One Baby Step at a Time

by Meredith Webber

  Bill forced a smile as she replied.

  ‘No, Anna and I had a good chat earlier.’

  She fastened a bib around Steffi’s neck and handed her the treat, sitting her down on the tiled deck so she could eat it without smearing it all over the furniture.

  ‘She seems a very placid child,’ Anna said, and Bill found a better smile.

  ‘She’s the best,’ she said, glad to be able to answer honestly. ‘I suppose she’s been used to so many different carers, she takes change for granted.’

  Bill slipped away. While she’d been talking, Nick had leaned down and lifted Steffi onto his lap and the adoration on the little girl’s face as she looked up at her father had nearly broken Bill’s already badly damaged heart.

  It’s right they stay together, she told herself. It’s how things should be.

  But accepting the rightness of it did nothing to alleviate her pain.

  Nick liked Anna and having read her references—all excellent—and seen her interacting with Steffi, he was certain she’d be the perfect nanny for his daughter. Because Bill had arranged another interviewee he would see her, too, but he felt more relaxed now he had at least one carer available.

  ‘How do you see the hours working?’ Anna asked. ‘The agency explained you’re a doctor who mainly does night duty, so would it be a live-in job?’

  He studied the young woman, attractive enough, with a bright smile and a pleasant personality, then tried to picture her living with them—with him and Steffi—in the room Bill was using now—

  ‘Look,’ he said, feeling his way as another solution took vague form in his head. ‘Originally, yes, I was employed to work in the ER and I told the hospital management that I’d be happy to do night shifts. Night shifts give you more time off—five nights on then three days off. In point of fact, it turns into four days off as they don’t count the first day when you’re supposed to catch up on the sleep you missed the previous night.’

  Anna nodded but looked vaguely puzzled about where the conversation might be going.

  ‘I should explain that I came back to Willowby largely to see more of my elderly grandmother, and the night shifts offered more opportunity to do things with her during the day. But now...’

  Anna smiled.

  ‘You’re confused because you have to consider Steffi’s needs as well, but in my opinion you’d still be better off doing night shifts. You get to see her in the morning when you come home, and in the afternoon. Depending on your timetable you could even eat dinner with her and put her to bed. Then on those days off you’re all hers—or all hers and your grandmother’s.’

  ‘You’re right,’ Nick agreed, although in his gut he was still uncomfortable about the young woman sleeping here.

  ‘How would you arrange your working hours if I stick to night duty?’ he asked, throwing the onus of the decision back on her.

  She considered it for a while, absentmindedly picking up another biscuit and eating it.

  ‘I could start on the evening you begin duty and stay over for the five nights and days so you can sleep on your first day off. I’ll be getting a meal for myself and Steffi so will do dinner for you each night, then when you’re off duty I leave you in charge.’

  It sounded okay but Nick still had misgivings.

  ‘Is this the way nannying works? Do you not worry about living in a house with a man you barely know? And doesn’t if affect your social life? I mean, do you live at home or do you rent and if you rent, do you still have to pay rent if you’re not there five nights a week?’

  Anna smiled at him.

  ‘Most employers don’t give a damn about their nanny’s social or financial life. In my case, I live with my partner—we’ve been together four years now. How I see it working is once Steffi’s in bed and all my duties are done, with your permission and after you’ve met him, I’m sure my partner would be happy to visit.’

  Uh-oh! Nick thought, imagining the two in the bedroom while Steffi screamed blue murder. Although wasn’t there an intercom...?

  ‘Not every night,’ Anna continued, ‘because he has his own interests, but occasionally he might bring over a DVD we can watch together. But that would only be with your permission. If you have any doubts, that’s okay. You say the job’s only temporary—that Steffi’s mother is coming back—so I can survive a few weeks of not seeing my partner for five nights of the week.’

  Nick felt reassured—mostly reassured. His sticking point still seemed to be the bedroom, which he now considered Bill’s...

  ‘You sound like a very sensible young woman and, being one, you probably realise the agency has sent two people for me to interview. I’ll try to make up my mind by tomorrow morning and will be in touch either way.’

  To Nick’s surprise, because he’d been very impressed by Anna, Dolores won the nanny stakes hands down. An older woman, perhaps fifty, she was bright and vivacious and Steffi sank into her ample bosom and grabbed the chunky beads around her neck, obviously enamoured.

  ‘No worry about the times you go or come, Doctor,’ Dolores told him when he tried to explain the hours. ‘I will be here for the little one. If you are here, I make myself scarce but can still make meals for you and her so you can spend more good time with her. She and I we do shopping, you write down what you like to eat. Money you pay for five nights I stay is more than enough for the week if you don’t mind my living here even when not working. That way I can work a little bit—like a housekeeper as well as nanny. Nothing extra to pay.’

  Nick knew he had to delve further and discovered Dolores’s permanent home was with her son and his wife and family.

  ‘This kind of job a nice holiday for me,’ she told Nick. ‘My grandchildren, five of them, and so wild, but being mother-in-law not my place to tell them how to behave so I have to keep mouth shut. I love them all, and they are good for me, but whew!’

  She waved her hand in front of her face to indicate how tiring her grandchildren were.

