Through the Tears (Sandy Cove Series Book 2)

by Rosemary Hines

“Evil?”

  “Exactly. And how does that apply to religion today?”

  Michelle heard someone stand behind her. The class turned to look at the young man in the back of the room who had spoken earlier. “Professor?”

  “Yes, David.”

  “I believe your goal here is to lead us to an assumption that religion is a negative factor in society.”

  “Interesting perspective. Go on.”

  “On the first day of class, you invited us to challenge you. I’d like to pose a challenge.”

  Dr. Chambers was standing now. He crossed his arms and walked closer to the front row. “Be my guest,” he replied with a smile.

  “While pagan religions such as the worship of Moloch were barbaric and detrimental to society, isn’t it true that Christianity is the opposite?”

  “Continue.”

  “Well, for example, doesn’t Christianity take a stand in opposition to the sacrifice of babies which occurs today in the form of abortion?”

  Michelle could feel her heart racing. This guy was saying exactly what was on her mind.

  Dr. Chambers raised his eyebrows. “Interesting comment. How many of you would compare the infant sacrifices to Moloch to our modern day medical practice of terminating an unwanted pregnancy?”

  Michelle wanted to raise her hand, but no one was responding. She felt badly for the young man who had courageously challenged Dr. Chambers, but she lacked her own courage to stand with him.

  “Well, David, as you can see, you are alone in your perspective and defense of religion. I think we’ll move forward with a glimpse into the practices of Christians during the crusades. Perhaps that will help you rethink your position.”

  Dr. Chambers flipped open his laptop. An image of a vicious looking man on horseback wearing a cross on his shield as he plunged a sword into the chest of an unarmed man on the ground was entitled: The Crusades of Christ, a Dark Era in Mankind’s Evolution.

  As Michelle walked out of class, she noticed David talking to another student. Finally finding the courage she’d lack in the lecture hall, she walked up and waited for their conversation to end.

  David turned to acknowledge her, and she began, “Thanks for speaking up in there. I wish I would have had the courage to say something, too.”

  “No worries. I’m used to professors like Chambers. They seem to be running the show at universities these days. But as the head of Campus Crusade for Christ at this campus, there’s no way I can let those guys blow hot air without at least challenging the other students to think for themselves,” he explained.

  “What’s Campus Crusade for Christ?” Michelle asked, her interest piqued by this possible link to her new faith.

  “It’s an organization for Christians on college campuses. A place where like-minded believers can support each other as well as share their faith with non-believers.” David paused and reached into his backpack, pulling out a flyer. He extended it toward her. “Here. This explains more about us.”

  Michelle took the flyer and looked it over.

  “If you’re interested, we’re meeting tomorrow night to discuss an outreach to the local family planning clinic,” David offered.

  “Really? That’s appropriate. Especially after the Moloch lecture today,” Michelle added with a cringe.

  “Yeah. Great timing, huh? God seems to be the master of that. Timing, I mean.” David smiled. “Wanna join us?”

  “Maybe. I’ll talk to my husband about it and let you know,” she replied, noting his phone number and email address.

  David smiled and extended his hand. “David.” She reached out and shook it. “Michelle.”

  “Great to meet you, Michelle. Hope to see you tomorrow night. You can just show up. No need to call first.”

  Michelle smiled, nodding. A sense of peace and purpose surged within. What a great opportunity for her to grow in her faith and to be used for God at the same time. “Okay, thanks.”

  The group of students sat together on a grassy hillside of the park that sloped down to the sidewalk below. Michelle hugged her knees to her chest as a cool breeze wafted past them. Across the street, the clinic was in full swing with several cars in the parking lot and an open door extended to the public.

  David stood and faced the group, his back to the clinic. “Let’s pray,” he began. Michelle bowed her head along with the others. “Father, we are here to serve you today. Those who come to this place are hurting, Lord. They are looking for answers. Help us to share the hope that only you can offer them. Give us wisdom, gentle and compassionate spirits, and the right words. Save lives today. In Jesus’ name, amen.”

