Unforeseen Heartbeat

by Maureen Mayer

  “Why don’t we wait and talk after we’re finished.” He reached across the table for my hand and gently rubbed the center of my palm in slow, steady circles. There was sadness in his eyes mixed with a hint of desperation as he clutched my hand. “I haven’t held my girl in days, and all I want to do right now is lie in bed with you wrapped up in my arms.”

  How could I say no to that?

  Hunter watched me intently as I savored the last juicy bite of beef tenderloin, and the second my fork hit the plate, he was clearing the dishes from the table. Once the leftovers had been put away, he came back to where I was sitting and waiting patiently for him with my bottom lip pulled between my teeth in a way that I knew drove him crazy. He brushed his thumb across my lip, tugging it free. “You know that just makes me want to bite your lip even more.”

  Yes, I was quite aware of the effect I had on him, and hearing the lust and desire dripping from his words had my libido skyrocketing and demanding that he take me right here on the dining room table.

  He took both of my hands in his and led me down the hallway to the bedroom, kicking the door shut behind us. Darkness descended upon the room with only the light of the setting sun filtering in through the window, but that was all I needed to see Hunter’s breathtaking smile shining back at me. He pulled me down on the bed, laying on his side so that we were facing one another, and slinked his arm around my waist, closing the gap between us. It finally hit me just how much I missed being wrapped up in his arms, and we had only been apart for three days. But in his arms was where I felt most at home. Hunter was my home.

  “I didn’t realize how hard this was going to be.” His voice cracked, and he dipped his chin down, shaking his head. I cupped his cheeks, drawing his face closer to mine so that I could look into his eyes, but I wasn’t expecting to see a glassy sheen encompassing those beautiful gray orbs. My heart began to crack as he reached up to pluck my hands from his face. Jesus, what the hell happened in those few days that he was gone?

  “Hunter, what’s going on? I know this was the first time we’ve been apart since we made things official, and I missed you too, but you’re here now. I’m here. Everything is fine.” He wouldn’t even look at me. Why wouldn’t he look at me?

  “I guess now is probably a good time to fill you in on the rest of my trip.” He sat up with his back against the headboard and let out a heavy sigh.

  “Okay,” I whispered, waiting expectantly for what he needed to tell me.

  “All right, well… shit. I don’t even know where to start.”

  I took both of his hands in my lap and gave them a gentle squeeze, hopefully giving him the confidence to get what he needed to say out. “How about from the beginning?”

  He nodded and pulled our joined hands up to his mouth, brushing his lips across my knuckles. “I did go home to visit with my family, but that wasn’t the only reason I went. I… had an interview.”

  “That’s great! What was the interview for?”

  “My commanding officer and advisor presented me with an opportunity that will give me both ROTC and Pre-Med credits. I’ve earned enough credits that I can afford to take the spring semester off, so instead I’d be interning at the Army Medical Department in Fort Sam Houston, which would be freakin’ amazing for just the experience alone. Plus, it’ll look great on my transcripts and résumé.”

  “Oh, baby, that’s wonderful! Do you know if you got the internship yet?”

  Hunter lowered his voice and gave me a weak smile. “I did.”

  I threw myself at him, wrapping my arms around his neck, and showered his face with kisses. “Oh my gosh, I’m so proud of you! That’s—”

  “Maddie… it’s in Texas.”

  “Oh…” I shrugged and had to force a smile, knowing that he would be gone even longer this time around. “Okay, so how long will you be gone? A few weeks?”

  “For the entire semester,” he deadpanned.

  I released his hands and sank back against the pillow. “Well, shit.” An entire semester. That would be five months; five whole months without seeing his handsome smile, feeling his warm touch, or hearing his beautiful, soothing voice. Five months without him. My excitement over his internship quickly faded after hearing that.

  “I’m not gonna lie… it’ll suck not seeing you for that long. I’ve never been a fan of the whole ‘long distance’ thing, but I know we’ll make it work.” I caressed his cheek with the back of my hand and smiled. “So how long have you known about the internship?”

