KH02 - City of Veils

by Zoë Ferraris

  She froze in the act of setting her glass on the mat. She didn’t look at him at first, but he was watching her intently enough to see discomfort stealing across her face. She set the glass down and took a breath.

  “Nayir…”

  She was struggling. He wanted to tell her that the reason he hadn’t spoken to her for those months was that he’d been afraid, and that the fear was overwhelming, huge and amorphous, too much to explain even to himself. But seeing her again had made him realize that he wanted her. He only hoped that it wasn’t too late. He felt a momentary weakness, then a whooshing sensation as certainty filled him.

  “Katya,” he said, “I know I’m not perfect, and I might not be right for you. I know you love your job. And it might be difficult to have children when you work so much. But I think we can do it. We can find a way.” She still wasn’t looking at him. He lowered his head to hers, trying to encourage her to meet his gaze, but she kept staring resolutely at the mat.

  “Katya.”

  She swallowed, looking scared. And without knowing how it happened, he reached out to her cheek, turning her face to his. Her cheek was warm, and soft. She didn’t resist. When her eyes met his, he saw that they were wet, that she looked frightened. An impulse that came from every part of his body made him lean closer, pausing as their noses touched in case she backed away—but she didn’t, so he kissed her, gently at first, their dry lips touching, then more insistently, while pinpoints of light exploded inside him.

  Katya was the first to pull away from the kiss.

  “Nayir,” she said softly, amazed at herself but even more amazed at him. So it was true what they said: too much repression will lead a man straight into sin. She put a hand to her mouth and gave a short, nervous laugh of surprise.

  Five minutes before, she had been vaguely uncomfortable, not certain that Nayir was enjoying himself. At one moment, he’d looked spectacularly anxious. And now she knew why. Of course she should have seen it coming. He would never have asked her out on a date for any other reason. Her first thought had been resentful, but the softness of his voice, the touch of his hand on her cheek, had unleashed a kind of frenzied rebelliousness in both of them. She didn’t know what she was doing anymore, only that her body was doing it and that her mind seemed to have become lost in a dust storm.

  She sat up, picked up her juice glass, set it down again. I’m sorry, she almost blurted, but she wasn’t sorry, she was scared. Marriage? To Nayir? Visions of her mother flashed through her mind, the disappointments, the frustrations. Ummi had thought she had married a more open-minded man. Katya, on the other hand, knew just what she was dealing with.

  “Nayir,” she began. “I don’t…”

  “You’re afraid,” he said. “I am, too.”

  Surprised, she pushed on. “I need to know that you’ll respect me. My job. And everything else I might want to do.” She met his eyes as she said it, and he didn’t look away. “I just need to know —”

  “I shall not lose sight,” he whispered. It was a tender sound, and the tone of his voice made her realize that he was quoting Quran. “I shall not lose sight of the labor of any of you…” She recognized the quote then; he didn’t have to finish it:… who labors in My way, be it man or woman; each of you is equal to the other.

  She felt a tear threatening to spill onto her cheek. “I can’t make this decision right away,” she said.

  “You don’t have to answer today,” he assured her.

  When she found the nerve to look into his eyes again, she saw that he understood.

  They walked back along the sidewalk to Nayir’s car, uncertain what to say to each other. Katya was beyond thought, and as the silence dragged on, another power took hold. Chemical stimuli, the warmth of the breeze caressing their bodies, picnicking families hanging about them like charms. Fertile, messy bliss. She felt an inkling of hope that she might find happiness after all. She drew closer to him and carefully, so that no one would notice, brushed her arm against his.

  He smiled and kept walking.

  GLOSSARY

  abaaya —a long, loose black cloak worn by women in Saudi Arabia

  Ahlan wa’sahlan —welcome (hard to translate exactly; loosely, it’s something like “family and familiar comforts”). Slightly more formal than marhaba.

  Allah Akbar —“God is great”

  Allah yarhamha —loosely translated, “God rest her soul”

  ‘aql —intelligence

  ‘Asr —the third of the five daily Muslim prayers

  aywa —yes

  balela —a salad of chickpeas, black beans, and spices

  barzakh —an intermediate state after physical death when the soul separates from the body

  biryani —a rice and meat–based dish cooked with spices

  Bism’allah, ar-rahman, ar-rahim —“In the name of Allah, most gracious, most merciful,” the opening phrase of a Muslim prayer

  burqa (also niqaab) —in the Gulf countries, burqa refers to a veil that covers a woman’s face; not to be confused with the enveloping outer garment, also called a burqa, worn by women in other Muslim countries

  Dhuhr —the fourth of the five daily Muslim prayers

  djinn (plural djinni) —a genie

  fatwa —a religious opinion or edict issued by a Muslim cleric

  habibti —(to a woman) “my love”

  Hadith —the collected narratives about the prophet Mohammed

  hajj —the pilgrimage to Mecca

  hajji —pilgrim

  halal —kosher, permissible by Islamic law

  haraam —forbidden by Islamic law

  hayati —“my life,” a term of endearment

  hijab or hijaab —the headscarf worn by Muslim women to cover their hair; also, Muslim women’s dress in general

  hookah —a water pipe used for smoking tobacco

  hur —plural of houri, which means an alluring, beautiful woman

  ‘iqal —a loop of black cord used to fix the male headscarf onto the head

  istiqara —a type of prayer that asks for guidance in difficult matters

  Kaaba —the black monument in the center of the holy mosque, the Masjid al-Haram, in Mecca

  khulwa —a state of seclusion

  laa —no

  majlis —literally “a place of sitting”; any gathering place, typically a living room or an assembly hall

  marra —woman

  masahif —plural of mashaf, a codex

  miswak —twigs or roots from the Arak tree used for natural tooth cleansing

  misyar —a marriage institution in Islam whereby a man can have a wife without financial responsibility

  mubeen —purity

  mujahideen —freedom fighters

  mutawwa (plural mutaween) —religious policemen from the Committee for the Protection of Virtue and the Prevention of Vice in Saudi Arabia

  Najd —the central region of Saudi Arabia

  na-mehram —unfamiliar

  qasama —to divide

  qismah —fate or kismet

  rakat —a verse of prayer

  Ramadan —the yearly month of fasting in Islamic religious tradition

  Salaam alaikum —a greeting, literally “peace be with you”

  Sall llahu’ alayhi wa sallam —“peace be upon Him,” said when mentioning the name of the prophet Mohammed

  Shahada —the recitation of the phrase “There is no God but Allah, and Mohammed is His Prophet,” which is required in order to become a Muslim

  shawarma —a sandwich of slices of shaved rotisserie meat, lettuce, cucumber, tomato, and sauce folded together in a pita bread

  sharwaya —“shepherd”

  shaytin —a kind of evil genie

  shumagh —a red-and-white-checkered headscarf worn by men

  souq —an outdoor market, any commercial marketplace

  sura —a chapter of the Quran

  tisbah al-khayr —“good night”

  zabiba —a raisin-shaped bump or callus on the
forehead that develops after a lifetime of touching one’s forehead to the ground during prayer

  zina —a type of crime in Islamic law involving extramarital sex