Home to You

by Taylor Sullivan

  “It will only be for a few minutes. I just need to make sure your form is okay and that’s too bulky.”

  I let out a sigh of defeat, then tossed the hoodie toward our camp. I stood in my black halter bikini and cut off shorts, and a shiver ran through me from the cold.

  When I turned to face him, he looked at me like he’d never seen me before. I narrowed my eyes, wondering why he was being so weird, then noticed my nipples were hard as rocks and crossed my arms. He smiled a little, then dropped down to the board and cleared his throat.

  I closed my eyes, wanting to die, but he spoke as if nothing happened.

  “You want to grip the board like this.” His voice low and gruff as he lay on his stomach. He grasped the board at each side, pushing his chest up. “Your elbows should be turned out slightly, legs straight and together.” His eyes were intense, and I bit my lip.

  “Slide one leg forward and stand up.” His motions mirrored his words, and he stood so easily it made it look like riding a bike. He stepped off the board, wiped sand from his hands to his shorts, then gestured for me to take his place.

  I didn’t hesitate before laying face down on the freezing board and mimicking his position. “Is this right?” I asked, my teeth already beginning to chatter as a fresh set of goosebumps traveled up my legs.

  “Hands just a bit higher.” He straddled the board above me and helped move my hands to the correct height. “Okay, good. Now glide one foot forward, and stand.” He stepped to the side, allowing me freedom to move.

  “Which foot?” I asked.

  “Whichever feels natural.”

  Deciding on my right, I pulled it under me, shifted my weight, and awkwardly stood. It wasn’t nearly as easy as he made it seem, but I managed.

  “Good.” He stood behind me, took my hips in each hand, and his thumb brushed against my bare skin.

  “Bend your knees.” His voice was low, only inches from my ear, and I had to fight the urge to lean back against him. He pushed down gently, and my knees bent under his will.

  “Now hold out your arms for balance.” His arms moved beneath mine, lifting them higher, and I was sure he could feel each thud of my heart as it slammed inside me. His warm breath caught my hair, and my whole body trembled.

  “Are you cold?”

  “Yes.” I cleared my throat and moved away.

  He nodded toward the camp. “I borrowed a buddy’s wetsuit. It won’t be perfect, but it’ll be better than none.” He grabbed a black duffle from the sand, pulled out a couple bodysuits and tossed them on the blanket.

  “If we don’t do it now, I’ll forget.” He shook a bottle of sunscreen at me, pulled off his shirt, then squeezed some lotion in his hand before tossing the bottle on top of a pile of towels.

  I dropped to sit on the edge of the blanket, grabbed the bottle, and tried to avert my eyes from his bare skin as I applied lotion everywhere on my body I could reach. “Do you want me to do your back?” I asked, needing more time before his hands were on me again.

  He nodded, and I grabbed the bottle of lotion before rising to my feet. He stood with his back to me, and my eyes ran over his gorgeously sculpted physique as I warmed the lotion between my fingers—damn he was hard not to look at. I cleared my throat, then placed one hand on the top of his shoulder. His muscles constricted from my touch, and I closed my eyes. Somehow touching him was just as arousing as him touching me. His body was firm and skin surprisingly soft and warm beneath my fingers. I worked as quickly as possible, making sure he was thoroughly covered, but not taking a second longer than necessary before turning around and offering him my back.

  “Done?” he asked.

  I cleared my throat again before answering, “Yes.”

  My nerves were like a Venus flytrap of anticipation. Each breath, each beat of my heart took an eternity, and right when I thought to turn around, he touched me. Just the tips of his fingers along my neck. Soft and lingering. Then he pushed a lock of hair over my shoulder.

  My whole body became rigid as his hands settled to the top of my shoulders. The lotion was cold, but the shiver that ran over my skin had nothing to do with its temperature.

  “Sorry,” he muttered, as both hands gripped my shoulders, massaging them with his strong hands. “You’re so tense.”

  I laughed nervously but said nothing.

  “Relax. It’s only me.” His voice was low, and close to my ear.

