Just an Illusion - EP

by D. Kelly

  Pulling my attention off the photo long enough to pull the last thing out of the box, I open the drawstring bag and gasp. “It’s my Mom’s locket. She wore this everywhere.” I pop it open and inside is a photo of me as a baby and my dad. I clutch it in my hand and hold it close to my heart.

  “Thank you, Sawyer. This is one of the best birthdays I’ve ever had.”

  There’s cake to be had and dancing to do, but as Sawyer puts his arm around my shoulder and pulls me close, I’m feeling a peace I haven’t felt in years. We don’t need words as we sit and look out at the stars, we just need each other.

  Things have been perfect the last couple weeks, maybe too perfect. Thanksgiving is right around the corner, and with Thanksgiving comes family.

  “Mel!” Sawyer calls out from the office.

  “I’m in the kitchen!” I just got back from the store with all the things I need to make sweet potatoes. I didn’t make them last year, so this time Darren made sure to ask since I’m in better spirits. I’m glad I went to the store alone, though, because I was flooded with the memories of when Noah and I went shopping for that first Thanksgiving. It’s hard to believe that was two years ago.

  Sawyer flies into the kitchen and scoops me into his arms, spinning me around. “We did it, Princess, we fucking did it!” His excitement is contagious, but I have no idea what we’re celebrating.

  “What did we do, babe?”

  With dimples on full display, he backs me up to the counter and lifts me up. “We got the final artist to sign off on the EP. It’s time to move full speed ahead, Mel. Noah is going to be blowing up the airwaves.”

  “Oh my God, Sawyer, that’s amazing.” My tears begin to fall–a combination of happy and sad tears. I’m still not sure this is the right thing, but I know with my whole heart Noah would want the exposure for the foundation most of all so we can help even more people.

  Sawyer swipes away my tears with his fingers and kisses along the trails they left on my cheeks. Soon, his mouth is against mine and I tug his lip ring with my teeth. The action elicits a sexy hiss from him as he pushes himself against me.

  “Damn, Sawyer, the way my body reacts to yours should be illegal.”

  “It probably is in some states,” he answers before his tongue greets mine. My fingers slide through his hair and I open wider to him, wanting to taste every inch of his mouth.

  “Oh my God!” The shocked scream comes from behind us, and I realize I must have forgotten to close the door when I brought the groceries in.

  Sawyer pulls back slightly with his head against mine. “It’s going to be okay, Princess,” he says before looking up at Rory’s furious glare. Panic floods through me. I’ve never seen her this angry, not even when she hit me.

  “Rory, let me explain, this isn’t as bad as it looks,” Sawyer begins, and I hop down off the countertop.

  “Really? It looks like you’re about to fuck your twin brother’s wife. Am I wrong?” She inches closer and Sawyer steps between us.

  I move away from his protection; I don’t want it and don’t need it. Whatever Rory has to say, I deserve.

  “It’s not like that, Ror. I’m in love with her and I have been for years.”

  Her furious gaze flits between us before it narrows in on me. “You are a fucking whore!” she screams, and I flinch. “Not just any whore, either. It wasn’t good enough to fuck one half of the BAD twins, you had to fuck the other one after the first one died. How dare you betray my brother like this, Mel? How fucking dare you?!”

  “Rory, that’s enough! You have no idea what she’s been through, what we’ve been through, and how much we’ve agonized over this decision.”

  “Oh, fuck you, Sawyer! I’m sure you agonized just as hard over fucking Mel as you did Marilyn, right? You going to blame this on drugs this time, too?” She’s in his face, and I’ve never seen Sawyer as angry as he is right now.

  “You two, stop, please. She’s right, Sawyer. I fucked up.”

  “Damn straight you fucked up! Were you this much of a whore when Noah was alive, too? Were the two of you fucking behind his back?”

  My head begins to spin and I have to hold on to the counter to keep my balance. That’s exactly what people are going to think.

  “Enough!” Sawyer roars, and I’m so thankful the kids are with Mama today. “Rory, you don’t get to come into our home and accuse us of doing something hurtful to Noah. No one, not even you, could have loved him as much as me or Mel. There was never anything between us before he died. Grief does things to people and it bonds you in unimaginable ways.” He’s so angry his hands are shaking.

