Love? When had he started thinking like that? She had only been back in his life for a few days. For years of his life he had seen her every single day. Eaten meals with her. Gone on holiday with her. Why was this only happening now? Was it just because they were all grown up? Was it because she’d ditched the baggy clothes and raised her eyes from the floor? Was it because he was finally grown up enough to realise just how beautiful she was? Or because he was suddenly divorced and single again for the first time in years?
No, he knew that wasn’t it because that was all superficial bull, and if there was one thing that he knew for certain about these feelings that had been growing for Madeleine these last few days it was that they were anything but superficial.
It was that for the first time in his life he was in a room with Madeleine and felt completely her equal. Something that he had never felt when they were growing up. But he had built this business from nothing and he was proud of it. Hadn’t realised it was possible to feel prouder, actually, until she had said that she was proud too. And he had never felt so valued, so truly seen as he did standing here with her right now. She didn’t see the kid he’d been, as he so often thought that Jake did. She didn’t see the CEO he’d become, like everyone else in this building, the failed husband, the man who had lost his home and taken his business to the brink little more than a year ago. She saw the whole person. Everything he had been. Everything he had worked so hard to overcome and become. Everything he still wanted to achieve. No wonder things had been so intense between them. But that wasn’t love, or attraction. It wasn’t even friendship, he told himself. It was just knowing someone at two extreme moments in their life. He was almost sure that he could convince himself of that.
Hart burbled behind them and he crossed to the pushchair, his arm brushing against Madeleine’s as she followed him and picked up Bella.
‘Do you want me to take them somewhere so you can get some work done?’ she asked, and he felt the No in his gut before it made it to his lips.
‘Hang around for a bit,’ he said, hoping his voice sounded more level than he felt. He crossed to the double doors of the supply cupboard at the far end of the office and opened them, flicking on the light with his elbow. It was only when he heard the warm chuckle from behind him that he realised how strange it must look.
CHAPTER TEN
‘YOU KEEP THE babies in a cupboard?’
Madeleine laughed and took a step closer to investigate. The floor was covered with soft play mats, layered two or three deep over foam tiles locked together on the carpet. Fairy lights and gauzy fabric criss-crossed the walls and draped from the ceiling, and when Finn hit another switch, swirling stars were projected over the whole space and the notes of a nursery rhyme tinkled from a hidden speaker.
‘I know, I know,’ Finn said. ‘It’s not ideal. This place was already finished before we found out Caro was pregnant. It was the best I could do in the circumstances. In my defence, at least it’s a really big cupboard.’
But she was still smiling as she laid Bella onto one of the play mats—the baby reached straight for one of the squeaky toys and cooed as if she’d been reunited with a dear friend. Madeleine was willing to bet that the cupboard in Finn’s office was one of the baby girl’s favourite places—and really, who could blame her? Hart had started to reach out for his sister, so Finn put him down on the mat too. Madeleine took a step back to marvel at the cuteness of twin babies in a closet.
‘It’s a masterpiece,’ she told Finn honestly.
‘Baby sensory class in a cupboard. I should market it.’
‘You’d make a fortune. Another fortune,’ she corrected herself, glancing around his office and feeling again that strange mixture of pride and being utterly out of her depth that she’d felt when she’d first walked in here.
He had achieved so much. She’d bitten off her words earlier. Hadn’t wanted to turn the conversation back to herself, but the contrast in the direction their lives had taken had never been starker. He had achieved so much. She was homeless and jobless. Had zero prospects for her future. Well, until Finn had proposed some. Paying for her to go back to uni. It was ludicrous. And offered as, what? Some sort of payback for the generosity of her parents? Well, she couldn’t accept. Her parents’ generosity had nothing to do with her. If he felt some misguided sense of duty, then he could take it up with them or with Jake. She’d never given it a minute’s thought.
But she could take it. She let herself think about that for a second. She had no job. No ties. The offer of a generous benefactor. She could go back to university, finish her degree and stop wondering. Stop asking herself what might have been and actually go and do something about it.
If only it wasn’t Finn making the offer. If only it was some completely disinterested stranger offering her this money to go and follow her dream. Because... Finn. Her feelings for him were anything but disinterested. They were complicated, and growing more so by the day. If she were to take him up on his offer, what would that do to them? What would that do to these feelings that she didn’t quite know how to name but was finding increasingly difficult to ignore?
What if there was another way?
When she’d been stuck on the treadmill of rent arrears and copy deadlines, she’d never had a chance to draw breath and work out if there was a way that she could go back to studying. For years she’d hated the thought of having to come into contact with the professor again. But that excuse had died two years ago. He was gone, and she was still here. What if her dreams weren’t as dead as she’d thought they might be?
She brought her attention back to the babies on the play mat. This wasn’t something that had to be decided now, right away—going back to university or getting a new job. Whatever it was she was going to do next deserved more thought than the reflexive denial she’d just given Finn. She’d had to abandon her dream once already. If she was being given a second chance, she had to at least think about it, however uncomfortable that might make her feel.
