The President s Assassin

by Brian Haig

  Actually, I needed a new job. But I left and found Jennie in the snack bar, slathering jam onto something that looked like a breadish acorn when I approached her from behind and asked, “What’s that?”

  She did not turn around. “A scone. It’s an English breakfast treat.”

  “No kidding. Like an English doughnut?”

  “Spare me the bad doughnut jokes, please.” After a moment, she said, “You’re really not from the Agency, are you?”

  “Why?”

  “Well, you wear a suit that costs too much, you’re bright and cocky, so you’re three-quarters of the way there. But you’re not arrogant...or sneaky. I don’t think you’re even sly.”

  I studied the back of her head. “How long have you worked for George Meany?”

  “A few months.”

  “What happened to we’ll watch each other’s asses?”

  “Oh...that...” She began squeezing a tea bag into a cup. “Did you take the deal? I don’t recall hearing it.”

  “All right—it’s a deal.”

  She had left her blue jacket on the chair in the conference room and I could now observe that hers was indeed an ass worth watching. Also she had a wasplike waist, slender hips, and if I had to guess, a 38D cup, or maybe DD, although what’s in a letter? Of course, I was already seriously involved with a significant other. Sort of. But from a purely professional standpoint, I was reassured to observe that Agent Margold was not only brainy, she was in tip-top shape, she could probably chase down your average badass, and in an emergency I wouldn’t herniate doing the fireman’s carry. Also she smelled good, sort of lemony, so she probably practiced good hygiene. Clean bodies, clean minds. But maybe not.

  Anyway, she stirred her cup for a few seconds, avoiding conversation. Eventually she said, “Actually...George requested you this morning.”

  “Did he?”

  “He said you knew your way around.”

  “Is that all he said?”

  “He also mentioned he had worked a case with you before. He said you showed good instincts. That was it.”

  Was that it, or was George setting up Act Two so he could slip me the weenie? If so, where and how did Ms. Margold fit into that scheme? I grabbed a foam cup and pushed a lever that gushed coffee out of a big vat. I asked, “Did you know about the bounty?”

  “Nope. It’s interesting, though.”

  “You mean it’s interesting if it’s not on you.”

  “That’s exactly what I meant.” After a moment she asked, “Do you think the money’s behind it?”

  “I think it’s one possibility. We slap bounties on the heads of Aideed, bin Laden, and Saddam, and now somebody decides to turn the tables. Poetic retribution. Right?”

  We diddled with our coffee and tea.

  “It would be really remarkable,” she said.

  “It would be the ultimate screw-you. They announce that they intend to whack our President and they do it.”

  She finally said, “We have to be careful here. Lesson one at my classes at Quantico, I always stressed the dangers of reverse causality.”

  “Good point. But you don’t have to worry about that with me.”

  “No?”

  “I keep protection in my wallet.”

  She rolled her eyes. “I’m referring to the trap of circuitous logic. Bad things always come in threes...A woman has triplets, therefore the babies are bad.”

  “Sounds reasonable.”

  I think she was regretting she’d called me bright. But as if his ears were burning, George Meany suddenly materialized beside us and grabbed a foam cup. With a sideways glance at me, he mentioned, too nonchalantly, “Well, Drummond, I see we’ll be working together again.”

  “Small world.”

  “Isn’t it?”

  “Too small.”

  He ignored that and asked, “So what do you think?”

  “About you?”

  “About this.”

  I looked him in the eye and said, “I think, George, that you’ve got about forty-eight hours to get to the bottom of this or your career’s toast. You’ll go down as the Agent in Charge who failed to prevent a presidential assassination. What do you think?”

  He did not answer that loaded question; instead he changed the subject and asked, “Incidentally, how’s Janet? I hear you two have become an item.”

  “Great. She turned thirty last week. What a party we had. She got into her birthday suit, and I got into my birthday suit, and...” I looked at George and said, “Is this...well, an insensitive topic for you?”

