by JM Stewart
She found her clit through her panties and rubbed, allowing herself the moment. The pleasure that would wash over his features, though, was the ultimate. That. That’s what she missed the most about sex, what she’d enjoyed about her carefree days in college—her partner’s pleasure. What she craved, in the darkness of night when even B.O.B. couldn’t satisfy the throbbing in her clit? A partner. A hot guy who made her cream her panties and who’d put his hands and his cock all over her. She wanted the luscious feel of his warm skin against hers. His hard cock sliding in and out of her. And she wanted to watch his face when his orgasm claimed him, to hear what he sounds he made. Did Dave groan softly? Or tremble quietly?
Yeah, when Hannah had told her she was having an online fling, Maddie had understood the need.
BookNerd: Tell me what you want, baby.
This, too, got her. Baby. A term of endearment filled with inherent intimacy. All it did was fill her mind with more fantasies. Of him whispering the words in her ear. The fantasy wrapped around her like a lure, and before she’d made the conscious decision, her fingers were typing out the word.
MadHatter3000: Ok.
Hands trembling, she sat back. She prayed he knew what she meant, because she wasn’t sure she had the nerve to say it.
BookNerd: Give me a sec.
Nervous and edgy, Maddie set her laptop aside and stood, then crossed to the front windows and closed the blinds. Goose bumps shivered across her skin, and her stomach churned. She was alone in her own living room for crying out loud, but vulnerability still wrapped around her like a shroud. She could do this. She wanted this. Right?
Her laptop pinged moments later, and she turned her head. Standing out on her screen was a picture. In it, he appeared to be seated on a white couch, or perhaps a chair. He hadn’t included his face. It was a picture from the neck to the waist, but it gave her an unprecedented view of his body.
She was sure her mouth had to be hanging open or that drool dripped off her chin, because for a moment, all she could do was stare. He had strong, thick shoulders and beefy pecs. The muscles of his abdomen were well-defined without being body builder obnoxious. His biceps were firm and well rounded. Oh, yeah. Christina definitely had good taste.
He also had a tattoo. A beautiful orange and gold phoenix covered his left pectoral muscle, rising out of orange flames and gray ash. One wing disappeared over the top of his shoulder, no doubt spilling down his shoulder blade. The tail ran down his arm. It stood out on his tanned skin, yet it wasn’t flashy. The phoenix stood for rebirth, rising from the ashes. The thought of which did nothing but fill her with an overwhelming need to know the story behind it.
Pulled by the power of him, she moved to the couch and sat, her fingers trembling with a heady dose of arousal. Her head filled with erotic visions of him. If Dave were here, she could definitely see herself climbing that hot body….
MadHatter3000: Not bad.
BookNerd: lol Do I meet with your approval?
MadHatter3000: You’ll do. ;) May I ask another question?
BookNerd: Ask away.
Maddie hesitated, her fingers hovering over the keyboard. Memories flooded her mind. Similar chats with Grayson…Lonely nights when she’d been too shy to tell him, too, what she wanted. He’d coaxed them out of her gently with a husky, “Tell me what you’re wearing, baby…”
She shook off the memories and refocused on the picture. He wasn’t Grayson.
MadHatter3000: Are your nipples sensitive?
BookNerd: Very.
Maddie stifled a groan. Drawn in by him, by the intimacy of the moment, of the question, her fingers kept typing. God, this was too easy. Surely that had to be a bad sign.
MadHatter3000: I love a man with sensitive nipples. Do you like them licked, sucked, pinched…?
BookNerd: Yes. ;) It’s your turn, sweetheart. Shirt. Off, please.
Maddie stared at the screen. Heat shivered across the surface of her skin. How was it that such a simple demand could be so sexy? Was this what Hannah had meant? What she’d had with Cade? Maddie had to admit it was arousing as hell. Such a simple thing yet so…powerful. Her nipples tightened almost painfully, aching for the stroke of his fingers, which drew up images of his hands. They weren’t showing in the picture. Were they smooth and soft? Or rough with callouses?
