Ruined: A Contemporary Bad Boy Romance

by Lisa Lace

  I don’t mention that it’s almost all I think about when Max isn’t around. The way I want to go to his office and shut the door and have him in any number of positions. But that’s never been our problem. We communicate so well without words. By instinct, I think. Riley is right. I need to make Max aware of how I feel.

  “If you don’t buy this for yourself, I’m going to buy it,” Riley proclaims, holding up a lacey, see-through piece with silky edging. I’ve never seen the inside of this store that Riley seems well acquainted with.

  “Buy it. It’s not like we’ll be caught wearing it in the same place,” I joke.

  “You’re right,” she says, admiring herself from several different angles in the mirror. “But you should buy it, too. Give yourself some options for tonight and have some more pieces ready as options.”

  I look at the options with different styles in front of me. Red, pink, or black. The first two look tacky against my skin tone, so I throw the black into my shopping bag.

  “These too.” Riley dumps the other two colors in as well. “Options, Laura!”

  “But that red one is just two pieces of lace and some ribbon. I’m not even sure what I’m paying for!” I protest.

  “Less is more.” Riley smirks. “I vote that one for tonight. Black is too somber.”

  Riley drops me off at home and gives me a few pointers on how to put myself on display tonight. “Be available. He doesn’t need you playing hard to get now.”

  “I wasn’t playing hard to get in the first place!” I tell her while I gather my purchases.

  “Well doing nothing is the same as playing hard to get,” she insists. “Men can’t read our signals, so they need us to be obvious about our intentions.”

  “What are my intentions anyway?” I mutter when I see the scraps of lace spilling out of one of the bags. “I don’t think this says, ‘I want a long-term relationship with you,’” I tell her.

  “Maybe not, but for your ass-backward situation, it does. You two did everything in the wrong order—consider yourself already in a long-term relationship. You make the rules now. You determine what this means. You can woo him and show him how much you want him and exactly what he’ll be missing if you two end your little contract.” Riley flips her hair and looks in the mirror to adjust her lipstick.

  “Follow me,” she demands. We go down an aisle toward the back of the store, and she proceeds to toss items into the basket.

  “Wait, what is this stuff?”

  “You guys can experiment.”

  “With what?” I pick up one of the items, and it trembles in my hand. I shriek and drop it back into the cart. “I’m not using that!”

  “Well, not with that attitude,” she scolds me.

  “I don’t even know what it is!”

  “Relax, there are instructions, you prude. Here, look at the display.”

  I look over at the poster of a cartoonishly round butt with the product I picked up inserted into it. A look of ecstasy is on the woman’s face. “Are you kidding me?”

  “Don’t knock it ‘til you try it.” Riley comes around the corner with some clamps.

  “Have you?” I’m incredulous.

  “I plead the fifth. But I will say my new guy is a delicious blend of vanilla and spice if you know what I mean.”

  “Is this the same guy from a while ago? Since when did you start keeping secrets anyway?”

  “Since I decided to try not to let my big mouth ruin things this time. It’s called maturity. So, answer me. Are you into a little pain?” The jaws of the metal contraption in her hand open and close, and I cringe.

  “I don’t even want to know where that goes.”

  “Beauty of these is that you can use them or Max if he’s into it. He doesn’t strike me as the type, but I could be wrong.” She clamps one of the traps onto her nipple through her shirt and immediately takes it off. “Shit. I’ll stick with my man’s teeth instead. Jesus.”

  By the time we get to the counter, the basket is overflowing with so many tubes, and flavors and battery-operated things that I can’t look at the clerk in the eye.

  “At what point do we actually have sex?” I hiss in Riley’s ear. She’s deciding between strawberry and blueberry flavored lube.

  “Can I taste them before I buy one?” she asks the younger man sweetly.

  “Sorry, lady. You have to buy it first. We don’t have testers of anything.”

  “Huh. Okay, I’ll take both. Laura, you want one? I wonder how many calories are in them,” she mutters while she takes out her wallet.

