by JM Stewart
Maddie offered a reluctant but playful sigh. “If you insist.” She bent her head, inhaling the sweet baby powder scent that clung to the child, kissed her forehead, then set her into his waiting hands. “Have fun, Dad.”
He tucked Emily gently in the crook of an arm nearly twice as long as she was. “Oh, I plan on it.” He glanced up then, flashing a teasing grin, his green eyes alight with amusement. “I hear you’ve got yourself a date.”
Maddie’s cheeks grew warm. She shook her head. “I don’t even want to know what she’s told you.”
“Just the basics, Maddie, I promise.” Hannah offered a gentle smile.
Despite the reassurance, Maddie sighed. “I have to admit I’m nervous. It’s the first real date I’ve had in a while.”
“Word of advice? Enjoy it. Best damn thing I ever did.” He didn’t give her time to respond, but turned to Hannah again and bent, murmuring against her mouth as he kissed her. “I’ll leave her with Mom, probably around eleven or so. I might be late tonight.”
When Hannah lifted onto her toes to kiss him back, Maddie turned away, giving them some privacy. She ran her fingers over the top of the small box. Dave’s present was a book, one of her favorites. Poems by Emily Dickinson. It was a sweet gesture.
Cade left the store, the door chime dinging behind him.
Hannah stepped up beside her, peering around her shoulder. “What’s this?”
Warmth bloomed in Maddie’s chest as she slid the box in Hannah’s direction. “I got a surprise this morning. The mailman dropped it off just before you guys got here. Take a peek. I have to admit, he outdid himself on this one.”
Hannah turned her head, a pleased grin curling across her face. “I take it you like him.”
Maddie turned to the box instead. She wasn’t sure she wanted to discuss the details. If she did, she might talk herself out of this. “I’ll admit it. He’s…nice. We’ve been talking just about every night.”
She reached into the box and pulled out the note, releasing a heavy, melancholic sigh as she read it again.
I’m enjoying getting to know you, Maddie. Came across this and thought of you.
It was a completely sentimental gift, and she had to admit, she wasn’t immune to its charm. She had a penchant for romantic poetry, in large part due to her grandpa. Her grandfather had raised her from the time she was small. She didn’t have any memories of her parents. Missionaries who’d traveled the world, they’d left her with her grandparents when she was three, only to die a few years later in a horrible accident. A fire of all things. Grandma had died twenty years ago now, Grandpa only about five.
She had so many memories of him reading with her. He’d had a stack of books much like the ones Hannah had—old, weathered favorites he’d kept on a small shelf in the living room, and every night he’d read to her. Despite his years in the states, his Irish lilt had never quite faded, and if she closed her eyes the sound of his voice came as clear as it had then. She’d always treasured those books. They were like comfort food, something she reverted to when stressed, because they filled her with good memories. To get a copy of a book she knew practically by heart was an overwhelming gesture. The question was, what had made him choose this particular book? Had Christina mentioned it to him? Or was it simply a happy coincidence?
“Wow, Madds.” Hannah reached inside the box and carefully lifted out the book, opened the hardback cover and peered at the title page.
The tan dust jacket was slightly weathered with age, and the green spine had slight fraying on the corners, but otherwise, it was in excellent condition. This book had been cared for.
Hannah turned to look at her. “This is a really thoughtful gift.”
Maddie laughed softly and shook her head. “I know. He’s good. I’ll give him that.”
Hannah set the book back into the box and quirked a quizzical brow, her eyes lit up and gleaming, as pleased as a cat with a bowl full of cream. “So. I take it this book means things are going well?”
Maddie didn’t miss Hannah’s subtle reference. She might have blushed, but she couldn’t drum up the emotion. After all, she’d taken her cue from Hannah and Cade. She knew darn well her best friend had “been there, done that.”
“They are. He’s sweet and sexy as hell. Did you know he has a tattoo? A gorgeous phoenix on his left shoulder.” She ached to be close enough to touch it one day, the very thought of which was a tangle of emotion caught in her chest. Nervousness and arousal, excitement and dread. The first time he touched her, she’d probably jump out of her skin.