  “Amen,” echoed the students surrounding Michelle.

  David and a girl named Traci started walking down the slope to the street. “You guys be praying,” David called over his shoulder.

  “What will they do?” Michelle asked Alise, the girl sitting next to her.

  “They’ll stand over by the parking lot and wait for someone to show up at the clinic. When they see a girl coming, they’ll try to talk to her about options and other possible resources many of them don’t even know about,” Alise replied.

  “But aren’t there lots of girls who come here just for birth control or other health needs?” Michelle asked.

  “Sometimes. But usually they are coming because of an unwanted pregnancy. The clinic is mostly for abortions.”

  Michelle felt sick. She wanted a baby so badly and she knew in her heart she could easily love any one of those babies like her own. How could someone not understand the wonder of a new life growing inside?

  “What about adoption?” she asked. “Why don’t they consider adopting out those babies?”

  Alise looked at her and smiled sadly. “Abortion is a big money maker, Michelle. These clinics aren’t going to encourage women to look at alternatives like adoption. Besides, most of these women have no idea about the actual stages of development of their unborn babies. They’re told their babies are just unformed masses of tissue and an abortion will solve their problems.” She shook her head and then added, “They’re scared, Michelle. I guess for most this seems like their only choice.”

  Tears filled Michelle’s eyes. Oh, God. Please help David and Traci to make a difference for at least one baby today. She thought back to the meeting at David’s place the night before. He’d shown them a website which kept a running count of the number of abortions performed that year worldwide. The number had increased every second. And Michelle had tried not to think about each of the precious babies at the hospital as her eyes filled with tears for the millions of infants losing their lives this very year.

  “What was David saying the other night about safe haven laws?” Michelle asked Alise.

  “Safe haven or safe surrender laws give mothers who can’t care for their babies a chance to turn them over to a safe location like a fire department or police department without facing abandonment charges.”

  “Do they tell them about that option?” Michelle asked as she gestured to the clinic across the street.

  “I doubt it, Michelle. The people who run these clinics really believe their clients should not go through with an unplanned or unwanted pregnancy.”

  “But what about the babies? Don’t they care about them?”

  “Their business is with the pregnant women. They don’t consider a fetus to be a baby unless it is wanted or planned.”

  Michelle couldn’t help wondering how many women would consider allowing their infants to survive if they knew they had a safe haven option. From what David had told them, only a handful of women exercised this option compared to the throngs who were persuaded to abort. It seemed like such a tragedy that convenience was preached as trumping the value of human life.

  And where did that mindset leave couples like her and Steve, who might not ever be able to have children of their own? Couldn’t these women understand that couples from many good homes were waiting to take in and raise their unwanted babies? Michelle’s gr
andmother had spoken of the days before abortion was legal. She’d talked of the handful of adoptions in her own circle of friends and the joy those babies had brought to the eager couples who gave them a family and a future.

  She could almost understand the desperation of a woman who found herself pregnant as the result of a rape. But even then, she wondered at the fact that the rapist would not be eligible for capital punishment, yet the life of the innocent baby could be legally terminated. And when David had given them the statistics on motivation for abortion, only a fraction had to do with rape, incest, or the health of the mother.

  Images of the sacrifices to Moloch mingled with what she knew was taking place in the clinic across the street. A physical ache pressed upon Michelle’s heart as a lump in her throat made it difficult to swallow.

  Alise nudged her. “Look,” she pointed across the street. A girl who appeared to be in her teens was climbing out of the front seat of a beat up van. David and Traci walked in her direction. “Let’s pray,” Alise said as she reached over and put her hand on Michelle’s.

  “How’d it go?” Steve asked as Michelle came into the kitchen several hours later.

  She walked over to him and put her arms around his waist, burying her face in his chest.

