“You look exceptionally beautiful tonight.” Jackson got as close to me as my belly would allow, unfazed by the lingering gazes of the students.
“You don’t look too bad yourself,” I remarked, still fighting the swarm of butterflies this man set free with a single touch. We had grown used to each other over the months we’d been married, but I was glad this part hadn’t diminished. I had a feeling it might never.
“Are we going to be thrown out if I kiss you?” His eyes traveled down to my lips, darkening with desire.
“Seeing as we are supposed to be chaperoning this dance, I think we’re good. As long as you keep it chaste,” I warned.
He grinned that boyish grin I loved before capturing my mouth, giving me a not-so-chaste kiss, no interruption to stop him this time. All I could think of was how Jackson Wright ended up being my Mr. Right, and how blissfully happy he made me.
JACKSON
“Jackson.” Jane rolled over, waking me from a restless sleep. Ever since she’d told me she was pregnant, I hadn’t slept well. It was a long almost nine months of waking up to check on her, check on Emma, lots of tossing and turning, and ultimately little sleep.
After what happened with Ainsley, I was petrified of losing the baby, losing Jane. I read up this time and checked out everything that could go wrong. I made sure she didn’t eat anything that could be harmful for the baby, for her. I had her put her feet up as much as she would allow me. I was a freaking basket case. Luckily, she understood, and put up with my frantic behavior.
“Jackson?” Jane’s voice roused me from my thoughts.
“You okay?” I rolled over, rubbing the sleep from my eyes.
“I think so.” She looked a little flushed. “It’s time.”
“It’s only four thirty. You should try to get some sleep.” I soothed her. She’d been struggling to sleep the last couple of nights, not finding a comfortable position to sleep in.
“I mean,” she paused, “it’s time to go to the hospital. The baby is coming.” Her words had the power to wake me up completely and had me on my feet in seconds.
“Right.” I shifted from one foot to the other. “How far apart are the contractions? Let’s call your dad to come be with Emma, get you in the car. The suitcase is in the trunk. Let’s go.” My voice rose, panic taking over.
“Jackson,” Jane called. I fumbled with my phone, trying to find Robert’s number.
“Jackson!” Jane strained. I turned and dropped on my knees near her. “I called my dad. He’s probably already let himself in downstairs. Contractions are five minutes apart. We need to go. And I need your help. Okay?” She was panting through a contraction, like we’d practiced in the birthing classes, and she was the one to talk sense into me. I needed to man up here.
“Right. Let’s check on your dad, and go.”
I helped her downstairs. Her dad was already waiting anxiously on the sofa, wishing us well as we left and got into the car.
“Congratulations, Mrs. Wright,” the doctor called out over the noise in the delivery room. “You have a healthy baby girl.”
The crying, screaming little bundle was placed on Jane’s chest. I huddled close to Jane, embracing my newest daughter. After a few seconds of bonding, our precious daughter was returned to the doctor, who held out the scissors for me to cut the umbilical cord. Tears pricked my eyes as I looked at this little person, a product of Jane’s and my love.
Swaddled and sucking on her little fist, she was placed in my arms as they attended to Jane. I couldn’t take my eyes off of this beauty, with her dark, fuzzy hair and strong set of lungs. She was sure to give Emma a run for her money.
“I love you so much.” I kissed Jane, overcome by all of what I was feeling in that moment.
“I love you, too.” Her voice was tired after all the hard work she went through.
After getting Jane settled in her room, and our baby girl with her, I went to call everyone I could think of to share our news.
“Is that my sister?” Emma burst into the room, her eyes bulging taking in the little wonder wrapped up in Jane’s arms. Robert and Ava held back, giving our family a moment to bond.
“She sure is. Come here and meet your baby sister, Grace.” Jane could barely contain her happiness, the smile almost splitting her face in two. We chose the name Grace once we found out we were having a girl, finding the name fitting for our circumstances. We were lucky to have been given another chance in life together.
“Can I hold her?” Emma pleaded.
“Sure, come sit up here with me, and I’ll help you,” Jane called out to her. I helped Emma get up, putting Grace in her outstretched arms.
“She’s so tiny,” her soft voice chimed in.
“I know.” I joined in this little circle, my family, my girls.
“So, what will this baby call Jackson?” Emma continued to stare at baby Grace.
“Daddy,” Jane answered.
“Wouldn’t it be easier if I called Jackson Daddy, too?” she remarked, her gaze still fixed on the little bundle in her arms.
“I guess so,” Jane said.
“Okay then, Daddy.” She met my eye, and I swallowed back the emotion stuck in my throat. Right here in my arms was everything I ever wanted, everything I thought I lost and I’d never have. But now my heart was put back together, better than it ever was before, filled up with more love than I ever thought it could hold.
I couldn’t contain the smile through my tears. As I stared back at Emma, I caught her wink and grin, and I knew we would be fine together. Me and my girls.
Keep reading for a sneak peek of book 2: Ainsley’s Story
Ainsley’s story has special meaning to me.
Five days shy of my sixteenth birthday, my father’s body was found after he had killed himself. Needless to say, it wasn’t the sweet sixteen it could have been.