  Hunter bowed his head down in shame as if he knew I wouldn’t like his answer. “Two months.”

  Both my hands and my jaw plummeted to the bed. “Two— Two months?! And you never thought to ever bring it up to me? Were you ever going to tell me?”

  “Maddie, I didn’t want it to ruin what we had. If you’d known I was leaving, you never would have given this… us… a chance. But…” Hunter shook his head and ran his hands down his face, rubbing vigorously at the stubble along his jaw. “Now I’m realizing I never should have let things go as far as they did.”

  “Wh-what?” I felt as though someone had just sucker-punched me in the gut, hearing him say those words. “What do you mean, not let things go that far? Are you saying—”

  “I think we should take a break while I’m gone.” He climbed off of the bed and started pacing around the room with his hands buried deep in his hair. “It’ll give you time to think about what you really want. We rushed into this relationship so quickly, and I never gave you a chance to decide if it was what you were really looking for… if I was what you were looking for. You even said yourself that you’d never had a boyfriend. With me being your first, how can you be sure that I’m the one? I need you to be sure, Madelyn.”

  “Are you seriously questioning my feelings for you? Now?” I stood up and got in his face, backing him up until he hit the wall. “Fine. You want to know how I’m so sure you’re the one? Because I love you, that’s why! Because you’re the reason I’m able to get up in the morning. My reason for wanting to live to see another day. My reason for breathing. Fuck, you’re the reason I didn’t completely fall apart after what Tucker almost did to me! I might seem like I have a tough exterior, but on the inside, I’m barely keeping it together, and what Tucker did pushed me past my breaking point. I was broken long before I met you, and I never thought anyone would be able to mend those broken pieces back together, but you did. You saved me. And I will always love you for that. Always.”

  Hunter locked his gaze on me, and I could see the tears in his eyes glistening and ready to spill over. “Baby, I am so sorry.”

  “Don’t. Don’t fucking call me that. I am not your baby.” My hand flew over my stomach. And as far as I was concerned, neither was this one.

  “Maddie, I’m not doing this to hurt you. Please don’t ever think that. You know I love you.”

  “Love?” I let out a sardonic laugh as I tried to hold back my own tears. “You have a funny fucking way of showing it. If you really loved us as much as you say you do, you wouldn’t be standing there shattering my heart into a million pieces as we speak.” I bit the inside of my cheek, praying he hadn’t caught me slipping up when I said “us”. There was no way I could break the news to him about the baby now. We were a packaged deal, and if he didn’t want me then he wasn’t getting any of me… and that included the baby I was carrying inside of me.

  “Just go.” I bowed my head, the salty droplets finally pouring down my face.

  “Maddie, please.” He grabbed my shoulders and pulled me into his chest, softly stroking my hair as my tears soaked through his shirt. “I just want to give you time to reflect on what you want and what’s best for you.”

  “You, Hunter. You are what I want. You are what’s best for me. Just you. I don’t need time to think that over. I. Love. You. Why can’t you see that?”

  “I can see that, but—” He cradled my face, but I pulled away when I could see the truth in his eyes.

  “
But it’s not enough is it? I was n-never enough,” I choked out.

  “Maddie, that’s not it. I’m doing this for you, not for me.”

  I shook my head back and forth, squeezing my eyes shut. “Please, just go.”

  “But—”

  “Go!” I collapsed on the bed and buried my face in the pillow, sobbing. Even after having moved all of my possessions into his apartment, he still never considered me a part of his home; a part of his life. None of this was ever real. It was all just a ruse to make me feel safe while Tucker was wreaking havoc on my life, and in the midst of all that, I did the one thing I never thought I would ever do… I fell in love with him. And fuck, did I fall hard. But none of that mattered knowing it was all a lie and that he never truly reciprocated those feelings.

  For the first time in my life, I trusted someone fully and completely with my heart, and in return, he not only crushed mine but his unborn child’s heart as well.