“No, I didn’t know he had a tattoo. Christina never mentioned it.” Something vaguely suspicious flitted across Hannah’s features, there and gone. Hannah flashed another teasing grin. “I guess that means he’s sent you pictures? You know what he looks like, then?”
“I didn’t see his face. Only certain parts of him.” This time, fierce heat slid up Maddie’s neck into her cheeks. She laughed and jabbed a pointed finger at Hannah. “And that’s all the details you’re getting.”
Hannah laughed and held up her hands. “I won’t ask. Though I am glad you’re having a good time.” Hannah bumped her shoulder. “It’s good to see you happy, Madds.”
Maddie smiled, warmth blooming in her chest. “Ditto. I have to admit, though, the thought of meeting him has my nerves scattered. There are only three days until the auction, before I have to meet him in person. I don’t want any more than something casual, but this gift has complicated written all over it.”
Hannah slung an arm around her shoulders and squeezed. “I’m going to quote a very wise woman I know, who once told me the same thing. It’s just a date, Madds. If you’re lucky, you’ll get some hot sex with a guy who clearly toots your horn. It doesn’t have to be any more than that. Stop thinking and enjoy it.”
Maddie shook her head. “I hope you’re right, Han. I really do. ’Cause three years is long enough.”
Her phone pinged from where it sat on the counter, and Maddie’s heart picked up speed.
Hannah nudged her with an elbow. “Hot sex, Madds. The sweaty, wake up the next morning sore and exhausted kind. It’s a good thing. You can do this. But if you don’t go for it, you’ll never get it.”
Maddie turned her head and cocked a brow. Okay, so it was T.M.I., but she had to know. Curiosity and all that. “Wake up sore? Seriously? When?”
Hannah flushed to the roots of her hair but giggled. “Those first few months after Cade moved back to Seattle. You have to experience it once in your life to realize how glorious it is.”
Maddie could only stare for a moment before a grin bloomed. “And to think you were the shy one.”
Yeah, okay, so she was jealous of her best friend. She wanted that, the freedom and joy of loving someone. The thought only reinforced what she already knew. She could do this. She wanted this. Right? Which meant she had to take that step. Out of her box and into…his.
With trembling fingers, she picked up her phone and brought up her Gchat. As expected, the message was from Dave.
BookNerd: I sent you something. Please let me know when you get it.
Hannah flashed a bright smile then moved around behind the counter, busying herself with the inventory sheets Maddie had set out earlier.
Maddie drew a deep breath, staring down at her phone. Every body part seemed to be shaking, including her knees. God, here went nothing.
MadHatter3000: Just got here.
BookNerd: Oh, good. Do you like it?
Here’s where she had to be honest with him. Hannah was right. Doing so usually settled her nerves.
MadHatter3000: It was very sweet. TY. But it’s an intimate gift. I meant what I said. I don’t want complicated. If ur hoping for more, I’m going to disappoint u.
That was almost rude to say to him, but it was the truth. She wanted sex, but she wasn’t ready for anything serious. The question was, would this be the moment he backed out of their date?
BookNerd: Relax, babe. It’s just
a gift. I’m fond of surprises.
That was exactly what terrified her. Grayson had been, too. Their friendship back when had started much like this one, a text or an e-mail here and there. They’d eventually led to nights of lying in the dark listening to the sexy sound of his voice. She still had the bracelet he’d given her for her birthday three years ago. It was an extravagant thing, expensive for sure, but simple and beautiful. A thin gold chain with a round amethyst set in gold. It currently sat at the bottom of her panty drawer. She’d thought about pawning it, but hadn’t been able to let it go. It was too sentimental and selling it seemed rude.
Dave’s gift this morning left her with the same unsettled feeling. Look where her relationship with Grayson had gotten her. Was she insane for doing this?
When she didn’t reply, because her stomach had twisted itself into a nervous knot and she couldn’t think of what to say, another message popped onto her screen.
