The Attraction Equation (Love Undercover)

by Scott, Kadie

Max rolled his eyes. “Mom. I’m fine.”

  “You think you are, but you’re not.” She turned to Gina. “That’s why we’ve always wanted him to settle down, have someone around to take care of him, make him happy.”

  Okay, Gina was beginning to see why Max had lied to his family. They were warm and loving, and completely dense when it came to their second child. Max didn’t need fixing or grilling or teasing or worrying. He wasn’t the type to appreciate that.

  Max needed support, and maybe a dash of fun. He needed her…only he didn’t want her.

  “You work too hard, Max. All those hours.” His mother told him before turning back Gina. “And he hardly ever makes it home. I’m just so thrilled that he’s found you—”

  “Stop.” Max snapped the word so abruptly, even Gina jumped.

  The room went dead silent. Slowly, in a controlled manner despite his white-knuckled grip on the table, Max pushed his chair back and rose to his feet.

  “There is nothing wrong with how I live my life, and I’d appreciate it if everyone would stop using me as the butt of family jokes. Or trying to change me—”

  He broke off and shook his head, then turned to her. “I can’t make you do this anymore,” he said. “It’s not fair to you.”

  Before she could stop him, he looked back up at the group gathered around the table. “I’m not dating Gina.”

  His words dropped into a pool of cringe-worthy silence.

  Gina froze in her seat. She had no idea what to do, who to look at, so she continued to keep her gaze on her plate while her heart tried to leave her body behind and make a break for the door. She swallowed the traitorous organ back down and made it sit through this with her.

  His mother frowned, concern crinkling her eyes. “What do you mean?”

  “I lied to you at Thanksgiving when I told you I had a girlfriend.”

  A gasp moved through the group.

  Maybe I should leave. Too bad one of her stepdads hadn’t been a magician and used her in his act, otherwise she’d be disappearing in a puff of smoke right about now.

  “Why would you do that?” His father’s question was quiet, not angry exactly, more disappointed.

  Max didn’t back down, staring him straight in the eye. “Because I am sick and tired of being fixed up, talked about, stared at, and tinkered with. I wanted a break from all the matchmaking. If and when I start a relationship, which may be never, it will be on my time with a woman of my choosing.”

  Which meant not her. Gina forced back hot tears that stung the back of her eyes.

  “I blackmailed Gina—threatened to turn her into the Super about the dog—into pretending to be my girlfriend to get the rest of you off my back.”

  Gina debated crawling under the table and hiding as she became the cynosure of all eyes.

  “Now…” Max pulled Gina’s chair out for her and waited for her to stand. “If you’ll excuse us, I’ll be getting Gina back to her own family. She’s more than fulfilled her end of the bargain.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  Cold air raked in and out of Max’s lungs thanks to the chilly December day, but he accepted the pain as well as the burn in his legs as he attempted to run himself to death. Not surprisingly, the track where he usually met Drew to work out was deserted. Because it was Christmas Day and freezing outside, so most sane human beings were tucked warmly inside or celebrating the holiday with their families, or both.

  Max had zero desire to face his family right now. They’d called several times, but he’d let the phone go to voicemail. He wasn’t interested in a lecture about how he’d hurt their feelings, or Gina’s for that matter.

  He was already beating himself up enough as it was. He couldn’t get Gina’s eyes out of his mind—not sad or worried, just empty. As though she’d turned off her emotions and shut down all access he had to her as a person. She hadn’t spoken to him the whole drive, insisting they go back to their apartment instead of her parents’ house.

  The thing of it was, despite how pissed off he was at the world, when he went to bed last night, he’d missed her. And the damn dog. The ache of it settling in the region of his heart while he lay there, alone, trying to convince himself that alone was what he wanted. Dammit.

  His apartment had been too fucking quiet when his alarm had woken him at the normal time. But when he’d dressed, the sweater she’d bought him had hung in his closet, mocking his choices. So, he’d donned his running gear instead and headed to the FBI gym.