  Apparently so, because he said, “Fuck off,” and walked away.

  Jennie stared at his back. “What was that about?”

  “Nothing.” Though in fact it was about a great deal. Prior to his reassignment to D.C., Meany was an agent in Boston, where he and the lovely Miss Morrow had worked together on several cases. Love and lust bloomed, they moved in together, got engaged, and then Georgie Boy screwed her to break a big case that got him glory, a promotion, and a career shift to D.C. As if that weren’t enough—both literally and figuratively—the guy tried to screw Janet again after her sister was murdered. But Janet was far too nice a person to tell George what an asshole he was.

  I’m not a nice person. Besides, somebody had to remind this putz that there is a price when you screw friends and lovers. Also, I was sure Georgie had something up his sleeve regarding yours truly, and I wanted to get in the first blow. Actually, George was slick and resourceful, and I might not get in a second shot. I said to Jennie, “We’d better get back.”

  “Yeah, we better.”

  While we were walking down the hallway she advised me, “Don’t antagonize George. A lot’s riding on his shoulders. He doesn’t need distractions.”

  “Probably not.”

  “This case is bigger than whatever there is between you two.”

  “You’re...well, thank you for pointing that out.”

  “You have to rise above personal issues. Think of the country. Get this under control.”

  “Exactly what I was thinking.”

  “Also George Meany’s a small-minded, vindictive prick. He’ll find a way to really hurt you.”

  Goodness.

  So we reentered the conference room. The players were all back in their seats, but apparently there’d been a little reshuffling, and Mrs. Hooper was now directly across from Mr. Meany, and Messrs. Halderman and Wardell now sat closest to Jennie and me. If poor Gene Halderman made another idiotic remark, he’d be sitting in the parking lot. I made a point to sit next to the exit.

  Mrs. Hooper kicked things off, saying, “Let me size up this problem for you. Seven months out from the general election, can you imagine a worse time to have this crisis? Do you all understand what I’m saying?”

  I think we were all wondering when Mrs. Hooper thought there was a good time, but we collectively nodded and tried our best to appear attentive and sensitive to her problem. We were civil servants getting our marching orders from our political masters. It’s always interesting and often informative to hear what the politicos are thinking.

  She continued, “The President’s schedule over the next four days includes a campaign sweep through the South. These are key battleground states. This is a neck-and-neck campaign. The election will turn on who wins there, and we cannot cancel or even reshuffle these appearances.” She added, as though the guy were an afterthought, “The Vice President has scheduled appearances, some of which we can cancel, some of which we cannot.”

  I said, “Did it occur to you that the assassins might know the President’s schedule? In fact,” I added, “maybe they started the killing this morning because they knew the President would be vulnerable for the next two days.”

  Mrs. Hooper stared at me a moment, then replied, “I don’t believe that’s an issue. Some events are publicized, but the details and security arrangements are strictly need-to-know.”

  I reminded her, “So was the security plan for Belknap�
�s house.”

  She did not appear to welcome or embrace this insight, but Wardell picked up on it and said, “The advice of the Secret Service is to bury the Vice President in cold storage till this thing blows over. Also, cancel all public appearances for the President over the next few days, or until this thing becomes clearer.”

  She replied coldly, “I told you that’s not in the cards.”

  “That’s an official recommendation, incidentally.”

  “You’re on record.”

  “I’ll follow up with a paper copy of our recommendation after the meeting.”

  “I’m sure you will.”

  Having gotten the pissy ass-covering out of the way, Wardell explained for all our benefits, “We can and will beef up the security details, but no way can we provide double coverage of everybody in the administration.”

  Mrs. Hooper thought about that grim warning a moment. “After this meeting’s over, I’ll give you the names of the people we want double-covered. Offhand, the President and Vice President, obviously, and certainly the Secretary of Defense.”

  It went without saying that Mrs. Hooper would also make the final scrub. But nobody was impolitic enough to mention that, including me.

