In Finn's Heart (Fighting Connollys #3)

by Roxie Rivera

  "Do you like this?" she asked softly, curiously.

  "Yes." He curled his fingers into fists at his side. Her hand tightened around him and moved a little faster now. Languid and unrushed, she stroked him from the tip to the root. Her other hand fondled his balls. She palmed his heavy sac and used those elegant fingers of hers to drive him fucking insane.

  He was so excited that he was leaking pre-cum now. The drops slicked her fingers, and she started to concentrate on his head. Her fingers squeezed him tighter, and she stroked faster. The ruddy crown of his cock was screaming. A flush of excitement turned her face and breasts an alluring shade of pink. She licked her lips as she stroked him between her hands, both of them working him now.

  "Faster," he commanded. "Harder."

  She seemed surprised by his order. Always an obedient girl, she gave him exactly what he wanted. His heart thundered against his ribcage. His balls buzzed and pulled up tight against his body. Close, so close…

  That naughty little minx slipped a finger under his sac to rub the sensitive skin there. His eyes flashed open, and his gaze locked onto hers. She wore an impish smile that dared him to say no. Considering what he had just done to her, she seemed intent on showing him that turnabout was fair play. He hadn't ever let a woman go there, but fuck if he was about to stop Hadley.

  In the end, she didn't actually go all the way. She seemed content to tease him by rubbing that spot while jerking his cock. Sweat slicked and panting, he stared at her beautiful face, refusing to break eye contact even when the first spasm gripped him.

  Growling her name, he grunted and enjoyed wave after wave of pleasure that rocked him. She pushed his cock toward his chest. His cum spurted onto his belly and chest, missing her completely. He realized that she was actually saddened to not have his seed painting her skin when she leaned down and dragged her tongue over his belly and chest. She licked him clean and then dropped down beside him with a sigh and a smile.

  He rolled onto his side to stare at her. Cupping her face, he pushed hair behind her ear and played with her earlobe. They traded sensual, easy kisses until sleep made them both so drowsy they could hardly keep their eyes open. He helped her back into her shorts and shirt and reluctantly slid to the far edge of the bed. He wanted to hold her while she slept, but he didn’t trust himself not to yank free the electrodes during the night. He grasped her hand instead and held it until he felt her relax and heard her breaths change.

  Staring up at the ceiling in her bedroom, Finn smiled contentedly. There was no way around it. This wild, vivacious woman had ensnared him—and he hoped she never set him free.

  Chapter Nine

  "Are you sure you don't want me to call your parents?" Finn sat next to my bedside in the holding area of the cardiac cath lab and swept loose strands of my hair behind my ear. "There's still time for them to get here and be waiting for you when you come out."

  Starting to feel a bit drowsy from the sedative I had been administered, I shook my head. "No. It's better this way."

  Finn only nodded and kissed me lovingly. "If that's what you want, sugar."

  "That's what I want." Deep down inside, I really wanted my parents here, but I thought of Ally and refused to take anything away from her. I convinced myself that nothing would happen today anyway. Next week, I would get my surgery plan and then I would sit my family down and fill them in on the situation.

  "Miss Rivera?" The cath specialist strode into the cubicle where they had stationed me. "I'm Dr. Krishnamurthy. I'll be completing your catheterization today. I've studied your chart and your case so I understand this isn't your first time. Do you have any questions for me?"

  I shook my head. "I went over everything with the nurse-practitioner. I'm ready to get this show on the road."

  Dr. Krishnamurthy smiled at me. "As the lady commands…"

  Two nurses appeared from the other side of the curtain and began to move the monitoring equipment onto the gurney. Finn and I gazed at each other, both of us unwilling to be the first to glance away first. He leaned down and kissed me, his lips lingering against mine while his fingertips caressed my cheek. "I'll be waiting for you with Coby."

  Unable to speak as wild emotions raced through me, I could only nod. He didn't seem to mind. His lips touched my forehead and then he was gone, leaving me with the nurses and the doctor. They wheeled me out of the holding area, down a hall and into a procedure room where I transferred to a flat table. They rearranged my IV bag and attached the electrode wires, the blood pressure cuff tubes and the pulse oximeter lead to a different machine.

