The Songs of You and Me

by Mylissa Demeyere

  “Look at you,” she said, as she held me at arm’s length, not letting me go. “You haven’t been eating properly. You look too thin, and you need a shave.” Mom’s hand ran over the stubble I’d been too lazy to shave these last days.

  “Mom,” I protested. I didn’t miss her nagging. She wasn’t done, though.

  The door opened, but Mom wasn’t distracted. “Your hair could use a trim. Oh, Sarah.” She momentarily looked over to my sister. “Don’t you think Jackson’s hair needs a trim?”

  Her answer was lost on me; I was too busy staring at her friend who followed in after. I did a double take, noticing Jane had grown even more beautiful than last time I saw her. Her brown hair was down to her waist, and her eyes shone an even deeper shade of green than I remembered.

  “Okay, Jacks?” Mom asked. I was still spaced out from watching Jane walk in. Hearing my name snapped me back. I closed my mouth and mentally kicked myself for not shaving this morning.

  I looked around the kitchen and caught Sarah staring at me with that calculating look. Curse her for being so observant. When I finally looked back at Mom, she was waiting impatiently for my answer, her hip jutted out and her hand resting on it in that typical “I mean business” stance.

  “Sure, whatever,” I mumbled.

  She huffed and turned back to her cooking, giving Sarah the opening she needed to launch herself in my arms and give me a huge hug.

  “Welcome home, big brother. I’ve missed you.”

  “Missed you, too, little sis.” I returned the hug with the same enthusiasm.

  “Welcome home, Jackson,” Jane added, drawing my focus back to her. I felt a flutter in my stomach. I probably stared at her too long, because Sarah gave me a smack on my shoulder.

  “Thank you, Jane.” I grinned at her like the goofball I tended to be around her.

  After dinner, Sarah and I were in charge of cleaning up the dishes.

  “Hey, I’m heading over to the square for the Winter Festival. You should come.” Sarah put the plates in the dishwasher.

  “Who you going with?” I casually asked. Judging from the smirk she gave me, I wasn’t fooling her.

  “I’m meeting Tom there, and some of his friends from the team.” She added the silverware to the dishwasher. “Jane said she would be coming.” She added that last comment with extra meaning, waiting for me to take the bait.

  “I’m pretty tired after the drive today. I don’t think so, lil sis.” After all this time, the thought of going after Jane still held me back. Sure, the age wasn’t an issue. But she was Sarah’s best friend. What if I messed it up? She was so eager to push us together, but what if we ended up breaking things off?

  “Okay, old man. Be boring,” she replied in her low, whiny voice.

  “I may be old, but I don’t want you to miss out on the fun. I’ll finish up here. You go.” I didn’t want to have this out with her, and we were almost done anyway.

  “You sure?”

  “Positive. Go.”

  She flung the dish cloth on the counter and grabbed her purse and keys from the hook before hollering, “I’m off to the festival,” and bounding out the door.

  “That was real nice of you, Jacks.” Mom startled me. I guess I knew where I inherited the sneaky behavior from.

  “Oh, hey, Mom.” I put the clean pan away. “Sure, she had plans. I, on the other hand…” I pointed to the last of the dishes and the sink in desperate need of a good cleaning. “Have nothing better to do tonight.”

  She stared at me a moment with her all-knowing mother’s eyes before offering a reply.

  “That isn’t quite right, is it, son?” Knowing I wasn’t going to give her more, she chose her next words carefully.

  “You know that it’s okay to like her, right?” she tried carefully, her eyes searching mine. Her words jolted my system, making it hard to hide the emotions she’d stirred.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I growled.

  “Jacks, we’ve known you’ve had a thing for Jane for years. You couldn’t go after her before. We always appreciated that you respected Robert’s rule. But for some reason, you’re still holding back. You’ve never admitted to anyone, maybe not even yourself, how much you like that girl.”

  I had to give it to her, she really was sharp.

  “Mom, it’s not that simple.”

