One Baby Step at a Time

by Meredith Webber

  His heart stopped beating, his breathing arrested, the world stood still and silent as he simply gazed at the woman he couldn’t have.

  ‘Put Steffi to bed—or maybe into your bed,’ she said, breaking the spell so his organs resumed their normal function. ‘That way you’ll hear her if her breathing becomes hoarse.’

  She smiled at him then—a lovely, cheeky Bill grin—and added, ‘I bet that’s one you haven’t thought about yet. Is the kid allowed to sleep in your bed from time to time?’

  He hadn’t, but neither had he ever thought he’d feel anything other than the love of friendship for Bill, although right now, in this steamy bathroom, he began to suspect that was exactly what had happened.

  Escaping was the obvious thing to do and he had the perfect excuse—putting Steffi to bed. The steam had made her clothes damp and she’d need a dry nappy. He’d do that—change her—now...

  ‘I can’t get out with you blocking the doorway,’ Bill complained, but a tremor in her voice suggested that she, too, was feeling the tug of desire that had come from nowhere to confuse them.

  The tug of love?

  Had she said ‘love’ earlier?

  ‘Move!’ she ordered, remaining where she was, not coming close enough to push him out the door.

  Not wanting to touch him for fear of where it might lead?

  He moved, carrying Steffi through to her bedroom, assuring Dolores the little girl was all right, reassuring himself at the same time.

  A small red plastic spade was lying on the floor beside Steffi’s cot. Having dug with it himself when he’d taken his daughter to the beach, he now understood the earlier conversation.

  Dolores, who followed him in, picked it up and set it in the box of toys.

  ‘Miss Bill found it in the lift and knew it was Steffi’s,’ she explained, then she burst into tears, falling over herself as she apologised again and again.

  ‘Dolores, I would have turned on the air-conditioning,’ Nick said very firmly. ‘No one is blaming you. Now, go and have a cup of tea or a drink of whatever you need. I’m home and I’ll take care of her tonight so shift the monitor into my room and get a good night’s sleep yourself.’

  But Dolores didn’t move, repeating all she’d said, apologising tearfully over and over again until Bill appeared, put her arm around the older woman’s shoulder and led her away.

  Steffi, woken by the noise or by having her clothes changed, looked up at Nick and smiled sleepily. His heart filled with joy and as he bent and kissed her belly button he knew she had to come first in his life, her welfare, her physical and emotional development the most important things in his life.

  The thought brought pain but better he suffer than she grow up with parents fighting for her. Mother, father, child—a family...

  Bill sat in the kitchen, pouring a little rum into the cup of hot chocolate she’d made for Dolores, pleased the woman was finally calming down. But much as she, Bill, wanted to leave—to escape before she had to face Nick again—she couldn’t leave an even half-hysterical woman on his hands.

  His attention had to be focussed on Steffi.

  ‘It was a natural thing to do and of course Nick isn’t going to fire you. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to him and his daughter,’ Bill repeated for about the eleventh time.

  Dolores looked at her, her eyes red from weeping, her normally olive skin blotchy with emotion.

  ‘You think so, Miss Bill?’

  ‘I know so,’ Bill said, and she leaned over and kissed the older woman on the cheek. ‘Nick and Steffi couldn’t do without you.’

  ‘And when his wife comes back? He showed me postcard from New York.’

  ‘Heaven only knows what will happen,’ Bill told her, ‘but I can’t imagine you won’t be part of their lives.’

  Dolores smiled and Bill knew she could finally escape. Nick would stay with Steffi wherever she was sleeping.

  Nick...

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  TEN DAYS LATER Nick flew to Sydney with Steffi, Dolores and all the baby paraphernalia he now counted as normal baggage. Much as he hoped he and Serena could make a life in Willowby, he knew it would be easier to talk to her in her own apartment.

  She’d had two days to get over any jet-lag she might be suffering, and although she hadn’t sounded delighted when he’d told her they were coming, she hadn’t objected.