  It was all straight-forward from there. The medication they had given me to keep me relaxed made it hard for me to concentrate. I was glad for it when they bared my upper thigh and began to clean the spot where they would insert the catheter. After numbing the spot, Dr. Krishnamurthy gained access to my vein and began to thread the long, thin wire into my body. He gently fed the wire to my heart and took his time studying the organ that had caused me so much trouble. As he worked, he spoke softly and pleasantly as he detailed the procedure to me.

  I faded in and out, my fuzzy brain no longer caring that some doctor was feeding a tube through my veins like a plumber snaking a drain. I didn't stare at the screen in wonder and awe as the image of the interior chambers of my beating heart appeared. I hardly even noticed when my heart began to wobble strangely. Dr. Krishnamurthy and his team didn't bat an eyelash as they caught my arrhythmia. If anything, he sounded pleased to have it happening right then and there.

  Still drowsy and struggling to concentrate, I became aware of the cath lab team moving around the bed. There was a large bandage applied to my thigh and a weight taped on top to slow the bleeding. Dr. Krishnamurthy leaned over me and patted my hand, telling me I had done very well. The nurses transferred me back to the gurney and gave me strict orders to stay very still. Halfway down the hall to the recovery area, I was asleep.

  When I woke sometime later, I felt groggy and thirsty. The scrape of a chair drew my attention. Finn was on his feet in an instant and at my bedside. He eased onto the bed, our hips touching, and smoothed his hand down my face. "How are you feeling?"

  "Thirsty," I croaked.

  While Finn slowly inclined the head of the bed so I was sitting up, Coby appeared on the other side of the bed and poured a small amount of water from the pink pitcher into a matching plastic cup. She gently pressed it into my hands. "Here."

  The cool water soothed my sore throat and dry mouth. Bit by bit, I awakened completely. My leg freaking throbbed, and I had a headache from the medication and forced hunger because of the empty stomach rule. "When do I get to leave?"

  Finn glanced at his watch. "Three more hours. They wanted to keep you in observation until three. Apparently, you had another episode while they were working on you."

  "Yeah," I said glumly. "I think that's actually a good thing though. It means Dr. Rae will be able to see exactly what's happening when my heart goes all wobbly like that."

  As if summoned by the mere mention of her voice, Dr. Rae peeked her head around the curtain separating my cubicle from the rest of the recovery area. She smiled at me. "Hey, kiddo, how you feeling?"

  "Okay." I handed off my cup to Coby. "Were you in surgery this morning?"

  "Quadruple bypass," she said effortlessly. She came into the cubicle and grabbed my chart from the foot of the bed. She held out a hand to Finn. "I'm Dr. Hwa Rae."

  "Finn Connolly, ma'am."

  "Oh, ma'am!" Dr. Rae grinned at me. "I like this one."

  "So do I," I murmured happily.

  "I bet you do." She glanced through my chart. "So Dr. Krishnamurthy and I had a quick chat, and we think that ablation is out of the question. When I get his full report, I'll put together a list of options for our follow-up next week. If possible, I think it's best if we start thinking about early October surgery dates."

  "October?" That was less than a month away. Four weeks, and I would be clenching the rails of a gurney while th
ey wheeled me into a frightening and cold sterile room. Four weeks, and I would know the fresh hell of having my chest cracked open and wired back together again.

  Dr. Rae patted my foot. "It's better to fix something like this sooner rather than later. The longer we let the valve go, the more that right side of your heart has to work harder. The more dilated that right side gets…"

  "I know," I whispered, a tremor of fear quaking my belly.

  She gave my foot a squeeze. "Go home and get some rest. I'll see you next week."

  After Dr. Rae left, Finn took my hand and interlaced our fingers. "What happens if your heart dilates?"

