by JM Stewart
BookNerd: Me too, baby. Me too.
Chapter Four
The name on his screen doused his libido like a bucket of ice water. Grayson sat staring at the word. The name Maddie had called him stood out on the page, all but lit up and blinking. So, that was the name Christina had given her. He supposed she’d had to tell Maddie something, but the name taunted him with what he wanted so damn bad he could taste it: to tell her who he really was.
Damn it. He slammed the lid shut, dropped his laptop onto the couch beside him with a little more force than intended, and surged to his feet. Pacing away from the couch, he dragged his hands through his hair. He hated lying to her. Oh for sure when she found out, she’d be pissed, but he’d waited three years for this chance. Three long damn years of trying to move on with his life, but not being able to. Because he missed her.
He needed her to know he hadn’t hidden the truth to hurt her, that he hadn’t intended for her to find out his real name the way she had. Damn it, he needed her to know the truth. Everything he would have told her that weekend, had she shown up.
It would mean eventually bearing an ugly, painful wound, though. He’d have to show her the scars on his back and share all those dark places. The things he’d spent sixteen years trying to forget. He still saw his father on occasion. He’d left home at thirteen, because living on the streets was better than living with an angry drunk, never knowing if he’d be safe going to sleep at night. Yet now that he’d gotten his life together, dear ol’ dad would call or show up out of the blue, pretending everything was great. As if all those years of abuse hadn’t happened. That the damn scars on his back didn’t exist or he hadn’t spent a year on the streets and not once had the man come searching for him.
“I don’t care what you do with the little bastard….”
His father’s words that long ago day rang in his head. That was the day Arthur had sought parental custody. Doing so had meant months in court and a restraining order, but in the end, his biological father hadn’t contested.
The ping of an incoming instant message sounded from the vicinity of the couch behind him. Right. He’d left Maddie hanging. With a sigh, he resumed his seat and opened his laptop lid. A new message blinked out at him from the screen.
MadHatter3000: Did I scare you off?
For all her bravado and sass, deep down, Maddie had insecurities, like everybody else. It’s what he loved so much about her. She was humble and honest.
And you’re lying to her.
Guilt rose over him again, tightening his stomach, and for a moment, he could only stare at the screen. He hadn’t meant for their chats to go this far. He’d only meant to draw her out of herself, for her to get to know him again. He couldn’t back out now, though. Not without telling another lie, which would go against everything he wanted: to earn her trust. The only way for that to happen would be to act natural. Otherwise, she’d know something was up. This had to work. He couldn’t lose her again.
BookNerd: Sorry. Had to get up for a minute. I’ll quote somebody else I know. I don’t scare so easily. ;)
MadHatter3000: Thought perhaps I was little too honest.
BookNerd: I like honesty. Truth is, my real name’s not Dave. I wanted anonymity until we met at the auction. Tell me what you’re doing.
MadHatter3000: I’m staring at you, actually. You’re very yummy inspiration. I’ve started without you.
Grayson groaned, his cock twitching against his belly. He’d taken a huge chance by sending her that pic, on the off chance she’d recognize him somehow. His only saving grace was knowing she’d never seen him with his shirt off, a fact he’d made sure of up until now. Back then, she’d wanted to take things slow, and he’d been happy to let her, in part because he feared the scars on his back would disgust her. It hadn’t happened yet with any of his previous lovers, but the fear was still there, nonetheless.
The thought of the conversation that would follow terrified him. Those were memories he only wanted to forget. He’d moved so far beyond the terrified boy he’d once been, but he would carry the scars forever.
Those words from Maddie, though, were the entire reason he’d taken the chance.
BookNerd: God, you have no idea how much of a turn-on that is, to know you’re over there with your fingers buried in your pussy, thinking about me. Exactly how wet are you, baby?
MadHatter3000: Very. It’s all hot and slippery.
The image filled his mind, the way it had a thousand times before. Her, with her legs spread and her fingers buried in her heat. All those nights he laid in his bed, alone, listening to the sound of her ragged breathing as she stroked that hot pussy. He dropped his head back and closed his eyes, fisted his cock, and stroked slowly as the sounds she’d made long ago filled his head. By God, she was beautiful in the throes of passion. He ached to be a fly on the wall of her apartment.
