My Husband's Girlfriend

by Cydney Rax

  Right now is the most frustrated I’ve felt in all the time I’ve known Neil. And I do not enjoy how that feels. I don’t want things to get any worse. I’m open to them getting better…but she’s the wife. She has what I wish I had—not that I want to be the second Mrs. Meadows. Even if he were to divorce her, it’s not as if I’d immediately demand an engagement ring and the promise of a ceremony. Not at all. I don’t have to be married. I just want to be happy. I want a strong, good man who cares about me so much that he aches to be a significant part of my life. A man who shows me he loves me by the things he does, not by the words he says.

  Neil’s voice interrupts my thoughts. “We knew each other from work, but began hanging out during the lunch hour. Solid friends. Nothing romantic lurking in our hearts. At least not in mine.”

  “Oh, really?” I smirk and sit down on the sofa, crossing my legs and staring at Neil, who is now sitting next to me with Braxton lying comfortably across his lap.

  “Yeah, Dani. Remember how I was telling you I had a serious gap in my bed? That I was in a relationship but we were celibate?”

  “Right. And you didn’t mention that the woman holding out was a wife.”

  He shrugs, frowns. I wonder if he regrets keeping that info from me.

  “I mean, you were still wearing your band, Neil, but you never talked about her, and I didn’t want to pry, so I assumed you weren’t married, or you were divorced, or maybe separated. I really didn’t know what to think.”

  “Anyway,” Neil says, raising the volume of his voice, “I was actually coming to you for advice, suggestions.” He’s referring to the time when we started hanging out during lunch, and he’d ask if I knew anybody with whom he could hook up. His approach was interesting, to say the least. Like he was out of practice. As a matter of fact, his exact words were, “I haven’t been in the game in a while, and I’m kind of rusty. So could you help me out?”

  Back then I laughed inwardly, but admired him at the same time. He was a tall, rugged man who seemed so strong, but his vulnerability intrigued me.

  “Right,” I say, “and I kind of pointed you to a woman on the job. Vivian, remember?”

  Neil laughs. “How can I forget? She wore thick glasses. Talked real proper.”

  “Yes,” I admit. “But underneath all her layered clothing was a nice figure. I can tell. I know that women who sometimes hide their body can be something else in the bedroom. A lot of pent-up sexual energy can be hidden inside her.”

  Neil shrugs and shakes his head like it doesn’t matter because Vivian wouldn’t qualify.

  “And you never thought about getting with me, Neil?” I pouted. “That kinda hurts my feelings.”

  “No, no, no, it wasn’t like that. I—Well, Dani, you were so fine, I assumed you already had a man.”

  “That’s where a lot of men miss out. They think because a woman is attractive, she’s unavailable. A lot of times those women are some of the loneliest people on the planet. It’s sad. Beautiful-people discrimination should be outlawed.”

  “Well, I didn’t really think of you in that way at first, Dani. You were just a good friend. A woman I could talk to.”

  I nod. “That’s why it surprised me that…well, it was so exciting to learn that underneath all our friendship, we had the hots for each other.”

  “Dani, you know what I liked about you? You’d wink, smile a lot, made me blush a lot.”

  “I remember. You were sooo adorable, Neil. It was becoming more difficult for me to keep my hands off you. Until the day I admitted to myself I wanted you, and I planted that seed.”

  Neil stares into my eyes, then leans forward and kisses me on the lips. I love his kisses; they make me forget about all the unpleasant things that exist in my life. He completely takes me there. Although our being a couple seems unlikely, how can I not yearn for our possibilities?

  “Okay, back off,” I command, wiping my mouth. “I remember saying to you that I was available, and it was like you started looking at me differently…as a candidate. And then we did it and, oh my God, it was sooo good.” I gasp at the recollection, all the rolling around on my floor, me and Neil horny and naked, underneath my dining room table, screwing each other’s brains out.

  Neil nods and starts massaging my rigid nipple. “I liked you because you wanted to do the things I wanted to do. So fearless. You’d take it from the rear, you’d do it anytime, anyplace, from the bedroom, to the bathroom, to the kitchen, in every position I wanted, even if it sounded weird or impossible.”