  “Maddie, I’m… I’m sorry,” he whispered before shutting the door. I heard a second door slam, and I knew that he had left the apartment.

  God, this hurt so much worse than I thought it would. The pain tore through my body in heavy sobs, shaking my tiny frame straight down to the bones. I curled up in the fetal position, pulled my knees into my chest, and lay there wallowing in my misery for what felt like hours, but the tears were relentless. They rained down onto the pillows, absorbing my pain, my anger, and whatever was left of my mangled heart that once only beat for him.

  As the violent tremors coursing through me finally diminished, I felt the bed dip next to me, and the scent of cedar instantly awakened my senses. “Hunter?”

  “Shhh, come here.” He snaked his arms around my waist and pulled me into his chest. His shirt was cold and wet, as if he had just gotten caught in the rain, and I clung to it for dear life, afraid to ever let him go. “Please don’t cry, baby.” He chastely kissed my lips and rested his forehead against mine. “It kills me to see you like this. You have to believe that I would never purposely do anything to hurt you. I promised you I would never hurt you.”

  I reached up to wipe away the evidence of the hurt he had caused me, but he leaned forward and softly brushed his lips over every inch of my face, paying extra attention to the delicate, swollen skin surrounding my eyes. “Then why does it feel like I’m dying inside?” I stared back at him through blurry, red-rimmed eyes. “Hunter, only once in my life have I ever felt a pain so deep that I never thought my heart could be put back together again, but you… you managed to destroy the last remaining piece, and I will never forgive you for that.”

  He winced, stung by the bitterness behind my words, and buried his face in my shoulder. His body gently shook against me, rocking me closer to him, and I couldn’t help but wrap myself around his wide shoulders, comforting him as he silently cried in my arms. He didn’t deserve it, but it killed me just as much to see him like this. Hunter was always so strong and level-headed, and for him to show any sign of weakness or vulnerability was almost too much for me to bear.

  His mouth dipped down to the crook of my neck where my pulse was running rampant, and I threaded my fingers through his hair, pulling him back as he licked his tear-stained lips. Even with remorse brimming in his eyes and pain ripping through my chest, I still loved this man. He was my everything and whether he was right here with me or thousands of miles away, I would always love him.

  I cautiously lowered my mouth over his and traced my tongue along his bottom lip, lapping at the tears that were left behind and mixing them with my own. I didn’t want this right now, but I needed him. I needed him more than the air I breathed, and if this was my last chance to be with him, then I was going to make sure it was a night we’d never forget.

  I rolled onto my back with Hunter hovering above me, and he placed his hand over my abdomen, slowly lifting my shirt just enough that it still covered my breasts. He caressed the skin across my belly and bent down, allowing his warm breath to cascade over me. He kissed my stomach just below my navel, and more tears came crashing down from his pain-stricken eyes and splashed against my bare skin. I nearly burst into tears at the thought of him being totally unaware of what I was carrying inside me.

  “Are you sure this is okay?”

  Too choked up to produce any words, all I could do was nod, granting him permission to take me for what might be our very last time together.

  I stretched my arms above my head, and Hunter helped me pull my shirt off with one hand while unhooking my bra with the other. He took his time peeling the straps down my arms before discarding it to the floor. Next came my jeans, and my panties, dampened with my arousal, were quick to follow. He gazed down at my naked body, his chest descending in heavy pants as if the sight before him literally took his breath away.

  “Please, Hunter. I need you,” I cried, reaching down and tugging at the hem of his shirt.

  His eyes fell, and he cursed under his breath as he pulled his shirt off the rest of the way and tossed his jeans and boxer briefs across the room. We both knew it was wrong to even be thinking about sex at a time like this, but our emotions were shot to hell, and all inhibitions went straight out the window the moment he decided to break my heart.

  “You have me, baby. No matter what, you will always have a part of me.”

  I cried out as he slowly entered me, and he managed to break my heart all over again. He was right. I would always have a part of him. And it would forever tear me apart to see him staring back at me through the eyes of our child.

