Unforeseen Heartbeat

by Maureen Mayer

  “Are you fucking crazy?!” I shouted, even though I knew there was no way he could hear me. My eyes flew up to the rear view mirror, and I could have sworn I had seen the same black SUV before. It didn’t dawn on me until my gaze flickered down to the license plate that, not only did I recognize it, but I had been seeing this exact car around town for several weeks now. At first, I thought it was a strange coincidence and assumed he was probably just another Savannah State student who lived in the same apartment complex as me. As the wheels in my head started turning and images flashed through my mind, though, I realized it was the same car that had been idling in the parking lot outside of AJ’s almost every night that I left work… and outside of Hunter’s apartment while I had been staying there… shit, he was even at my doctor’s office earlier today!

  I kept my eyes focused on the road, trying to stay calm as I reached over into my purse for my cell phone. Whether this guy was actually stalking me or not, I wasn’t taking any chances. He had already put my life and the life of my unborn baby in danger.

  I quickly dialed 911, and just as I heard a woman’s voice on the other end of the line, the SUV came roaring up behind me, this time slamming into Robbie’s car so hard it shattered the back window and sent glass flying in all directions. Ohmigod, he’s going to kill me! He’s going to kill my baby! A mangled, ear-piercing scream ruptured through my chest, and I struggled to maneuver the car over to the side of the road, but not before I got a good look at the driver. I glanced over to my left, my gaze locking onto his, and my eyes grew wide with unblinking recognition. All of the air left my lungs in one swift breath, causing a tightness in my chest. Those eyes. Even with a ski mask concealing the rest of his face, I would know those eyes anywhere.

  The corners of his eyes crinkled, and I could just picture the malicious grin that graced his mouth behind the mask. Was this sick son of a bitch seriously getting pleasure from instilling the fear of God into me?

  I watched his SUV slip back into my blind spot and prayed that maybe, just maybe, he had a change of heart; that he was granted a moment of clarity and realized what he was doing was wrong. But my prayers went quietly unanswered as a shiny black blur came barreling into the side of the car, forcing me off the road. Tires screeched beneath me as I pressed the brake pedal to the floor, and the tiny hatchback went tumbling down the embankment, flailing my body around like a rag doll. The car continued to roll, the sound of crushing metal flooding my ears, and my head cracked against the driver-side window nearly knocking me unconscious. My stomach repeatedly slammed into the steering wheel, and a blinding pain shot through my abdomen and lower back, leading straight down to the apex of my thighs. God, if it weren’t for the pain, I would have thought I was dead, but it was so excruciating, a part of me wished that I already were.

  As the car came to a rocking halt, landing on the passenger side, I felt a rush of moisture spread between my legs. I attempted to move, reaching down for the seatbelt, but the cramps radiating throughout the lower half of my body were severe enough to paralyze me in place. I was so far down the embankment that it was virtually impossible for anyone to see Robbie’s car from the road above, and the surrounding trees swallowed up my cries whenever I screamed for help.

  It was no use. I knew no one was coming to my rescue.

  All I could do was lie there and feel the weight of my eyelids drifting closed and my breathing become shallower and shallower. My body was so weak and overcome with exhaustion that I was barely able to lift my arm as I slipped my hand between my legs, feeling the moisture that had soaked through my pants. I sluggishly pried my eyes back open and saw red. A deep shade of crimson coated my hand in a thick layer of blood.

  My blood.

  My…

  Oh God, no. No, no, no. Please, God, don’t let this be happening!

  I looked down, and my stomach rolled at the sight of so much blood seeping through my pants and onto the seat beneath me. I squeezed my eyes shut, fighting back the tears and refusing to see the evidence of the tiny life that was slowly, painfully being torn away from me.

  My baby girl… my sweet, innocent baby girl…

  I rubbed slow, gentle circles across my abdomen, hoping to alleviate the pain that I knew she must have been going through, and watched tears spill from my eyes and fall to the swell of my stomach. I tried to channel all of my thoughts straight to her, every ounce of love that filled my heart since the day I found out I was carrying her inside me… since the day I found out I was going to be a mom.