  I blew out a breath. “I know.” But that was the problem. The problem was him. The problem was he had a girlfriend, and even if he didn’t, our one kiss had been what pulled us apart. I would never let that happen again.

  I forced my shoulders to relax, and his hands began to move across my upper back, then down my sides, and feather light over the sensitive skin above my shorts. “All done.” He cleared his throat and began pulling on his wetsuit.

  “When’s Grace due home?” I asked. It was a reminder to myself more than anything. It was easier knowing he was taken—that he would never be mine.

  “She’ll be home sometime tonight.”

  “Oh.” I stepped into my wetsuit. Both relief and sadness competing for attention inside my head. I wanted her home. That barrier of another person that always kept us from getting too close. But at the same time, I craved—possibly more than any other time in my life— for it to just be us. Only us.

  We spent the next hour practicing on the firm sand, though this time he didn’t touch me. Which should have made things easier, but the tension was so thick I had a hard time concentrating.

  Eventually we both agreed I was ready, and we carried our boards toward the ocean. I was surprised by how well the suit blocked the frigid water as we began paddling out to sea. I followed behind Jake, our boards leashed to our ankles as we made our way over wave after wave. We paddled out to where the water calmed, then climbed the boards to straddle the tops—this too, was not as easy as Jake made it seem.

  The sun was higher by now, not overwhelmingly so, but just enough to cast a gentle warmth over my face. The sky had matured to a vibrant blue, and the roar of the ocean set our rhythm, eased the tension, and filled me with a sense of peace. I glanced over at Jake, who looked calm and tranquil. Maybe happier than I’d ever seen before. I couldn’t help but smile as I watched him. It was surprising how natural it felt to be out there with him like that. Like we’d spent a lifetime sitting side by side, taking the waves as they came. But I guessed we always had. He’d been there with me through everything.

  He looked back at me then and our eyes met. “What?” he asked, but a smile lingered on the corner of his mouth.

  “I don’t know. I feel closer to him here.”

  He paused, then looked around. “Me too.”

  His face grew serious, and for a second I thought he might say something— though he didn’t have to. We both knew what he was thinking. This was Dave’s spot.

  We sat in silence, gliding over wave after wave, then suddenly Jake called for me to get ready. Adrenaline pumped through my veins, and my heartbeat quickened. I positioned my body—chest up, legs straight—and began to paddle.

  “Now!”

  Upon Jake’s signal, I pulled my leg forward, my hands braced on either side of the board, but when I pulled my foot forward, my toes caught on the edge of the board and I lost my balance. I tumbled over the side, rolled under cold water, and had to wait for a break in the water so I could surface. A moment later I came up sputtering and watched as Jake easily fell into the water from his stance on the board.

  “You okay?” he yelled, as he swam back to me.

  I nodded, then flashed a smile before paddling back out to sea. Again.

  There were at least a dozen more falls, but I didn’t care. If I’d been alone, I might’ve given up, but Jake had so much faith in me, I found myself needing to do it, if only just for him.

  And then the perfect wave came, the stars aligned, and I slid my foot forward. Gripping the board with my toes, I was able to pull myself to stand. Stif
f as cardboard, the wind blowing on my face, and my heart beating a mile a minute, I was surfing. I kept my balance long enough to feel the water rushing under my feet, mist on my face, and the wave carrying me to the shore. I heard Jake yell beside me, and a second later I lost my balance and crashed into the water. When I was able to stand, my first thought was to find Jake. I knew he’d be excited, and I couldn’t wait to see his face. I turned around, and there he was making his way toward me. So much joy bubbled inside I thought I might explode with it.

  “Did you see that?” I yelled, not sure if I wanted to laugh or cry.

  A second later, he was in front of me, lifting me from the water, spinning me around in his arms. “I knew you could do it.”

  I held on to him, feeling giddy as I lifted my face to the sky and let the sun warm me.

  He slid me to the ground, but his arms remained at my waist. “You did it.”

  His jaw tightened, and his eyes met mine. The mood shifted from elation to that of anticipation, and I licked the water from my lips, wanting desperately to kiss him.