  Hunter’s movements went unrushed as he slowly rocked his length into me, focusing on the pleasure since we had both shared enough pain to last us a lifetime. His eyes were locked onto mine, and we watched as tears streamed down our faces unapologetically. I knew he loved me. God, I knew he did, and I couldn’t understand why he was fighting this. Why he would throw everything away when I was here fighting to keep our love alive and strong.

  He slinked his arm around my waist and pulled us both up so that he was sitting back on his haunches and my legs were encircling his hips. I took the reins, slowly sliding up and down his aching shaft until he filled me to the hilt; filled me with everything he had to give. My back arched as his name burst through my chest and past my lips, and I came around him, hard and fast, unable to keep the slow and steady pace he had started. Hunter thrust into me twice more as I lay limp in his arms, and he spilled himself into me, grunting out his release.

  We sat there pressed close to one another, sharing soft, tender kisses as we avoided the inevitable. I gazed into his bloodshot eyes, and it was as if time had slowed, pausing just for the two of us, so that I could capture the moment and instill it my memory forever. Once he began to soften inside me, we finally broke the connection. I looked up at him as he pulled his boxer briefs back on, and his eyes were still teeming with tears.

  “Hunter, I love you. With every fiber of my being, I love you. Please. Don’t do this.”

  Making his way over to the side of the bed, he gently brushed my hair behind my ear and bent forward to kiss my forehead. He took one last look at me, his lips trembling as he tried to pass off a smile, and turned to grab the rest of his clothes strewn about the room. Hunter stepped out of the bedroom without another passing glance, and the sound of the door clicking behind him resonated through my head with agonizing finality. I waited up for him, praying for him to return and tell me that it was all a terrible mistake, but he never came back to bed that night.

  I then realized that it was his way of saying goodbye.

  I cried until exhaustion finally took its toll on me, and when I awoke the next morning, Hunter’s side of the bed still remained cold and empty. When I padded out of the bedroom, I had hoped to find him asleep on the couch, but the apartment was dead quiet, and he was nowhere to be found.

  My voice was hoarse as I called Liberty and Robbie, begging them to come over and help me pack my things before he got back. The second I opened the door and Liberty took in my fr
azzled state, I crumbled into her arms and a fresh set of tears ensued.

  “Maddie, shhh, you need to calm down. I can’t understand a word you’re saying. Take a deep breath and tell me what happened.”

  “He… he left m-me.”

  Liberty looked at Robbie standing behind me and shook her head. “Sweetie, what do you mean he left you? This is his apartment. He can’t just up and leave you like that.”

  “He hasn’t p-physically left me yet, but he’s already called it q-quits on our relationship.” I sucked in a deep breath, trying to compose myself while Robbie crouched down beside me. “He’s going to Texas for an internship next semester, and he wanted to break things off before he left. He doesn’t want me anymore! W-why doesn’t he want me?”

  I leaned against Robbie, and he rubbed his hand up and down my back. “Baby girl, I find it hard to believe that that man doesn’t want you anymore. He worships the fucking ground you walk on. Now what exactly did he say that gave you that impression?”

  “He… he said that we rushed into things, and he never gave me a chance to decide if a relationship with him was what I was really looking for. That since I’d never had a boyfriend before, I couldn’t be sure he was the one. But he is! I know he is! I’ve never questioned my feelings for him, so I don’t understand why he is questioning his for me.”

  “Wow.” Liberty shared the same dumbstruck look that was plastered across Robbie’s face. “I don’t know what to say, Maddie. I really thought things were perfect between you guys, but maybe he doesn’t feel the same way. Have you tried talking to him about it?”

  “Yes, but he won’t listen. No matter how hard I tried to tell him that I love him, he’s convinced otherwise. I don’t know what else to do.” I shook my head and sobbed even harder.

  “I think it might be a good idea if you two to take a breather from one another for the next week or so and then try tackling this with clear heads.” Robbie pressed his lips to my forehead and helped me to my feet. “You’re clearly not going to solve anything by going back and forth with the same arguments.”