  “Oh, so you like freaky women, huh Neil?”

  “Yep…well, no, I want her uninhibited.”

  “Same thing, you dope.”

  Neil shrugs and removes his hand from my breast. “If it weren’t for you I might never know about these kinds of experiences. And I love how you dress. Classy yet sexy, the best combo.”

  I beam and lean my head against his shoulder. His musky scent makes me fantasize about what we could be getting into.

  “So given our history,” I tell him, “I respect the fact that you never wanted to spend the weekend over at my place, or even all night. You always go back home to her,” I say. “It’s not like you outright dogged your wife. You respectfully dogged her out.”

  Neil pulls away from me. I feel alone, like he’s taken away our special moment.

  I cough and clear my throat. “So I’ve been thinking…If you don’t want me and Brax in your life, or if you can’t be with us, I’d definitely relocate. It would feel too weird to live in the same city as you and not be able to be together.”

  “Say what? No way I’d let you take my son away from me.” Neil rubs Brax’s back.

  “Don’t do that, Neil,” I scold. “The baby’s gonna be so spoiled.”

  “This is my little man. My son.”

  “Oh, that’s right. You got your son, didn’t you?”

  Neil pauses. “I probably shouldn’t be telling you this, but after Anya miscarried twice, we never tried again. She got her tubes tied—her decision, not mine. But she blamed me. Then she wanted me to go to this mock funeral for the baby, but I wasn’t feeling that.”

  “Anya had a funeral?”

  “Yes! She was emotionally broken down. So I offered her a shopping spree, sent her on a getaway to visit her closest friends, helped out around the house. She doesn’t remember all that; she blocked that part out. Everything grew so odd. And so I–I…”

  I swallow deeply and rub Neil’s hand, which is still rubbing Braxton. “I understand, Neil. I do.”

  “So, Neil, I, uh, wanna ask you a question before you go.” His hand grips the doorknob. We’ve kissed twice already, lots of tongue wrestling and spit action, and he’s been unable to just go on and go.

  “What you want to know?” he says. Huskiness layers his voice.

  “I heard something about you.”

  “What?” he says.

  “You still do things with her?”

  “Like what?”

  “You know…things.”

  “Not the kind of things you’re thinking.”

  “Whatever.” I shrug. “I hope you aren’t just saying that, trying to spare my feelings. I’d understand if you gotta go deep-sea diving every now and then. Make her feel good sometimes.”

  Neil looks like he wants to say something, but swallows a lump instead, a lump that I can see pressing against his throat. That scares me. I want him to be able to talk to me about anything. Sure, his having to service his wife may cause me to feel a twinge of jealousy. But then again, I have no legitimate reason to be jealous. As long as Braxton is around, I imagine that Neil will be, too. That’s pretty much a given. I don’t know what I’d do if I couldn’t see Neil anymore. I wonder if it’s his being truly unavailable that makes him so attractive. I’ve known women who wanted a man as long as someone else wanted him. And as soon as he cut his other women out, the man’s appeal was cut out, too. And the women who were once hounding and sweating him like he was a superstar, well,
all that running behind the man ceased.

  I hope that isn’t our case. I feel a strong pull toward this man. I’ve shared men before but this is different. Neil is committed to me in his own way, and that makes me very special. And when I feel special, I feel happy, like I have a reason for breathing each and every day.

  “You know what?” I say, and stand on my tiptoes to cover his cheeks with some final kisses. “You ain’t gotta break it all down to me. Do what you need to do, baby.”

  I blush. He does, too. It’s my first time calling him that. I wonder—no, I know he likes hearing me say baby. I wave bye to Neil. Close and lock the door. Peek out the window. He doesn’t look back at my front door. That’s okay. I know he’ll be back.

  14

  * * *

  Neil

  “God, forgive me, forgive me, forgive me. Please. I repent. Okay, I’m not sure I can…Give me strength, oh Lord.”