When he didn’t respond—because he couldn’t make his brain work much past that image of her—another message popped up.
MadHatter300: Guys like to know that stuff, right?
His heart twisted at another sign of her insecurity.
BookNerd: Sorry. You distracted me for a minute. You make my cock ache, sweetheart. That’s perfect.
MadHatter3000: You want me?
More memories flooded his mind. He squeezed the head of his cock, swiping his thumb over the bead of slick liquid dripping out the tip as the sound of her voice filled his head. She’d said those exact words to him once three years ago, had spoken them on a breathless, distracted whisper. Her voice had become an erratic, jerky huff that filled his mind with images of her long, slender fingers flying over her clit as she raced toward orgasm. It had taunted him then and did so again now.
BookNerd: You have no idea.
MadHatter3000: What r u thinking?
BookNerd: I’m imagining you, with your legs spread, fingers stroking your pussy. I bet you look incredible. Christ, I can almost smell you. I’d be on my knees at your feet, worshiping that pussy. I ache to replace those fingers with my tongue.
MadHatter3000: God, u don’t know what that does to me…
He let out a soft curse and dropped his head back onto the sofa. His cock was so hard, so engorged, every stroke had extreme pleasure shooting to his toes. He was a sneeze from the edge. A couple of long strokes would be all it took. The imagined sound of her voice wrapped him like hot velvet, like she was there beside him, and another memory lodged itself in his mind. Another heated phone call, once upon a time. “Tell me what you’d do to me, Gray…”
Too ramped up and too damn close to imploding, he forced himself to open his eyes and released his cock, focusing, instead on the computer. If he didn’t, he was going to come without her, and this wasn’t about his needs. It was about hers. He could take care of himself later.
He thought for a minute, then dove into the fantasy.
BookNerd: I like it slow. I’d take my time with you. Caress your thighs, stroke your belly, pinch your nipples. I’d lean in and inhale your scent. I bet you smell incredible.
MadHatter3000: U like that?
God, did he ever.
BookNerd: A woman’s scent is damn erotic. I’d have to lean in and taste. Long, slow strokes of my tongue, each one ending with a flick over your clit. I’d take my time, relishing the way you taste and the musk of your scent. Can you feel my tongue, baby?
MadHatter3000: God yes.
Grayson dragged a shaky hand through his hair. Christ. He could almost hear her moan that time. When she exploded, he’d no doubt go with her, and he wouldn’t have to touch himself at all. Every inch of him was set to combust.
Encouraged, he continued, allowing himself to get lost in the fantasy, for her benefit.
BookNerd: I’d swirl my tongue around your clit, scrape my teeth over your mound, nibble the insides of your thighs, stroking your lips with my thumbs…touching everywhere but where you want me to.
MadHatter3000: Tease…
BookNerd: ;)
All the while my hands are all over you. Caressing and massaging your breasts, twirling your nipples between my fingers. Are your nipples sensitive, sweetheart?
He knew they were, because she’d told him once, but for the sake of the charade, he’d asked. And because he ached to know what she’d tell him.
MadHatter3000: Mmm. Very. I like them pinched.
BookNerd: Do the opposite for me. Caress your fingers over them, lightly, like your tickling them.
Thirty seconds passed before her response popped up.
MadHatter3000: Gives me shivers and makes them harder…
He groaned.
BookNerd: I want to bite one.
MadHatter3000: Ohhh, I like that, the soft scrape of ur teeth. What would u do next? Don’t stop.
Another memory lodged itself in his mind. She’d said that to him once him before, too. Her voice had been soft and trembling at the time. “Don’t stop, Gray…please don’t stop.”
His fingers shook so much it took three tries to get his next message out.
BookNerd: Are you hot, baby?
MadHatter3000: Yessss. So close.
