Cursing Fate

by Brenda Drake

  She stopped twirling her hair and straightened—an angry look on her face.

  “Oh no,” he quickly said. “I didn’t mean that. I meant… Wait. You’re the one who said you were dumb. I just repeated you.”

  “Right.” She returned her focus to her book.

  Great. Now who’s the dumb one? Wade picked up another cookie, trying to act like that didn’t just happen. But she obviously wasn’t going to forget it. She was leaning away from him, a scowl still on her face. Before their breakup, she’d call him on his stupidity. They’d joke about it.

  Her hot-and-cold reaction to him was confusing, as if he’d been on a roller coaster with her. First, she dumped Josh and declared her love for Wade, and, a few days later, she was back with Josh. Then suddenly it was off with Josh again. No explanations. No apologies for smashing whatever they’d had. How could he ever trust her again?

  It was hot while it lasted. He really thought Iris was his soul mate. And here he was, taking her shit again.

  “Listen,” he finally said. “If you want to reconsider this deal, it’s cool. I don’t need the money that badly.”

  Iris leaned back in her chair. “I’m sorry. I don’t feel like myself today. It’s been stressful lately. And…and…” She looked up at him with those big eyes the color of the summer sky over the Ocean City boardwalk. They captivated him. So much so, it was hard to stay mad at her. “Josh and his friends,” she said. “They’re such bullies. I can take it, but I’m worried about Violet.”

  He placed his hand on hers, and her fingers jerked a little. He liked what his touch did to her. “You don’t have to worry about Violet. Dena has her back.”

  She flipped her hair over her shoulder and twisted to look at him directly. The movement was so hot it caused Wade to gulp. There was something in her stare. Was it longing? When she leaned closer, he was certain she wanted him. He wouldn’t be able to stop himself if he stayed there any longer.

  He pushed his chair away from the table and stood. “I need the bathroom. Work on the problem while I’m gone.”

  She gave him that disappointed look again, then picked up her pencil and studied the paper in front of her. He looked back when he reached the entryway and caught her watching his retreat. She quickly returned her attention to her work.

  What game is she playing? Her moods were confusing him. One minute she was scowling, the next she was checking him out.

  Her actions the last few months made him believe he could have her back if he wanted. And there was no denying that he did want her. Who wouldn’t? There was much more to her than a pretty face and banging body. She was talented and kind and cared for causes like the environment and smart, no matter what she thought. He could give it another go with her, but he’d be crazy if he did. There was no ignoring the trust issue. He would always worry she’d have a change of heart again. Run off with some other guy, or worse, go back to Josh.

  In the bathroom behind the front staircase, he washed his face. What he needed to do was cool down. Every inch of Iris played across his mind. Her upturned nose with a dusting of freckles. Her slender fingers grasping a paintbrush as she created the most beautiful paintings. Her laughter that sounded like some sort of high-pitched song. The sexy way she swayed when she walked. All these thoughts drove him insane.

  From a dispenser on the sink, he tugged out a disposable towel, dried his face, and tossed the used paper in the trash. As he came out of the bathroom, Violet stepped off the stairs.

  “Hey, do you have a second?” she whispered.

  Wade nodded, following her to a room on the other side of the staircase. “What’s up?”

  She closed the door behind him. “I’m not supposed to tell you this.” She paced, then stopped and looked up at him. “It wasn’t Iris’s fault…the whole breakup thing. She had no control.”

  “What do you mean? Did your parents make her break up with me?”

  “Keep your voice down,” she said, adjusting on her feet and wringing her hands. “It’s not like that. I can’t tell you. But I know she’s heartbroken and misses you. When she would come and visit me in Baltimore, she’d cry at night over losing you. Won’t you give her another chance?”

  “Why can’t you tell me the reason she ended things?” he pressed. “And why did she get back with Josh right after our breakup? She didn’t even wait an hour.”

  “I can’t tell you,” she said, louder than a whisper now. “I know it sounds sketchy, but if you don’t trust her, will you trust me?”