  And there we were, standing at the moment I had never wanted to face with him. It was the moment when I knew he would pull away and retreat. It was the moment no one ever wanted to face with me. It was the moment when they all realized this was deadly serious.

  "There's only one to fix right side heart dilation."

  "And that is?" he asked earnestly.

  "A transplant," I answered clearly, my voice stronger and steadier than I ever would be.

  "A transplant," he echoed softly.

  Beside us, I could feel Coby trying to breathe as quietly as possible and not move. It was as if she wanted to fade into the background and disappear lest she intrude on the serious moment I was sharing with Finn. She knew my deepest fear. She knew that I was holding my breath and steeling myself for the inevitable rejection. No man on the planet was going to choose to put the effort into a building a life with a woman who might not even be there in ten years.

  Finn placed a hand on the bed and leaned over me. He blocked out the entire room until all I could focus on was his handsome face. He cupped my chin and trailed his thumb over my lower lip. For the briefest, most petrifying moment, I thought this was it. This was the moment when he would end it all with a sweet, tender and heartbreaking kiss.

  But he didn't.

  He stunned me.

  "I'll take care of you."

  A single tear dripped from my eye and glided down my cheek. He meant it. He spoke the words to me like an unbreakable vow. I'll take care of you.

  I said the only thing I could. I asked him to do exactly what he had promised. "Please."

  Take care of me.

  He sealed his promise with a kiss that made my toes tingle and my heart sing.

  * * *

  Later that night, Finn prowled the penthouse like a caged lion. Hadley had disappeared into her studio after dinner, but he didn't feel like watching her draw tonight. Any other time, he would have happily sat in a chair at her side and handed her the different colored pencils and markers she requested. Tonight, he was buzzing with energy and anxious.

  Watching them roll Hadley away had been hard for him, harder than he had imagined it would be. Dr. Rae's insistence that Hadley go under the knife in a month or so had punched him right in the gut. Surgery was safer than it had ever been in the history of mankind, but there was always a risk. Always.

  I can't lose her.

  He was afraid. He hadn't been this afraid in years. Not even the threat of the cartel and Nikolai Kalasnikov made his belly clench and his palms sweat like this. The thought of Hadley disappearing behind a set of double doors to never return made him sick. He rubbed the back of his neck and fought the urge to punch a hole in the nearest wall.

  It wasn't right. It wasn't fair. What the hell had Hadley ever done to deserve something like this? Hadn't she suffered enough? How many times was she going to be forced to endure the pain and trauma of surgery?

  "You can go, if you want."

  So lost in thoughts, Finn hadn't even heard Hadley come out of her studio and into the living room. She wore a loose white nightgown that reminded him of a summery dress. Judging by the light silhouetting her and making the fabric so sheer, she wasn't wearing anything underneath it. Last night, the thought of Hadley naked under a nightgown would have given him a hard-on to rival any other. He would have been tempted to push her up against the closest wall and duck his head under her dress to get a taste of her.

  But not tonight. Tonight, he wanted to sweep her up in his arms and hold her until sunrise. He wanted to bury his nose in her hair and caress her skin and never, ever let her go.

  "I don't want to leave. I want to stay here with you." Forever.

  "I don't need a babysitter, Finn. You don't owe me anything."

  Recognizing her defensiveness as a tactic she was using to deflect attention to the fear she felt, he shook his head. "You can stop that right now. It won't work on me." He gestured to his leg. "I've been there and done that."

  She rolled her eyes. "Oh, give me a break, Finn. Do you really think losing your leg comes anywhere close to what I'm going through?"

  From anyone else, the question would have pissed him off, but he let Hadley have her go at him. "No, not even close."

  His answer deflated her anger. Her shoulders slumped when she realized she wasn't going to get the fight she wanted and needed. Aching for her, he said, "Hadley, baby, it'll all work out in the end."

  Derision contorted her beautiful face. "That's a fairytale, Finn. You know it as well as I do. People die. That's life."

  "Not you," he stated without hesitation. "Not. You."