  Surely that had to be a good sign.

  And she wasn’t stupid, so she’d understand his argument that she could really be based anywhere...

  ‘You worried, Dr Nick?’ Dolores asked, as he drove the hire car he’d organised from the airport to Double Bay.

  ‘No, Dolores,’ he replied, although his gut was churning and every imaginable disastrous scenario was racing through his head.

  The only scenario he hadn’t imagined was finding Alex at the apartment—Alex cooing over Steffi, who obviously remembered him, while Serena barely acknowledged her child.

  ‘Alex is here because he wants to photograph Australia,’ Serena explained, and while Nick thought that might be a tall order, he refrained from comment. ‘I didn’t know you’d bring your nanny, she’ll have to share with Steffi. I think the building manager has roll-out beds available.’

  Nick had already fitted five people into three bedrooms in his head and realised Serena was assuming he would share her bed.

  But wasn’t that why he’d come?

  To build the family that he wanted?

  Mothers and fathers did share beds...

  ‘I can sleep on the couch,’ he heard himself say, when Alex, carrying Steffi, had led Dolores off to show her the bedroom they would use.

  Serena studied him, eyebrows raised.

  ‘Do you hate me so much, Nick?’

  He shrugged, feeling awkward and uneasy because he didn’t fully understand the situation himself.

  ‘I don’t hate you at all,’ he said—at least that much was true. ‘Yes, I was angry and upset over your deception but how could I hate you when you’ve given me Steffi? However, we’re virtually strangers to each other. Not counting your brief visit to Willowby it’s been eighteen months since we’ve seen each other—longer than that since we’ve been together.’

  She smiled now.

  ‘I doubt we’ve forgotten how to make love,’ she murmured, moving closer so he knew he should take hold of her, feel her body against his—feel excitement, even.

  Except he couldn’t.

  ‘I think we need to talk first, to work out where we’re going.’

  The smile faded from her face and it was her turn to shrug. With all the elegance of her trade she moved away, over to the marble coffee table in the centre of the living room, bending to pick up a packet of cigarettes.

  ‘You’re not going to smoke with Steffi in the apartment!’

  The words burst from his lips and he knew he must have spoken far too loudly because Serena spun towards him, more shock than surprise on her face.

  ‘So now you’re the smoking police,’ she said, her voice tight. ‘I remember you used to have a cigarette from time to time.’

  The sly smile that crept across her face told him she knew her words had struck home, because occasionally, when she’d had a cigarette after sex, he’d had a puff or two—sharing hers, thinking of it as another kind of shared act...

  He forced himself to remain calm.

  ‘I’m sorry I reacted badly but Steffi’s had a bad attack of croup and I’ve been worried about her lungs. Can we sit outside while you smoke?’

  Serena nodded and led the way out onto the balcony. From here he could see glimpses of the harbour, the sun glinting off the water.

  ‘The view from my apartment in Willowby has more water, but the harbour view is always magnificent,’
he conceded.

  ‘So, you could get used to it again?’ Serena asked. ‘We’d need to move to a bigger apartment because the nanny should have her own room and we’ll always need a spare for visitors.’

  This was it! This was where he had to say something.

  But what?

  And how?

  How!

  The word appealed to him. He knew her life, he’d work into it that way.

  ‘How are your bookings looking? Where do you go next? Will you be mainly overseas?’

  Serena squinted through a trail of smoke that curled up from her lips—lips that would kiss Steffi tasting of tobacco.

  If she ever kissed Steffi...

  ‘And you’re asking why?’

  Yes, Serena wasn’t stupid. Self-focussed but not stupid.

  He’d come to talk, Nick reminded himself. So talk.

  ‘I think, ideally, Steffi needs both her parents. I realise your career is very important to you and I think she’d learn to live with the fact that you’re often away, as long as she has stability in the rest of her life, like myself and Dolores—or whatever nanny we might employ.’