  Nick laughed, even more certain this woman would be the best possible nanny for his daughter.

  He made arrangements about time and pay, aware he had to pay her through the agency. She played with Steffi for a while then carried her to the door, kissing both her cheeks before handing her back to Nick.

  ‘I teach her a little Spanish,’ she said. ‘Adios, mi angelita.’

  Steffi waved a chubby hand, her gaze following Dolores as she headed for the lift.

  ‘Well, kid?’ Nick said to her, and Steffi crowed with delight.

  Bill was in the kitchen, chopping vegetables, apparently for Steffi’s dinner as the pile was varied but rather small.

  ‘I thought we’d have grilled salmon and salad,’ she said, without looking up. ‘I’ll do a lamb cutlet for Steffi but she can try the fish as well because she should be eating fish and it’s not mentioned in the notes about what she eats and doesn’t eat.’

  Bill glanced up long enough to hand Steffi a piece of broccoli then turned her attention back to what must have been a really difficult carrot.

  ‘So, she doesn’t want to know about your new nanny,’ Nick said to Steffi, who was munching on the broccoli.

  Bill glanced up again, anxiety and something he couldn’t read in her eyes.

  ‘You’ve decided on one of those two?’ she asked. ‘There was one that will suit?’

  Steffi slid out of his arms and crawled over to where her saucepan and wooden spoons were left on the floor, so Nick could turn his full attention on Bill, who sounded even more anxious than she looked.

  ‘They were both great but Dolores wins hands down. She’s older, which appeals to me, and she’s obviously very used to children, and there was something motherly—or grandmotherly, I suppose—about her that won Steffi over from the start.’

  ‘That’s good,’ Bill mutter
ed, and turned her attention back to the carrot, though she did glance up to ask, ‘Do you want to eat early with Steffi? If so, it might be an idea to turn on the barbeque to heat the grill plate. It’s always better to cook fishy things outside because of the smell.’

  Thus dismissed, Nick headed for the balcony, where the beauty of the view struck him afresh. He walked back inside, picked up his daughter, took Bill by the hand and led her outside.

  ‘Isn’t it great?’ he said. ‘And smell the sea.’

  The sun was setting behind the building so the water was washed with pink and streaked with gold, the islands nothing more than purple lumps along the far horizon.

  He put his arm around Bill’s shoulders, as he must have done a thousand times in the past, and although she stiffened, he left it there.

  ‘I thought you’d be pleased to be free of looking after me and Steffi,’ he said quietly to his friend, resolutely ignoring the cries of his body that it wanted more than friendship.

  ‘I would never want to be free of our friendship and I would hate to not be some small part of Steffi’s life,’ Bill said carefully, after a silence that had stretched too long.

  Nick hugged her close, a friend hug.

  ‘Daft woman!’ he said. ‘As if you’d ever be free of the two of us. You’re our best friend, remember?’

  Bill eased away from him, kissed Steffi’s cheek and headed back indoors.

  ‘Unfortunately, I do,’ she said as she disappeared.

  Nick set Steffi down with some toys Bill had left on the deck, and turned on the grill plate on the barbeque. He knew Bill was hurting, but why, he wasn’t sure. There was the sudden eruption of attraction between them. It was mind-bogglingly strange, and with the advent of Steffi, definitely inconvenient, but they were both mature adults, they could resist attraction.

  Couldn’t they?

  Of course they could, Bill probably better than him for she was a strong woman.

  But there was something more, some pain he—

  Steffi!

  He’d been in New York when Bill had let him know the wedding was off. So Steffi must be much the same age as her child would have been and here he was, accepting her help, relying on her to look after Steffi when every time she looked at the child she must feel pain stabbing into her heart.

  How stupid could one man be?

  Not that there was much he could do about it now, but Dolores was starting work in a couple of days...

  They ate their early dinner on the deck, Steffi finding salmon very tasty.

  ‘I’ll clean up while you bath her and yourself,’ Bill said, and though Nick longed to talk to her, to say he understood and to apologise for the pain he must unwittingly have caused her, he knew now wasn’t the time. He’d be too rushed and, anyway, how could he put his thoughts and emotions into words?

  Bill watched the pair depart for the bathroom and sighed. She stared at the after-dinner debris and sighed again.

  ‘Get a grip!’ she finally muttered to herself, and she stood up and began to stack the dishes on a tray.

  It was great that Nick had found a good nanny, even better that she could get out of his apartment. Then this—surely you couldn’t call it love-sickness—would pass and her life would return to normal.

  Or something approaching normal anyway...

  She stacked the dishwasher, cleaned up the kitchen, put away all Steffi’s toys and seriously considered getting into bed and pulling the covers over her head, possibly for a year.

  Although it would be better to do that in her own apartment, rather than Nick’s.

  And she certainly shouldn’t be thinking bed and Nick in conjunction like that because it reminded her of all that could never be...

  Giving up on the bed idea she went back out onto the deck. The lights from the marina at the base of the building lit up the neighbouring area, but the sea was a deep, dark navy and the distant islands nothing more than black shadows.