  Wade rubbed the back of his neck. “You want me to trust you, but you won’t say why she had no control over breaking up with me? This is bullshit.” He turned and opened the door. “I have to go.”

  He rushed to the kitchen and picked up his jacket. “So, I’m going to head out.”

  Iris glanced at him, a startled look on her face. “You didn’t check this last equation.”

  “Okay, let me see.” He leaned over and slid the paper across the table to see it better, catching a hint of Iris’s shampoo on her hair. Floral. Like everything else in her home. And it drove him insane. “You got it. Nice job.”

  “I did?” The excitement in her voice softened his frustration.

  “Yep.”

  “Thank you so much,” she said. “Should I pay you now or do you want to get paid weekly?”

  “Weekly is fine.” The less words he spoke, the better for him. He had to get out of there and release some steam. But those eyes. Those fucking eyes with so much beauty and kindness paused him. They were so familiar to him yet still mysterious.

  “Iris…”

  “Yes?”

  He took her hands and pulled her up to her feet. Cradling her head in his grasp, he stared at her, wanting desperately to kiss her, to feel the softness of her lips again. Her hands traveled up his chest to his shoulders.

  What am I doing?

  He wanted her more than breathing. Wanted to go back to the days before her betrayal. But she’d hurt him. He pushed away from her.

  “What’s wrong?” she said breathlessly, reaching for him.

  He backed away. “I can’t do this.” He shook his head and stormed out the kitchen door, tugging on his jacket as he headed for his motorcycle. He lifted the seat, grabbed his helmet, and shoved it on his head, vaguely aware of Iris calling out to him. With one swift move, he straddled the seat and slipped on his leather gloves. At the press of the start button, the bike growled to life. He released the clutch and took off down the street.

  Thoughts of Iris pelted his brain. Iris smiling, her front teeth overlapping just slightly. Iris laughing, a cute snort slipping out at times.

  Iris.

  What does she expect from me? How can I trust her?

  He rode in and out of the blooms of light coming from the streetlamps, going from light to dark. Just like his emotions. Get back with Iris. Don’t.

  Stop thinking about her.

  Iris sharing her lunch with him when he’d forgotten his in eighth grade. Iris smudging paint on his face while he watched her at her easel, when he liked her as more than friends and she liked someone else. Iris telling him she loved him and no one else. Iris ignoring his phone calls. Iris texting him that she and Josh had made up, not even bothering to explain things to him.

  Iris.

  Fucking Iris.

  Fuck.

  He pulled a U-turn, speeding the bike back in the direction he had come.

  Iris bringing him homemade soup from her gram when he was sick. Iris decorating his home with his mother for every single one of his birthdays since they’d become friends. Iris sending him heart grams for Valentine’s Day. Iris wearing a Santa hat to deliver him presents at Christmas.

  Iris.

  Wade stopped in front of her house, turned off his bike, and set the kickstand. He bounded up the steps without pause, rang the doorbell, and waited.

  And waited.

  He removed his helmet. It sure was taking a long time for someone to answer. Just as h
e turned to leave, thinking that he was probably a sucker to believe they could get back what they had, the door finally opened.

  “Wade,” Iris said with a shaky voice.

  The mascara smudged under her eyes told him she’d been crying. It was a sign she cared and that maybe they could work on it. And he hated hurting her.

  “Okay,” he said.

  “What?” She looked confused.

  “Friends. We can try it. See where it takes us.” He pulled his hand through his hair. “I’ll continue to tutor you. No cost.”

  “Really? That would be great.” Her voice was full of hope. “But I am paying you for the tutoring.”

  “No. I can’t take your money, Iris. We’ve been friends for years.” Gazing down at that face of hers melted him. Even with teary eyes, mascara smudges, and red nose, she was beautiful. Lost in a world that consisted of only them, he almost forgot his fears…his anger. Almost. When they were together, he was certain he could forgive her, but once they were apart, the doubt would always come rushing back. “And we can’t kiss,” he said. “It gets confusing.”

