Peppercorn Street

by Anna Jacobs

  Winifred judged enough had been said, made sure the baby was all right, then put the ingredients on the table. She’d wondered if she’d be any good as a teacher, but the words seemed to flow and since the recipe was an easy one, the cake was soon finished and in the oven.

  ‘I’ve written out the recipe for you.’ She gave them each a piece of paper, handwritten in a beautiful sloping script.

  ‘I’ll start a new file on my computer for recipes,’ Janey said. ‘I love the way you write. It’s so pretty.’

  Winifred smiled. ‘We all learnt to write like that when I was at school, and we got into trouble if we didn’t get it perfect each time.’

  ‘I think you were a decade or so before me,’ Mr S said. ‘Funny how such differences blur when you get older. My generation didn’t have to do copperplate handwriting, but we had to write neatly or we were forced to do it all over again.’

  ‘I sometimes feel I’m the last person of my generation left,’ Winifred said with a sigh. ‘All my friends have died.’

  ‘But you’re making new ones,’ he reminded her with a smile.

  Millie chose that moment to yawn loudly and rub her eyes, so Janey pulled up her soft, checked blanket and wheeled the buggy out into the hall. She waited to see her settle down, but to her relief Millie didn’t need much persuading to go to sleep. What a happy child she was when she wasn’t teething!

  When she went back inside, Janey heard Miss Parfitt say, ‘Hazel and I are going to classes to learn about computers, but I’m not at all sure how I’ll cope with that.’

  ‘I don’t think I’ll ever understand the damned things,’ Dan said. ‘I’d rather be out in the fresh air than sitting indoors goggling at a screen.’

  ‘I love my computer,’ Janey said. ‘And if you don’t mind me saying so, Mr S, you’d find a computer very helpful for keeping records for your allotment. And you could go online and find out all sorts of things about gardening, join a group and discuss gardening by email, order seeds online. There’s nothing like a computer when you’re on your own. I just wish I could afford to go on the Internet.’

  They were staring at her rather disbelievingly, so she explained a few of the things you could do with a computer, answering their questions patiently because they clearly knew nothing. ‘Look, it’s hard to explain without being able to show you. If you’d like to come round to my flat one day, I’ll show you some of what you can do on a computer.’

  She watched them exchange glances, uncertain, hesitant, and realised in amazement that they were afraid of computers. ‘It’s not hard, you know, it’s just fiddly.’

  It was Mr S who spoke first. ‘Well, why not? My Terry’s always nagging me to get a computer and go on email, so that it’s easier for him to keep in touch.’

  ‘You should go to the classes with Miss Parfitt and Dawn’s mother, then.’

  ‘We-ell, I might just do that if you’ll help me in between classes. I’m going to have some extra time on my hands … now.’

  Janey had noticed before how he tacked on ‘now’ and it upset her because she knew he was speaking about his wife being dead. She realised he was speaking, asking her about college, so dropped the subject of computers and told them about her classes and meeting Al and his mother at church.

  Before they knew it the cake was ready and Winifred was pulling it out of the oven.

  ‘That smells delicious!’ he said.

  ‘Don’t you need to test it?’ Janey asked. ‘You know, poke it with a skewer or something. My mother always did.’

  ‘Goodness no. I’ve baked this one so many times in this oven I know to the minute how long it takes, and anyway, you can see that it’s coming away from the sides of the tin, plus the top is firm in the middle. I’ll just let it cool for a bit, then put the kettle on and we’ll test a piece and have a cup of tea.

  Mr S was looking better now, Janey thought. She felt better here too, safe and relaxed. ‘This is almost like having grandparents again,’ she said without thinking. ‘Well, I only ever had one granddad really, but I still miss him a lot.’

  ‘Then perhaps you could adopt us as your honorary grandparents,’ Mr S said at once. ‘My grandchildren don’t come and see me very often, even the ones who live nearby.’

  He was looking at her anxiously as if afraid of rejection, but she didn’t hesitate. ‘I’d love that!’ Then she realised Miss Parfitt hadn’t spoken and looked at her. The old lady was looking as nervous as Mr S had about computers. ‘Do I get an adopted grandmother too?’