  Mommy loved you so much. A deep pang shot through the center of my heart as soon as the words swirled through my mind. I think I loved you before I even knew you existed. You were and always will be the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I’m so sorry I never had the chance to tell your daddy about you. Tears rained down my cheeks as I spoke silently to my little angel. But I know he would have loved you, too, because you were created out of love, and no matter what, you’ll always hold a special place in our hearts, my sweet girl. Another sharp pain sliced through the lower half of my body, and I prayed I could take away her pain and carry the brunt of it myself. I’ll never forget you for as long as I live. You’ll always be mommy’s little girl. A few moments later, the insufferable ache was gone… and so was she.

  I wept for her. I wept for the baby I would never get the chance to hold in my arms. I’d never get the chance hear her beautiful cries or count all of her tiny fingers and toes. I’d never get the chance to breath in her sweet newborn scent. My precious baby was gone, and in that moment, as I faintly heard sirens approaching in the distance, I wished I had gone right along with her.

  Beep… Beep… Beep… Beep…

  What the hell was that annoying beeping sound, and why wouldn’t it stop? My head was throbbing, and I tried to open my eyes to see where it was coming from so I could shut the damn thing off, but they just weren’t cooperating. I had no idea where I was, but the place smelled sterile like a doctor’s office, and there were bright lights filtering through my heavy eyelids, causing me to see red. Red? For some reason that triggered an ugly image in my memory, and I traced back my steps, but the last thing I could recall was driving home from the baby store and… No.

  Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

  The unrelenting sound penetrated my ears, and I could feel my heart thundering in my chest, my blood rushing through my veins. Please, God, tell me that was a dream; that I had imagined it all. I carefully slid my hand over where the swell of my stomach should be, but it was flat, empty… void of the baby I once carried inside me. I wanted to scream, to cry, and to mourn the life of my unborn baby, but I was stuck in the silence of a black hole that kept pulling me deeper and farther away.

  “Baby, please wake up.”

  Hunter? But… it couldn’t be. He left me. He was halfway across the country. God dammit, why wouldn’t my eyes open?! I had to be sure it wasn’t him!

  It’s okay, mommy. You can wake up now. My heart stopped for just a beat, but the sound of that angelic little voice flowing through my ears suddenly had my heart palpitating again. Daddy needs you, mommy.

  “Please, Madelyn. I need you to come back to me. We’re all waiting here for you.” His voice cracked, straining to get the words out. “I can’t lose you both.”

  Beepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeep.

  My pulse raced hearing both of their sweet voices, one I had grown to know and love, and one I didn’t recognize but loved just as equally. I knew I had to find my way back to them, but how?

  It was then I noticed I was lying in a plain white bed, and the room was empty except for a little blonde-haired girl whose clear, gray eyes were a perfect match to Hunter’s. She smiled a big, toothy grin and reached her hand out to me. C’mon, mommy. Daddy’s waiting for us. It was so strange, because I swore I heard her voice, but her lips never moved. As frightened as I was to leave my bed, I took her tiny hand in mine and curled my fingers around hers. She led me to a door on the far side of the room where a sliver of
light was peeking out beneath. My free hand timidly reached for the handle, and I looked down to see her beautiful smile beaming up at me. Let’s go home, mommy. Pulling the door open, a burst of light instantly flooded the room, drawing me toward whatever awaited me on the other side.

  As the light gradually faded, I attempted to open my eyes again and felt my long lashes flutter against my cheeks. My head ached something fierce as I tried to focus on the person sitting beside me, and I was happily rewarded with Hunter’s handsome face. He looked peaceful as he slept curled up in the chair at the head of my bed, but I noticed dark circles under his eyes and was worried that he hadn’t been sleeping well.

