Just an Illusion - EP

by D. Kelly

  “Are you still going over that list? We’ve been around and around with this, Mel.”

  “I know, but it’s eating away at me. It’s like Noah is telling me there’s something vital we’re missing and I have to figure it out.”

  Sawyer’s shoulders slump and he abandons the groceries and takes a seat. “Do you remember when I asked you if I should start being more philanthropic after your run-in with Sara?”

  “The day you were drunk?” I ask, remembering the conversation well.

  “Yup, that was the day. A few days later, I read an article on the rate of homelessness among California’s college students. The numbers are staggering, Mel. It’s not just California, either. We’re just at the top of a long list.”

  “That’s horrible. I had no idea.”

  “Right? Me, either. So I started thinking about what our lives would have been like if we hadn’t gotten our big break, and I felt guilty.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I have a lot. Not as much as Noah did, but I’m not far behind him. I’ve made some good investments of my own over the years. For someone with so much, I sure didn’t pay it forward very well. Not like Noah always did.”

  “Sawyer, you have a wonderful heart and you are extremely generous with your friends, family, and employees. You take care of people in your own way.”

  “Yeah, I know, but after reading that I felt like shit, so I decided to do something about it.”

  Sawyer exhales and his gorgeous green eyes meet mine. “What did you do?”

  “I sat down one day and started calling universities in California. Some of them keep rosters of their homeless students, others have ‘unofficial’ rosters that faculty or students report. I told them an anonymous benefactor would like to donate housing or funds for housing for some of their students.”

  Who is this man? I’ve always known Sawyer was good, but why hide this?

  “And what did they say?”

  “Daddy Sawyer, I sticky,” Nate calls out. The popsicle is gone but his hands and face are a mess. Sawyer grabs a wet cloth and makes a game of it while wiping him down. Then he opens the high chair and scoops Nate out. Nate hugs him and gives him a big, loud kiss. “I love you, Daddy Sawyer.”

  My heart melts every time, and lately … well, my ovaries are screaming they want more of that soon.

  “I love you, too, Nate. Go play with your toys so I can talk to Mommy.”

  “Okay!” he says as he runs toward the stockpile of toys in the living room.

  “They said yes. But then I struggled with how to do it. There were so many kids and I could never pay for as many as I wanted to … I’d be broke. The day I was really agonizing over it, I was working on my laptop down in the garage. It was the first day Noah decided to record your EP and he walked in on me with all my shit spread out on the desk.”

  “Noah knew?”

  “Noah was my partner, Mel. I’m sorry we didn’t tell you. We didn’t tell anyone, at first. A lot of the time he was working on your music he was also working on this with me.”

  This is it. This is what Noah was trying to show me. I know he’s been trying to get me to figure this out. I just know it.

  “Can you explain all of this to me? Please,” I beg, and he tugs my hand until I rise from my chair and leads us to the couch. As we sit where we can watch Nate play, Sawyer throws his arm around my shoulder.

  “Are you mad, Princess?”

  “Never. I told Noah a thousand times and I’ll tell you now. Your money isn’t my business or my concern. I love you, Sawyer. Not your bank account, not your altruism, not your Bastards and Dangerous persona, just you—the man behind it all.”

  “That might be the sexiest thing anyone has ever said to me,” he says huskily against my lips.

  “Well, maybe I need to step up my game.” His tongue meets mine, and I let myself fall into his kiss. As he pulls back, he sighs. “Explain, please.”

  With the sincerest of looks on his face, he begins.

  “You should know this wasn’t something we were keeping from you forever. Noah never wanted to keep it from you at all. The day he found me, we laid out a plan, contacted Tony, set it all up, and went from there. It was the first time in a year we had something bonding the two of us. I needed that so much, you have no idea. In a way, it reminded me of us being kids again and having super-secret twin stuff no one else knew about or understood.”

  “It made you happy.”