  That sounded good so far, he congratulated himself while he waited for a comment from Serena.

  ‘And?’

  That was it? A one-word prompt, giving no indication of what she was thinking or feeling?

  ‘As you know, I returned to Willowby to be close to Gran, to whom I owe so much. I think it would be a great place to raise a child, or children, and I wondered whether it mattered to you where you were based. If you’re mostly flying out to assignments around the world, you could just as easily fly from there, not right away as you’ve obviously got this Australian trip planned, but after that?’

  He’d made a mess of it, he could feel it in his bones, although Serena’s face showed no emotion whatsoever.

  Neither did she respond, simply putting out one cigarette and taking another one out of the packet, holding it distractedly between her fingers.

  ‘Well?’ he finally asked, and hoped it hadn’t sounded like a demand.

  ‘You’ve obviously been thinking about this for some time,’ she said, ‘this fantasy of family. Yet you’re not willing to share my bed.’

  So that was what had upset her!

  You could fix that by agreeing—would it be so hard? a voice in his head demanded.

  The shiver that ran through his body—not distaste but definitely uneasiness—gave him the answer.

  ‘I think we should look at where we’re going before we leap into bed together,’ he said. ‘Sex rarely solves anything—in fact, it probably makes situations more complicated.’

  ‘You’ve changed,’ she said, and although he knew a lot of the change was to do not with Steffi but with his feelings for Bill, he had an easier answer.

  ‘I think having a child changes everyone.’

  ‘Maybe.’

  Nick had to be satisfied with that enigmatic response because Alex joined them on the balcony, still carrying Steffi, who was playing with his beard.

  ‘We could photograph the child in all the places we spoke of,’ he said to Serena. ‘Ayers Rock and Whitehaven Beach and in the snow.’

  ‘No!’

  Nick and Serena spoke together, Nick adding, ‘Well, at least we agree on something,’ although he guessed Serena’s ‘no’ was for a different reason. She didn’t want Steffi stealing her limelight.

  ‘Okay,’ Alex said, accepting the judgement and setting Steffi down on the floor. ‘And don’t you dare light that cigarette and breathe smoke all over the child,’ he added to Serena, who, to Nick’s surprise, obediently put the offending object back into its box.

  ‘So, the Australian photography, that’s one project you’ve got lined up?’ he said to Serena, grasping Steffi’s hand as she pulled herself up on a chair and stumbled towards him. ‘What’s next?’

  But Serena didn’t answer. Standing up, she stepped carefully over Steffi and headed inside, the slamming of a door suggesting she’d taken refuge in her bedroom.

  ‘I keep telling her not to smoke at all,’ Alex complained, ‘but she says it’s all that keeps her from eating and that way she stays slim.’

  He shook his head and followed Serena indoors, knocking cautiously on her bedroom door.

  Nick swung Steffi onto his knee.

  ‘Not going too well, is it, kid?’ he said, then he kissed her neck and delighted in her baby smell and her warm chuckles.

  But not for long!

  He had four days to work something out with Serena, and although his head told him Willowby was the ideal place for his family, his heart suggested that staying in Sydney might be easier for a whole lot of reasons—not because it was definitely Serena’s preference but because of the distance from Bill.

  * * *

  Bill tried not to think about what was going on in Sydney. She told herself she hoped Nick could work it out, but in her heart of hearts she hoped he’d work it out so they stayed in Sydney. He could fly up to visit Gran...

  So life went on—going to work, coming home, doing everything she could to not think about Nick, although memories were everywhere, especially when she visited Gran, who talked so excitedly about Nick bringing Serena home to Willowby, about weddings and more babies, every word a drop of acid etching pain into Bill’s heart.

  Work provided, if not solace, a least a release from constantly thinking about Nick. It was impossible to let your thoughts drift in a busy ER.