  “Sure it is. You like her, and I’d bet that girl has had a thing for you for a very long time. You both are too afraid to do something about it.”

  “Mom, really?” I sounded like a whiny two-year old. “I’m at college in Boston, Jane’s in New York, she’s Sarah’s best friend. It’d never work.”

  “Son, that might be so, but if you never try, you’ll never know. There’s nothing worse than knowing you never tried.”

  Patting me on the back once more, Mom turned and left me to stew over what she’d said. The dishes were done, everything put away, but I lingered in the kitchen, staring outside and thinking. I remembered that day so long ago when Jane came pounding on our door, looking for Sarah after her spoiled date. Since then, I’d contemplated asking her out numerous times, but every time I worked up the nerve, I was reminded of all the reasons she was off limits. Once again, the mental list flashed through my mind. That stupid rule kept us apart through high school. She was almost three years younger. It wouldn’t have been the coolest move. If I broke her heart, Sarah would have never forgiven me.

  And, as always, the list was followed by that same nagging question that haunted me every time I thought of her for the last three and a half years. What if I did ask her out, and it turned out to be amazing? I knew that she and I did the whole friends thing like no other girl I’d ever known, but the doubts were there. I couldn’t deny them.

  And I couldn’t deny the flutter in my middle when I saw Jane this afternoon. I still had feelings for her.

  “Mom, I’m heading out,” I shouted out in the direction of the living room, guessing that was where she and Dad were at. With my mind made up that I could at least do the friend thing with her again, I headed on over to the Winter Festival before I could change my mind again.

  “Sure thing, Jacks,” I heard her call back, and I swore I heard her laugh as well. Heck, that woman knew all.

  As I walked up to the town square, I noticed Sarah and Tom in the distance, laughing and goofing off with some other guys from the football team. I could see Jane there as well, and my heartbeat picked up. I felt my earlier resolve solidify. It was time to make a move.

  I’d waited long enough.

  “Hey, Jacks,” Tom called out to me as he and Sarah came over. He shook my hand and pounded his other hand on my back in a real bro hug. I liked Tom. He was a great guy and treated Sarah right. So we were good.

  “Hey, man, how’s it going?” I returned the gesture, pounding his back a little too hard. It never hurt to remind the guy that was dating your sister that you had a few extra pounds on him. Just to keep it real, you know.

  “So, you home for the whole break?” Tom asked.

  “Yes, I finished my finals yesterday, so I’m a free man till the New Year. You?”

  “Me too. Although, I might have to pick up a few shifts at my parents’ market.” Tom had gotten into many universities, but he decided to accept the scholarship from Columbia Business School to be closer to Sarah, and I was glad to see they’d made it work.

  “Sweet. We need to make plans to hang out and catch up.” I liked spending time with Tom. He was good company.

  “How’s the program at BAC? Do you like it?” Jane asked.

  She stared up at me and I swallowed, hard. When I looked at her, it hit me again how beautiful she really was and how much I’d missed her. Even more than being attracted to her, Jane was one of my best friends.

  “It’s been insane.” I chuckled and averted my eyes, feeling a little shy under her examining gaze.

  “I bet you love every minute of it.” She playfully smacked me on the shoulder, causing
something in my chest to tighten. This girl still did things to my system.

  “What are your plans for winter break?” I asked her, trying to hide the eagerness from my voice, hoping to spend as much time with her as possible.

  Before she could answer me, something in the distance captured her attention. The hugest smile appeared on her face, and she took off in the direction of whatever had caught her eye.

  I followed her to see what could have possibly made her that excited, and my stomach lurched when I saw her run and launch herself into a guy’s arms and wrap herself all around him. I could hear her happy laugh all the way across the square, and I felt my dinner threaten to make another appearance as I saw this mystery guy lean in and kiss her.

  Sarah followed after me, noticing the shock written all over me.