  Her eyebrows crinkled together. “I didn’t do anything. You were about to kiss me.”

  He tapped his helmet against his leg. “Well, you gave me those looks.”

  “What looks?” She acted innocent.

  “You know the ones.”

  “Seriously? I can’t help it.” Even the expression she gave him when she thought he was acting crazy was a turn-on.

  He dropped his helmet and quickly snatched it up. “Just act like you would around Carys. Okay?”

  “Sure.”

  “So, friends?” he said.

  “Friends,” she repeated.

  They stood there in an awkward silence for several beats until he couldn’t take it any longer. “Okay.” He turned from her and said over his shoulder as he was leaving, “I’ll see you at school tomorrow.”

  “Okay. See you then.” Her voice was quiet and uncertain sounding.

  He gave her a slight wave with his gloved hand before speeding off again. Maybe this time she won’t shred my heart.

  Chapter Five

  Iris

  Even with the cool autumn breeze, Iris was hot. Almost as though she had a fever. She flung the covers off her body. Her thoughts of Wade and his almost-kiss kept playing in her head. She was excited that he agreed to be friends, but at the same time, she was disappointed he wanted to be just friends. She worried they’d never get back what they had before. With a yawn, she stretched her arms over her head.

  That’s right. Wake up. The craggy voice was back.

  Iris sat up and searched the dark room. “Who are you? And where are you?”

  I am a friend. Josh and his lackeys—you want revenge. I am here to help you.

  “You’re in my mind, aren’t you?” Iris grabbed her head and squeezed. “Oh my God, I’m going insane.”

  We’re not going to hurt them…too badly. Now, get Aster’s tarot cards.

  “No. Get out of my head!” She fell back on the mattress and covered her head with her pillow as if she could hide from the tormenting voice.

  Don’t fight me, Iris. You will lose. I will not ask again.

  A sharp pain stabbed Iris’s skull, and she held her head tighter. The pain increased until she was sure that every single vein in her brain would burst. “Ahhh…no, no, no. Please stop. I’ll get them. Please.” The pain subsided, and Iris slowly stood. Her stomach was queasy and her legs unsteady.

  Iris crossed the throw rug to the window seat and removed the panel. It clanked against the wooden floor as she set it down. She dragged the hatbox out from its hiding place, undid the ribbon, and took out the deck, putting the box back in the cubby space and resetting the panel. Climbing back in bed, she sat cross-legged on the sheets.

  “Now what?” she asked her empty room.

  Lauren. Now an enemy, once a friend. What shall be her end?

  “End?” Panic fluttered in her chest. “What do you mean? I don’t want her to die. And she’s still a friend. I don’t want to hurt her.”

  Silly girl. I only used “end” to rhyme with “friend.” The punishment shall fit the crime. Flip the cards. Let’s see what we have to work with, shall we?

  “You have the wrong sister.” Iris dropped the box on the bed. “I’m not a fate changer.”

  Not to worry. The voice was firm and scary. I am. Do as I say or you will suffer greatly.

  Iris removed the cards from the box and turned them over one at a time. The images were familiar yet foreign to her. She’d seen them when Miri had tested her to see if she was a fate changer. Illustrations of kings, queens, knights, and paupers adorned the cards. Some had yellow circles with stars in the middle on them—Miri had called them pentacles—some had swords, other wands, and the rest cups. She had called them suits like with playing cards. Iris flipped over another one.

  Stop. The Hermit card. Isolation. Upside down—the reverse fate—withdrawn, edgy, cold… Yes. This is perfect. She abandoned you, so we shall isolate her.

  Iris picked up the card. An old man in a cloak that matched his gray beard with the hood over his head held a walking stick in one hand and a lantern in the other. The tips of Iris’s fingers burned where she held the card. She turned it. The vines on the back went from green to black.

  Say her name.

  “No. What’s happening?”

  Say her name.

  “No.”

  SAY HER NAME! The voice, so loud and angry, stabbed at her brain.

