The Anuan Legacy

by Traci Ison Schafer

  “No, Gaige. She needs to learn to live among us and flow with our consciousness. It appears her being is craving that anyway, and reaching out for it. We couldn’t stop it if we wanted to, no matter how isolated we tried to keep her. Stifling her need to connect to us could only make matters worse.”

  “So what do I need to do now?”

  “Now that we know her system is beginning to manage itself, and won’t allow too much, we can let her dictate the pace. It will be best for her that way. Just know there’s a potential for these kinds of episodes, where she shuts down to give herself a break. They’ll last as long as they need to. She could be past the worst of her adjustment—here on the ship anyway.”

  I pinched the bridge of my nose, forcing back the tension in my forehead. “And beyond that?”

  “If she stays, she may have some more adjusting to do when we get to Anu. For now, just watch her closely and let her manage this exactly how she wants.”

  CHAPTER 74 -

  TAS

  I threw the stress orb hard across Daigon’s office. It slammed into the wall and quickly rebounded. By the time it reached me, it had slowed itself enough to float into my hand. “I’m telling you, Daigon, this is not sitting well with me. I cannot think of any technologically advanced beings other than the Tamanacke who would interfere with an emerging civilization. And it does seem that the Kians had help.” I flung the orb again, at the opposite wall this time.

  Daigon sprung from his chair and seized the sphere out of its flight path. “Tas, I hope you’re wrong.” He tossed the orb back to me, walked around to the front of his desk, and leaned back against its edge. “But we can’t take any chances. Gaige will be down there soon. If the Tamanacke do still exist and are influencing the Kians, Gaige needs to be informed of exactly what that could mean. Not just hear about the possibility of their involvement as a passing reference. The Council should be told as well. This is one time they wouldn’t be able to warn us. The Tamanacke are dead to us whether they live or not. But maybe The Council has felt things around the Tamanacke that they couldn’t interpret. Knowing our suspicions might help them paint a complete picture of what they may be sensing.”

  “Yes, I agree. The Council should be informed, as should Gaige.” I squeezed the orb in my fist. “Daigon, if there were Tamanacke refugees, and they took shelter on Earth, that means Victoria has been at terrible risk all these years—”

  Daigon clasped a hand on my shoulder. “Tas, don’t do this to yourself.”

  “And what if she wants to stay on Earth?”

  “Victoria is here and she’s doing well. Let’s move forward for now and take this one day at a time. I’ll talk to Gaige and The Council.”

  Daigon spoke with calm reason, but his eyes had grown stern and his energy had hardened. He knew as well as I did, if the Tamanacke still existed, they’d want revenge. It would only be a matter of time before we were met with their violence again.

  CHAPTER 75 -

  VICTORIA

  I opened my eyes and saw Gaige leaning over me. “How do you feel?” he asked.

  I squinted at him until he came into solid focus. “You’re intact. No waffling or breaking apart now. What happened?”

  “You’re adjusting, that’s all.”

  I closed my eyes. “I’m sorry.”

  “There’s nothing to be sorry for.”

  I opened one eye partway, not quite sure I was really ready to wake. “Sickbay?”

  “Yes.”

  The familiar smell of spring rain lingered close. I fully opened both eyes. My comforter lay over me, tucked snuggly under my chin. “You brought my comforter?”

  “Constructed. I thought it would make you feel more comfortable.”

  “It does.” I pushed the comforter down enough to free my arms. “I thought things were getting better.”

  “They are. You were only out for a couple of hours. Not nearly as long as the last time. And you didn’t have any emotional episode first. You’re learning to process what’s coming at you instead of struggle with it.”

  “I am?”

  “Yes, but it’s still a lot to manage. So your system will take breaks, like it just did, when things get to be too much. Your adjustment isn’t over for you yet, but you’ve taken a step in the right direction.”

  “So you won’t have to be quite so protective, then?” I said, doubtful my progress would make a difference in Gaige’s overseeing.

  Still hovering over me like a mother hen, he stepped back to give me room to sit up. “Well, maybe not quite so protective.”

  I smiled, thinking how much I appreciated him being there. I ran my fingers through my hair to straighten out any waves that might have gone astray while I slept.