  “What the heck, Sarah?” My voice rose, not able to keep all the frustration of loving this girl from afar for more than three years from seeping into my voice.

  “Hey, I didn’t know, okay.” She shushed me, trying to avoid the stares from the people as she led me away from our group of friends. As it was, Tom was looking at me like I was certifiable.

  “She has been seeing this guy David for a couple of months, but I didn’t know he was coming until she said so a few minutes ago. She’s only mentioned him here and there. I didn’t know it was serious, definitely not ‘come over for Christmas and meet the parents’ serious,” she explained. I felt like I’d been sucker punched. This girl I’d loved for years, but been too stupid to do anything about, went and found someone else.

  I honestly thought we would get our shot. Maybe now, maybe when I finished with my degree, sometime at least. It always seemed like a possibility, and now the rug got jerked out from under me in the worst way.

  I tried to pull myself together, but when I looked back over and saw that guy with his hands wrapped around her, I nearly lost it.

  “I’m going home,” I growled.

  I turned and walked off. I heard Jane approaching the group, making introductions to everyone.

  “Hi, everyone, this is David, my boyfriend. David, this is everyone.” Her voice held a happy laugh, and the knife stabbed deeper.

  This winter break had taken a nosedive, fast.

  Present Day

  Water under the Bridge – Adele

  JANE

  Last night was momentous. Definitely a date to remember. With Emma still at Sarah’s after her sleepover, and a text this morning telling me not to rush—Sarah was taking them out to Miss Mabel’s for pancakes—I hopped in my car to swing by Jackson’s. The buzz from last night drew me to him.

  I pulled into his driveway and noticed an unfamiliar car. It had Massachusetts plates on it, which didn’t make sense. Maybe Jackson had a visitor from Boston he forgot to mention last night.

  I rang the doorbell and waited an unusually long time for him to answer the door. Finally, it swung open, but the smile on my face faded as I took in the woman in front of me. Everything about her exuded perfection, from her meticulously manicured nails to her designer jeans and flawless makeup. She looked like the poster girl for the latest L’Oréal campaign. The kind of perfection the real women in the world all hoped for but truly resented on other women. It was unbelievable there were even women out there that could look like this.

  “Can I help you?” She looked at me with an equal amount of interest and contempt.

  “Is Jackson home?” I hated how uncertain my voice sounded.

  “Oh.” She chuckled, derision lacing her laugh. “He’s getting changed.” She made sure to emphasize the word changed, like she was letting me in on her little secret. I was sure my cheeks were flaming by the heat I felt creeping up in them. I needed to get out of there. Now!

  “Never mind.” I turned on my heel, cursing myself for dropping my heart in Jackson’s hands last night just to have it ripped to pieces today.

  I got in my car and sped off to Sarah’s to pick up Emma, fighting to keep my emotions in check.

  “I’m here.” I cleared my throat, trying to hide the turmoil warring inside me. I felt so stupid.

  “Hey.” Sarah snuck up on me, startling me. “You okay? Your voice sounds off.” She turned to face me and stopped short. Guess I wasn’t hiding it as well as I thought.

  “What happened?” she demanded, not even giving me the opportunity to lie and pretend everything was okay.

  “I don’t want to talk about it.” Hurt and betrayal bubbled to the surface.

  “Well, I don’t want to have kale every day, but apparently it’s good for the baby, so there you have it. Now lay it on me, Jane.” Pregnant Sarah was even sassier than regular Sarah.

  “Your brother’s the problem.” I felt the anger from earlier return.

  “I thought he took you out on a date last night?” Sarah looked confused.

  “He did.” I still couldn’t understand the effort he put into the date if he was going to pull this on me today.

  “He told me all about what he planned. Didn’t you like the surprise?” She looked at me like I might have gone crazy.

  “I loved it. You know how much I love the water. And the amount of effort he put into it…” I blinked, trying to keep the tears at bay.

  “I don’t get it, what happened?”

  “Why did I go over there to find a hot blonde at his house?”