  The clerk takes a moment to detangle the pieces of underwear, and I want to crawl under a rack when the door opens and some sleazy guys walk in. They look us over and smirk.

  “Is this all on one card?” The clerk is oblivious to my embarrassment.

  “Yes, here.” I push my card forward since Riley is having trouble finding hers. I just want to get out of here.

  “Aw, I wanted your first butt plug to be on me,” she coos teasingly. “I’ll have to get you your next one.”

  “Shut up,” I say through gritted teeth. Riley is loving this. We get out of the store minutes later, and I can finally breathe.

  “I’ll pay you back for my half tomorrow. I’ll be trying out the peach number tonight,” she says slyly. “But my message is entirely different. Mine says I want some serious action.”

  I watch her drive away and turn to climb the stairs to go into the house. I envy how open she can be with her boyfriends. She’s always able to articulate what she wants out of a relationship, and she leaves when her needs aren’t being met. I think this is why she isn’t able to relate to my inability to express my feelings to Max.

  I peer into the bags once I get inside. The housekeeper is bustling around the formal living room and greets me when she sees me. “Do you need help with your bags, Ms. Laura?” she calls out from behind a couch.

  “No, I’m okay,” I tell her. “Where is Bella?”

  “The piano teacher came late today, so she just started her lesson,” she says, wiping her brow. She’s already bustling towards me, despite my refusal.

  “You look flushed. Let me take those.” She grabs the bag, and it begins to shake. Oh fuck.

  She drops it immediately. “Oh! What’s in there? Did you get a toy for Bella?” Before I can stop her, she’s peeling open the bag. I die a little inside when the colorful cock ring comes into view.

  “Oh, my.”

  “Just toys for me, Helen.” I might as well own it. If Riley can do it without getting embarrassed, so can I.

  “Mr. B. is a lucky man,” Helen says, the corners of her mouth lifting slightly. “I’ll tuck these away in your closet for you.

  “Okay, I need to use the bathroom.” What I really need is a splash of cold water on my face. Even Helen knows about cock rings. Where the hell have I been this whole time? “Can you let me know when Bella’s done so I can give her dinner and get her ready for bed?”

  “Sure thing,” she says. I hear a smile in her voice and half turn back to see her making her way towards the gallery. When I first moved in, she was cordial enough. But as the weeks have gone by, she’s warmed up to me quite a bit. After this incident, I don’t know what to expect. It seems like she approves of the sex toys. That both comforts and concerns me. At any rate, she’s the only other person besides Max that Bella listens to. Without her help, I don’t know what we would do.

  Thirty minutes later, I’m standing in the bathroom, wearing the red lingerie and feeling more exposed than if I were simply naked. It’s definitely transparent, but it also adds an element of spice to it that being naked doesn’t do.

  Tying a robe around my waist, I wonder what to do while I wait. I fluff up my hair and decide to curl the ends so it’s bouncier. When I finish that, I touch up my makeup and stand back to admire my handiwork. I don’t look like I want to discuss work, that’s for damn sure. I don’t look like I work in the office, either. If Max can misinterpret this mes
sage, there’s no hope for him.

  As soon as I think of him, I hear his voice downstairs. It’s a low rumble that sends shivers of anticipation up my spine. I can’t wait to show him what I’m wearing, but I’m afraid I’ll lose my nerve as soon as he sees it. Follow your instinct. Right, that’s what I need to do, I remind myself sternly.

  “That’s exactly what I had in mind,” he says. I hear him getting closer to the room, and I freeze up. I see some flaws in my makeup and use a wipe to clean up the edges of my eyeliner and lipstick.

  “I miss you too,” Max says. He’s in the room now, but he doesn’t know I’m in the bathroom. I know he’s sitting on the loveseat and looking through the mail like he does when he comes home.

  Miss? Who is he missing, I wonder. I mentally sift through all the people that I know he’s close to, and can’t think of any female he would say that to, let alone a male. As far as I know, he’s not especially close to his mother so it can’t be her. I’m out of ideas.