  The familiar view, even seen from this height, soothed her troubled mind and eased the ever-present ache in her heart. She could almost smile at her stupidity because being attracted to one’s unavailable best friend had to top the stupidity list.

  ‘Steffi’s asleep and I’ve set the baby monitor.’

  Nick’s voice came from behind her and she didn’t turn, although when he slid his arms around her waist and held her lightly, she leaned back against him—yes, stupidity again but didn’t she deserve something?

  ‘I’ve been totally insensitive, letting you take over Steffi’s care,’ Nick said, his voice gruff as if this weird conversation he’d just begun was affecting him deeply. ‘I didn’t know what you’d been through but that’s no excuse. I just let you step in without even considering how it would affect your life.’

  Bill turned to face him, distancing herself by putting her hands on his shoulders and stepping back so she could look into his face.

  ‘What are you talking about? I was happy to step in—in fact, I took it all on myself. You didn’t have much say in it. So why are you wallowing in guilt?’

  Nick studied her for a moment, as if trying to read something in her face, and just standing there, looking at him looking at her, Bill knew it was more than attraction she was feeling for this man.

  It was love.

  ‘Steffi must be the same age as your baby would have been,’ Nick said, pulling her close again into a warm hug—a friendly hug! ‘It must hurt you just looking at her.’

  Bill pushed away again and shook her head.

  ‘And this is worrying you now when I’m about to be replaced?’ she teased, then she became the hugger and Nick the huggee. ‘Of course I look at Steffi and wonder what if, but having her to play with, to care for has been sheer joy, so enough of the guilt trip. Just get yourself off to work so you can afford to pay the nanny, not to mention kindergarten fees, swimming lessons, school fees...’

  Nick stopped her teasing with his hand across her mouth and the kiss she pressed against his palm was as automatic as breathing.

  The hand stayed there for an instant, then Nick turned and walked away, saying, over his shoulder, ‘And that’s a whole other problem, isn’t it?’ in a voice edged with what sounded like anger, although it could just as easily have been frustration.

  Isn’t it just, Bill sighed to herself.

  CHAPTER NINE

  DOLORES HAD FITTED so well into his and Steffi’s life that Nick found himself, as his next days off drew close, wondering if he should consider some social activities. Amanda had mentioned a party and Bob had invited him to some big do at the yacht club. Bill, who hated boats because they moved so much, was unlikely to be there.

  Bill.

  She’d moved the few things she’d had with her out of his apartment on the day Dolores had moved in, and although Dolores obviously saw her—Miss Bill says this, Miss Bill says that, she would report to Nick in the evenings—Nick hadn’t set eyes on her.

  He knew from an occasional scribbled note on a patient chart that she must be working the day shift in the ER, but their paths hadn’t crossed.

  Should he call her?

  He knew he should, if only to say thank you for all she’d done, but if he called, he couldn’t trust himself not to ask to see her, and as she was obviously distancing herself from him, that would be unfair.

  Although he really would like to know if she was finding this separation as difficult as he was. Did she think about him all the time, catch glimpses of someone she thought was him in the distance, only to be disappointed? Did she think about the kiss and find her body heating as she remembered?

  Sitting at his desk in the little alcove he’d set up as a home office, he leaned his elbows on the desk and clasped his head in his hands.

  And groaned!

  ‘Dinner,
Dr Nick,’ Dolores called, and he pulled himself together and went through to the kitchen, where Steffi was already in her high chair, a lolly-pink bib around her neck, her chubby hands banging spoons on the tray.

  ‘Nice bib, kid,’ Nick said, and she crowed with delight.

  ‘Miss Bill gave it to her.’ Dolores straightened the bib, showing the giraffe appliquéd on it, then brushed her hand on Steffi’s hair. ‘Didn’t she, sweetie?’

  Dolores set a plate of meat and vegetables in front of Nick then sat down to feed Steffi. He’d learned by now that Dolores preferred to eat later but always made sure he and Steffi ate together.

  The meal was delicious—all Dolores’s meals were delicious—but this evening it failed to distract him from thoughts of Bill—Miss Bill, as Dolores insisted on calling her.

  He’d thought, once their cohabitation had stopped, that the ache of desire that had been there in her presence would disappear, but, no, it simply grew stronger.

  Work and Steffi, all he had to do was concentrate on those two things and surely, eventually, the attraction would die a natural death. People talked about unrequited love, but this was simply unfulfilled desire, a completely different animal.

  ‘And we were at the mall so I didn’t get the mail today.’

  Dolores had finished feeding Steffi and was stacking dirty dishes in the dishwasher when Nick caught up with her conversation.

  ‘If you don’t want to collect it on your way to work,’ Dolores continued, ‘I will get it tomorrow.’

  How could anyone be thinking of mail?

  Nick smiled to himself at this totally inappropriate thought. He simply had to get his mind off Bill.

  ‘I’ll get it on my way out,’ he assured Dolores, although it would mean stopping in the foyer on his way down to the basement car park.

  It also meant he just happened to run into Rob Darwin, who was stepping into the lift as Nick exited.

  They exchanged nothing more than courteous good evenings, but Nick knew someone in the building must have let Rob in and what were the chances that three people living here knew him?