  Wardell informed her, “Double coverage of the President and Vice President was initiated at 0730 this morning. We don’t do the SecDef, he has a CID detail. But I’ll be sure to pass the word.”

  Meany chose this moment to ask a good and timely question. He said, “If you double the coverage, Chuck, what are the odds?”

  “That depends. Our defenses and techniques are set up primarily to deter, hinder, and prevent the very type of single assassin Agent Margold described—nuts, weirdos, and ego-deprived idiots. There’s a strong historical basis...you know, Lincoln, Garfield, JFK, the attempts on Ford and Reagan...All those assassins were lone nutcases. So our agents study profiles of these people and we train them to react to the modus operandi of that kind of individual.”

  He looked around for a moment to be sure we all understood this significant point. “We’re dealing here with a highly trained team. Maybe two people...maybe a dozen. We can and will vary the President’s movement patterns and protection profiles...But if he’s out in the open, if he’s pressing flesh and smooching babies—”

  “If it’s a manpower issue,” Meany interrupted, “we’ll supplement your people with our agents.”

  “It is a manpower issue. But our agents operate as teams. Throw untrained people in the mix and it would cause problems.” He looked at George and emphasized, “The best thing you can do is find and eliminate the threat before it gets to that point.”

  Mr. Wardell was nobody’s fool—the ball had just been shoved into Meany’s court.

  But to further amplify that point, Wardell added, “We’ll handle the defense, you handle the offense. But let’s be perfectly clear—this game won’t be won on defense.”

  Mr. Wardell had now covered his beloved Service’s ass up, down, and sideways, and three Sundays from Monday.

  I waited for Meany to boot the ball into someone else’s court, but he stared at the wall, perhaps contemplating the effervescent career that once was his. Phyllis broke the somewhat strained silence and asked, “Back to Drummond’s query, Mrs. Hooper. How would you like this handled publicity-wise?”

  Instead of responding, Mrs. Hooper turned to Mr. Meany and asked, “How sure are you that this is about the bounty?”

  “We’re not sure of anything. The motive is unknown at this time. Even the note could be a ruse.”

  “For what?”

  “Belknap’s murder could have been about Belknap, period. He was the highly public CEO of a major Wall Street firm before he joined the administration, and he made enemies by the bushel. The Secret Service has a thick file of death threats against him. Right, Chuck?”

  “It’s true,” Wardell replied. “The Hawk was not a popular man.”

  George hypothesized, “The note could have been left to throw us off track.” He studied the tabletop a moment before he added, “We have to keep an open mind.”

  Mrs. Hooper thought she saw a straw here and immediately reached for it. “All right. Tell me about the other possibilities.”

  It suddenly struck me that George had been fishing for just this opportunity. He smiled at her and replied, “I’ll tell you what I think. If they were serious about killing the President, there wouldn’t be a warning.”

  This glimmer of hope brought Mr. Wardell forward in his seat. “Go on.”

  George said, “They’d be stupid to alert us. Their job becomes more difficult...more risky.”

  Mrs. Hooper asked, “Then what’s the point?”

  “The point?” Clearly George was enjoying his moment, showing his brilliance, dispersing profundities to the washed and unwashed. He looked at all our faces, then back at Mrs. Hooper. He said, “Footballers call it the trap play. We distract ourselves trying to protect the President, and they use the diversion to escape.”

  I had already considered George’s theory, and already discarded it. Threatening the President’s life was anything but a distraction; it was a magnet for the largest dragnet in history. But if George wanted to sound stupid, I wasn’t going to contradict him.

  Still, this was getting a little too open-ended for everybody’s comfort level, so Jennie chose this moment to explain, “My boss may be right. Or he may be wrong. Here’s what we do know—or at least can reasonably postulate at this stage. They’re American. At least, from the idiomatic expressions, whoever wrote the note is American. And they have professional-level abilities and equipment.”