  “Yes, I remember that.” He laughs. This time, I hear a woman’s tinkling laughter on the other end, and I’m on edge. So he’s talking to another woman whom he misses, apparently. I wonder if it’s his ex-wife but I discard the thought. It can’t be her. He has spoken about her in passing and only with bitterness. He wouldn’t be so relaxed if he were talking to her.

  “Okay, well I made reservations at that place you wanted to see when you came into town. I know how much you like sushi.” He sounds excited, and I feel tears stinging my eyes.

  He’s moved on, and I’m foolish for thinking this was possible. That thought makes me angry. He can’t discard me when he feels like it; we’re still under six months away from the date this contract terminates.

  “I’ll send you the address,” he tells her. He gives her the intersection where it is, and I make a mental note of it. If he’s going to have an affair, I need to see it with my own eyes to make my heart understand. I squeeze my eyes shut and will myself to keep the tears inside. Two drops spill out and roll down my cheeks. I have to wait for him to leave before I can come out of the bathroom. I don’t want him to see me like this.

  “Daddy!” I hear Bella coming into the room.

  “Hey, Bella!” I hear him end his conversation and promise to see the woman in an hour.

  He leads Bella out of the room to get her ready for bed, and I am grateful. I have a chance to compose myself before I have to face the inevitable. I have no right to feel betrayed; it’s not like we pledged to be with each other for the rest of our lives. I don’t think the contract spelled out monogamy within the marriage either. Although, I would think that marriage itself should be monogamous.

  I change out of the lingerie and discard the scraps on the floor. Putting my work clothes back on, I look at myself in the mirror again. I look like I’ve aged since I came into the bathroom, and remove some of my makeup to make myself look fresher. It works, but not as well as I’d like it to.

  Gathering up my purse, I order a ride to go to the sushi restaurant that Max is heading to and steel myself for what lies ahead. If he’s cheating on me, I can use it as an excuse to extract myself once and for all and move on with my life. I did it once, and I can do it again.

  Maxwell

  Arriving at the restaurant, I’m ushered to a private seat next to a large aquarium. The perks of being wealthy are that I never have to wait for a table or make reservations for good seating. But the downside is that every waiter thinks that a table for two always means a date. It gets awkward when it’s a male client or a platonic friend like it is today.

  I don’t see Rebecca yet, so I settle into my seat. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen her. We were fourteen and in Germany the last time we saw each other. Her father was often stationed at many of the same bases where my father was, and we remained close through much of our childhood as a result. I always told her she was the sister I never had, and she would pretend to be upset that it was my not-so-subtle way of telling her she had no chance with me. But I know she never lacked for suitors. She’s extremely attractive, with a personality to match. I can’t wait for Laura to meet her; I know they’ll get along well.

  Rebecca is in the fashion industry, although she operates on a different end than Laura does. While Laura does design and development, Rebecca handles the business end of things. When I told her about Laura a few weeks ago, she was excited to tell me that she’d be in town for a week and that she wanted to sit down to discuss some options Laura will have.

  I didn’t tell Rebecca about the arrangement that Laura and I have because I know she won’t approve. I’m starting to regret the limitations I put on the terms myself, so I don’t care to discuss all the ways I’m being a complete idiot.

  My hope is that Rebecca will see how talented Laura is and keep her in mind for future offers. I want to see Laura succeed in this area. She won’t be happy doing what she’s doing forever. Maybe if she sees that she can have what she’s looking for with me, she’ll stay. Right now, I think she has this idea in her head that she can’t fulfill her career goals while she’s with me. I want to prove to her otherwise.

  “You’re early!” I see a woman stalking toward me in four-inch heels and barely recognize her.

  “Becca!” I give her a hug, and she squeezes me back.

  “Marriage looks good on you.” She grins, brushing hair out of her face. “I’m glad you found someone else. Bella must be so happy. You should have brought them both. I want to meet them!”

  I forget that Becca still hasn’t seen Bella in person. “You’ll have to come by the house next time you’re in town.” I smile. “Bella’s a handful, but Laura is so good with her.”