  He looked from my eyes to my mouth—and then a second wave crashed over us, sweeping me off my feet and dragging both me and my board at least five feet back to shore. When I finally caught my footing, Jake was on his knees, pushing his drenched hair from his face. Our eyes locked, and we both began to laugh. “Can we go again?” I asked, not ready to acknowledge what just happened, not wanting to read into everything like I always did.

  It was just after noon when we finally climbed out of the water. All my muscles aching from overuse when we finally dropped our boards in the sand and made our way to camp. I peeled the wetsuit from my body, plopped down on the sun-warmed blanket, and felt both exhausted and happier than I had in years. “I had no idea surfing was so exhilarating.” I rolled to my stomach and looked up at Jake. “Why has it taken you so long to teach me?”

  He shrugged. “You’d have to ask Dave about that. I think he was worried you’d mess up his game.”

  I laughed and flipped over on my back again, shielding my eyes from the sun. “Well, I’m glad you took me.”

  The beach was practically secluded, and I dug my feet into warm sand. The crashing waves roared a hypnotic rhythm, and I felt Jake sit down on the blanket beside me. He pushed something small and smooth into the palm of my hand, and I opened my eyes to see a piece of aqua blue sea glass resting there.

  “How pretty.” I squinted over at him, then tried to give it back.

  He shook his head. “Keep it. So you never forget.”

  I smiled, and played with it in my hand a minute. How could I ever forget? But something in his expression made my chest ache. He looked almost sad. What had he meant by that?

  Just when I was about to ask, the sun disappeared, and I heard that old familiar voice I would’ve recognized anywhere.

  “Why if it isn’t Little Katie McGregor?”

  A smile tugged at my lips, and I called back, “Justin Harting—the heartbreaker.”

  JAKE STOOD, IMMEDIATELY GIVING JUSTIN a firm hug, and I rose to an elbow, smiling up at the face I’d always known as the mischief maker. He was just the same—short cropped hair, hazel eyes, and a smile designed to break hearts.

  “Jake told me you were coming,” I said.

  Justin pulled me to stand and threw an arm over my shoulder. “And he told me you’ve been back since Saturday.”

  I shook my head and wrinkled my nose at the sun.

  “So does this mean we get to keep you? Or are you planning to run away again?”

  I cleared my throat and studied him. I didn’t know he thought of my move as running away. “Oh, shut up.” I pushed playfully at his stomach.

  He laughed again and ruffled my hair. “How’s life been treating you, kid?”

  I took in a deep breath and glanced over at Jake. Had he told him about Kevin?

  Justin eyed me warily. “What? Am I missing something?”

  Jake gave me a reassuring smile, then backed toward the ocean. “You guys catch up, I’m gonna go cool off.” He picked up his board, then ran toward the waves.

  “What was that about?” Justin asked.

  I shook my head, knowing Jake was giving me privacy so I could tell him, but I wasn’t ready for that. Justin nudged me with one shoulder, and I laughed.

  “So, I hear you’re getting married?”

  “Yep,” he replied, squinting at me against the sun, “she’s not even pregnant either.”

  I laughed, grateful he didn’t push me and because that was such a Justin thing to say. “I didn’t think—”

  “I know.” He smiled. “But most people do. She’s it for me, Katie.”

  The way he said it made me smile. There was so much adoration in that single word. It. That was all I’ve ever wanted to be. Someone’s it… Jake’s it… so stupid. I walked over to my shorts lying on the blanket and tucked the sea glass into its pocket before turning to face him again. “So do I get to meet her?”

  “Yeah, she’ll be along shortly. She’s meeting me here after work.”

  “What’s her name?”

  He looked shy, something I’d never seen in him before. I bumped his shoulder.

  “Kimberly. Kimberly Porter.”

  “Soon to be Mrs. Harting” He grinned from ear to ear, like he’d just won the lottery. “Awww…I’m so excited for you.” I gave him another nudge.

  He laughed. “So what’s going on with you? Jake tells me you’re still doing photography?”

  “Yeah, weddings actually.” I raised my brows.

  “Oh, perfect. Kimberly keeps talking about engagement photos, do you do that too?”