  ‘That’d be very … nice. I’ve got plenty of time on my hands and no close relatives at all.’ She blew her nose firmly and added, ‘Let’s have a piece of cake to celebrate.’

  It was surprising, Janey thought as she got ready to leave, how comfortable she felt with the two of them. As if they really were her grandparents.

  But as she stepped out of the gate, she saw a familiar car parked down the street. In a panic, she dragged the buggy back up the steps and hammered on the front door.

  When Miss Parfitt opened it, she nearly fell through it, so upset was she.

  Dan put an arm round her as Winifred locked the door. ‘Calm down and tell us what’s wrong, Janey. No, take a deep breath and don’t start speaking till you’ve got control of yourself.’

  So it all came tumbling out and this time she didn’t hold back on saying his name.

  As he listened, Dan exchanged shocked glances with Winifred. ‘You can’t go back to that flat.’

  ‘She can stay here,’ Winifred said at once.

  ‘But all my things, all the baby’s things, are in the flat. I have to go back and he knows it.’

  ‘I’m going to ring Dawn.’ Winifred was picking up the phone even as she spoke. ‘She’ll know what to do.’

  As she listened to a quick summary of her story being repeated by Winifred, Janey thought how far-fetched it sounded. Since Gary had turned up again, everything felt unreal, like a nightmare that never ended.

  Winifred put the phone down. ‘She says to stay here, not to go back to the flat on your own under any circumstances.’

  ‘I don’t want to cause you any trouble, Miss Parfitt.’ And she couldn’t help crying again, feeling so helpless.

  It was a while before she calmed down enough to realise she was sitting next to Miss Parfitt, who had an arm round her shoulders and was clasping her hand.

  Dan had picked up Millie and was joggling her about next to the window, talking softly to her and pointing out some birds.

  ‘I can’t believe how kind you’re being to me!’ Janey said, blowing her nose in a futile effort to stop weeping.

  The doorbell rang. ‘Ah, that’ll be Dawn.’ Miss Parfitt went to let her in.

  The hospital looked huge and grey, more like a prison in the dull light of an overcast afternoon. Nicole shivered as she walked towards it, Kieran on one side of her, Paul on the other. Her steps faltered just before the entrance, and she had to force herself to go inside.

  At the ward, a nurse she’d seen before greeted them, then he took them along to Sam’s room, though they knew the way by now.

  ‘We have screens round the foot of the bed, so that even when the door is open, no one can stare in,’ he said quietly. ‘They’ll be round with the tea trolley in a minute. I’ll get them to give you a cup.’ He hesitated, then asked, ‘Do you want a minister to come and see him?’

  Nicole’s mind seemed blank and she couldn’t think what to say.

  ‘Dad didn’t go to church,’ Paul said. ‘Does that matter?’

  ‘Not many people go to church these days, but a lot of them want a clergyman at the end.’

  ‘We don’t know any.’

  ‘We have a chaplain at the hospital.’

  Nicole saw Paul nodding at her. ‘Yes. All right. I do think it’d be good for him to see Sam.’ She wanted to do everything properly, to make up for the huge mistake she’d made. As if that would wipe out her guilt.

  She turned towards the bed, dr
eading what she’d see, but there seemed no change visible at first, not until she looked more closely and saw a complete lack of colour in his face. It was a look, more than anything specific she could put her finger on. He lay so still, she wondered for a moment if he’d died already, then she saw his chest rise and fall very slightly.

  She sat down beside the bed and clasped his hand for a moment. There was no response. The fingers lay limply in hers. The flesh was warm, but Sam no longer seemed to be inhabiting it. Guilt seared through her yet again.

  Suddenly noise erupted outside, raised voices, a woman shouting, sounds of a scuffle. As she looked up in shock, Kieran slipped outside so she left it to him to find out what was happening. Bending her head again, she tried to pray and ignore whoever was shouting. But the words wouldn’t come, so all she could do was sit there and wait, feeling sad and bewildered.

  From time to time she looked at her son, who was sitting on the other side of the bed. When she caught his eye, she mouthed, ‘All right?’ and he nodded. She winced as someone outside let out a piercing yell.