  “That’s so important,” Becca gushes as she looks over the menu. “When they know how to love your kids, that’s when you know they’re ‘the one,’ you know?”

  I ask about her own marriage, and she tells me all about her husband. I can see the love in her eyes, and hear how her voice changes when she talks about him. I feel a pang of envy, and wish Laura felt this way about me. If I could go back and do it over again, I wouldn’t have made up a contract that made feelings and emotions void.

  Becca tells me about several contacts that she has, two of which I know Laura will be interested in. “If you can show them her portfolio, I know they’ll reach out to her on their own,” I tell her.

  “You got it,” Becca says flipping through the file. “I’m impressed already; she’s got a real eye for design. She knows her stuff. I love these silhouettes! And those patterns are amazing!”

  I’m proud of Laura and hope she won’t be upset by me interfering. It feels like we’ve been on different wavelengths since we got back from our trip. She isn’t as open with me, and it seems like she’s going through the motions in bed. The sex is still amazing, but I can tell she’s holding back.

  The waiter brings the check, and I pay it. We share one more glass of wine together and laugh about some of our childhood adventures before Becca has to go. “It was so, so good to see you. I’ll be back for a conference in two months, so I want to see you, Laura, Bella, and Sam! Tell him I’m mad that he couldn’t make it!”

  “I will.” I chuckle, standing to give her a quick hug. She kisses me on the cheek, and I peck her back on hers. She leaves, and I stay to finish my drink. I hear a waiter’s voice rising near the entrance, and I look up to see Laura walking toward me, a determined look on her face.

  “Laura!” I stand up in surprise.

  “You,” she breathes, “are cheating on me.”

  “What?” I ask in confusion. “What are you talking about?” I realize she must have seen Rebecca and misunderstood. In the back of my mind, I wonder how she knew where to find me, but I don’t dare ask. She looks furious, but she’s controlling her anger.

  “Sir, do you need me to escort her out?” The waiter looks concerned.

  “No, this is my wife,” I explain. I feel like an ass when the waiter gives me a knowing look and nod. I haven’t
done anything wrong, but now I get the impression that everyone is trying to look the other way at my supposed guilt.

  “Can I seat you, ma’am?” he asks quietly. Laura looks like she wants to refuse a seat, but the stares she’s received from other booths make her mutter her approval.

  Once she’s seated, I see her blinking back tears. “Laura,” I say, reaching for her hand.

  She draws it back and rests it in her lap. “I know what I saw,” she says biting her lip. “I heard you on the phone earlier, and I followed you to see if you were cheating, and now I know the truth.”

  “Laura,” I repeat firmly. “It’s not what you think at all. That was Rebecca, an old friend from childhood. I’m not cheating on you with her. I wanted you two to meet, but I thought you were busy because you told me you were going out with Riley when you were leaving the office.”

  She’s shaking her head, and I know she’s not hearing what I’m telling her. Now is not a good time to explain to her, because no matter what I say, she’s determined to believe otherwise.

  “I believe what my eyes showed me,” she says stubbornly. Tears fall down her eyes unbidden, now. I reach across the table to brush them away, but she is too quick for me. She stands up and tucks her hair behind her ear in a gesture I know is to cover up her swiping at her tears in the process. “I’m going home,” she says quietly. She opens her mouth to say more but turns and leaves abruptly.

  “Laura!” I don’t care that other patrons are staring at me. Most of the women are glaring, and the men look like they don’t want to be associated with me. The waiters are standing with their hands behind their backs and looking at the walls. I know this will be a topic of conversation in the back kitchen. I clench my fists and mutter a curse before throwing the tip on the table and going after her.

  I get outside but don’t see any sign of Laura. I don’t see her car on the street, and wonder if she parked in the parking garage. She isn’t more than seconds ahead of me, and she couldn’t have gone far in the heels she’s wearing. I pause in the middle of the sidewalk while people move around me. It’s dark out now, but I would recognize her figure anywhere.