reflected back at me. They looked troubled.

  ‘I don’t want to lose you either.’

  I wasn’t sure I wanted to walk away. His body was too enticing.

  I swallowed hard.

  ‘Okay.’

  He didn’t even blink.

  I could trust him to keep to the deal, of that I was sure. But could I trust myself?

  My stomach lurched and my body prickled with sweat.

  ‘You’re shaking.’

  I felt as though I was going to faint.

  ‘You need to eat.’

  I nodded my head.

  But it wasn’t hunger that made me shake. I was nervous of him, of looking into his eyes and seeing the way he saw me right now, vulnerable and contemplating the unthinkable.

  ‘Ezra, look at me.’

  I did, and I saw for probably the first time how much sincerity he held in them.

  I allowed his body to soak into mine. He held me close, not daring to move as I anticipated the things to come.

  ‘I’m scared.’

  ‘I know.’

  Nobody had ever made me feel so good or bad all at once. I felt like the luckiest girl alive to be cherished so much by a man, and not just any man, but Blake. Tall, dark-haired and handsome. Neither had anyone promised to hold me accountable before. This time, the thought softened me towards him. I basked in the knowledge that by letting go of my need to con
trol things, I would essentially be empowering myself. He would forever be wondering when I’d turn to leave because the option would always be there.

  ‘Thank you,’ he whispered into my ear, and I felt as though I was falling into the unknown.

  It felt wrong and so right all at once.

  ‘Thank you, for what?’

  ‘For being you.’

  In that moment I honestly thought I’d made the biggest, amongst many mistakes. Not only was I giving him the right to one day, maybe, love me, but also to discipline me. What was I thinking?

  BLAKE

  I’d allowed her to walk all over me, to push me away and call me back like a lap dog. That was a mistake. Despite the trauma she’d experienced and the threat of danger always close by, I’d never given up on her and I needed her to know that. It was my duty to ensure she respected me enough to be honest with me and to keep her attitude in check. I hadn’t stood up to the mark so she’d fought me. That wasn’t her fault, it was mine.

  She was everything I wanted and more. A whole lot more. But I could handle her. I thought that was what she was afraid of: that I wouldn’t back down. And yet, no matter how hard she tried to put me off, it only succeeded in magnetizing me towards her.

  She was hard work and definitely not the kind of woman I’d take home to my mother, but she was mine.

  EZRA

  I was obsessed with the idea of him but the decision to commit myself to him, to his unconventional ideas was a difficult one. I planned to be on my best behavior. I had no intention of finding out what the consequences would be if I upset him. I wasn’t scared of him, but of what he was capable of. I knew that if he wanted to, if he thought I’d earned it, he would follow through with his threats now that we were an item.

  Once upon a time, I would have been sickened at such a ludicrous idea, but then I met Blake. Self-assured, gorgeous, testosterone oozing from every pore, he swept me off my feet, and I let him.

  I’d like to say that was the end, but this isn’t a love story. Because Blake wasn’t the man I wanted, but right then there was no doubt in my mind that he was the man I needed.