  He smiles at me. “So fucking happy. And for the first time, I understood the high Noah got from helping others like he did. Once me, Noah, and Tony realized this was so much bigger than us, we started recruiting angel investors. Tony took care of most of it, but Noah and I brought in some close friends we knew would want to contribute and still remain anonymous.”

  “But not me?”

  “Not you, not yet. This sounds so lame now, but I didn’t want you to know and think I was doing it just because I wanted to be like Noah. You’re the one who inspired me to do it. After our talk in the kitchen that day, I wanted you to see me for more than what other people saw me.”

  “You’re not being fair to yourself, Sawyer. You’re one of the most incredible people I know. You have the biggest heart and no matter what your reputation was, by now you have to know I know your heart.”

  “Yeah, I do.”

  “I’m so proud of you guys, tell me the rest. Don’t leave anything out.”

  My eyes tear up as I imagine how excited Noah was for this. I’ve never been sure about the afterlife, ghosts, souls, or whatever, but ever since Noah died I swear he’s been giving me signals and signs. This was one of them.

  “We started with California universities and they posted signs and sent out email alerts to their students. We had ten thousand applications in twenty-four hours. That’s when we realized we couldn’t do it alone. We tried for the first couple of months, but with our schedules and the sheer demand, it wasn’t conducive to helping people quickly. Instead, we set up a lottery system, those who were chosen were vetted, and they were housed after that.”

  He squeezes me closer and continues. “By May, we were able to house a thousand kids. It didn’t seem like a lot, but it was something. It helped that the schools worked with us to get a lot of them in dorms and on meal plans with a discounted rate. Noah reminded me about an abandoned apartment building I bought a few years ago that was within twenty miles of one of the schools. I was going to dump it to a developer, but after talking it over with Noah and Tony we came up with a better plan. We worked with some businesses who donated time and supplies and got it ready to use in three months. Then, the accident happened.”

  “Noah never got to see it?”

  “He saw photos and loved it. It’s a large complex and can fit a thousand students. After the accident, I delayed the opening by four months. It killed me, but I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to move forward and I knew Noah would want me putting my own personal touch on everything.”

  “Does anyone else know?”

  “Only Tony and the other investors.”

  “How are things now?”

  “So far so good. It’s still a California-based project, but word has spread and donations continue to flood in. We’re up to three thousand kids now. What’s really cool is some of the kids who graduated last year are now working and have started sending in donations to help pay it forward.” Sawyer looks down at Nate and shakes his head. “I think about Nate and it slays me. I’d die if that happened to him. Some of these kids come from incredible homes, but bad shit happens and they’re left grasping at straws. When I think about my own kid being in that situation it makes me work harder to help these kids now.”

  “Hey,” I say, turning my body toward him “That will never be our kids, Sawyer. We’ve already made sure of that.”

  A slight blush creeps into his cheeks and then he smiles. “You said our kids.”

  With a quick g
lance at Nate, who is busy pushing cars around, I flip myself onto Sawyer’s lap. “Yes, I did. We will have kids, Sawyer, we just need to figure out when.”

  “Now, Princess, I want them now.”

  “Patience is a virtue.”

  “Says no one, ever,” he replies with a pout.

  “I need a little more time, but I promise it’s been on my mind a lot lately. I love watching you with Nate, it brings out so many emotions in me I can’t even begin to describe them. It also turns me on.”

  His eyes glaze over with need as he hardens beneath me. “Thinking about turning you on turns me on.”

  “Mommy, can I hug, too?” Nate pulls on the back of my shirt, and Sawyer’s excitement fades away beneath me.

  He chuckles against my neck. “Kids always have the best timing.”

  “Come on, Nate, climb up.” Within seconds, we’re all wrapped in a big family hug. This is my family. A bit different than I’d imagined in the beginning, but our love is real and so is our happiness.

  After Nate is tired of us, he hops down and a lightbulb sparks in my mind.

  “Sawyer, is Eli one of your investors?”

  He pulls his lip ring into his mouth and tugs at it. Sawyer does this when he’s trying to find a way out of something.

  “They’re private investors for a reason, Mel. I can’t confirm or deny that.”