  "You don't know that. You can't know that." She bit her lower lip and stared at the wall. Seemingly lost in her memories, she finally said, "When I had my first valve replacement, I had been in the CVICU for about two days when the little girl in the room next to me coded. They didn't have time to pull the curtains to cover the windows between our rooms so I saw everything. I watched them jumping up and down on that kid's chest. I watched them shock her and push drugs and work like madmen to save her."

  Finn held his breath as the horror of the scene she had witnessed washed over him like a cold wave.

  Hadley roughly wiped at the tears running down her face. "She was four years old, and she died, Finn. She died. Right there in that room, without anyone she loved nearby because her mother had left her side for the first time in five days to shower and get a bite to eat at the Ronald McDonald house facilities in the hospital."

  She sniffled loudly. "And when she came back, and her baby was dead, she screamed, Finn. It was a sound I will never forget. Never. She started beating her chest and tearing out her hair."

  She pointed an accusing finger at him. "So don’t stand there and tell me it will all work out in the end."

  "Hadley," he walked toward her but she held up her hand.

  "Five percent, Finn. Those are the odds that I'll die in surgery."

  "Five percent is nothing," he shot back, his voice roughened with emotion.

  "I had less than a point-zero-one chance of being born with this defect in the first place. If I could win that lottery—"

  "Hush." He couldn't take it a moment longer. What she said was true. He had seen the unfairness of death on the battlefield too many times. He understood what she was saying and accepted the facts as they were, but that didn't mean he had to listen to them.

  Finn wrapped his arms around her and crushed her to his chest. He drove her backward toward the nearest flat surface—a demilune table artfully arranged with books and beach knickknacks. He cleared the table with one sweep of his hand and hoisted her onto it. She gasped at the cold sensation of the table touching her flesh, but he swallowed her protest with a deep, hard kiss. She clung to his shoulders, her short nails biting into him, and wrapped her thighs around his waist. She held onto him as if she feared he would disappear.

  Panting for air and trying to get a grip on the powerful emotions rocking his core, Finn clasped her face between both hands. "You listen to me, Hadley Rivera. I survived having my leg blown off and fought to get sober to find you. You." He kissed her again. "You're the one for me. The only one for me. God isn't cruel enough to take you away when I've only just found you."

  "Finn," she sobbed his name.

  With shaking fingers tangled in her hair, he tenderly claimed her mouth. Pee
ring into her gray eyes, he promised, "It's you and me, Hadley. It was always supposed to be you and me."

  He believed that with every fiber of his being. Everything he had survived and the obstacles she had triumphed had been put in the way to make sure they met. She was his perfect half, and he was hers. It was that simple to him.

  "I'm falling in love with you, Finn," she confessed tearfully. "I'm falling in love with you, and it scares me so much. I've never wanted anything more in my life."

  "Then fight for me," he urged. "Live for us." He gulped. "Because I'm falling in love with you, and I need you, Hadley."

  They embraced for a long time, both refusing to let go just yet. Eventually, she stopped crying. Finn soothed her with gentle kisses. The urge to make love to her was so strong, but she had to be careful about doing anything strenuous because the chance of bleeding was so high. Holding her while she slept was more than enough for him.

  After an exhausting day, Hadley quickly drifted off but his mind wouldn't stop racing. Feeling vulnerable and exposed, he found himself thinking about having a drink to take the edge off. The desire surprised him. The last time he had wanted a shot of bourbon had been the night he had killed the Ghost. Taking a life under military orders was one thing. Choosing to do it, even to protect his brother and the woman he loved, had rattled him.

  That bastard alcoholic voice that he managed to keep chained away and silent whispered into his ear. It reminded him of the full bar in the living room and the bottle of Pappy Van Winkle sitting there. His mouth watered as the temptation smacked him right in the face.

  No.

  The weakness he detested most in himself shamed Finn. Refusing to give in to the urge, he did the only thing that worked. He carefully got out of bed, pulled on his prosthesis, grabbed his phone, locked himself inside the powder room at the front of the penthouse and called his sponsor. It was late, but Paul answered on the fourth ring.