  “I’m pretty sure the only one who loved Noah in this room is me. You’re fucking his slut, and since she’s fucking you that makes her worse than a whore. I mean, come on, what kind of person fucks a set of brothers, anyway? Aside from a floozy, a tramp, a hussy, a whore, a harlot, a tart … should I continue?” Rory says through her tears.

  “Get out of my house and don’t you even think about coming back until you’re ready to apologize and accept our relationship.”

  “Sawyer, no, you don’t mean that. I’m sorry, Rory, it’s my fault.”

  “Tears aren’t going to get you out of this, bitch. Wait until I tell the family.”

  Sawyer sneers. “Most of them already know. Now, get out and don’t come back.”

  “Does Mom know?” she demands, not backing down an inch. When Sawyer doesn’t reply, she snorts. “Yeah, that’s what I thought, so that’s where I’ll start.” The door slams shut behind her and I slide to the floor, my body shaking like a leaf, the tears falling harder than they have in ages. Everything about us is wrong. Nobody is going to understand.

  “It’s okay, Mel. Everything is going to be okay.” Sawyer sits next to me, trying to reassure me, but he doesn’t sound so positive himself.

  “No, it’s not. She’s right. Everything she said is right. I am a whore, and what kind of person bounces between brothers? Everyone is going to think we’re sick and disgusting.”

  “It doesn’t matter what they think, the only thing that matters is us.” He reaches for my hand but I pull it away.

  “Don’t you see? I’m bad for you and for your family. I won’t be the cause of your family splitting apart. I can’t, Sawyer. You’ve all been nothing but kind and welcoming to me and look what I’ve done.”

  My chest heaves with every sob. Sawyer sits with me for ages trying to comfort me, but I’m too far gone. At some point, I hear Darren talking to Sawyer but their words are muffled. Shortly afterward, Sawyer carries me to my room and lays me on the bed. He pulls the anxiety medication from the nightstand that I haven’t taken in months and hands me one with a cup of water.

  “I’m going to let you get some rest, but don’t give up on us, Princess. We’re just getting started.” With a kiss to my forehead, he leaves, closing the door behind him. The photo of Noah kissing me at their signing, our official coming out photo, mocks me from the nightstand. “Oh, Noah, where did I go so wrong? How did I get so utterly and completely lost?”

  Is it even possible to make things right after this? I’m not even sure.

  I feel like my eyes have barely closed but it’s nearly dusk when I open them. My phone blinks at me from the nightstand and when I reach for it, I see there are missed calls from both Karen and Diane. A lot of them.

  Before I can even give myself a moment to think about what to do next, her voice travels through the house and I jump out of bed. I’m sure she’s the first in a succession of Westons who are going to come unleash their fury on me. Who could blame them? Rory was right in calling it like she’s sees it—I’m nothing but a whore. Maybe I should just take Nate and go. They’d probably all be better off.

  “Mom, now isn’t a good time,” Sawyer says, his voice becoming louder the closer he gets to my door.

  “I’ll decide what is and isn’t the right time, Sawyer,” she replies. She doesn’t sound angry,
just firm.

  “I’m serious, Mom, you need to go home.” Sawyer is pissed. He’s in protective mode and has been since Rory unleashed havoc on us.

  “Sawyer Joshua Weston! Get out of my way. I’m still your mother, and I don’t care if you’re a grown man or not, I’m not leaving until I see Mel.”

  Wearily, I swing open my door. “It’s okay, Sawyer, let her have her say.”

  With an apprehensive look between us, he steps back and allows her inside, but he doesn’t move. Karen turns and closes the door behind her, effectively locking him out. I’m sure he’s still listening at the door, though.

  “Is it true?” she asks with tear-filled eyes.

  “That I’m a whore who betrayed her husband with his brother? Yeah, I guess it is. Are you here to fit me with my scarlet letter?”

  Just when I think Karen is going to unleash holy hell on me, she pulls me into her warm embrace. “Rory was wrong, Amelia. It wasn’t her place to judge you. You are not a whore, you did not betray your husband, and you don’t need to defend yourself to any of us. Least of all Rory.”