  “Hey. What’s up? Are you okay?” he asked sounding concerned.

  “I just... Oh Steve, I just can’t believe how many girls were there.” She pulled back and looked into his eyes. “At least 10 babies lost their chance for life at that clinic today.” She shook her head. “Only two girls changed their minds after listening to David and Traci. Two.”

  “Well, that’s two more babies who will live, honey. You guys made a difference for those two,” he said, hoping to sound encouraging.

  “But what about the rest?”

  “They’re in God’s hands, Michelle.” He guided her over to the table and they sat down.

  “It seems so unfair. We really want a baby and can’t seem to get pregnant. Meanwhile that clinic is encouraging women to terminate pregnancies everyday. Many of the girls don’t even know their babies already have arms, legs, hands, feet...”

  Steve felt so frustrated and helpless. “I know. It’s hard to understand.”

  Michelle gazed out the window, looking lost.

  “What are you thinking?” he asked.

  “I was thinking of the babies at the hospital. Just looking at them in their little blankets, I felt like I could have loved any one of them as my own,” she explained.

  “Yeah. I remember you saying that.”

  “Can we at least think about the possibility of adoption?”

  “We can pray about it, but don’t get your hopes up. Private adoption is really expensive.” She leaned over and hugged him. “Okay, thanks,” she replied.

  Steve turned to put some paperwork into his briefcase, and she went into the other room to call her mom. She was eager for Christmas to come so she could actually see everyone in person again. Many times, when her thoughts went to her dad, all she could picture were scenes from the hospital — the tubes and monitors, the fear in his eyes when he tried to speak and couldn’t find the words. She wanted to see him at home again, and see for herself that he was really, truly on the road to recovery.

  Her mom tried to sound optimistic, but Michelle knew she was battling worries of her own. And she had the feeling her mom was carrying burdens she wasn’t sharing with her.

  Their conversation went the same as always. Michelle asked about her dad’s day, and Sheila reported the therapy and any progress he’d had.

  “Is there anything else, Mom?” Michelle asked after the report.

  “Like what, dear?”

  “I don’t know. You just seem kind of worried lately. Like things aren’t going as well as you hoped.”

  “Everything’s right on schedule, honey. Don’t worry. I’m just tired by the end of the day.”

  As Michelle climbed into bed that night, she thought back over her day and thanked God for the chance to support the team at the clinic that morning and for the change in Steve’s attitude about the possibility of adoption. As she was about to drift off to sleep, she pictured the tiny infants in the hospital, and these words crept into her mind. Try every door, Michelle.

  What did it mean?

  The few short weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas flew by. Michelle and Steve had a flight down to Southern California on the twenty-third of December. She was so eager to see her family again and be able to hug her mom and dad.

  The night before their departure, Michelle started feeling the familiar cramping that signaled the end of another cycle.

  In the past three weeks since Kristin’s visit, Michelle had tried fervently to spend more time with God praying and reading her Bible. Though she drew comfort from some of the verses she read, she still had a hard time accepting and understanding the idea that it might not be in God’s plan for her to have a baby right now.

  Everywhere she went, she seemed to run into pregnant women or women pushing baby strollers. When she did her Christmas shopping, she gravitated to all the baby departments, oohing and ahhing at the cute little dresses for girls and overalls for boys. She even stopped in a maternity clothes store and checked out the latest fashions. In her heart, she felt certain this was the time to start a family. Besides, wouldn’t it help to cement the bond between her and Steve that her friendship with Trevor had threatened to fracture?

  At first she tried to deny the cramping and continue with her packing. Finally she gave in to another month of disappointment and sat down on the bed to pray. Clutching a teddy bear Steve had gotten her in Bridgeport, she poured out her heart to God.

  Okay, God. Here we go again. Another month. You know my heart. Please help me be strong for Steve and for my family. Help me not let this disappointment ruin our Christmas.

