Unforeseen Heartbeat

by Maureen Mayer

  I slid into the front seat of Lola, ran my hands over the leather steering wheel, and breathed in deep. It smelled like him. I started to tear up, realizing just how much I missed him, and he’d only been gone for a few hours. Jesus, get a grip, Maddie! I wasn’t going to allow myself to become one of those neurotic, obsessive girlfriends who cried themselves to sleep at night because they had to go the whole weekend without seeing their boyfriend. I wasn’t that pathetic. And yet there I was, sobbing in the front seat of his car, wondering if he was even thinking about me.

  When I pulled into my parents’ driveway, I noticed Brett and Shayne were sitting on the front porch, and it appeared they were in the middle of a heated discussion. Brett looked up as I approached and shook his head, swearing under his breath before heading inside and slamming the door shut behind him. Nice to see you too, bro.

  “What’s the matter with him? Is my brother man-struating again?”

  Shayne stood, laughing at my remark, and pulled me in for a warm hug. “Nah, he’s just pissed off as usual. Nothing new.”

  “Anything I should know about?”

  He sat back down, resting his elbows on his knees, and diverted his gaze to the ground. When he looked back up, he gave me a sad smile and shook his head. “He’ll be fine. I think he just needs to blow off some steam before dinner.”

  I nodded and sat down beside him. “Thanks again for taking Hunter to the airport. I still feel horrible that I couldn’t see him before he left.”

  “To be honest, I think he was more worried about you than anything else. He almost made me turn the Jeep around about twenty times before he had finally settled on going. I swear Maddie, that guy is crazy about you.”

  I smiled as a pool of warmth spread through my chest. “I’m pretty crazy about him, too. I’m glad he didn’t change his mind about going, though. I know how much his family wants to see him.”

  “Well, if you need anything while he’s away, don’t hesitate to ask. You know Liberty and I are always here for you.” Sincerity seeped through his words and it only made me feel worse. God, I had been such a bitch to him, and he didn’t deserve one ounce of my animosity.

  “Thanks, Shayne. I know we haven’t always been on the best terms, but I just want you to know, that I’m happy Liberty has you in her life. You’re a good guy, and I’m sorry I ever doubted you. If I could take back what I did—”

  “Hey…” He sat forward and took my hands in his lap. “Stop blaming yourself for that. You did what you thought was best for you at the time. It took me a while to fully come to terms with everything, but you know what? You were right. I wasn’t ready to be a father. I was eighteen and reckless, sleeping with anyone rocking a nice pair of tits and a tight pussy. I didn’t care about anything else but getting laid, and quite frankly, had you actually come to me and told me you were pregnant, I probably would have denied the baby was even mine.”

  I drew in a sharp breath and tears quickly welled in my eyes, threatening to spill over. Shayne held my chin between his forefinger and thumb, fixing his gaze on me, and I could see the anguish and guilt that still plagued him to this very day. “I am so sorry, Maddie. I was an asshole. You deserved a lot better, and I won’t blame you if you never forgive me for the way that I treated you that night. I know we were both drunk, but it still shouldn’t have gone down like that.”

  I shook my head as the tears rolled down my cheeks like sheets of rain. “But you know you don’t need my forgiveness, Shayne. Y-you aren’t the one who k-killed our baby.” I broke down and he wrapped his arms around me, letting me cry into his shoulder as he gently rubbed soothing circles across my back. I felt his own tears trickle down my hair, and for first time, we mourned the loss of our child together. Our child. For so long, it had always been my child, but as I sat here with my emotions tearing through me like a jackhammer, it was almost a relief to finally share my pain with someone who understood what I was going through. He lost our baby, too. We had both lost a part of ourselves, something we had created together.