  ‘Bill, you’re on the mine rescue team, aren’t you?’

  Angie had slid into the cubicle where Bill was dressing an elderly man’s leg ulcer.

  ‘Yes,’ Bill replied, her mind on the job, thinking Angie might be asking because she was interested in joining the team.

  ‘Then I’ll take over there,’ Angie said. ‘There’s an alert. An accident at Macaw.’

  Bill’s heart, which had stopped beating at the word ‘alert’, resumed when she heard Macaw mentioned. It was an underground mine and both her brothers now worked in open cuts.

  As she left the cubicle the phone she carried in one pocket began to vibrate and she knew this would be the call asking her to report to Rescue Headquarters.

  Her stomach clenched as she thought of what might have happened. All the mines had their own safety officers and trained rescue personnel, but the mine rescue team was called in for serious accidents—a roof collapse, miners trapped...

  * * *

  ‘It’s what we’ve all trained for,’ the team leader reminded the group as they kitted themselves out in overalls, breathing apparatus, hard hats with attached lights, and lethal-looking tools that could cut, or lever; with ropes and whistles and walkie talkies.

  Emergency equipment was already being moved to the mine, including the huge jet engine that would pump inert gas in to smother explosive gases. She knew enough about underground mining to be aware of the safe-refuge chambers, where trapped miners could gather, and escape shafts equipped with ladders for them to escape. Gas was the big problem, gas that could explode into fire or poison people trapped beneath the earth.

  ‘It’s a rock fall, not a fire,’ the team leader told them. ‘And Macaw’s got the latest in monitoring and communication equipment so by the time we get there they will know just how many and where the men are trapped.’

  Bill thought of other mine disasters she’d read about or seen on TV and was glad about the communication because at least the men could talk to the outside world.

  When the team arrived at the mine, the management had their rescue protocols under way and could tell them fourteen men were trapped, eleven in a safe-refuge chamber, only one miner that they knew of quite seriously injured.

  ‘We’ve one team working on access to the chamber now, and another drill
ing a new ventilation shaft down to it. We think the other three men are further down that stope and we’ve men trying to get to them from an escape shaft.’

  Knowing no one would have been allowed into the mine, even for a rescue mission, unless the air readings were good and the shafts secure, Bill felt a surge of hope that all the men would be rescued alive.

  Maybe not today, but before too long.

  * * *

  In Sydney, Nick had renewed his conversation with Serena. Steffi was having a sleep and Alex had apparently calmed Serena down so she was willing to listen to him.

  ‘We got on well before,’ he reminded her. ‘We really only broke up because your work took you away so often. I’m not asking you to stop work, only asking if you don’t think, for Steffi’s sake, we could make it work again.’

  ‘In Willowby?’ Serena demanded. ‘I think not. I was only there for a few hours and the heat nearly killed me. Besides that, there’s my social life. It’s all right for you, you’ve friends up there, but all my friends are here or overseas.’

  Nick wanted to point out that people’s social lives changed as they grew older and had more responsibilities but knew that wouldn’t cut any ice with Serena. They’d suited each other before because they’d matched—playboy and playgirl.

  And he’d thought that life was fun?

  ‘And Steffi?’ he asked, as he’d yet to see any indication that Serena cared one jot for her child.

  ‘She’s my daughter.’

  The shrug Serena gave as she answered made Nick want to shake her. She might not love her child but she was obviously willing to use her as a bargaining chip.

  Or was she?

  Was he just assuming that her blood tie was as strong as his?

  ‘Do you want her?’ he asked, and now Serena turned to face him.

  ‘Why wouldn’t I?’ she demanded, and Nick threw up his hands in despair.

  ‘I’ve no idea,’ he said. ‘Not about this, or you, or anything! According to what you told me earlier, you were willing to have her adopted as soon as she was born, then last month, when you had to fly to the States for work, you were apparently quite happy about dumping her on me, so what am I supposed to think?’