BookNerd: Look. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I happened to come across a copy, and I thought of you. Christina told me you owned a bookstore, and the book is a favorite. It’s not any more complicated than that. You can send it back if it’s too much. I hope our date still stands, though.
Regret tightened in Maddie’s chest. Great. She’d offended him. His last statement, too, caught her, bringing up a whole slew of questions. Namely, was he actually worried she wouldn’t still want to meet him? What did he expect from her? From this? This blind date had taken on a life of its own. She enjoyed the hell out of it for what it was, but this gift hinted at something else, something that only reminded her of the upcoming auction. At some point, she’d have to take her relationship with him offline and into reality. Was she ready for that?
Deciding she had to know, she typed in a quick response and hit send before she lost the nerve to ask.
MadHatter3000: Srry. Didn’t mean to offend or sound ungrateful. It was very sweet, but r u hoping to get lucky?
The question was partly a tease, but she’d asked because his response would tell her what he expected. More to the point, it would tell her what she could expect.
BookNerd: You didn’t offend. And yes. ;) Seriously? I enjoy you. I don’t want to screw this up because of an impulsive decision. I have to go. Meeting in a few. Will I see you tonight?
Would he?
Yet even as she asked herself the question, the answer swelled inside of her. She would. Hannah was right. The flirting, the orgasms, their chats, were addicting. Now she had something that filled the empty silence of the night, something to look forward to besides her B.O.B. and her empty apartment when the lonely ache became unbearable.
And, okay, she couldn’t deny it. She wanted more. She wanted something physical. She wanted him real and in front of her. The whole nine yards. His hands on her body, the taste of his breath as it mixed with hers, and his cock sliding into her. The thought had her knees shaking, but if she let this opportunity pass her by, she’d regret it. At some point, she had to leave the past where it belonged. So, she forced her shaking fingers to type in the response and hit send before she lost the nerve to do it.
MadHatter3000: C U 2night.
BookNerd: I’m glad. Later, baby.
When his name blipped off her screen, Maddie released a breath filled with equal parts excitement and relief.
Hannah lifted her gaze from the papers and smiled. “See? Piece of cake. You can do this.”
Maddie let loose a half-maniacal laugh. She was sure she sounded like she’d gone off the deep end, which summed up the emotions thrumming through her. “Oh yeah. Piece of cake, Han. Piece of cake.”
Hannah abandoned the stack of papers and stepped to her side, wrapping her in a tight hug that reminded her too much of Christina. “It’ll be okay, Madds. You’ll see. Do you want this?”
Maddie let the tension drain from her shoulders. “Yes.”
Hannah released her, the corners of her mouth tipped up in sympathy, and shook her head.
“Then swallow the fear and do it anyway. Let yourself have this. I was terrified the day I met Cade for the first time at The Space Needle. I was sure he’d take one look at me and go home. But he didn’t. He took me in his arms and God, Madds. He had an erection hard enough to hammer train track spikes.” Hannah giggled, then rolled her eyes in bliss. “But that first time…”
Maddie’s mind filled with the fantasy of Dave drawing her against that big, hard chest. A heated shiver ran the length of her spine. “That good, huh?”
Hannah pursed her lips and nodded. “So much better in person. I understand the fear, though.”
“Probably better than anyone.” Maddie dropped her gaze to her sneakers and nodded. Hannah had been judged one too many times for the scars on her face. Some men were shallow, and she’d met too many of them. She’d been as terrified at the thought of taking her relationship with Cade into reality. At least Maddie wasn’t alone in her fear.
“Your past doesn’t make you who you are, so don’t let it. Cade taught me that.” Hannah hugged her again then released her. “Reach out and take this, Madds. Just because you can. You’re twenty-eight, gorgeous, single and successful. Hold your head high. You deserve this. You owe it to yourself.”
* * *
Later that night, Maddie sat staring at her computer. Waiting. That had to be pathetic, yet here she was, pretending to watch TV, her laptop seated on her knees. Their closer, J.J., had come in early, leaving Maddie plenty of time to anticipate tonight’s conversation. Plenty of time to work herself into a frenzy of nerves. She’d had dinner already. The kitchen was clean and her laundry was done. There were a million other things she could be doing. Like watching the paranormal program she’d recorded on her DVR the other night. Or reading the book Dave had sent.