  Halfway around the track, a flash of movement caught Max’s eye and he grimaced. Company. Great. He hoped whoever had shown up wasn’t a chatter because he’d be piss poor company this fine, frosty morning.

  As he rounded the back bend and moved closer to the person standing still at the edge of the track, he realized the guy was Drew.

  Max pulled up sharply as he neared his friend and bent over, heaving oxygen in and out of his over-worked lungs, each puff crystalizing as it hit the air. “What the hell are you doing here on Christmas morning? Shouldn’t you be with Cassie at your mom’s place?”

  Drew lifted an eyebrow. “Cassie’s why I’m here.”

  Max paused at that, standing slowly. “Why? Is something wrong”

  “She figured some kind of blowup or breakup was imminent with you and Gina after I told her about our conversation at the bar. I’m on my way to join her, but when you didn’t answer my calls last night, I decided to swing by your place to see if she was right. On Christmas. Because I’m a damn good friend.” Drew crossed his arms. “Is Cassie right?”

  “I told my family the truth about our relationship, if that’s what you mean.” Max shrugged, trying to play it off like he hadn’t spent all night painfully awake and alone, something that’d never bothered him in the past.

  Drew looked Max over critically. “Seems like you and I have switched places. I believe this was the same place where you told me to get my head out of my ass when it came to my relationship with Cassie.”

  Max ran a hand through his hair, weary and suddenly unable to keep lying to himself for one second longer. “I blew it with her. Royally. And my family may never speak to me again.”

  Drew let loose a low whistle. “That bad, huh?”

  “Probably worse. I was a total ass.”

  “Let’s go get a coffee at that fancy place you like, and you can tell me about it. It’s too damn cold to stand out here and fix your love life.”

  Thirty minutes later, showered and dressed, Max sat across from Drew, a coffee in hand that wasn’t nearly as good as Larry’s. In as brief a way as possible, he outlined the details of the previous day.

  When he finished, Drew didn’t say anything, seemingly lost in thought.

  “Well?” Max prompted.

  Drew cocked his head. “Let me ask you this. Your argument against making Gina a more permanent part of your life is that no woman could deal with your control issues, and that she wants to try to change you, right?”

  Max jerked his head in a nod.

  “From what you’ve told me, I’d say she handles your issues pretty well. I mean, she decorated your apartment, but at least she asked first. And it sounds like she tried to make it fit your place.”

  Max shifted in his chair. “But she hated that I organized her things, and she wants me to wear a sweater.”

  “The sweater seemed like she did more for appearances for your family than to change you. And you would’ve been pissed if someone organized your things, too. Admit it.”

  The sinking sensation that had been gnawing at him since yesterday morning grew into a chunk of lead in his gut as he took a mental step back. “Maybe.”

  Had he read her wrong, and his issues weren’t part of her motivation? If anything, she’d tried to have his back last night when his family had been poking at him, despite her irritation with him. Despite his telling her he couldn’t give her more.

  The problem was, he wanted to give her more, but what if he broke her in the process? Gina’s b
eauty was in her color and her chaos. He’d hate himself if his rigidness stole that from her or ever made her feel less than the amazing person she was.

  So the question was…could they find a middle ground?

  All the changes in his life that he’d been blaming on her…it may have been extremely uncomfortable at times, but he kind of liked being pushed. He kind of liked her at his place, laughing with him over breakfast and the orange juice in the wrong glass. He kind of liked rolling around in the grass with that damn dog, even if he had to pay extra to get the grass stains removed at the dry cleaners. Drew, who’d silently watched Max’s internal battle, shrugged. “From where I’m sitting, I’d say Gina’s good for you.”

  Max expelled a deep breath. “You’re right. She is.” And he was a damn fool.

  “I’m sure you don’t want to hear it, but if you want the woman, there are things you can do to address what’s going on, not just with her, but with you.”