  “What … why …” With an exaggerated sigh, I take a seat on the edge of the bed. “I’m not sure I understand.”

  “No, I don’t suppose you do.” She takes a seat next to me. “Love and loss go hand in hand. You loved Noah and he loved you immensely, there’s no denying that. If Noah were still here, I have no doubt the two of you would still be as happy as you were on your wedding day.”

  She pauses and walks to the window, turning her gaze to the sun setting over the ocean.

  “Sawyer has loved you from the moment he set eyes on you. He’s never said so in as many words, but a mother knows. The two of them always fell for the same girls. I used to think it was a curse, but now … maybe it’s a blessing. I know you love him, Amelia. You’ve always loved him in your own way. And I’d like to think Noah is pushing the two of you together somehow.”

  My jaw drops with her words and she turns to me with a smile. “Maybe I’m being selfish, it wouldn’t be the first time. You’re our daughter, and with Sawyer you still will be. No one will love Nate like Sawyer does, and no one will be able to keep Noah alive for him the way Sawyer can. He’ll be Nate’s father in every way but never diminish that Noah is his dad. Seems like the best of both worlds to me.”

  “Karen, I’m not there yet, and I don’t know if I ever will be. It’s been over a year and Noah is still this huge, gaping hole in my heart. My soul aches every day without him. Sawyer deserves more. He deserves better than I can give him, especially in my current state. Maybe even ever. He wants my love and I wasn’t sure I could give it to him. I didn’t know how to take that from Noah and give it to Sawyer. I tried, I really did, but seeing how Rory sees us, how everyone is going to see us, it makes me realize how wrong I was to try. How wrong the two of us are for even doing what we’re doing in the first place.”

  She sits next to me and holds my hand. “It’s not wrong. Unconventional, maybe. Noah wanted you happy. He would want this for you two and this isn’t speculation, it’s a fact. You need to have Sawyer show you his video from Noah. Maybe it will help you understand. I’ve said too much and I should go now. No one else will be coming by to bother you two. Just think about what I’ve said and don’t be so quick to push him away.”

  With a kiss to my cheek, she heads to the door.

  “Karen, you’re his mom, why would you encourage this?”

  She pauses and turns back around. “They’re both my sons and I know them better than anyone. The sadness of losing Noah is with me every moment. But it’s like I told you when we first met, you’re a good friend to Sawyer and he cares about you deeply. I’m ecstatic to see Sawyer in love and letting happiness in again. Losing you to Noah hurt him immensely, getting you back this way is tearing him apart, too. His guilt is just as great as yours, I can see it in his eyes.” She sighs softly. “I’ve suspected there was something going on with you for a while now. You make each other happy, and you deserve it after the year you’ve both had. There’s no greater gift than loving someone who has been through the depths of hell with you and understands exactly how you feel. Together, the both of you can rise from the ashes and have happiness. Let his love in, Mel, and love him in return. I promise Noah will always be there, but you deserve to be happy.”

  When she opens the door, Sawyer is propped up against the opposite wall with stormy eyes. Karen kisses his cheek and looks between us. “Heal each other.” Then, turning to Sawyer, her shoulders sag a bit. “Show her the video, Sawyer, it’s time.”

  “Mom!”

  “I know,” she says, cutting him off, “it wasn’t my place to tell her, but it’s time, Sawyer. Be angry with me if you must, but you need to do this before it’s too late.”

  Karen shows herself out and Sawyer moves to the bed, propping himself up against my headboard, and settles in for a talk.

  “Why does she want me to watch Noah’s video, Sawyer?”

  He looks at me with sorrow-filled eyes. “After we got the videos, my parents asked each of us if they could see them after we watched them. I’m not sure if it’s because they wanted to have just a little bit more Noah, or if they wanted to be sure we were all honoring his wishes. I agreed before I saw my video, but after I watched it, even though I didn’t want them to see it, I felt like I couldn’t take back my word.”

  “So she’s seen it, I get that. What is in there she wants me to see? I’m not sure I can go through another video, Sawyer. I haven’t even gotten up the courage to empty his fucking closet.”