‘I promise I’ll think about your offer,’ she said at last. ‘It’s incredibly generous. I’m sorry that I didn’t start by saying that.’
Finn gave her a long intense look that had the colour rising in her cheeks.
‘Take all the time you need.’
She blinked once, twice, then turned her attention back to the babies.
‘Right,’ she told Finn, her tone firm. ‘You are meant to be at your desk. I’m going to play with the kids here, but if we’re keeping you from working then I’m going to take them on a tour of the building. If we’re making too much noise, let me know and I’ll get out of your hair.’
The morning passed more quickly than Madeleine had known that time could. By the time that the babies had got bored of their play mat, Finn’s assistant had arranged someone to give her a tour of the building, and she’d not needed to do much more than step back and watch as the twins were passed from department to department. A hot cup of coffee had been pressed into her hands whenever they had been empty, and as she passed through the art department the guy with the checked shirt had finally got his cuddle with the babies.
By the time that she had changed two lots of nappies and made up two bottles, fed both babies, burped them and got them back in their pushchair, she realised that she was starving, and had no idea where she could get herself some lunch. She was just looking around for someone to ask when Finn’s assistant appeared behind her and let her know that lunch was ready in Finn’s office. Cool, problem solved.
When she arrived back on his floor with—somehow, miraculously—two sleeping babies, she was ready to eat her own body weight in cheese. Or, well, whatever culinary delights got sent up to the CEO’s office in a company like this.
It was a far cry from the grubby office that she had just been made redundant from. And it made her realise that all the years she had spent in that dingy office with those dingy people ha
d skewed her perception until she had lost sight of what the alternatives were. There were people in this building who loved their job. Who were excited and motivated to get to their desk in the morning. Who believed in what they were doing—believed themselves to be important. She’d taken the first job she’d been offered, convinced that without graduating she wouldn’t be able to get anything else. And then she had stayed for years as it had gradually eaten away her ambition and her passion. It was like a light being switched on, being here at Finn’s company. And he had offered her the way out.
Not a job that she hadn’t earned, but something more fundamental than that. He had given her the chance to go back and pick up where she had left off. To retrace her steps back to the moment that her life had taken a catastrophic swerve and try to correct its course.
She got to decide now, what she wanted from her life, how she was going to define herself, and it was Finn who was offering her that chance.
Why? Why did he care so much? Yes, there was that chemistry between them—so much more complicated and confusing than the desire that normally characterised her relationships. Men who wanted her for her body. Men she wanted for their shallowness, their inability to hurt her. What she had felt with Finn that night, when she had woken in the morning with her body wrapped around his, protected by his, that was a far cry from simple. It was anything but shallow.
She had been adamant that these feelings they were having were not welcome, and were certainly not going to be acted upon. But, even without that future, one that they both knew was impossible, she was in no doubt that Finn saw her. Not her body, but her. He’d recognised the passion, the yearning she felt for the career that she’d left behind. And more than just seeing, he’d talked to her about it. Given her chances and choices, if she wanted to take them.
She put her finger to her lips as she walked into the office, and Finn came to admire her top babysitting and the sleeping babies in the pushchair. Then he parked them just inside the door and gestured to the table where lunch had been laid out for them.
‘Fancy,’ she said with an impressed smile.
Finn shrugged. ‘Perk of being the boss. No such thing as a free lunch, though. Do you mind if I pick your brains about CVs before the interviews?’
Madeleine grabbed a plate and a stack of resumes and started reading, raising an eyebrow from time to time.
‘This is...impressive,’ she said as she read about languages spoken and subjects tutored. Cookery skills and forest school trips and school entry exams. ‘Though I think this is a little high-achieving for a couple of kids who aren’t yet crawling,’ she said with a shrug. ‘I mean, it’s great that she offers all this, but where’s the care for the kids’ emotional well-being? She hasn’t mentioned that once.’
She grabbed another CV from the pile and started to read. Then laid it on top of the first. With the third, she broke into a smile. ‘This one,’ she said simply. ‘Josie. The love she had for her last family totally shines through.’
* * *
Finn smiled. Josie had been top of his list too, and was lined up first for the interviews. Though why it should make him so happy that he and Madeleine agreed on this was anyone’s guess. Oh, for God’s sake, who was he trying to kid? He knew exactly why he was pleased that they saw eye to eye on this decision, and he knew exactly why he should be shutting down any thoughts that pointed in that dangerous direction.
‘Well, I guess we could give them all a fair shot,’ he said, glancing at the clock. ‘I’ll get this cleared away and have them send the first one through. Make sure you have coffee. These things can be gruelling.’
He was on his fourth cup of the day and it was doing nothing to keep his yawns at bay. The babies hadn’t given him any trouble the night before, but he had lain awake regardless, desperately trying not to remember how it had felt to wake up Sunday morning with Madeleine practically in his lap. Saturday night had been long, and thankless. But then, right at the end, a kind of perfect.