  “Great,” said Mrs. Hooper. “I put out to the American people that some unknown group of professional assassins is hunting our President. Just great. Do any of you see where I have a problem with that? What do you think the public reaction’s going to be?”

  Indeed, we all saw her problem, and we all worked up appropriately pained expressions that were, of course, completely phony. That was her problem, and like all professional bureaucrats, we intended to keep our noses out of her in-box, and were sorely wishing she’d keep her nose out of ours.

  Our problem was getting a handle on this thing when clearly the bad guys had a head start, momentum, and presumably a plan. I had the feeling Jennie was right; the killers knew exactly what they were going to do and how. The scheme would unfold at their pace and tempo. Unless they made a stupid mistake or miscalculation, if the President stayed out in the public, there was a good chance we’d still be playing catch-up when the big caisson rolled down Pennsylvania Avenue.

  Anyway, the meeting dragged on, partly because clueless people tend to be talkative, and partly because George was enjoying the sound of his own voice. The decision was made to issue a public statement saying the White House Chief of Staff and his wife had been murdered and the circumstances and cause were under investigation, which at first blush appeared to be an attempted burglary gone askew. I must’ve missed something in this discussion, because it struck me that the only people who wouldn’t be misled by this silliness were the killers.

  Further, it was decided the task force would operate out of Ferguson Home Security Electronics, because it was centrally located and a secure facility; because it contained all the necessary communications and intelligence systems; and because nobody suggested a better place. Actually, Mr. Halderman helpfully volunteered the use of the newly constructed Homeland Security Information Analysis and Infrastructure Protection Office, and that drew a few chuckles. Nobody could even remember all the adjectives. It sucks being the new guy.

  But finally Meany appeared to recognize that we were wasting precious time, while the opposition was not. He informed us, “Agent Margold’s preliminary observations suggest a two-pronged approach. This was an inside job, so we will turn over every stone to find that leak. And we will look on the outside to find our perpetrators.”

  Right. This was sound and logical reasoning. Everybody nodded to acknowledge Geo
rge’s wisdom.

  He continued, “I suggest three major efforts.” He nodded in the direction of Charles and said, “Agent Wardell will be responsible for the cocoon of security around the administration.” He pointed at Jennie and announced, “Agent Margold will direct the team investigating the murders.” He smiled at me and said, “Drummond will head the team looking for any international connections...specifically, who put the bounty on our President’s head, and whether there are international ties.”

  I said, “I have a question.”

  He studied my face, suspecting I was going to say something nasty.

  Rather than disappoint George, I asked, “What are you going to do?”

  “Glad you asked, Drummond. I’ll oversee the overall operation. It’s my philosophy to power down—to put direct responsibility on my subordinates. It encourages initiative...and accountability.”

  This sounded like an excerpt from some New Age management text. But nobody missed the subtext here. In Washington jargon and practice, accountability means shit flows downhill. George was going to be sure everybody had a little skin in the game, and if the ship hit an iceberg, the captain of this good ship wasn’t going to be waving bon voyage from the forebridge to the crew in the life rafts. There would be no life rafts. If George had his way, there would be no survivors.

  I glanced at Jennie. She rolled her eyes.

  CHAPTER SIX

  THE SIGN ON THE FRONT DOOR OF FERGUSON HOME SECURITY ELECtronics declared, “Closed for inventory and product liquidation.”

  Yet the parking lot was already filled with official-looking cars and unmarked vans, and guys and gals wearing fretful expressions and blue and gray suits were parading in and out of the entrance.

  It struck me that the locals might find all this activity a little distracting, uncharacteristic perhaps, even mysterious. To belabor my aforementioned point, had they pursued my quirky yet ingenious suggestion to make this a VD clinic, the sign could read, “Incurable airborne gonorrhea discovered—enter at invitation only.” For sure this would explain the odd visitors with stricken faces, and nobody was going to be sniffing through the garbage or absently wandering into the building.