  “Are you ready to go back to your room? Zada said you’re fine to leave whenever you want.”

  “I’m more than ready.”

  Gaige helped me from the bed and we left sickbay. Though I’d spent a good part of the day sleeping off the episodes I’d had, I plodded along, exhausted. Gaige had to pause every few steps to keep from leaving me behind.

  “I know today wore you out,” Gaige said.

  “Yes, it did. I’m really tired.”

  “Well, not only does Anu have longer days, it also has longer nights. You’ll be able to get plenty of sleep. We’ll do some more things tomorrow, but we'll take it slow.”

  “Are you off-duty tomorrow, too?”

  Gaige had stopped again, waiting on me to catch up. “Yes, I’ll be with you tomorrow, too. I want to make sure you’re familiar with the ship before I leave you on your own. But even when I’m not with you, Bec can help you, or Conner, or anyone else on the ship. And I’m always just a link away.”

  “Link?”

  “Yes, our communication devices.”

  “Oh, that’s what you call them.”

  Gaige watched our feet as we walked now, making an effort to keep pace with my small, slow stride. “Yes. All you have to do is say link to Gaige or Victoria to Gaige or even just Gaige. If I’m not with you and my name is not part of a conversation the computer will recognize that and link you to me. It works the same for others, too.”

  “Or I could just talk to you in my thoughts,” I said, rather proud of myself for already managing that skill.

  “Yes, you could. As well as you’re coming along, we could probably start practicing that some. But, in case you can’t manage it for whatever reason—too tired, upset, whatever—you have the link.”

  “Okay, I have the link. But I’m sure I’ll be fine. I’m used to being by myself. You don’t have to worry about me.”

  Gaige interlocked his arm in mine to help me along, apparently giving up on trying to reduce his pace. “I want to make sure you’re safe. There’s nothing wrong with that. While we’re on the topic, don’t forget about the difference in gravity. You don’t want to end up in distress. And don’t get around large groups of people by yourself until we’re sure about how you’re progressing, in case numbers and proximity are still a factor. You may be beyond guarding against that, but let’s be safe.”

  “I know, I know, Gaige. I’ll be careful. Stop worrying so much.”

  After a few more subtle cautions and warnings, we arrived at my quarters. The door opened on its own, letting us back into my virtual bedroom. Gaige explained how common rooms opened to anybody, but my private room would only open automatically to my presence. Accessorized suits, transitioning, constructors, floating elevators, doors that recognized their owners. How much more remained for me to discover? I couldn’t wait to learn about every last detail.

  “Well, goodnight. I’ll stop back in the morning. Don’t forget—all you have to do is say link to Gaige if you need anything.”

  Gaige removed his arm from mine, but I grabbed it back, almost panicked. “Wait! Aren’t you coming in?”

  “I thought you were tired?”

  “I’m not tired enough to want you to leave. You can come in for a minute, can’t you?”<
br />
  A dimpled grin crept onto Gaige’s face and I knew he was about to say something ornery. “Well, okay. I suppose you’re too tired to misbehave.”

  “Me?”

  Gaige gave me a playful poke in the stomach and sat down in my parson’s chair.

  As affronted as I’d feigned, I’d have misbehaved with him in a heartbeat. But for the time being, I’d settle for just having him with me. I kicked off my shoes and sprawled face up on the bed, so glad to be in for the night. “Ah, I could lie here for a week.”

  “If that’s what you want to do.”

  I rolled onto my side, facing Gaige. “No, not really. I’d go stir-crazy by noon.”

  Gaige eyed me suspiciously, his brow wrinkled. Not quite his worried face, but something stirred in that brain of his. “While you’re lying there, take a deep breath and try to clear your head.”

  “I don’t want to clear my head. It’s full of all the nice things I saw today.”

  “Just for a minute,” Gaige said.

  “Why?”

  “There may come a time when your head is full of not so nice things. Remember in the observation deck, we talked about letting the universe help you through all this?”

  “Yes, I remember.”

  “So let’s practice.”