  She sat back against the headboard, cradling the teddy bear to her breast like a baby. Carrying it downstairs, she went into the kitchen and sat down at the table to read through the mail.

  Opening a card from Jim Morgan and his sister LouEllen, Michelle gazed at the serene picture of Mary and Joseph with little baby Jesus. “The best Christmas gift ever was the gift of a precious baby that first Christmas morn.” She closed her eyes and allowed a tear to trickle down her cheek. How pathetic am I? Here Jim and LouEllen don’t even have spouses, but they have joy and peace. Meanwhile, I’ve got a man who loves me and here I sit wallowing in pity. Michelle made a mental note to try to spend time with the Morgans after she got back home. Maybe she could learn some things about contentment.

  The sound of the garage door opening pulled her back to the moment. As Steve entered the kitchen carrying his briefcase, he asked, “How’s the packing coming? Are you almost done? We should get to bed early since we’ve got to be out of here by 5:00 tomorrow morning.”

  “Yeah,” she replied, but her voice lacked enthusiasm

  “What’s wrong?”

  “We’re not pregnant. It didn’t work.”

  Steve sighed. He stood up and gently helped her up into his embrace. “I’m sorry hon. I know this means a lot to you.”

  “To me? What about to you? Am I the only one who really wants this baby?”

  “Come on, Michelle. You know I care.”

  “It seems like you only care because I do,” she said.

  “Whatever the reason, I care. I’d love to have a baby with you.” Reaching out, he lifted her chin with his finger. “Just because it’s taking some time, doesn’t mean God doesn’t want us to have a family. We just have to be patient.”

  “Maybe,” she replied. “But we have no guarantee we will actually ever have a baby.”

  “Life doesn’t hold many guarantees. You know that.”

  “I was just kind of banking on what the doctor said about three months.”

  “The doctor isn’t God. She’s only giving you the odds. Maybe next month will be the winner.”

  “I think we should go back after the first
of the year and see what she says.”

  “Fine. I have no problem with that.” He hesitated and then added, “Let’s just try to enjoy the Christmas holiday with your family. Your mom and dad really need us to be there for them.”

  “I know. You’re right. I’ve got to pull myself out of this before we get there.”

  “We’ll talk about going to the doctor in January and see what she says. In the meantime, let’s try to be patient and see what happens.”

  “Okay.” She perked up a little. “But you did say we could even consider looking into adoption, too, right?” She wrapped her arms around his waist and looked up into his eyes.

  Steve bent down and kissed her gently. “I think you’re getting way ahead of yourself there. Let’s just give all this some time. Adoption is really expensive. Until you get your credential and start teaching, we’ve got to watch our money, too.”

  “Okay. Let’s just keep every option open.” She pulled him closer and kissed him deeply. “I love you, Steve.” Before he could respond, she kissed him again.

  “Whoa, girl. We won’t get any packing finished at this rate.”

  She smiled and released him. “I’ve got the big suitcase ready to go downstairs. I’ll finish packing the bathroom bag and make sure all the gifts are labeled.” She walked out of the kitchen carrying the teddy bear, with Steve close behind.

  As Michelle and Steve walked into her parents’ home the next afternoon, a wave of nostalgia rolled over her. Everything looked and smelled like it did every year at Christmas. The only difference was the fact that her dad was not standing at the door to greet her. Instead it was her grandfather who ushered them into the house as Tim followed from behind, helping to carry their luggage.

  “How’s my favorite granddaughter?” Phil asked as he gave her a squeeze. He was wearing the dark green cardigan he wore every Christmas and smelled of Old Spice aftershave.

  “Great, Grandpa. How are you?”

  “Fit as a fiddle and hankering for your grandmother’s turkey dinner,” he replied with a wink as he nodded toward the kitchen where they could hear Joan and Sheila busily working away. “The kids are here,” he called out to them, and they quickly abandoned their cooking and rushed out to greet them.