  You couldn’t help listening when someone outside was making such a fuss. Nicole stood up as the shouting became screaming, a woman’s voice, shrill and full of pain. Why hadn’t they moved the person somewhere else?

  Kieran hadn’t come back. Perhaps they needed his help to control this person.

  Outside Kieran found a plump, blonde-haired woman struggling with two nurses. She was putting up a hell of a fight and screeching at the top of her voice. He suddenly jerked to attention as what she was saying sank in.

  ‘Let me in to see him! I’m the only one who cares about Sam. The only one.’ She paused, panting, and slapped away a hand as one of the nurses tried to move her away from the door. ‘I’m not – going away. I’m not! And if you throw me out of the hospital, I’ll camp on the doorstep and go on screaming and shouting there.’

  ‘But only the family is allowed in at a time like this,’ the male nurse said, letting go for a moment as she stopped struggling.

  ‘I’m as good as family. Better than his family.’ She wiped her eyes, but more tears rolled down her cheeks.

  The other nurse glanced at him meaningfully and mouthed, ‘Stay here,’ then slipped away. Kieran guessed she was going to summon assistance. Well, he’d do what he could to help if the woman tried to go into the room and disturb Nicole.

  ‘Let me see Sam,’ the woman said, and her shrieks subsided into loud sobbing. ‘Please. Just let me say goodbye to him. We’re lovers. She doesn’t love him any more, but I do.’

  Kieran wondered how much of this was penetrating into the small room beyond the door. He felt sorry for this woman, who was clearly in great anguish, but didn’t know what to do about that.

  How could they keep her away from the man she loved when he was dying? Only, how could they let her go inside and upset Nicole and Paul?

  Dawn arrived at Miss Parfitt’s on her usual wave of energy. When they all tried to tell her at once what the matter was, she quietened them with a gesture, then suggested they sit down.

  ‘Now, I think Janey should be the one to tell me what the problem is. Don’t hurry, dear. I’ve got as long as it takes. Margaret is keeping an eye on the shop.’

  She listened intently as Janey told her about Gary and the way he was pursuing her.

  ‘Stalking,’ Dawn corrected. ‘He’s stalking you. It’s a pity you didn’t take a photo of his car.’

  ‘What with?’ Janey asked bitterly. ‘I’ve got a cheapie old mobile phone and it doesn’t take photos. Oh, I remember, Kieran who owns the flats took a photo on his mobile phone of him harassing me.’

  ‘Good. It’s always useful to have evidence. But one thing’s clear: if this goes on, you’ll have to move into the women’s refuge.’

  ‘Couldn’t she stay here?’ Winifred asked.

  Dawn frowned, tapping her forefinger on her lips as she thought this through. ‘We’d need more than you to make her safe, Miss Parfitt, with all due respect.’

  ‘I could stay here too,’ Dan offered. ‘I’ve got a sleeping bag, just find me a sofa. I’d be really happy to help. We’ve both grown very fond of Janey.’

  ‘You’re so kind, but I think I’m safe once I’m inside my flat,’ Janey said. ‘It’s when I go out I feel threatened.’

  ‘I’ll get in touch with Kieran and ask him about the photo,’ Dawn said. ‘And I can take you home now. Just let anyone try to mess with you when I’m around.’

  ‘Have a cup of tea first,’ Winifred offered. ‘You look tired.’

  ‘Been a busy few weeks, but someone else is starting at the charity shop tomorrow, so I should have a bit more free time. Now, let’s talk about something more cheerful. Have you had any chance to think about advertising this garden scheme?’

  ‘Not really.’

  ‘Let me know how I can help you get started.’

  Nicole suddenly realised exactly what the woman was shouting and reached out to clutch Paul’s shoulder. Still listening, she exchanged startled glances with her son then looked at the figure on the bed. If anything would have made Sam respond, surely the woman’s cries would? But it hadn’t: his expression hadn’t changed at all, not even when there was all that passion and fury so close.

  The woman outside had it right, though. Nicole didn’t love him, hadn’t done for quite a while. It was guilt that had brought her here and that was a poor substitute for love.