He shook his head. Perfect. Except it never could be with her. He’d proved with Caro that he couldn’t hold a marriage together. And failing again? Losing his home again? Compromising his business again? Never going to happen. He could feel the burn of bile in his throat at just the thought of it.
He couldn’t afford to fail. Couldn’t afford to lose any other part of the life that he’d built for himself. Everything up to this point had been about momentum. One success after another had changed his life beyond recognition. Losing Caro, his home—that had been his first failure and it had hit him hard. Hard enough to have learnt his lesson that he couldn’t have both a relationship and his life. There was no way that he was starting something with Madeleine just to prove to himself that it really wasn’t possible.
The stakes were too high to take that kind of risk. He had thought it bad enough when his marriage had broken down and he’d had to keep his life and his business on track. If he had let one more thing drop, he could have lost everything. If he had taken his eye off the ball once in the last year, when he was putting his life back together, it could all have been gone.
Now he had Bella and Hart to think about, the stakes were higher than they had ever been before. The dangers of failing were worse than ever. He wasn’t going to ever let them be in the situation he had faced as a child. And that meant protecting what he had now. Much as he had strong feelings for Madeleine, he couldn’t risk anything that would disrupt the careful equilibrium that he had managed to re-establish in the wake of his marriage failing. And if the only way to avoid that was to turn his back on this thing that was developing with Madeleine, then he’d do it, no matter how much it hurt, because the alternative was all too terrifying.
It would be easier, he supposed, if he could cut her out of his life completely. But he had promised Jake this favour. No. It wasn’t about what he had promised Jake; it was about supporting Madeleine because it was the right thing to do and because he wanted to. He just had to draw that line between friendly support and falling asleep with her in his arms. How hard could that be?
Josie arrived—the nanny candidate who had topped both his and Madeleine’s list—and he turned his attention to finding the best possible person to help care for his children. This was the way to keep his life on track—by concentrating on what his children needed, what would make their lives richer. If he could push his own desires into some tiny space in his mind and ignore them then he would be all the happier for it.
* * *
Madeleine kept one eye on Finn’s expression as he conducted the first of the interviews, and couldn’t put her finger on what was going on in that brain of his. She could sense him withdrawing from her, and if she hadn’t been so relieved that he was fighting this as hard as she was then she would have been hurt.
Maybe it was just the business setting, but any closeness that had been there on Saturday night was well and truly gone by the time that the first interview was over. The twins woke up just in time to have a play with Josie, and as she and Finn took them over to their sensory cupboard Madeleine leaned back in her seat and watched them together. The nanny was perfect, and Madeleine felt a little sorry for the other candidates who were going to have to try and follow her this afternoon.
They’re a perfect unit, Madeleine thought.
And this was what she would be leaving behind when she made a decision about what to do with her life. Finn was already making plans, and she needed to too. Tonight, she promised herself. Tonight she was going to sit down with her laptop and make a real plan.
‘Would you walk down with me, Madeleine?’ Josie asked, tucking her braids behind her ear, and Madeleine’s eyes widened with surprise. She’d asked Josie a couple of questions in the interview, but she had wanted to give Josie and Finn and the kids some time to get to know each other without a practical stranger there making things awkward. She lifted an eyebrow in question at Finn, who just smiled and ti
ckled Bella under the chin.
‘Fine with me,’ he said, smiling as Bella laughed.
Madeleine shrugged and Finn followed her and Josie to the door. ‘Thanks so much for coming in,’ he said with genuine warmth. ‘I’ll be in touch in a couple of days. If you have any questions in the meantime, just send them over.’
‘Great,’ Josie said with a final smile. ‘I’ll look forward to hearing from you then.’
‘So,’ Madeleine said as they crossed to the lift and waited, ‘was there something you wanted to ask?’
Josie hesitated until the lift arrived and, once she was inside, said, ‘I just wanted to ask how it is living with Finn? I’ve had some live-in jobs that were better than others, you know. Finn seems great and Hart and Bella are adorable. I just wanted to sound you out—woman to woman—if there’s anything else I should know about living with them.’
Ah, the penny dropped. Madeleine didn’t need to imagine the awkward situations a live-in nanny could face. Add a single dad into the situation and she should totally understand her asking the question.
She thought back to her first night at Finn’s, when she’d misunderstood his intentions. When he’d done everything in his power to make sure she knew that she was safe.
‘He’s honestly a great guy,’ she told Josie without a hint of hesitation. ‘I wouldn’t have any reservations telling you that you should totally take the job if he offers.’
Josie smiled and Madeleine saw her shoulders relax a fraction. ‘That’s such good news. I hope I’ll see you again,’ she said with a smile.
Madeleine waved her off and returned to the lifts feeling pensive. Well, looked like Josie had found her dream job. Finn had his domestic crisis sorted. She was the only one now who had to get her life in order.
Reunited by the Tycoon's Twins Page 10