Mind made up, she set her laptop aside and stood. She could do this. Gripping her T-shirt by the hem, she whipped it off her head and dropped it the floor at her feet. Cool air rushed over her skin, and an ultra-vulnerable sensation twisted through her. She sat again and reached for her keyboard. It wasn’t like he could see her, but that’s what it felt like. Like she was getting naked in front of a lover for the first time.
MadHatter3000: Ok.
BookNerd: God, do you know how sexy that is? And? How do you feel?
MadHatter3000: Honestly? Feels a little strange sitting here by myself, half naked.
BookNerd: You’re not alone, sweetheart. I’m right here with you.
God, how she wished he was….
MadHatter3000: May I ask what you’re doing? Are you…
She couldn’t bring herself to finish the sentence. It wasn’t like she’d never done this before, but it still seemed too bold to ask a relative stranger.
BookNerd: Stroking myself? I’ll admit I’ve rubbed myself through my pants, but no. It would be rude to start without you. ;) It’s killing me, because I can’t help imagining that patch of red curls between your thighs. I want to bury my face there and taste you. Inhale your aroma and stroke that sopping pussy with my tongue. You wet, sweetheart?
Oh God. At the thought, liquid heat curled through her, settling in the exact spot he’d mentioned. To have his mouth between her thighs, lapping at her. Her clit pulsed, throbbing and begging for release. She reached down, stroking herself through her panties again. She had to admit it. The thought of him over there, doing what she was, occasionally rubbing his cock because he was so aroused he couldn’t help himself, provided a luscious lure.
She typed in a response with trembling fingers.
MadHatter3000: My panties are drenched. And I’m doing the same thing, stroking myself through my panties.
BookNerd: How’s it feel?
MadHatter3000: Not as good as your tongue would.
BookNerd: You’re killing me. LOL Tell me what you want me to do, sweetheart.
The term of endearment ought to feel too intimate, strange, yet somehow, it didn’t. It made him feel familiar and relaxed her shaky nerves. It meant for all intents and purposes, he really did understand where her head was right then. The need for this vied with the part of her that was flat out scared to death. He had patience, and she appreciated that. More than she could tell him.
MadHatter3000: Get naked with me.
As she waited, thoughts of him filled her head. Standing before her, pulling off his clothing. She scrolled up the page, looking at his picture again, soaking in the sight of him. He had a fantastic body. Were his thighs as muscular as the rest of him? She bet he had a firm, round ass. Which did nothing but fill her head with visions of him looming over her, that hard body pressing her into the mattress.
The fingers of her left hand found her breast, stroking and circling the distended nipple as she let herself get lost in the fantasy. Her legs locked around his lean hips, his cock pumping into her. God, she missed that, the feel of a man’s body against her and inside her, in a way that was natural, an extension of an intimate relationship, instead of constantly connected to a terrifying moment….
When she was sure she was leaving a wet spot on her couch, or that she’d start without him, her laptop pinged with an incoming message. She refocused on the screen.
BookNerd: Done. Your turn, baby. Take those panties off.
A hot little shiver fluttered through her. That meant he was naked, sitting at his computer waiting for her.
She set her laptop aside and slid her panties to the floor. Fully naked now and trembling in earnest,
with need and nerves, she resumed her seat.
MadHatter3000: Done. Are you still hard?
BookNerd. Are you getting any warmer?
MadHatter3000: No fair answering a question with a question. ;) Actually, I’ve been wet and throbbing since you asked me to take my clothes off.
BookNerd: Ahh, so you ARE aroused by this.
MadHatter3000: I’ve been staring at your picture, stroking my nipples. I feel very sexy sitting here, talking to you. You make me feel comfortable.
BookNerd: I’m honored. And yes. To answer your question, I’m hard enough to hammer nails. The thought of you naked over there does the same thing to me. Tell me what you want, baby.
Maddie sighed. Another question that was all too easy to answer.
MadHatter3000: In a perfect world? You’d be here, and your tongue would be buried inside me. Now? I want you to make me cum. Make me see stars, Dave.