  “Shhh, I don’t want to hear any more of that. I don’t blame you anymore, Maddie. I don’t.” He brushed my hair away from my face, forcing me to look up at him. “I think what you really need to do is forgive yourself. I know it’s hard, and you might feel as though you haven’t earned it, but until you finally relinquish yourself of that guilt, you’ll never be able to move on. You’ll continue to carry around the burden of the choice you made.” Leaning in, he pressed his lips against my forehead, and I felt the tiny crack that had remained in my heart for the last four and half years begin to mend. He had every right to hate me for what I had taken away from him, and yet here he was comforting me. “Don’t let one decision dictate the rest of your life. You deserve to be happy.”

  I let his words sink in, and I knew in my heart that he was right, but forgiving myself was a battle I wasn’t ready to face yet. How could I, when I knew full well that if I had the ability to go back and change things, I would have kept our baby?

  I looked to my left, and Liberty was standing in the doorway, smiling at the two of us. “Everything okay out here?”

  “Yeah.” I wiped my eyes and patted Shayne on the knee. “We were just having a friendly chat.”

  “Well, you better hurry up, ‘cause your mom’s almost finished setting the food out on the table, and Brett looks like he’s about to go all Norman Bates on the turkey. I tried to explain that the bird was already dead, but he shot me a dirty look so I let it go.”

  I shook my head. That brother of mine, I swear… He was such a friggin’ drama queen when he got in his moods. “Just shove a piece of chocolate in his mouth. It’ll settle him down.”

  Liberty’s eyebrows shot up, her mouth forming an “O”. “I take it he’s man-struating again?”

  Shayne chuckled beside me and ushered me through the door. “I think y’all need to explain this whole man-struating thing to me, because apparently it hasn’t hit me yet.”

  Liberty and I both giggled. It was a term we had both come up with for Brett whenever he was in a piss poor mood, hating on anyone and everyone who crossed his path. Getting him to come out of his funk proved to be a major pain in the ass. Ironically enough, we discovered that chocolate seemed to do the trick. God, he could be such a woman sometimes… “Well, you see, Shayne, there comes a time in every man’s life—”

  I got cut off when the front door swung open, and my mother stood there with her hands on her hips, shooting me a hard-nosed glare… or at least her best attempt at one. Let’s face it, my mother was the furthest thing from mean; she was like Mother Teresa on steroids. “Madelyn Jeanne Harrington, why am I just finding out that you’re here? Now come over here and give your momma a hug before our dinner gets up and walks away.”

  I wrapped my arms around her waist and breathed in deep. She always smelled so good, like fresh baked bread and warm apple pie. “Is our dinner planning on reincarnating anytime soon, mom?”

  “With the look your brother is giving that damn turkey, I wouldn’t be surprised if it did.” I giggled against her shoulder and she pulled back, holding me at arm’s length to get a better look at me. “Maddie, I must say you are positively glowing. What have you been doing different lately? Are you eating healthier? Because I must say, it really shows. You look gorgeous, sweetie.”

  Me? Eating healthier? Now that was just laughable. If anything, I had been eating worse, and even found myself bringing home extra food from AJ’s after working the evening shifts. “As opposed to what mom? Are you implying that I don’t always look gorgeous?”

  “Oh hush, you know what I meant. You just look different, and much happier than the last time I saw you.” She called out that dinner was ready, and everyone went barreling into the dining room, but she pulled me aside before I could even get a peek at the feast spread out on the table. “Could it be because of a certain someone that your smile is beaming so bright? Is he taking good care of you? Everything’s in working order below the belt
? ” She wiggled her eyebrows at me suggestively, and all thoughts of her being Mother Teresa on steroids went straight out the window.

  “Ohmigod, mom!” A flood of heat rushed up my neck. I was mortified to be having this conversation with her.

  “Hmm, based on how red your face is right now, I’m going to assume the good Lord blessed him, and he knows how to use his God-given talents.” I cringed, burying my face in my hands. “Now Maddie, just because I’m your mother doesn’t mean I don’t know a thing or two about sex. I was young once too, you know.”

  “Please stop before this gets any more embarrassing.”