  I nodded.

  “Well, you guys will have to set something up when she gets here. But for now,” his expression grew serious, “I want to hear more about you.”

  I sat back to the blanket, my stomach twisting the way it always did when I faced an uncomfortable conversation. “There’s really not much to tell. I guess you could say I’m starting over,” I rolled my eyes, “again.”

  “Nothing wrong with that.” He plopped down next to me and searched my face. “Why?”

  “I don’t know,” I hesitated, “it seems I’m an asshole magnet.”

  He crinkled his nose as he looked out to the ocean. “Jake mentioned something about that.”

  All smiles were gone now, just like I feared. “When did you talk to Jake?”

  “Last night when he woke me up.”

  “Oh God, Justin. I’m sorry!”

  He grinned, then looked out to the ocean again. “He looks happy.”

  I followed his line of vision and watched Jake paddle out past the breakwaters.

  “He was pretty messed up after Dave died.”

  My throat tightened and I nodded. “We all were.” I wasn’t sure where he was going with this conversation, and began making circles in the sand with my finger.

  “True—but he got worse after you left.” There was an edge to his voice that twisted my gut.

  I swallowed and looked back toward Jake. “What do you mean?” I wasn’t even sure I wanted to know. I didn’t like to hear about Jake hurting.

  He shrugged. “I don’t know. Lots of drinking—I probably shouldn’t even be telling you this.” He nudged me. “But that was a long time ago.”

  I took a deep breath and pushed down the guilt that bubbled to the surface. I’d been selfish when I left. So consumed with my own grief, with rejection, that I couldn’t even see how much pain he was in. That he was hurting so badly he turned to drinking even months after Dave’s death.

  Justin leapt to his feet, startling me. “There’s Kimberly.” He jogged toward a petite brunette, whose arms were loaded with plastic bags. “Hey baby!” he called, then lifted her in his arms and kissed her firmly on the mouth. It reminded me of a love scene from a movie, and I averted my eyes to give them privacy—but the truth was, I still needed a moment to collect my thoughts.

  Jake still bobbed up and down in the
surf, and I couldn’t stop myself from watching him. There was no use dwelling on the past, but I couldn’t help feeling a little guilty about what I left behind when I moved to San Diego.

  A minute later, Kimberly and Justin walked toward me, and I rose to my feet and dusted sand from my now-dry legs. She smiled and raised grocery bags of food to the air. “I hope y’all are hungry!”

  Ten minutes later, all four of us sat on the blanket eating a picnic of fried chicken, potato salad, and watermelon.

  “This is wonderful, Kimberly. Thank you,” I said.

  “Well, I love feedin’ people, so get used to it.”

  I smiled, my eyes flashing from her to Justin. “Now it all makes sense.”

  “What?” He grinned, like he knew there was a catch.

  “This is how you got Justin to fall in love with you.”

  Her face lit up when she laughed. “He does like to eat.” She looked to Justin, then back to me and Jake. “Justin told me about all the trouble he used to get in with ya’ll.”

  “Oh no.” My eyes settled on Jake as nervous flutters teased my belly.

  “What exactly did he tell you?” Jake asked.

  “Oh, something about you boys tyin’ up poor Katie at the back of the yard ’cause she kept interrupting you playin’ video games.”

  Her eyes were full of mischief, and I couldn’t contain my laughter. I elbowed Jake. “It’s true. They were so mean to me.”

  “We were mean? Who was the one who ruined our comic books by coloring all over them with lipstick?” Jake protested.

  “That was only because you drew mustaches on our Barbies with permanent marker!” I stuck my chest out, daring him to disagree with me.

  He opened his mouth to argue, then stopped. “Okay, we were pretty mean, but you were so cute when you were angry.” He winked at me. “A ball of fire, pigtails, and overalls.”

  Kimberly eyed us curiously. “How long have y’all been together?”

  I cleared my throat and brushed some imaginary food from my mouth. “Oh, we’re not together.” My chest tightened, and I glanced back to Jake.

  “I’m sorry, I just assumed.” Kimberly looked down and her cheeks grew red.