  “Mmhm, and did you guys ever think I might want to invest? Noah knew I was trying to figure out what the hell to do with my inheritance.”

  This time, his tone is laced with sadness. “He was going to ask you when he took you on a tour of the apartment building. He wanted you to see what we’d been working on. By then it was more the element of surprise. You guys were married and you and I had been through a lot. I was excited for you to know, but ever since the accident … I’ve been enjoying it being my last secret endeavor with Noah and wasn’t ready to give that up, I guess.”

  “That makes complete sense. Can you at least tell me the name now?”

  With a wide smile, he responds, “The Sunshine Project.”

  “Are you serious?”

  He laughs. “We both thought it was appropriate. Joey called you Mellie Sunshine and we both agreed you’d brought more than your share of it into our lives. It seemed right, and Noah thought by doing something to honor your dad it would help you figure out where or how to invest your money.”

  I’m rapidly blinking back my tears. “Is this apartment building close?”

  “About an hour away. Do you want to go see it?”

  I nod, and he stands, taking me with him and then setting me down. “Nate, you want to go for a ride in the car?”

  Nate jumps up with his cars in his hands “Yes, Daddy Sawyer!”

  After Nate is buckled into his car seat, the perfect idea hits me. “Sawyer, this is it!”

  With a perplexed look on his face, he answers, “I’ll bite, what is it?”

  “What you should use the vaulted music for! Yours and my parents.”

  “For The Sunshine Project?” he asks, and I nod excitedly.

  “Even if you split the proceeds three ways, to Sunshine, to the foundation, and to yourselves, I bet it would be a massive amount of money.”

  “Noah also left a yearly endowment to the project that will continue to grow with interest. That’s part of his will that was only disclosed to me. Fucking hell, Princess, you’re brilliant and this is a perfect idea!”

  As we drive down PCH, with the ocean glittering under the sun and Nate singing his own singalong in the back of the car, I can’t help but think this is all a sign from Noah. A bit of fate is shining down on us today.

  Suddenly, Nate belts out a lyric louder than the speakers and Sawyer and I exchange knowing glances. This little boy is going to take after both his daddies and his grandparents. God help us all.

  When we got back from the student dorms, I was still struggling to wrap my mind around it all. I’m so fucking proud of all the guys. In my heart, I know all the men near and dear to me are part of this project. While Sawyer bathes Nate, I add a few more causes to my list and feel like I can breathe a bit easier.

  The Noah Weston Grant benefiting The Sunshine Project

  The Joey and Iris Triton Grant benefiting The Sunshine Project

  The Harold Scott Grant benefiting The Sunshine Project

  The Bastards and Dangerous Grant benefiting The Sunshine Project

  The Andy Reynolds Grant benefiting The Sunshine Project

  The last one is the driver who hit our bus. It finally seems right to do something in his honor. I hope everyone else agrees.

  “You ready for bed, Princess?” Sawyer asks, placing a kiss on top of my head and looking over my shoulder. “Andy, huh?” he asks softly.

  I look up at his glassy eyes. “Do you mind? I feel like Noah would want this one most of all.”

  “You’ve got an amazing heart, Amelia. I’m so proud to have a piece of it. I don’t mind. I think you’re right, Noah would want this.”

  “Make me a promise, Sawyer.” I stand and wrap my arms around his waist.

  “Anything, Mel.”

  “Let’s not keep secrets from each other. Even though there were reasons, I’m finding out Noah had some small secrets from me and I don’t like it. Can we agree to be like Anna and Wyatt and no matter what it is we agree to vault, we tell each other as the exception?”

  Suddenly, he’s hugging me tighter. “Hell yeah we can. There’s no one I want to keep secrets with more than you.”

  Wedding Blues

  It’s been a week since Sawyer took me to the apartment building, and I’ve learned all about their group and the real estate Sawyer still has that he’d like to convert for more students. They’re even talking about a few buildings farther away and hiring a couple of full-time drivers to bus them back and forth to classes. Luther is at the top of our list to be in charge of the drivers.