What was she doing, instead? Sitting here waiting for his Gchat name to appear online. When it actually did, her heart leapt, a full-out giddy little flip-flop. When his message popped up seconds later, her heart took off on a sprint, and her hands began to shake. God, that was pathetic. Not only had she waited for him, but she was so excited to see him she was coming out of her skin.
BookNerd: Hey
MadHatter3000: Hey
Despite the fact that they weren’t even in the same room, awkward tension rose like a tangible object. She had no idea what to say to him. Their last conversation had been awkward at best. So, she sat and waited, stomach rolling with nausea.
It didn’t take long for another message to pop up.
BookNerd: We okay?
We. His particular use of the word caught her and had her fear running away with itself. She didn’t want a “we.” What she wanted was something in the middle.
She sighed. She was caught somewhere between her inability to trust men and the future she ached to have, but it meant taking that first step and this was it.
MadHatter3000: We’re ok. Sorry about earlier. You spooked me. Getting that gift made me wonder what you’re expecting from this.
BookNerd: Am I hoping to get you naked at some point? Yes. ;) Otherwise? I’m not expecting anything. I’m afraid to tell you, sweetheart, I really am a geek. Books are my idea of seduction. It was my way of saying I like you. I’m looking forward to meeting you, you know. I hope you are, too.
Was she? Hands down. She hadn’t had sex with a man in well over four years, an entire year before she’d met Grayson. She’d wanted to make love to him, but hadn’t been able to because the fear had gotten to her, filling her mind with ugliness. Well, no more. She was tired of being alone. Maybe she wasn’t ready to give out her heart yet. Of that she was certain. Maybe this thing with Dave would only be a fling, but with any luck, she’d find her feet again.
Decision made, she typed in another response.
MadHatter3000: I have to be honest as well. This? Online? Is easy, b/c it’s simple. It’s a fantasy. This I can do. But in person? The thought scares the crap out of me. It’s been a while for me. I meant what I said. I’m not ready for more than
this.
BookNerd: I’m not asking you for more. Though, I may ask you to take off your panties. ;) Would that be a yes, then? Are you looking forward to meeting at the auction?
That he’d repeated the question stood out to her and had her mind shifting gears. Was he afraid she wasn’t looking forward to their date? It hinted that he was nervous, too. Not for the first time since she’d start chatting with him, seeing his human side eased the worry gnawing at her stomach.
MadHatter3000: Yes. My panties are damp. I’ve been waiting for you.
Heart still firmly seated in her throat, she added another message, as an afterthought.
MadHatter3000: That’s pathetic, right?
BookNerd: If it is, I’m right there with you, baby. Getting to talk to you is the best part of my day.
Knowing that sent little butterflies dancing through her stomach. Like she was sixteen all over again, sitting in Tom Wilson’s pickup, in the dark parking lot of that deserted park.
BookNerd: Relax, okay? We’ll play it by ear. No pressure, I promise. I’m just looking forward to seeing you. I want you close enough to touch. Now ask me what I want to do to you when I see you. ;)
Maddie smiled. Now this she couldn’t resist.
MadHatter3000: Let me guess, you plan to drag me off somewhere quiet to have your way w/ me?
BookNerd: Not quite. Thought I’d start with your mouth first. Maybe work my way down your neck…
Nerves eased, she relaxed into the sofa cushions and fell easily into the usual play.
MadHatter3000: I might actually let you. ;)
BookNerd: Baby, I’m hoping you’ll let me do a whole lot more than kiss you. I want to feel you tremble in my arms when I find all those sensitive spots. I want to feel your breath on my neck when my fingers find you hot and wet…
And there it was. The single solitary statement to send her stomach right back into a riotous mass of anxious nerves. It was beyond pathetic to be twenty-eight and still acting like a virginal high school girl.
MadHatter3000: Dave?
BookNerd: Yeah?
MadHatter3000: I’m nervous.