Make me forget….
Chapter Five
Maddie stared at the contents of the small box in front of her. The bookshop was quiet, only the sound of the rain and the traffic out on the street cutting the silence. She’d been sorting through a box of used books when the package arrived via a small, Priority Mail Flat Rate box. The note on top wasn’t signed, but she didn’t need to ask to know who it was from. Dave had sent her a gift.
A week and a half had passed since she’d received her first message from him. They’d chatted every night since, and every night, he left her breathless, more sated than she’d been in a long time, and usually falling to sleep with a grin as wide as Montana. She had to admit she liked him. He was sexy, in a subtle, take-charge kind of way. They didn’t talk much about jobs or life beyond “how was your day?” Which was okay with her. She had no desire to get to know him beyond what they had. This was exactly what she needed—a hot, uncomplicated fling that would propel her into moving on with her life. To forget Grayson Lockwood and her assault in college.
The auction was in three days. The thought of meeting him in person had her tied in knots, but Hannah was right. She couldn’t stay single and celibate forever. The thought of finally having sex again filled her with equal parts desire and dread. Oh, the need was there. The thought of his cock sliding inside of her made her clit throb. She was dying to see him up close and personal, to get her hands all over him. If he was as good in person as he was online, she wouldn’t be able to walk the next day.
The thought of sex, though, had memories rising over her. Along with them came the anxiety. The last time she’d tried to have sex with a man—the healthy, natural kind—the touch of his hand as it slid beneath her top had sent her right back to that night in college. It was a step she wanted to take. She needed to leave the past where it belonged, once and for all, but whether or not she’d able to go through with it was another matter. Could she truly trust that she was safe now and have a hot little fling with Dave, like the ones she’d had back in college, before her assault had filled her with fear? She wouldn’t know until the moment arrived.
One thing she did know: she didn’t want a relationship. She needed to take things one step at a time, and that was one she wasn’t ready for. This morning’s gift, however, had complicated written all over it. That he was sending her gifts told her in no uncertain terms he wanted more than sex. The thought had her stomach caught somewhere between giddy butterflies and terrified tangles.
The bell on the door to the shop dinged, announcing an incoming customer, and Maddie set the box aside and lifted her gaze. Hannah strode through, a bright smile lighting up her face and Cade in tow, with baby Emily tucked in one beefy arm. The sight of the baby had her mood immediately lifting. It had been a whole two weeks since Maddie had seen her.
Disregarding this morning’s surprise for the moment, she squealed, clapped her hands in glee and all but skipped around the counter.
“Ohhh, you brought the baby.” She bypassed Hannah and headed straight for Cade and the cuteness lounging on his shoulder.
Hannah laughed softly as she whizzed past. “I asked Cade to bring her down. I knew you’d love to see her.”
Hannah was right. Emily was three months old and sweet and perfect, and Maddie adored her. She, Hannah, and Christina got together at least once a month, often once a week for lunch or a movie and wine night, but there never seemed enough time to visit with the baby.
Maddie winked at Cade as she plucked the adorable little bundle out of his arms. “Thanks for bringing my baby to see me, hot stuff.”
“Hot Stuff” was a playful nickname she’d given him when he and Hannah were dating. It was exactly what he was—tall, broad-shouldered gorgeousness. Hannah called him GQ. A rich, corporate lawyer, the man was what Hannah had always jokingly called “a fellow geek.” The two of them were peas in a pod, both into books and research, but Cade didn’t look the part. He had the looks of a cover model.
As she clutched the baby to her chest, Cade let out a quiet laugh. “My pleasure entirely, Miss O’Riley. You know, you should think of getting one of your own, though.”
Cade winked at her, and Maddie couldn’t resist a grin. Teasing him came too easily, but the impossibility of his suggestion swirled around her and clutched at her chest.
“Oh, no. I’m not ready for one of my own yet.” Maddie set the baby into the crook of her left arm and gazed down at her. “You do make such pretty babies, though, Cade.”