  “Wait! What?” Sarah’s voice rose. “What blonde?”

  I gave her a detailed explanation of the surgically enhanced female that answered the door.

  “Not that woman!” Her voice picked up.

  “She told me he couldn’t come to the door. He was getting changed.” I air-quoted the word changed, emphasizing the implication she made.

  “Jane, I don’t know what’s going on, but it sounds to me like Ainsley’s in town, trying to stake a claim.”

  “Sarah, I opened up to him,” I choked, the first tear spilling over. “I told him how afraid I am. How I haven’t even dated after David.”

  “That’s good.”

  “He told me he wanted me to be all in, because that’s the only way he wanted to go about this, all the way in.”

  “That’s great. I know you’re afraid, but isn’t that what you wanted?”

  “Of course.” I blurted. The pain from before attacked me again, making the loss even bigger.

  Noting the way my shoulders slumped, she went on. “Don’t worry. Jackson would never hurt you like that.”

  “How can you be so certain?” I hated how insecure I sounded.

  “Jackson would never do anything to hurt you. He loves you,” Sarah assured me.

  “Yeah, he’s one of my best friends, but it never stopped him from unintentionally hurting me in the past.”

  “Jackson never meant to hurt you. He loved you.” She forced me to look at her. “He really, truly loved you back then, and not just as a friend. He was always in love with you. Ever since Brian Anderson’s failed date and sundaes at Miss Mabel’s.” Sarah waited for me to digest her words.

  I couldn’t believe it, believe her. Sure, Jackson and I struck up a friendship from that day, more than before. And I sensed there maybe was more, but he always pulled back, joked, didn’t make a move to further our connection. It left me with the biggest emotional headache back then.

  “Why didn’t he ever say anything?” I asked, finding her words hard to believe.

  “Because he is the biggest idiot sometimes. But it’s true. He has loved you for years, and he was too stupid to ever do something about it. Up until now, that is.”

  “So why did he never tell me? And why didn’t you?” I couldn’t hold back the accusation from my tone.

  “Jane, I’m going to tell you something I promised Jackson I never would, but it’s about time I did.”

  Twelve Years Earlier

  The Middle – Jimmy Eat World

  SARAH

  Jackson sulked around the house for the last three days like a bear with a sore head. I always kind of knew h
e liked Jane. He was terrible at hiding stuff like that from me. I never expected this, though.

  Jane always confided in me, at least when we were in school together. Since she started school at Fordham and I moved to the NYU campus, we’d only had limited phone calls. Jackson wasn’t the main topic in those talks. Definitely not the way he used to be.

  I still remembered Jane calling me after her “ice cream NON-date,” as we’d come to refer to that night. She was smitten but convinced Jackson would never be interested. She swore me to secrecy. Being the good friend that I was, I kept my promise and never told a soul.

  That promise was a burden for many years. I’d seen them both look at each other and listened to them talk about the other. Granted, with Jane it was detailed talk and pining. Jacks gave me a general idea that he noticed her, but still, I wasn’t stupid.

  I’d tried over the years to help them along, inviting them to group stuff without it being too obvious. Despite all my efforts, they never did figure it out.

  Jane, I could understand. Where Jackson was concerned, she was completely blind. She constantly made up an excuse for why he sought her out, spent time with her.

  Jackson always was more aware of her than any of my other friends. At first I didn’t see it because Jane and I were best friends since the day Mrs. Adams sat us together in preschool. But then I noticed him wearing cologne, something he never did, and always when Jane was over at our house. Or he’d ask about our plans for the weekend and happen to bump into us when we were out having a pizza on a Friday night. Little things like that didn’t stand out, but when you added it up, with his questions here and there, yeah, it didn’t take a genius to figure out he was interested in the girl.

  I knew Jackson, though, and if he wasn’t ready to talk about something, he wouldn’t. You could try and bait him, and sometimes he would bite. In this case, I tried for ages, unsuccessfully.