  Tears burned Iris’s eyes, flooding them and making the image on the card blurry.

  “Lauren.” It was a whisper, a soft squeak of a sound. Iris wasn’t even sure she was the one who spoke it.

  Now, tomorrow, hand her the card. That is all you must do. The curse will take care of the rest.

  “Who are you?”

  Who am I?

  Was this how insanity was for those inflicted with it? Unable to get the voices out of their heads? Would she have to live with this crazy old woman’s voice forever?

  I used to know who I was. A long time ago. A heartbreak. A young woman scorned. An eye for an eye. Some say revenge is sweet. I say it is like a heavy cream and sugar dessert. Delicious and satisfying.

  “You’re evil.”

  Now that entirely depends on what side of evil you reside.

  Iris’s entire body quaked, and she gasped for air. The room seemed like it was closing in on her. Where was the voice coming from? She covered her ears and shouted, “Stop it. Leave me alone.”

  She lay on the bed watching the ceiling for so many minutes she lost count. The voice was gone. Her heartbeats were so strong and painful against her chest, the sound of it thumping loudly in her ears. She grabbed the pillow from behind her and hugged it tight, trying to stop her arms and legs from shaking. Her mom was gone, and Gram would be leaving early in the morning. They didn’t need to know she was completely losing it. She had to be sick and it was making her hear things. That’s why she was shivering. Why she was cold all the time. Of course, that was it. Definitely the flu.

  She rolled onto her other side, watching the shadows of leaves on the tree outside flutter on her wall until finally falling asleep, the darkness wrapping her in a cool autumn-night embrace.

  Crina pushed down her skirts, watching Armand tie his trousers together. Cold mud caked her backside. Her mother would be angry.

  The meadow glistened with the aftermath of the morning rain. The river angrily jumped over the rocks. A small patch of thick grass under the canopy of a large copper beech tree had become their love nest.

  “I will not be able to meet you for some time,” Armand said, picking up his waistcoat from the ground. “An uncle and his family are coming from the north. There will be several days of celebrations.”

  A pout formed on Crina’s lips as she wrapped her shawl around her shoulders. “You could sneak away.”

  “I will try.” He gently kissed her lips. “Being
apart from you will be maddening. My brother is to marry our cousin. She is such an annoyance, but it is his duty, being the heir.”

  “And you?” She kissed him again. “Can you marry as you please?”

  “No, but I have no duty here.” He smiled down at her. “As soon as I have enough money gathered, we shall leave this place. I will marry you. Make our fortune in America.”

  “I will go wherever you wish,” she said. “Promise me again. You will marry me.”

  He pulled her close to him, pressed his lips to hers, and released her. “I promise.”

  Lockers slammed, voices commanded, and the noises grated down Iris’s spine. The voice and dreams she’d been having lately had her in a trance. She wasn’t herself. There was something inside her, crowding her mind and pressing against her chest until she could hardly breathe.

  The tarot card felt like a lead weight in her hoodie’s pocket. It was stupid for her to think that giving the card to Lauren would cause something bad to happen to her. But Iris knew what tarot cards and the magic behind them could do. She had experienced it firsthand. Her own fate had been changed and her life destroyed. How could she do that to someone else?

  She put her math book inside her locker and slammed the door. And there was Wade, heading down the hall, combing his fingers through his helmet hair. She couldn’t face him. Couldn’t let him see the darkness clouding her. With her eyes on him, making sure he hadn’t spotted her, she ducked into the girls’ bathroom.

  Girls crowded around the mirror as they fixed makeup they’d applied only an hour ago before leaving their homes. Iris stood by the door, pretending to check her text messages on her iPhone. Group by group went out the door until Iris was alone. She placed her books on top of the towel dispenser and checked her reflection in what passed for a mirror above the sink.

  A dark smudge or something was on her forehead. She rubbed at the mark, but it wouldn’t go away. She leaned closer to the mirror. It was a vein—a black one. Her heart raced and she lost her breath. The vein moved when she ran her finger across it, and she jumped back, gasping for air.