  I’m in the Explorer talking to myself because I don’t know if the Lord is going to take me seriously right about now. Is mine the type of plea that gets God’s attention?

  I say another brief prayer, then hush my mouth. Pastor Sol taught us to do that. He said if we talk to God, we gotta shut up eventually so we can hear if He talks back. After a few moments, a sharp, low voice disturbs my quietness: “You are making a big mistake.” I don’t know if that’s my own uneasiness convicting me or if it’s Him, and I squeeze out the voice until it’s no longer heard.

  Still rattled, I try to level my breathing. I’m sitting in my SUV with the engine running in front of Dani’s place. My heart is tugging, yearning, at the same time that my cell phone is ringing. I hear it screaming, Answer me, you asshole, but no, I’m not in the mood to answer right now.

  I know it’s pointless to come up with a lie to tell Anya. She’s not down for that. Why would I put myself through that, anyway? I have the right to visit my child. I know I do. Whether Anya has a problem with that or not doesn’t matter. I just need her to care about me enough to understand.

  I glide into the house from the garage. First thing I see is Anya. She’s in the hallway with the closet door open. She’s pulling out some winter coats and spreading them on the floor. Lately Houston has been experiencing a warm front, but this week the weatherman predicts cold.

  “Hey…what’s up?” I say with a hopeful voice.

  “Hi, Neil. Nothing much.” She stops what she’s doing and leans her face over to kiss me.

  Hmm. Cool.

  “What you cook?” I ask.

  “Go look,” she yells over her shoulder.

  I head toward the kitchen. I see one pot on the stove and raise the lid. A half-dozen weenies are floating in some boiling water that’s whistling and emitting steam.

  Hot dogs?

  Is this a joke?

  “Anya,” I yell louder than I intend.

  “What, Neil? I’m kind of busy right now.”

  “Anya, stop what you’re doing for a minute and come here.”

  I hear loud sighs that ask Why me? She walks straight into the kitchen and looks at me, then at the pot, then at me.

  “Oh,” she laughs.

  “Where’s the rest of the dinner? Rather, where is dinner?”

  “Neil, you’re so silly. Don’t tell me you’re too good to eat a hot dog now and then.”

  “Anya, you know those things don’t agree with my stomach.”

  “Then I suggest you cook something that does. Reese and Vette said there’s nothing left in the refrigerator to eat except Oscar Mayer.”

  “Vette’s here?” Lately she’s been ducking out, hanging out with her friends. We’ve barely seen her.

  “Yes, she’s here. She tried to call you several times on your cell, to ask if you could pick up a few groceries on the way home, but you didn’t answer, so…”

  Anya swings around and struts away from me. As if pulling old funky coats out the closet is way more important than me having something tasty, filling, and edible to eat.

  I want to yell at her to come back right now, but then the three musketeers bound into the kitchen. Vette’s the ringleader, followed by Reese and Tamika.

  “I cannot believe you get your kicks these days hanging out with little girls.”

  “What you say? Shut up, Neil.”

  I shrug and reach over to the bread bin to pull out a package of hot dog buns. Vette slaps my hand so hard it stings.

  “Why you do that?” I ask.

  “Because those dogs are for us.” She points at the girls. “I didn’t stand up here for fifteen minutes making this meat boil just for you to roll up in here and eat some of it. You got big money, Neil. Go order takeout or something.”

  “You…you.” My voice sounds as ridiculous as I feel. I just…It’s only hot dogs, but that’s beside the point. What’s going on here? I smell conspiracy. Or is it stupidity?

  I start to run up the stairs to take a shower, but suddenly remember that detail has already been taken care of. So after going outside and spending ten minutes watering the lawn, I venture into the kitchen and abruptly stop in my tracks.

  Puddles of water are on the counter. Some of the liquid is spilling off the sides and looking like a thin waterfall that cascades to the floor.

  “Reese!” I yell.

  I go get some paper towels to sop up the spill. The soles of my gym shoes make squeaking noises when I walk on the tile. This isn’t good at all.