Grayson closed his eyes and dragged in a much needed breath. So was he. So close he was shaking. Every cell in his body was focused on her, to the point that the imagined sound of her voice filled his head. Every breath and sigh she no doubt made rang in his mind. He reached down, allowed himself a slow, luscious stroke of his cock, imagining her seated before him, thighs spread, chest heaving. God, this conversation was going to drive him out of his mind.
He released his aching cock, ignoring the urge to close his eyes and get lost in the fantasy she had swirling in his head, to allow himself the delicious orgasm hovering just beyond reach. Instead, he sat up, picked up his laptop and set it on his knees. Focus, Lockwood. This is about her, not you. He wanted her to trust him, to relax with him, and it started with something as simple as following her lead.
BookNerd: I’d dive in. Put my hands beneath your ass and pull you into my mouth, bury my face and my tongue in your pussy. Licking and sucking on your clit. Your hands would be in my hair, your hips rocking to the rhythm as I flick my tongue back and forth, like butterfly kisses…
She went silent then, and his head filled with more visions. Of her on her couch, exactly the way he’d described—legs spread, fingers pumping in and out of herself. Abandoning the computer for the sake of pleasure.
So, he did the same, sat back, leisurely stroking his cock to thoughts of her as he waited. When a full minute passed in silence, though, the urge to know overrode everything else. Damn it. He hated not being able to see her, or at the very least, hear her.
BookNerd: Tell me what you’re doing baby. Be my eyes…
MadHatter3000: I’m sorry. I’m so damn close. This isn’t as easy as I expected. If I type, I can’t touch, but if I close my eyes and enjoy, I have to ignore u…
Grayson let out a frustrated groan. Of all things for her to say. God, she had no idea. What he wanted so badly he could taste it was to call her. To let the sweet sound of her voice wrap around him. Her voice always went soft and husky when she was close to orgasm. He ached to tell her everything he was thinking, describe in detail all the things he wanted to do her, the way he used to once upon a time. Because he knew. It would heat her up. She loved it when he talked that way to her, had told him once it made her hot, and he ached to take her over the edge.
BookNerd: Then don’t. Stop replying and just enjoy. I’m right there with you. Close your eyes and feel me beside you. Be my hands, baby. Stroke that hot pussy for me.
MadHatter3000: Not fair…
BookNerd: Believe me, I’m getting just as much out of this as you are. Just imagining your pleasure, what you must look like…. Christ, you have me so damn hard.
MadHatter3000: Describe ur cock?
Grayson dropped his gaze to his lap, but couldn’t help an ironic half grin. Now there was a question he’d never been asked. Maddie had never asked before. Leave it to her to push him out of the comfortable little box he kept himself in.
BookNerd: About six inches. Thick. The head is large and purple and it’s leaking. All for you.
MadHatter3000: Mmm…I’m shaking, u know that? Are u stroking that beautiful cock? Wish u were here…
An agonized groan escaped him. The very thought of being inside her velvet heat had his cock throbbing. He was going to combust where he sat.
BookNerd: Me too, baby. Soon. I’m stroking in between talking to you. To be a little too honest, you have me ramped up so high, I’m taking it slow or I’ll come without you.
MadHatter3000: Let it go. Come with me, Gray…
Grayson froze, blinking at the screen. His heart hammered and his mind raced. She’d called him Gray. It was a nickname he’d had since he was a kid. Maddie had never called him Grayson. She’d always called him Gray. His mind spun in panic. Had she figured it out? Did she know it was him? That he wasn’t some random stranger? Oh, he wasn’t exactly lying to her. He just wasn’t telling her the whole truth. But he knew damn well she wouldn’t see it that way.
Fuck…
Dejection hanging on him, he swallowed past the lump of fear stuck in his throat and waited for the berating he knew damn well he deserved. Waited for the moment when she’d announce she was canceling their date and her name would blip off his screen. Except as he stared at her name along the bottom of the message box, heart hammering in his throat, seconds ticked out to a full minute, and the reply never came.
His mind spun off in another direction. An erotic direction that drew up luscious images of her. I’ll be damned. He sank back into the sofa cushions as the idea washed over him, swirling around him like a lure. She was over there, with her fingers buried in her hot little pussy…fantasizing about him. Not some random stranger, but him.