  He tilts his head back and looks at the ceiling. “It’s complicated, Mel, and if you want my opinion, if you can’t handle what Rory said today, you definitely can’t handle watching Noah’s video.”

  “Do I need to? Is it a necessity?”

  “My mom thinks it is. I’m not so sure. What he says could make you feel better or it could push you further away. It all depends on your state of mind.”

  “Ha! I’d say my state of mind is pretty fucking fragile right about now.”

  He runs his hand along the side of my face and gives me a soft smile. “I’d give anything to take away your pain right now and for you to believe Rory is wrong. She’s lashing out because she doesn’t understand. Rory has always been stubborn like Noah and she doesn’t like to see things from a broad perspective.”

  “Sawyer—”

  “Stop. I’ll give you whatever you need, Mel. Time, space, Noah’s video, name it. Just don’t end this. At least not before you know the whole story and for that, you need the video.”

  “The holidays. Give me the holidays. I need time to think and figure out where my head is. Do you think you can keep Nate for a few days?”

  “Days? Where the fuck do you think you’re going?”

  “Eli isn’t taking a holiday break this year. He’s spending Thanksgiving in Arizona. I’ll fly there, watch his show, have dinner with him, and come back the next day. I don’t want to be here for Thanksgiving.”

  “Absolutely not. They can have Thanksgiving at my parents’ house and we’ll have our own here.”

  “I’m not breaking your family up at the holidays, and it’s already supposed to be here like it is every year. Rory will be fine if I’m not around, and Nate should be with your family for the day.”

  “Nate should be with you on Thanksgiving, wherever that is.”

  “Please, Sawyer, I’ll fly out on Wednesday and be home on Friday morning. Don’t make me feel guiltier by making me stay.”

  He shakes his head but eventually agrees. “Alright, I don’t like it but if this is what you need, I won’t stand in your way.”

  Fun With Eli

  “How was Thanksgiving?” I ask Sawyer as I’m getting ready for bed. From his extended sigh, I’m guessing not well.

  “Miserable, and even more miserable without you.”

  “What happened?”

  “Do you even car
e, Mel?” he snaps, and I flinch.

  “Of course I do.”

  “Can I ask you something this time?”

  “Sure, Sawyer, ask away,” I answer as I slide into bed.

  “Do you miss me?”

  “More than you could probably imagine.”

  “I miss the fuck out of you, Mel. Come home.”

  I laugh and turn off the light next to the bed. “I’ll be there in less than ten hours. Now, stop avoiding and tell me what happened.”

  “You first. How was your day?”

  “It was good. Eli and I spent the morning and afternoon together, I hung out backstage at his show, and they had dinner catered in for us. Afterward, I got to watch while he did some interviews and everyone fangirled all over him. I can’t tell you how much I don’t miss that part of touring.”

  “That’s it?” he asks, surprised.

  “Well, yeah, it’s a tour and a holiday, you know how busy things get. I mostly wondered what you all were up to today and Mama wasn’t able to fill me in since she was at Marcus’ house.”

  He laughs. “Like Anna wasn’t texting you updates.”

  “Not like you think she was. It was more about the amount of drama and lack of alcohol, but not what kind of drama.”

  “Yeah, so Mom decided not to make her traditional egg nog. Since I prohibited anyone from spending the night, she used it as an excuse for people to not drink and drive. I’m pretty sure she did it because it’s Rory’s favorite and she’s pissed that Rory drove you away.”

  “That’s not exactly fair,” I begin to protest.

  “Fuck yeah it is. If Rory wouldn’t have been such a bitch to us, you would have never left. Saylor and Darren were really happy you made the sweet potatoes and left them for us all. I’ve got a picture for you, too, hang on a sec.”

  My phone buzzes in my hand and I take a look. It’s a photo of Nate and Cadence eating their first batch of sweet potatoes. “Sawyer, that’s adorable! I should put that on Belle’s blog tomorrow.”

  “I wish you would have been here for it. Families are supposed to be together on the holidays and there was enough drama with or without you. Rory sulked the whole time. My mom didn’t even speak to her. Diane tried to play go-between but once Rory figured out she knew about us, that was the end of that. My dad was oddly quiet, and everyone else sat around uncomfortably, waiting for it all to be over.”