  The stranger renewed her sobbing and pleading. ‘Let me in. Please let me see my Sam before he dies. How can you keep me from him at a time like this?’

  Paul shifted uneasily from beneath his mother’s grasp. ‘You shouldn’t have to listen to this, Mum. And Dad shouldn’t have been unfaithful. How could he?’

  ‘People fall out of love – and into love. It happens. Though Sam should have been more open, left me. I can’t think why he didn’t. That woman’s right about one thing, though. She should be allowed to see him.’ Nicole took a deep breath. ‘Say goodbye to your father, Paul, then we’ll give her the chance to say her own goodbye.’

  He gaped at her. ‘Are you OK with that?’

  ‘I’m not OK with anything very much at the moment, but she definitely needs to see him.’ Nicole walked to the bottom of the bed, turned to take one last look at the effigy-like figure lying there, well tended, neatly arranged, but somehow not really Sam any longer. She opened the door in time to hear the woman’s next words all too clearly and see the instinctive gesture that went with them.

  ‘You’re heartless, that’s what you are, heartless. Shouldn’t call yourselves nurses.’ She cradled her belly in a gesture known through the ages. ‘I’m carrying his child! If anyone should be sitting with him now, it’s me.’

  Nicole couldn’t move for a moment at this second shock. She heard her son’s gasp behind her and saw Kieran gape at the woman, then pride stiffened her spine and she moved forward. ‘I’m Nicole. I don’t know your name but I agree with what you’re saying. You do have a right to be with him, to say farewell.’

  The woman looked at her for a moment, face working as she fought not to sob. ‘I’m sorry if I’ve hurt you, Nicole. I didn’t mean to. Sam didn’t mean to, either. But I love him so much.’

  ‘Tell me your name and address. I’ll make sure you know when the funeral is so that you can attend.’

  ‘You’d let me – do that?’

  ‘Yes.’

  She nodded, wordlessly, fumbling in her handbag. ‘Here. My business card. I’m Tracey.’

  The two women stood for a moment, studying one another, not with anger, but with intense curiosity, then Nicole stepped aside and gestured with one hand. ‘We’ve all finished saying goodbye. Go to him.’

  ‘You’re as nice as he said you were. Thank you.’ Tracey pushed past the nurse, waited for Paul to step out of her way, then went into the room, making no attempt to stem her sobs now.

  ‘Are you sure about this, Mrs Gainsford?’ the nurse asked in a low voice.

/>   ‘Letting her see him is the only thing I am sure about at the moment. Let her stay with him for as long as … is necessary. I won’t be coming back.’

  She felt Kieran move closer on her right side and Paul on her left, and each took one of her hands. With their support, she got herself out of the hospital and into the car.

  Only then did she break down and start sobbing, vaguely aware of the car starting up and moving off. But through all the pain and tears about Sam, one thought consoled her and gradually helped her to stop crying. She had no need to feel guilty about leaving him, because he really had been having an affair. She hadn’t done anything wrong; he had.

  And though she felt dreadfully sad about him dying, it was as if a huge burden had been lifted from her shoulders.

  Another thought crept into her mind. Tracey had said, ‘You’re as nice as he said you were.’ It was as if Sam himself had reached out from the mists of death to comfort her.

  She hoped the baby would comfort Tracey.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Even before Dawn turned into the car park, Janey stiffened. ‘That car in the visitor’s bay. It’s him!’

  ‘The gall of the fellow!’

  ‘He’s not inside it. Where do you think he is?’

  ‘I’m about to find out. Let’s go up to your flat and check that out first. I’ll just write down his car number.’

  As Janey got out of the car, she caught a glimpse of someone standing round the side of the building. It was him. As he started walking towards her, she froze.

  ‘Can I help you carry the baby up, Janey?’ He smiled and reached out as if to open the back door and unfasten Millie from the baby seat.

  ‘No.’ Janey moved between him and the car, pushing him away.

  Dawn came running round to join her.

  ‘I can see them up,’ he told her, as calmly as if he was a friend.

  Janey found her voice. ‘No, you can’t. I don’t want you near me. Why won’t you leave me alone? I don’t want to see you ever again.’