Shit. The very thought had pleasure shooting to his toes. His thighs were shaking now and heat prickled along his skin. He gave in to the overwhelming need this time and fisted his cock, stroking hard and fast. Luxuriating in the incredible pleasure and relishing the fantasy the moment provided, he dropped his head back against the sofa and closed his eyes. His mind filled with erotic memories. Of her. The erratic huff of her breathing as she stroked her pussy. The little gasps and moans she made when she was on the verge of orgasm.
The image shifted and changed, and she was beneath him now, her soft body curled around his. The fantasy was so real he swore her velvet heat wrapped around his cock as he pumped into her. She’d clutch his back, wrap those long legs around his hips and arch against him.
His mind filled with the high-pitched cry she’d let out that long ago night, and in less than a dozen strokes he was erupting. A long, low groan ripped out of him, and jets of warm come splashed his chest and his quivering belly. He continued to stroke, riding the wave until the last tremor finally faded.
He collapsed back into the sofa cushions, his breathing ragged, chest heaving. Too stunned to move, he could only stare at the dark shape of the television across the room, trying to slow his breathing. Jesus Christ. She never ceased to amaze him. That had to be the best orgasm he’d had on his own in a long damn time. Despite that she thought him to be another man, in the heat of the moment, at her most vulnerable, it was his name she’d called out.
His chest swelled in triumph, filled with an unparalleled joy. That had to be a good sign. It meant she hadn’t forgotten him, that she still thought about him. It gave him hope. Maybe one day soon, she’d be his.
The ping of an incoming message sounded, and he opened his heavy-lidded eyes.
MadHatter3000: OMG. I just read my last message. I can’t believe I called you that. I’m so sorry!
He wasn’t…. Not that he could tell her that. He got up and moved into the kitchen for a towel, wiped his hands and cleaned his stomach, then returned to the couch. He set his fingers on the keyboard, attempting to soothe her. He wasn’t upset. Neither should she be.
BookNerd: It’s okay. We’re st
ill getting to know each other, and we’re both trying to get over someone. Happens to the best of us.
MadHatter3000: Have you ever done that?
BookNerd: Sadly, yes. In the middle of a good groove, I called a new partner my ex-girlfriend’s name.
MadHatter3000: I’m sorry. Was she mad?
BookNerd: Very. I never saw her again.
That, at least, was true. One of the rare times he’d forced himself to get out, to try and find someone to replace her. To move on with his damn life. He’d met Paige at the gym, of all places. She had a rockin’ body and a sweet, upbeat nature. She made him laugh, but the relationship hadn’t worked. She wasn’t Maddie.
MadHatter3000: I swear I wasn’t thinking about him. I was staring at you, and it just popped out.
Now that revelation scared the hell out of him. Had she seen something she recognized, even if she wasn’t aware of it?
BookNerd: Really. It’s okay. I can’t exactly get mad at you for something I’ve done myself. So, relax, babe. We’ll get used to this. Tell me something, though…was it good?
Okay, so this was a selfish question, but one he had to ask. It would tell him how close or how far he was.
MadHatter3000: Best orgasm I’ve had solo in a long time. You gave me multiples. ;)
A stupid, self-satisfied grin plastered itself across his face. He had to admit it. He loved pleasuring her. To know he’d done his job, while he couldn’t even see or talk to her, filled his chest to bursting.
BookNerd. I’m glad. Same here. I’m fairly certain I’M the one who saw stars. ;)
He sat staring at the screen for a moment. What the hell did he say now? Oh, he knew what he wanted to say. He wanted to invite himself to her place or go get her and bring her here, to his. He wanted to curl around her, but that he couldn’t caught in his chest as being all kinds of wrong. Any intimacy she granted him, he treasured. It was a gift simply to be able to share it with her. But this was the part where he had to go to bed alone, without her.
He couldn’t risk telling her who he was yet, though. He needed her to get to know him first. This was his chance to earn her trust. So that maybe, just maybe, when she finally did discover the truth, when they were face to face at the auction, he could convince her to listen. To give him a chance.