  “Okay.” I flopped onto my back again and rooted myself into a comfortable position. “What do I need to do?”

  “Start by taking several slow, deep breaths. Then try and clear your mind. Relax, like before. Visualize any stress, or worries, any random thoughts, floating away from you.”

  Closing my eyes, I slowly inhaled and then exhaled. I repeated the actions several times, while trying to push everything away. All the worries—the running, the acclimation—began to leave me in streaming ribbons of blacks and grays, until only lightness remained and I floated away into a bliss of everything that existed.

  “Perfect. Keep your eyes closed and keep doing what you’re doing. Breathe. Stay relaxed. Keep your thoughts calm.” The legs of my parson’s chair scuffed briefly on my hardwood floor, being lessened of their burden. Then the edge of my mattress slanted toward the weight of Gaige’s body seated next to me. “We call this finding balance. It gives us perspective in order to deal with some of the tougher things in life.”

  Back amongst the stars, the planets, the beings, I understood exactly what Gaige meant. “The hate and the pain and the ugliness, it’s so small here. Like it doesn’t even exist.”

  “That’s right,” he whispered.

  Keeping my eyes closed so as not to break the spell, I reached for Gaige and, finding his hand, gripped it tight. I wanted him there with me. Not on the bed in my room, but away from our bodies and together in the bliss.

  And now Gaige was with me. The two of us hovered weightlessly in the center of the universe with nothing else—no problems, no differences, no secret. He wove through me and me through him, fuzzing—

  “No!” Gaige jerked his hand from mine and stood up, stumbling into the chair. “Um, I’m sorry. It’s just that . . . it’s late.” Gaige’s breath came in ragged gasps. With his eyes closed, he inhaled long and deep and blew the air out slowly. He opened his eyes again, having only marginally regained his composure. “You . . . you’d better get ready for bed.” He forced a smile onto his face that didn’t match the strain in his eyes or the trembling of his hands.

  I blinked, confused. I couldn’t quite orient myself after being jolted from the peaceful place where something had started to happen between us.

  “I’ll stay until I know you’re settled.” Gaige’s smile had faded, but he brought it back to life in an even less successful attempt than the first to act like nothing had happened.

  “No!” I scrambled off the bed in a fury, leaving my comforter in a wad. Puffed up like a peacock ready to fight, I faced Gaige nose to nose, or rather, nose to chest. “Something was happening, with us, between us. Why did you stop it?”

  Gaige ran a hand through his hair and fidgeted like a child in church. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have let you touch me. I didn’t think it could . . . you could . . . you’re . . . I need to keep in mind what you could be capable of.”

  “What was happening, Gaige?”

  “Nothing.” He looked away when he spoke the words, but only when he spoke the words. His eyes were back on me right afterward. He was lying.

  “It wasn’t nothing. Back at the motel, you told me your people bonded on levels I wasn’t even aware of. That, a minute ago, that was part of it, wasn’t it?”

  Gaige didn’t answer. His mouth hung open with nothing coming out.

  “Wasn’t it!” I screamed.

  “No.” He looked away again when he spoke.

  “Look at me when you speak. So you can’t lie to me again.”

  He looked me dead in the eyes, his face set firm. “All right! Yes. That was part of it. The beginnings of it, anyway. We not only bond physically, we bond mentally, emotionally, at the soul level. But it’s not happening, with us. Not right now, at least. I won’t let it happen. I have to go.”

  He moved toward the door and I could have sworn a piece of my heart physically tore loose to follow him out. The pain of it dropped me to my knees. “No! Don’t go.” I clutched at my chest, expecting to see an open, bleeding wound beneath my hands.

  Gaige turned back, wincing, with his fist over his own heart. “I won’t.” He pulled me to my feet and held me, easing the pain in my chest. “I won’t go. I can’t. At least not right now.” He shook his head. “Tas was right,” he mumbled.

  “Tas? Conner’s Dad? Your mission commander?” I looked up at Gaige. “Right about what?”

  “Never mind,” he said. “I’m trying so hard not to complicate your life until you can get it all sorted out. Can we please put this on pause? Please? Can you do that for me, because I’m trying so hard to do that for you? We need to be strong for each other. Can we do that?”