  His normally perfect hair was disheveled, as though he had been tugging at it for quite some time, and a few copper-brown strands had fallen in front of his face. My arm stretched out just far enough that I could run my fingers through it and tuck it back in place. His hair had grown longer since the last time I’d seen him, and he was even sporting a nice, fresh layer of stubble across his chiseled jaw. I brushed my knuckles along his cheek, trailing down over the thin beard now adorning his face, and I giggled softly as it tickled the back of my hand. His head lolled to the side, and those stunning gray eyes I had missed so much peered back me.

  Hunter flew out of the chair, knocking it over in the process, and kneeled down so that he was at eye-level with me. Tears pooled in his eyes as a shaky grin tugged at his lips. “Oh, thank God. I was so scared, baby. I was so fucking scared. I thought I lost you.” He grasped my hand and kissed the center of my palm.

  “I’m fine.” I winced, turning my head so I could get a better look at him. “My head hurts like a bitch, but other than that I think I’m okay.”

  He smiled, holding my hand against his cheek. “I’ve been sitting here for days, praying that you’d come back to me. I’ve felt so helpless, not being able to do anything.” He chuckled softly, and a tear trailed down his cheek and over my hand. “Here I am, going to school to be a doctor, and I’m relying on faith to pull you through.”

  “Wait… you said days. How long have I been here?”

  “About three, almost four days.”

  “Are you serious?!” The loud beeping returned, and I looked up to see lines spiking across a heart rate monitor.

  “Shhh, baby, you gotta relax. It’s not good for you to get too stressed in your condition.” He pressed his soft lips to the base of my throat, lingering over my racing pulse.

  I closed my eyes and took in a few deep breaths, before they shot back open. “Condition?”

  His smile widened even further, and I watched another tear roll down his cheek. “The baby.”

  Oh God… he knew. He knew that I lost the baby. How could he stand to look at me right now, knowing I had kept my pregnancy a secret for all these months, only to lose our precious baby girl before she even had a chance to live? I buried my face in my hands and cried big, lamenting tears.

  “Sweetheart, why are you crying?” He climbed up on the bed next to me, prying my hands away from my face, and my tear-filled gaze flickered to his mouth. Why was he smiling at me like that?

  “Hunter, I’m so sorry. This wasn’t how I wanted you to find out. I meant to tell you about the baby. I swear I did, but then you said you were leaving for the semester and wanted to break things off. From that moment on, I felt like my whole world was spiraling out of control. You didn’t want me anymore, and the worst part of it was that you thought I didn’t want you either. How could you possibly want a baby with me after all of that?”

  “Baby, it’s okay—”

  “No, it’s not okay. Our baby is dead, and it’s all my fault!”

  “All your fault?” He shook his head, not quite understanding why I was beating myself up over this. “What are you talking about?”

  “It’s Karma, Hunter. Karma came back to bite me in the ass for all of the bad choices I’ve made over the last twenty-one years, and now everything good in my life gets torn away from me. First you and now our baby…” I stared at the panels in the ceiling, unable to look him dead in the eyes without getting even more choked up. “I know now I never should have gone through with that damn procedure when I was sixteen. That’s when everything went to shit.”

  “Are you talking about the abortion?” My eyes fell to his face, and his brows pinched together, not out of anger or confusion, but rather out of concern.

  “H-how do you know about the abortion?” My hands trembled and pulled away from his grasp.

  “I might’ve taken a peek at your charts.” His smile faltered. “I was worried about the amount of blood you lost before you made it to the hospital, but after reading through your medical history, it was clear as to what caused the minor placental abruption.”

  “Placental abru… What?”

  “Placental abruption. Sorry, I know this is a lot to throw at you all at once. Maybe I should wait for your doctor to come in and explain everything to you.”

  “No, please. Just tell me,” I pleaded.

  “All right. Well, during the accident, part of the placenta tore away from your uterine wall and that’s what caused the bleeding, but the doctor also thinks you might have Asherman’s Syndrome as a result of the abortion you had a few years ago. The adhesions that develop from scar tissue can often make it difficult to become pregnant, and it might’ve made the placenta more vulnerable to becoming detached.”