  Max mulled that over for a few moments. Maybe the answer wasn’t about either of them bending or breaking. Maybe the answer was simpler.

  Gina filled a hole inside him, one that had been empty for a long time. She brought laughter and spontaneity to a life that had none. On the flip side, he hoped he could bring stability to her life when she needed it, something no one had ever given her.

  Anticipation constricted his chest. Hell, yes. If there was a way to keep her, he had to try. If she would even talk to him, that was. Before he did anything, he needed to win Gina back.

  …

  Gina sat in the back of a cab, watching the overcast day and New York cityscape pass by her window in a blur, contentment handily out of her reach. For the first time in her life, she dreaded the holiday with her family.

  How was she going to play the happy older sister when she’d rather go lick her wounds in private? She’d indulged in a good, long cry last night, hence a large amount of makeup hiding her swollen eyes and red nose this morning. Time to suck it up and move on, right? Max had been part of her life less than a month.

  T-Bone lay curled up in a tiny black ball on the seat beside her, eager as always to be wherever his human was. Except she wasn’t his human. She was giving him to Mateo today. The dog gazed up at her with those sweet brown eyes looking as sad as she felt. She scooped him up and cuddled him to her chest, rubbing her face in his springy fur, suddenly reluctant to give him up, but she couldn’t keep him.

  She’d never resented her nomadic lifestyle, but some small part of her did now. It had cost her more than she realized. Maybe, if she didn’t live such a chaotic life, Max would—

  She closed her eyes and sucked in a breath. Forget Max. Just because she’d fallen in love with the guy…

  Gina slowly opened her eyes.

  Oh God, I do love Max.

  The realization came on both soft as a caress and hard like the man himself. She knew she’d wanted to try something real with him, but love? How had he snuck into her heart so quickly? It at least explained the hows and whys of the level of her upset now.

  With an impatient hand, she swiped at the tears that had escaped her eyes, running down her cheeks and into the corners of her mouth, leaving their salty taste behind. She wouldn’t cry, dammit. She’d be fine.

  Besides, it could never have worked. She would never be able to stop the flurry of activity that made up her world. Max would never be able to handle her as she was. Nor would she ask him to change, despite his pointed accusations yesterday. His iron control and need for order was as much a part of who he was as crazy careers and a rootless existence was part of hers.

  So, she’d give the dog to her brother and find a way to move on with her life, no matter how much it would suck.

  The gray skies outside mirrored her state of mind exactly. Blah.

  She only had six more days in Sabrina’s apartment. Surely she could avoid Max for that long. Then, when she moved out, she could focus on moving on. Hopefully she’d get that set design job and she could focus on her career, not her busted up love life that never had a chance to begin with.

  The cab turned onto her mother and stepdad’s street, so she gathered her purse and T-Bone, getting ready to exit. They pulled up in front of the brown-bricked series of homes—each with their wide bay window and stairs leading to the narrow sidewalk, each with the same iron door. With a deep breath, she opened the cab door and stepped out onto the walkway. The cabbie pulled her suitcase and the bag holding T-Bone’s stuff out of the trunk, along with her other gifts for her family. She handed him cash to cover the fare and a tip with a quiet, “Thank you.”

  She was in the middle of trying to gather a few more things in her arms to carry up the stairs with her when the cab pulled away.

  Across the street, the door to a familiar car opened, and the day froze around her, or perhaps everything inside her froze.

  Max stepped out. Wearing the sweater she’d given him.

  …

  Max drank in the sight of the woman in front of him with an eager gaze. His stomach clenched as he registered thick makeup doing a not-so-great job of covering obvious signs of crying. He’d done that do her. Made her hurt. Made her cry.

  At the same time as he hated seeing her red, swollen eyes, part of him hoped those tears were a sign that he meant more to her than just their arrangement. She’d implied she wanted more, but how much more? And did she still want it after his spectacular crash and burn yesterday?

  “What are you doing here?” she asked.