  “There’s nothing to be embarrassed about, sweetie. Sex is a natural part of life. I just want to make sure you two are being safe and that there aren’t any grandbabies in my near future. I’ll need a little warning ahead of time so that I can get started on turning your old bedroom into a nursery.”

  That was the second time in the past month that someone mentioned the idea of me having children. Was it just me, or was there something in the water that was giving everyone baby fever?

  “Yes, we’re being safe. No, there aren’t any grandbabies in your future, and I absolutely do not want to discuss this any further.”

  She gave me a warm smile and squeezed my hand. “All right, but if you ever need any advice, you know you can always come to me. I don’t recommend mentioning any of this to your father, though, because he’ll just go out and buy you a chastity belt and keep you locked up until you’re thirty.”

  Oh God, he wouldn’t!

  “Oh! I picked this up at the bookstore the other day. I thought your father and I could try something new, but it turns out I’m not as flexible as I used to be. I decided to take some yoga classes in the mean time to help loosen things up a bit. Maybe you could put this to good use with that new man of yours.” She winked and handed me a book that had been sitting on the coffee table in plain view for anyone to see. Just looking at the cover, where all you could see was the back of a man’s head and a woman’s feet resting on his shoulders, I knew I wasn’t going to like this; especially considering she had bought it for her and my dad. Ugh, I think I just threw up in my mouth.

  “Kama Sutra. Mom, really? It’s bad enough knowing y’all are still having sex, but this is straight up going to give me nightmares.”

  “Sweetie, don’t be such a prude. Your father and I need to spice things up every once in a while. It keeps our relationship fresh and invigorating. We’ve already worn ourselves out with role playing and using props, so I thought this might be a nice change of pace… or position for that matter.”

  “Oh, for the love of God…” I squeezed my eyes shut and rubbed the bridge of my nose to relieve the migraine I suddenly felt coming on. “I don’t know what concerns me more, the fact that y’all are pushing fifty and still screwing around like a pair of sex-crazed teenagers, or that you just called your own daughter prude. I think we need to end this conversation before I start imagining things I know will scar me for life.”

  My mother giggled… actually fucking giggled. “I’m sorry, sweetie. We just have a healthy appetite for one another. I mean, look at him.” We started making our way into the dining room, and I saw my father sitting at the head of the table. He looked up at my mother with the same dreamy, lovesick gaze that he’d given her for as long as I could remember, but now that I knew the meaning behind that look… I shuddered just thinking about it. “Can you blame me for wanting to jump his bones every chance I get?”

  “And thus concludes this lovely yet disturbing chat. Can we please go eat now?”

  She finally took the hint and smiled, kissing my cheek as she nonchalantly slipped the Kama Sutra book in my purse. I shook my head, but all I could do was laugh. My mother always had the best intentions, even if she didn’t go about it in the most conventional ways, but I loved her nonetheless. She took her seat at the other end of the table, and I pulled out a chair between Robbie and Brett. Robbie was running his mouth off about a new gay romance novel by Kindle Alexander that I knew Liberty had waiting for me on her Kindle, and both Shayne’s father and mine were listening in on the conversation with great interest. Brett, on the other hand, was still eyeing the turkey like it had a second death wish.

  “So the book is called Double Full?” Shayne’s father, Ken, leaned his elbows on the table with a smirk on his face, showing off the deep grooves of his dimples; he truly was an older version of his son.

  “Yeah, and let me tell you, Nicholas Sparks ain’t got shit on her. The love she portrayed between Colt and Jace was raw and real, and yet she still kept it sexy as all hell. Ugh, what I wouldn’t give to have a Colt of my— Oww!” Robbie shot Lance a dirty look while bending forward to rub his leg.

  “Sorry, babe, my foot must have slipped.” Lance grinned, shrugging it off.

  “You know, that title sounds like something out of one of those books my wife just picked up,” Dad chimed in, and Liberty spit out the sip of wine she had yet to swallow.

  Oh. My. God. He did not just say that in front of everyone. Luckily, my mother and I were the only ones who knew about the damn book that was currently burning a hole through my purse. I diverted my attention away from them and bumped my shoulder against Brett, who seemed completely unfazed by the current topic of choice being discussed by the rest of the men at our table.