Emily had a full head of thick, dark hair like her father, and big wide eyes, and she smelled heavenly, like baby powder and sweetness. She wasn’t fussy, either, but content to let people pass her around—so long as she had a shoulder to lounge on. Every time Maddie saw her, her heart gave that impossible little twinge. Okay, so she’d admit it. She wanted this. The whole fairytale, what these two had found. What Christina and Sebastian had found. A man who’d love her in spite of all her weird little quirks, and she wanted a yard full of pretty, red-haired babies to go with him.
“Besides.” She sighed. “That would require Prince Charming to actually have my address. I think he’s gotten lost.”
It didn’t help, of course, that her heart still hung onto the one man she’d never have, which was pathetic, considering three years had passed since he’d walked out of her life. Or rather, let her go.
She didn’t have to ask to know what Hannah would say about the matter. “Would you do it again, if you could?” Hannah had asked her that once, referring, of course, to her decision to end her relationship with Grayson.
The conversation had begun because Hannah had contemplated an affair with Cade. Hannah had been as scared as Maddie was now, afraid of falling in love. Maddie had told her to go for it or she’d regret it, because Maddie had a heart full of regrets. None of which she knew what to do with. The day she’d found that article on the front page of a local newspaper, her heart had sunk. She’d been so angry and so hurt; she’d left Grayson at that romantic little cabin all by himself. She’d stood him up. Back then, though, she’d been so sure she’d made the right decision.
Now? Not so much. Her mind filled with “what-if’s.” What if she’d gone? What if she’d given him a chance to explain? Would things have turned out differently?
Except now she was stuck. How did she move on when she wasn’t sure she’d made the right decision? When it was too late to do anything about it anyway? When she was sure she’d met the man she’d wanted to marry, only to discover he wasn’t who he said he was? That he’d essentially lied his way into her bed?
Okay, so she hadn’t slept with Grayson. They’d shared a hell of a lot, though. She’d shared things with him she didn’t tell just anybody. So while she couldn’t deny she had regrets, the sense of betrayal went deep, and she didn’t know how to get over that or let it go.
“Oh, I’ll bet Prince Charming’s closer than you think.”
Cade’s odd comment, and the I’ve got a secret tone to his voice had Maddie glancing up. As if his words weren’t enough of a puzzle, he grinned at her, something m
ysterious working behind his eyes.
“Cade!”
Behind her, Hannah let out a hushed reprimand, and Maddie turned sideways to peer at her. Her best friend glared none-too-subtly at her husband, but at Maddie’s look her frown tipped into an awkward smile. Okay, she’d known Hannah long enough to know she couldn’t hide a secret if she tried. Hannah was too honest. Despite her impassive expression, her best friend had a worried, shifty look about her. The same look Christina often got when discussing Maddie’s blind date to the auction.
Cade laughed, light-hearted and dismissive, and shook his head, holding up his hands in mock surrender. “I just meant you shouldn’t give up hope. Look at me. I’d given up on women altogether before Hannah waltzed her way into my life.” Cade winked at her. “You never know.”
He breezed past Maddie to Hannah, hooked an arm around her waist and tugged her against his side. Maddie could only stare for a moment, suspicion itching at the edges of her consciousness. Why did the two of them look like they knew something she didn’t? Despite their intimate embrace, Hannah still sent her husband an, albeit subtle, warning glare.
What on earth was with her friends these days? They all seemed as if they shared a secret somebody had forgotten to tell her.
Maddie shook off the sensation and arched a brow at Cade. “Aren’t you usually at the office this time of day?”
Cade turned toward her, one arm wrapped around Hannah’s back, and nodded. “Mmm. I’ve taken the morning off. Too many hours at the office leaves little time for Em when she’s awake. So, I’m taking a half day to spend some Daddy time with my girl.”
Because he was a lawyer, Cade’s profession often meant long hours were the rule, not the exception. Hannah had told her once he usually wasn’t home before seven. Maddie was glad to see he was taking time for the baby.
Cade smiled, crossed the space to her, and held out his arms. “Now, if you’ll kindly hand back my baby, my daughter and I have a date.”