  Max winced. He hadn’t expected a welcoming smile or for her to run into his arms after the way he’d acted, but the cold distance in her voice hurt.

  Without a word, he turned back to the car and retrieved the tiny animal from the crate on the back seat. He cradled the six-week-old puppy in his arms as he turned back to Gina.

  Her eyes widened as she took in what he held. Slowly, Max approached her, crossing the street without even checking for oncoming traffic first.

  It was official. He’d lost his mind along with his heart.

  But what a way to go. Even splotchy and stiff, Gina was gorgeous. And kind. And heartwarming. And impulsive. And fun. He stopped directly in front of her.

  She frowned at the puppy before pulling her gaze up to meet his, and the frown deepened to a scowl as she pulled her shoulders back and tipped her chin up. “What do you want?”

  “You. And T-Bone.” As simple as that. The flowery speeches that he’d rehearsed all the way here escaped him in the face of the woman he loved more than he loved order and his schedule.

  Gina’s mouth dropped open, and he thought for a moment that she’d soften, but then she snapped it shut, her teeth clacking audibly. “I don’t know what that means.”

  “It means I’m in love with you.”

  She made a small sound, as though she’d held back a sob. He wanted to reach for her, but her stiff posture still screamed hands off.

  “It means I’m a colossal idiot, trying to stick to rules that worked with every woman except the one who matters most.”

  Gina’s mouth wobbled, but she clamped down on it.

  “I bought another puppy to give your brother. I want to keep T-Bone—he introduced us, after all. He’s the only one who knows us both.”

  Gina’s trembling lips tipped up at one corner at that. Max’s heart did a little back flip, taking it as a sign of progress.

  “I want T-Bone to be ours. Together.” Now the words started to spill out of him. “I want you to move in with me, preferably in a place that allows dogs so we don’t have to keep sneaking out with your super secret spy bag.”

  Gina’s eyes flew wide open, shock obvious in their dark depths and the gasp that puffed out of her. Too much too soon? Max ran a ragged hand through his hair. Too late to go back now, though.

  “I know it’s way early to ask you for a commitment like that, especially after the way I’ve acted. You just make me feel…spontaneous.”

  Unable to keep from touching her, he trailed a h
and down her cheek then slid it around to cup the back of her head. “I’ve never been spontaneous a day in my life. Not until I met you. I think my family was right, you’re good for me. And…”

  Max stuttered to a halt in his long speech. God, he was fucking this up. Gina was staring at him as though he needed to be locked up.

  “And?” she prompted.

  Please let that be a good sign. For a man who’d never had trouble with women, he couldn’t read her at all in this moment. He’d throw himself at her feet and beg if that got the answer he wanted.

  “And, maybe, if you’re by my side, I can do something about my…need for control.”

  “Your OCD?” she asked, calling a spade a spade.

  Max cringed. “Yeah. That.”

  …

  Gina’s heart tripped happily along in her chest. The thing had been trying hard to escape and fly right to Max from the second he’d stepped out of his car, but she’d held back. Even when he’d said he loved her, she held back, her doubts from earlier fresh in her mind.

  They could never work. He could never accept her chaos in his ordered life. Therefore, even as her heart had rejoiced, her brain had shut it down, and cracked it wide open in the process.

  But this was different. This was Max acknowledging he might have a problem, one that required help. Could she take the risk of being his? Risk even greater heartbreak if they made it months or years down the line before he realized he couldn’t live with her?

  “I love you, too, Max.” She had to tell him that much.

  His blue eyes lit with a familiar fire that had her body warming in response, but she stepped back as he stepped closer.

  “But I can’t be shut out like you shut out your family. They want to help you, and so do I.”

  “I know.”

  “Do you? It was never about changing you, you know that, right?”

  “I do. And I won’t shut you out. I need you too much—chaos, color, and all.”

  “I was wrong, too,” she admitted.

  Max held his breath, waiting for her to elaborate.

  “I should have made sure you wanted my help, first.”