  “Hey, is everything okay?” I whispered, and he blinked a few times, finally tearing his eyes away from that poor turkey. The corner of his mouth gradually turned up, but I could still see a mix of resentment and sadness behind his eyes.

  “For now.” He reached under the table and squeezed my knee. “Don’t worry about it, sis.”

  My brows pinched together. Well, that was translucently evasive. Why did I get the feeling that everyone was tiptoeing around me and avoiding telling me what was really going on; first Hunter, then Shayne, and now my brother, my own flesh and blood? I was never a fan of others keeping secrets, although I had been known to keep a fair share of my own, but it was a whole different story being both the focal point of that secret and the one left alone in the dark.

  Everyone around the table eventually quieted down, and after my father said a quick blessing, which was basically him telling everyone to shut the hell up and dig in, we began passing around the dishes. I loaded up my plate with turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce, and every form of potato under the sun. It all looked so good, but unfortunately not one bite ever made it past my lips. Just looking at the food piled in front of me made my stomach churn, and my hand instantly flew up, covering my mouth. Thankfully, I made it to the bathroom just in time.

  My head was leaning halfway into the toilet, and Robbie was there, holding my hair back, not even bothered by my vomiting. He was too good to me.

  “Better?”

  “Ughh,” I groaned, lying back against the cool, tiled floor. “That came out of nowhere.”

  Robbie grabbed a washcloth and ran it under the faucet, wringing it out before he wiped my face down. “How long have you known?”

  “About the food poisoning? I only just got sick this morning, so…” I trailed off and shrugged.

  “You know that’s not what I meant, baby girl.” He cupped my chin and dabbed at the corners of my mouth, giving me a look that said you’re not fooling anyone. “How. Long. Have. You. Known?”

  “Robbie, this isn’t me coming out of the closet, so if you’re implying that you think I’m a lesbian, I can tell you right now that your gay-dar is way off on this one…”

  “Dammit, Maddie, quit playing games!” Robbie shouted through gritted teeth, and I winced at his tone. “How long have you known about the baby?”

  “Baby?” My eyes grew wide. “What baby? Who said anything about a baby?” Seriously, what has everyone been smoking lately?

  “Oh, come on, you’ve been exhibiting signs for at least a week or two now. I’m surprised no one else has picked up on it yet.”

  “Look, I don’t know where you cam
e up with this wacked-out idea that there’s a bun in the oven, but I’m telling you right now that there isn’t. I’ve been on birth control since I was sixteen. The odds of me getting pregnant are slim to none.” I shook my head in disbelief. “And what signs are you going on about? Up until this morning, I’ve been perfectly fine.”

  “Well, for starters, you’ve been eating like a freakin’ bottomless pit lately. The other day, when we met up for lunch, you ate four damn tacos. Four! And while I was driving behind you on the way home, you stopped at the drive-thru at McDonald’s. I don’t know where you put it all, girl, but I’ve never seen anyone eat like you.”

  “So, I was a little bit hungrier than usual that day. Big deal.” I waved my hand dismissively.

  “And your skin,” he said as he brushed his thumb across my cheek. “Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed how immaculate your skin looks. When I say it’s glowing, I’m not exaggerating. It. Is. Glowing.”

  “Again. That doesn’t mean I’m pregnant.” I sat up, leaning against the wall with my arms wrapped around my legs.

  “The nausea?”

  “Ughh, for the millionth time, it was food poisoning!” My head fell back, hitting the wall with a slight thump.

  Robbie stood with his hands on his hips, staring at nothing in particular until a light bulb apparently went off, and his eyes darted back down to me. “Ohhh shit.”

  My posture perked up as I gave him a sidelong glance. “What?”

  “Okay, now don’t freak out on me when I ask you this, but…” He chewed on his bottom lip nervously. “When was the last time you got your birth control shot?”