That event had quite an impact on my life and how I decide to face the challenges I meet.
The Songs of You and Me is Jackson’s story. He got to tell his side and how Ainsley’s choices affected him.
But each story always has at least two sides to it.
Why does a person make such horrible choices, as Ainsley did? What drives them to such selfishness? And does a person like Ainsley have it in her to redeem herself?
My dad made the choice not to fight and right the wrongs in his life. It not only ended his life; it impacted many other lives.
Ainsley’s story is my way of showing you what can happen when people who make mistakes decide to do better. Because everyone deserves a second chance to right the wrong and start over again.
This is Ainsley’s story of what happens when you choose to not give up.
* Ainsley’s Story
AINSLEY
Beep… Beep…
Floating…I was floating. My body…weightless. For the first time in almost three years, the constant pain that had been pushing on me, threatening to suffocate me…lifted… gone. And I felt free. The crushing pressure disappeared.
Beep… Beep…
The past three years had felt like a nightmare. The worst possible dream, but I was stuck living it, every single day. Not a dream, but my reality. And I couldn’t escape it. During the day, I passed through it. At night, I relived it. Every fraction in vivid detail. As hard as I tried, I couldn’t outrun the pain that chased me. It caught up to me, every single time. And I was done.
Finally I was free, drifting in this place that didn’t hold me in its terrible grip.
Beep… Beep…
I stared down and saw myself. The scene should have sent more anguish through me. The ripped clothes, the chaos, but all I felt was peace.
The shell left behind looked like me, but it wasn’t, not really. It hadn’t been me for so long. I had lost myself in that person too long ago.
Something tugged at me, pulling me away from the peacefulness I was in. I grasped out around me but only caught handfuls of air. Nothing to hold on to. The pull got stronger. I
was unable to stay where I was.
“Push a dose of ketamine, now!”
The weightlessness was out of reach, leaving me confused and exhausted. The heavy load pushed down on me.
No! I screamed, but no noise left my mouth. And I felt so tired. I wanted that feeling from earlier back.
“Give me a laryngoscope.”
A sharp pain coursed through me, down my mouth, in my throat.
I raised my hand, trying to yank whatever was there away. But my hand wouldn’t move. The weight was pushing on my hand as well.
No! I screamed again, but no one heard me. It was pointless.
“I’m in. Tube her.”
Finally, I drifted back to that blissful place, and everything went completely black.
ETHAN
“I need you to fill these in, please.” The nurse at the ER admin desk shoved a clipboard with a stack of insurance forms in my hands. “Once we get your wife set up, I’ll go find out about sending you in to see her.” She gave me another one of her curt nods and disappeared behind the desk.
What the hell had I been thinking? I hadn’t been thinking. Not much beyond getting my neighbor here in time. I had been living next door to Ainsley for the last six months. And I had noticed her from day one. Who wouldn’t, with her striking blue eyes, long blonde hair, and a body every man dreams of? But there was more. She had this frailty about her, if you looked close enough. And it drew me in right from the start. But she never let me get further than a few pleasantries. Still, it didn’t stop me from trying. And I had tried to be her friend.
When I found her earlier today… I shuddered as the memory washed over me.
“Ainsley! Ainsley!” I pounded on the door when I saw her lifeless body sprawled on the floor in the hallway. My heart pounded in my chest, the memory taking me back in time. No, I couldn’t go there now.
“Ainsley!” My voice was hoarse as I belted out her name over and over.
Instinct took over. I ran to the back door and found it unlocked. I hadn’t ever let myself in, but now wasn’t the time to worry about that.
“Ainsley!” I fell on my knees next to her, taking in the full scene. Her chest was barely moving, her lips were turning blue. On the floor was an empty bottle. I picked it up to confirm what I already knew. Time to get help, and hope we still had time.
“What happened?” The paramedic loaded her on a gurney and checked her vitals. I rehashed all I knew, which wasn’t very much.
“You coming?” He loaded her in the ambulance, and after getting the right info where they were taking her, I sped over to the hospital in record time.
“What’s your relationship to the patient?” The ER clerk typed in Ainsley’s name, not making eye contact with me.
“I don’t see how that’s important now.” I growled.
“Only next of kin can see the patient.” She looked up for the first time and took in my panicked state.
“I’m her boyfriend.” Where did that come from? I wasn’t even involved with her, but I couldn’t take it back now.
“Please take a seat. The doctor will be out to see you when we know more.”
I’d been waiting for over two hours, and I was frantic. I didn’t do so well in a hospital setting.
“Mr. Van Der Beek?” The doctor walked into the waiting area, and I stood up.
“Yes?” My heart beat double time, waiting for him to give me news on Ainsley.
“We were able to stabilize your girlfriend.” The word made me wince. The doctor luckily mistook it for the info he was delivering, and turned sympathetic eyes on me. “She was suffering from respiratory depression, and we needed to intubate her to ensure she was getting enough oxygen.” I swallowed the bile rising and nodded my understanding.
“We’ll keep her in the ICU until she gains consciousness.”
“But she’s going to be okay?” I pleaded.
“We’ll know for sure tomorrow. I think you got to her in time.” He patted me on the shoulder and turned to leave.