  I hung my head, letting the weight of what I had done sink in, and spoke just above a whisper, “So, it is my fault.”

  Hunter held my chin between his forefinger and thumb, tilting my head back as he drew my gaze up to his. “Don’t you dare take the blame for this, Maddie. It was in no way your fault. It was an accident. You had no control over what happened. Just be thankful that our baby is a fighter, because it was touch and go there for a while. The doctor said you’ll need to be on bed rest for a while, but—”

  I placed my hand over his mouth, and he looked at me quizzically before I slowly returned it to my lap. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I blinked away the tears pooling in my eyes. “Can… can you please repeat what you just said?”

  “That you’ll need to be on bed rest?”

  “No.” I shook my head. “Before that.”

  “That our baby is a fighter?” He reached his hand across my stomach and rubbed it tenderly. The happiness permeating from his elated grin was so contagious that I could feel it tugging up at the corners of my own lips. My eyes shifted down to my rounded tummy, and I had to run my hand across it just to be sure it was real. She gave me a nice hard kick for good measure, and Hunter drew in a sharp breath. I didn’t think it was possible, but his smile grew even wider, and he leaned forward to press his lips to my swollen belly. “Hey there, little ass kicker. Daddy’s here. Try to go easy on mommy, okay. She needs her rest.”

  I didn’t know whether to laugh, cry or both. My sweet baby girl wasn’t gone. She was alive and well, safe inside me. We endured so much pain together, but just like her momma, she was a fighter. She wasn’t ready to give up, and neither was I.

  Life continued to throw obstacles in my way, trying to break me down along every twist and turn, but with Hunter by my side, I had developed a renewed strength, and I wasn’t willing to go down without a fight. Hunter came into my life at a time when I needed him the most, and I might not have known it then, but it was clear now. And what could have been a horribly tragic situation had ultimately brought him back to me… to both of us.

  I lay there listening to the man I loved, the man who had captured my heart so many months ago, as he spoke to our daughter in a soft, gentle tone that was dripping with love and adoration, and I couldn’t help the soft whimper that slipped past my lips. He was going to be a wonderful father.

  As always, I let my deviating thoughts get the best of me and wondered how it was possible that Hunter was even here right now. His internship wasn’t supposed to end for at least another month, and he never discussed whether he was coming back to
Savannah once it was over. When Hunter said he was leaving, I had convinced myself that he meant for good. But did that still hold true?

  “Um, Hunter?”

  He gave my stomach one last kiss and inched his way up the bed, pressing his lips to my forehead. “Yeah, baby?”

  It felt strange hearing that word come out of his mouth when he wasn’t referring to the child I had been carrying for the last five months… because I wasn’t his baby anymore. He made sure of that. “This might sound odd considering the circumstances, but… why are you here? How did you even know I was here?”

  Hunter sat up straighter, running his hand through his messy brown hair. “Liberty called me as soon as she heard you were brought in, and I jumped on the first flight out here.” He chewed on his bottom lip nervously. “And I thought it was kind of obvious why I’m here, Maddie. I mean, you’ve just been in a terrible accident. I was so afraid I was going to lose you and the baby, and—”

  “No. No I get that, but why are you still here? You can see I’m fine now. The baby’s fine. You’re free to leave whenever you’d like. I don’t want you to feel obligated to stay.”

  “Obligated? Babe, what gave you the crazy idea that I felt obligated to be here? I love you. My whole world is lying right here in this bed.” His voice lowered as he caressed my stomach. “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”

  Are you kidding me? Was he seriously trying to pull these mind games with me again? “Hunter…” I let out a heavy, disheartened sigh. “You can’t love me and leave me, only to come waltzing back into my life thinking we could pick up right where we left off. You were the one who ended things, remember? You were the one who thought I was rushed into the relationship I wasn’t ready for. How can I be sure you won’t up and leave me the moment you start having doubts again?”