  “Damn, you look hot!” Sawyer exclaims as he walks in the room looking damn fine himself. Today is Mama’s wedding; it’s been such a bittersweet morning for me. I’m the matron of honor, and Mama gave me Belle’s favorite necklace, bracelet, and earrings to wear in honor of her. She said it’s a way to have both her girls with her on her special day.

  “You don’t look too shabby yourself,” I reply, fidgeting with the bracelet.

  “Breathe, Mel. It’s going to be okay.” He steps closer and stops me from tugging on the bracelet.

  “I know, I’m missing her more than ever today, Sawyer. It will be two years next month since we lost them. How is it even possible?”

  “Come here,” he says, pulling me into his comforting arms. “Today is supposed to be a happy day. Let’s focus on that. I know Belle and Noah got cheated, but they lived every day to the fullest while they were here. How many people can say that? It sure beats what we’ve been doing the last two years.”

  I pull away, my anger flaring. “Yeah, well, maybe they wouldn’t be living each day to the fullest if they’d lost us!”

  “That’s not what I meant, Mel, and you know it. Please don’t pick a fight with me today. I want to go to the wedding and dance with my beautiful date and come home and make love to you. Today is about love, Mel, be a lover, not a fighter.”

  He’s so fucking cheesy sometimes, my anger immediately dissipates and I bust up laughing.

  “That’s my girl. I knew my Princess was in there somewhere.”

  “Mommy!”

  “Auntie Mel!”

  Cadence and Nate fly into the room with Darren hot on their tails. I’m dying with their cuteness and pull out my phone to take a photo. Nate is the ring bearer and wearing a tux, and Cadence is the flower girl and wearing a dress similar to mine.

  “Sorry, guys, they got ahead of me. What did I say about running?” Darren chastises them.

  “No running until after Grandma gets married. Sorry, Daddy,” Cadence replies with a sweet smile that i
s all Belle. It gets Darren every time, and I’m pretty sure she knows it.

  “It’s okay, monkey, just don’t do it again. We don’t want to make Grandma sad on her wedding day.”

  “Okay, Daddy.”

  “Okay, Uncle Darren.”

  “I’m going to take them over there now and you guys can meet us there,” Darren says, ushering the kids out of the room.

  “It still cracks me up that the notorious men of Bastards and Dangerous all have cars with multiple car seats in them.”

  Sawyer flashes me a devious grin and paces toward me like a predator. I back up slowly against the wall; I would be all for this game if we weren’t on a schedule. “Princess, I’ll rock a mini-van like a motherfucker if you give me enough kids and car seats to fill it.”

  His husky voice washes over me like the finest whiskey and as much as I want to tell him yes, I’ll have a thousand of his babies, I can’t. Not yet.

  “Soon, Sawyer, I promise. I need a little more time.”

  “I don’t want to be an old man before I’m a dad again, Mel.”

  Again. Just the use of that word makes me melt. He could have easily left it out. I throw my arms around his neck and pull his mouth to mine. “I promise, Sawyer, it won’t be that long.”

  Sawyer’s mouth meets mine and he slides his hand up my dress, maneuvering his finger through the side of my panties and inside me, where I want him most. Groaning into his mouth, he kisses me harder and deeper before pulling back and removing his finger at the same time.

  His lust-filled eyes lock onto mine as he sucks his finger into his mouth. I watch as he swirls his tongue around it and bite my lip as lust flows through me. “God, I want you.”

  He kisses me again, this time soft and slow, and I taste myself on him. “I’m going to work you up every chance I get tonight. By the time we get back here you’re going to be begging for my cock.”

  “What if we skip all that and I beg for it now?”

  Sawyer throws his head back and laughs. “I’d love to hear you beg for it now, but we’ll be late for the wedding if we don’t leave in about two minutes.”

  “Fine, but if you tease me like that all night you’d better be ready to keep it up all night because I’m going to fuck you ‘til morning.”