“Mr. Van Der Beek.” He turned back and stared into my eyes.
“Yes?” I felt the weight of the day settle on my shoulders.
“Your girlfriend is very sick. Even if she makes a full physical recovery, you have a long road ahead of you.”
“I know.” I sunk down into the chairs lining the side of the waiting area. If anyone knew how long that road was, it was me.
AINSLEY
I tried to kill myself. Correction: I killed myself, I just didn’t succeed. I failed at that as well. How pathetic could a person get? Seriously!
“Would someone like to share why they are here?” Carol, my group counselor, searched the circle for a willing candidate. I squirmed in my seat, knowing I hadn’t spoken since I had arrived. I was required to spend seventy-two hours here, and in order to leave I needed to prove I was aware of what I had done and would be okay to leave this place. In other words, not try to kill myself again.
“I’ll go.” I raised my hand, feeling a dozen sets of eyes turn to me.
“Great.” Carol offered me that typical counselor smile, the one that’s too wide and encouraging.
“I’m Ainsley,” I started, noting several eyes already losing interest. I couldn’t blame them. I didn’t care about their sad tale; why would they want to listen to mine?
“Tell us why you’re here, Ainsley.” She prompted me to continue.
“I was done, so I tried to kill myself.” I threw it out as emotionless as I could, because if I played numb, then I could remain numb.
Carol didn’t even flinch. Years of experience, I guessed. “Why did you feel like you were done?” She turned it back to me.
“Too much pain.” I kept my answers short. No need to open up the volcano of emotions boiling under the surface.
“And when you woke up in the hospital?” Carol scribbled something in her folder before landing her eyes on me again.
Waking up in the hospital had been surreal. At first, I thought I was dreaming. It couldn’t be real. But slowly, fragments of my memories came back. Visiting Jackson, his rejection—again—the alcohol, the pills. And it hit me. I had tried to kill myself. The pain of these past years became too much. But I hadn’t been able to get away with it. I was still here. Stuck in this prison of pain, confusion, and emptiness. I felt empty. All I ever loved was gone. Either cold and buried in the ground, or lost because I made a monumental mistake. God, I hated myself.
“Ainsley?” Carol called me back to the present.
“Huh?” I shook off the confusing thoughts and tried to remember what she asked. The medication they gave me made my mind a fuzzy mess.
“When you woke up in the hospital?”
“Ethan was there,” I acknowledged. I still hadn’t figured out what the heck he was doing there. My neighbor. At least, that’s what I thought, right? Man, these meds were messing with my head.
Ethan sat by my bed. His hand was clasped in mine, and he looked like he had been there days rather than just visiting. It didn’t make sense. And the doctor kept calling him my boyfriend. What the heck was that about? I tried to interrupt, set the record straight. But he cut me off.
“It was the only way I could be here, stay with you,” he whispered, once the doctor left.
Whatever that meant. And honestly, I was too out of it to protest. My mind was a jumbled chaos in the aftermath of all the stuff I took and whatever else they gave me. So I went along, for now.
“You were lucky he was there.” Carol made another note, distracting me. Lucky wasn’t what I would call it. In the almost three days I’d been here, I hadn’t felt lucky at all.
“All right, everyone, that’s all we have time for today.” Carol indicated the end of our group session, and I let out a sigh of relief. Another step closer to leaving this place.
***
“Before you leave here, Ainsley, I wanted to talk to you.” Dr. Mitchell dropped my file on his desk and steepled his fingers in front of him. His dull blue e
yes rested on me, making me squirm in my seat.
“I had a long chat with your boyfriend, Ethan.” My hackles raised. Each time anyone referred to him as that, I felt defensive. He wasn’t even a friend. But I played along, for now.
“Okay,” I replied, eager to end this session and go home. I’d done my time.
“He has agreed to take care of you.”
“What do you mean, take care of me?” I wasn’t sure his and my definition meant the same.
“After an attempted suicide, it’s important to have a backup system in place. You already told me you don’t have your parents around, right?” I thought of Mom and Dad, probably on one of their cruises or trips, and shook my head in the negative.
“No siblings, either?” I’m sure he knew; it must be in my file. Again, I shook my head no.
“And Mr. Van Der Beek is willing and able to be there to help you get through this.” I couldn’t imagine why anyone in their right mind would want to commit to something like that, but if it got me out of here, I was willing to play along.
“Okay,” I replied. I didn’t know what else to say.
“Perfect. He’ll be here in twenty minutes to get you.”
ETHAN
I drove up the long drive of Ridgemount Psychiatric Hospital and heaved a sigh. The last week had been like a bad dream. Waiting for Ainsley to wake up in the ICU and breathe on her own had been torture. Sitting next to her, holding her hand… I had to force down the bile and keep myself together.
When she finally woke up, she was a mess. She looked up, and her eyes bored in mine. I read that question there as her eyes filled with tears. Why am I still here? I didn’t have any words for her. Heck, I didn’t even have an explanation why I was by her side. But I was. And I held onto her hand as she awoke. I didn’t let her go, not until they made me.
The Songs of You and Me Page 23