  I lifted my head from his chest enough to look up at him. Moisture gathered in his eyes, not quite tears, but close enough. How could I not do anything possible to ease his pain—a pain I felt right along with him?

  “Pause. I can do that. For us. I don’t like it. I don’t even think I agree with it anymore. But I’ll trust you. For us, I’ll trust you.”

  We stood looking at each other, wondering what followed pause.

  “So . . .,” Gaige said.

  “So . . .,” I said.

  “I think you were going to get ready for bed. You’re tired, right?”

  “Yes, exhausted. I’ll get ready for bed.” I took one slow step toward my bathroom and stopped, checking. No pain. A residual ache, but no pain. I took another step. Still no pain.

  “I think it will be okay, now,” Gaige said. “I’m not leaving and you know that. It should be okay.”

  I walked, not too fast, to my bathroom to change. I grabbed a nightgown out of my drawer on the way. Still no pain. When I’d finished changing and came out of the bathroom, Gaige stood staring out the window at my Ohio yard—a frozen landscape on a pause of its own. The view of space would have been a much more beautiful sight. But as much as I wanted to be there and wanted to be with Gaige, I wasn’t ready to let go of my Earth world.

  “Gaige?”

  He turned. “Good, you’re ready for bed. You’ve had a long day.”

  “Are you going to leave now? Can you leave? Not that I want you to.”

  Dark circles smudged the skin under his eyes. His coloring had faded by at least a shade or two. “I could now, maybe. But I won’t. I don’t want to leave you upset. I’ll sleep on the floor. But only sleep, Victoria. Nothing else.”

  “Nothing else,” I agreed.

  “Okay, I’ll order some blankets for the floor.”

  A constructor—the perfect distraction. “I have a constructor? Where is it?”

  Gaige raised his eyebrows. He probably recognized the same opportunity for distraction as I had. “Yes, you have one. It should be over here somew
here.” He went to the wall on the opposite side of my bed, near the corner, and squatted down. “It's right here.” He tapped the wall twice and a drawer popped open. “This constructor will work like the one I taught you to use in the observation deck.”

  Gaige let me practice constructing by having me order several more ship suits in various colors and his blankets for the night. My constructor gave me exactly what I’d asked for each time. We’d found something to follow pause.

  Gaige looked at the new ship suits draped over my arm and grinned. “You’ll look like an alien in those.”

  I remembered him looking so out of place on Earth in his alien flight suit and me saying the same thing to him. “That’s okay, Anuan. I’m not trying to blend in on Earth, so I’m allowed to.”

  He had a way of breaking tension that I always appreciated. This time was no exception. I hung my new ship suits in my closet while Gaige spread the blankets on the floor. He stretched out, settling into his makeshift bed.

  Without thinking, I knelt down where he lay to give him a quick goodnight kiss, but caught myself in time. “Uh . . .” Only inches from him, I lost myself in his face. The aqua of his eyes. The straight edge of his nose. The square cut of his jawline—

  “Goodnight, Victoria.”

  “Oh. Yes. Goodnight, Gaige,” I whispered. “And thank you for staying.”

  “You’re welcome. Sleep well.” Gaige turned away from me and pulled a cover I knew he didn’t need over his shoulder.

  I climbed underneath my rumpled comforter and ordered the lights to lower. They did. I wanted to be with Gaige, but did the next best thing instead. “Good night, Gaige,” I said in my thoughts.

  “Good night, Victoria,” he answered.

  A few seconds passed, and then Gaige added something more. “By the way, you amaze me.”

  I lay in my bed, grinning from ear to ear over his compliment. When Gaige’s breathing turned to the slow, rhythmic pattern of deep sleep, I quietly eased out of bed. An invisible rope pulled me toward him. He wanted me. Even as he slept, his body summoned me and I couldn’t deny him. Dragging my comforter with me, I crawled up next to him on the floor. I lay down as carefully as I could so as not to wake him. I had to be with him on so many levels. But lying there still and silent as he slept, so close I could feel his body heat, was all I would allow that night. I’d given him my word—we were on pause—and I’d keep it.