  “Reese, get in here right now. Don’t make me have to come after you.”

  My daughter races into the kitchen; her face is haunted, shoulders stiff.

  “You do this?” I ask.

  She shakes her head. Her widened eyes never leave my face.

  “Reese, don’t lie. I know you did this. I just need you to tell me the truth. You won’t get a spanking if you tell the truth, but you will if you tell a lie.”

  “Nope. I didn’t do that, Daddy.”

  “Then who did, your mama?”

  Reese nods emphatically, but her lips are quivering. I stoop in front of her until we’re at eye level.

  “Reese, I love you no matter what you do. So even if you go overboard playing with water and make a big mess, that won’t change how I feel. Remember, I got on you two weeks ago about the same thing, but it hasn’t changed how I feel about you.” My fingertip pushes in her nose like it’s a doorbell. Reese stares at me like she’s trying to decide if I am lying to her like she lied to me. When it looks like she can’t make up her mind, I wrap my arms around her and squeeze her tight. God, she’s growing so tall. Where was I when that happened?

  “You love me, Reese?”

  She nods.

  “Were you playing in the water and made this mess even if it was an accident?”

  She nods again.

  I squeeze her tight. “I’m so proud of you, sweetie.”

  “You are?”

  “Yep.”

  “What is ‘proud’?” she asks.

  “It means that I feel happy about you, something you’ve done. Does that make sense?”

  “Yes, Daddy.” She looks confused about what to say next.

  “Good girl.”

  “Daddy, what is ‘choke the chicken’?”

  “Where’d you hear that from?”

  “I heard Mommy say she wishes you’d go back and choke the chicken. It sounds sooo gross.” She puts her fingers around her neck and pretends to squeeze.

  “It is gross. Okay, clean up the rest of your mess and go on up to your room.”

  “Okay, Daddy.”

  “And don’t forget—I love you, Reese.”

  “I won’t forget.”

  Reese takes one wide step forward, then stops. “You’re not going to choke any chickens, are you, Daddy?”

  “Believe me, Reese, if I choke anything, it won’t be a chicken. Now go on and clean up. I’m tired.”

  She runs one way. I run the other.

  It’s the second week of the new year and I have just gotten out of my car and am
walking from the parking lot to the building where I work. I pull my coat collar close to my neck. I blow air in the center of my hands and rub them. Houston definitely is getting a reality check this morning. No heat, no comfort.

  But I do feel better shortly after arriving in my office. I glance down the hall and see Dani from a distance. I imagine that even with layered clothing—a knit shirt, sweater, and long leather skirt—she still has something special underneath her outfit.

  I wince inside. Need to get my mind in the proper place. Lots of work to do but little time to do it.

  I’m in my office only fifteen minutes when I look up to find Dani standing in my doorway. She’s grinning and has her arms folded across her chest.

  “Got a minute?” she says. Her voice is full of elation.

  “Not really. What’s up?”

  “I–I just wanted you to see something.”

  I glance at my watch.

  “Oops. Sorry, Neil. Well, don’t mean to bother you, but if you get a quick second, come on down to my office, okay? Only a few doors down from you in case you’ve forgotten. Bye.”

  She swings around and disappears from my doorway.

  Her perfume lingers. I sniff without much effort and find her in my nostrils. Dani is still here. She’s always here.

  Soon I back away from my desk and walk down the hall.

  Before I reach Dani’s door I hear several voices, squealing animated females. I stand a few inches from her door, out of view.

  “Dani, he is getting sooo big,” I hear someone say. “What a precious one you have. But why’d you take him out in the cold today?”

  “Right,” Dani says. “That’s why I’m pissed. My sitter Audrey had a little emergency. So I brought him to work with me. She’s supposed to pick the baby up. Hmm, shouldn’t be too long now. I didn’t think it would hurt for him to see Mama’s job for a quick minute.”

  What’s wrong with this woman? Why does she get into this rattled behavior sometimes? Jaw rigid, I slip back down the hall, reach my office, close and lock the door, and refuse to answer any incoming calls.